[Art/Writing] Short Story - 3/8/11

[Inumo]

Figured I'd finally start an art thread of my own to get some decent critique. All of my stuff can be found here, though it's not exactly in order... Anyways!

Old Stuff
Dragons and Marked One This was the first thing I remember drawing and saving.
Sunset My first experiment with a tablet.
Lush Wasteland For those that saw the old Lush Wasteland RP thread, this is where it started.
Full Scene Experiment Something I was decently proud of for accomplishing, since it felt like it took more than 20 minutes.
Tablet Practice (Woman) - Done My latest drawing done solely with a tablet.
Basilisk CCC v2 The last thing I did that was "inked" and colored via tablet.
Pencil Sketch The most recent thing I drew as of 1/28/11.

February
Raver - 2/2/11
Eye Practice - 2/8/11
Ear Practice - 2/9/11

March
Short Story - 3/8/11

I'm looking for comments, critiques, or anything else that can help me improve.

[Inumo]

And a new drawing!



dA link

Figured I'd try my hand at drawing someone dancing. I get the feeling he looks both child-like and androgynous, not completely sure what's contributing to that.

Comments?

[Inumo]

dA Link

Something I felt I needed to work on. The one labeled "ref" was drawn with a ref, while the rest were drawn in order of numbers.

Thoughts? Odd spots?

[Inumo]

dA Link

Another step in practicing. Still seems off, slightly, and I only practiced one angle. >.> Ah, well. Other things to practice later on. Comments? Thoughts?

[WhiteFox]

Eyes: There's a lot of whitespace, which makes them look hyper-alert. I would guess that it's a combination of the size of the corona and pupil, plus how open the eyelids are. The tear duct is usually a little lower than the middle of the eye, too. Placing it higher makes it look like the eye is being viewed from below.

I like the ref drawing, by the way. I get a strong impression that there's an actual sphere there.

Ears: Not a bad attempt. There's a couple of features missing that make a difference, like... uh...

One sec... here we go. The   tragus/anti-tragus in particular. They'd give some definition to the lower half. Also, human ears are usually wider and rounder at the top. The way the helix tapers makes the ear look paper thin.

Ears can be a real pain... they're as unique as fingerprints, and vary in shape a lot, so it can be hard to say for certain whether or not they're drawn "correctly."

In sketch no.6? I like the general size and placement.

Unrelated note... the tops of the heads look rather short, and the necks look long. Kinda makes them look like they're leaning their heads back, actually.

[Inumo]

Eyes: There's a lot of whitespace, which makes them look hyper-alert. I would guess that it's a combination of the size of the corona and pupil, plus how open the eyelids are. The tear duct is usually a little lower than the middle of the eye, too. Placing it higher makes it look like the eye is being viewed from below.

Alright, I'll keep that in mind. I get the feeling the ref photo I used was probably someone trying to look at the camera/show off their eye, so it might just have been a bad reference to use for relaxed eyes. Also, the tear duct point explains why all the eyes look oddly shaped on someone looking straight forward.

One sec... here we go. The   tragus/anti-tragus in particular. They'd give some definition to the lower half. Also, human ears are usually wider and rounder at the top. The way the helix tapers makes the ear look paper thin.

I was basing all those ears off a straight-on angle. When I looked at my own ears, at least, the helix seemed to get covered up by the anti-helix about midway down the ear, and I didn't really notice the tragus/anti-tragus. Might just be that my ears are still developing, though. Might also explain why it seemed like my ears were kind of off in 1, 3, and 5.

Unrelated note... the tops of the heads look rather short, and the necks look long. Kinda makes them look like they're leaning their heads back, actually.

I'll have to do some shape study, then. Thanks for the comments!

[Inumo]

   Hama's breath fogged in front of her as she entered the frigid cave. Here was the end of her journey, where the great spirit of the Ice Bear resided. She had journeyed through the rainforests of Krea and Lopa; survived the deserts of Pitchnin; swam through the lakes of Himinto, Jomas, and Zamat; and trudged finally through the Frozen North. She had slain the horrendous Demon of Makai, outmatched the great blue Possum of Gradei, and outwitted the cunning Ferret of Drear. With one last, calming lungful, She stepped across the threshold.
   Immediately Hama's foot slid from under her, causing her to fall down a slope that was invisible in the dark. Air rushed past her face, roaring in her ears as she slid. Curves periodically threw her to and fro. She grasped wildly for purchase with hands and feet, to no avail. Helpless, she kept sliding, time stretching out to feel like minutes, hours. She almost didn't realize it when the ceiling of the ice chute started to brighten.
   Just as her brain registered the light, Hama slid into a snowbank and came to a halt. She stood up carefully, brushing the snow off her well-worn cloak and travel pants. With a small shiver of cold, she turned to look towards the chamber she found herself in.
   The room was coated with a carpet of packed snow, the walls made of solid translucent ice. Diagrams had been carved into the smooth surface, filled with snow to stand out against the background. Blue torches and braziers were placed along the walls and around the room, giving the chamber a cold light. Across from Hama was a tunnel, unlit by the blue flames filling the room. Hama waited patiently, knee-deep in the snowdrift where she had landed. At last, from within the tunnel, she could discern the faintest sign of movement.
   The Ice Bear gave himself a mighty shake as he entered the chamber. In a deep voice, he asked, "Who has come to speak with me?"
   "I have, m'lord," she replied. "My name is Hama Crena of House Orwell."
   "Hama, eh?" The Bear quietly mumbled to itself before saying, "Well, Hama, no need to stand in that snowdrift. Come, enter my home."
   As Hama stepped out of the powdery snow and into the main chamber, the Bear continued, "It has been a long time since someone has come to speak with me... Never in my memory has it been a woman. What moved you to seek me out, up here in the Frozen North?"
   "I came to ask a favor from you, m'lord," Hama replied.
   "I thought as much," the Bear sighed. "Well, no use beating around the bush, then. What is it that you desire?"
   Hama paused for a long moment. She had come from somewhere far away from here for a reason. But after such an adventure, she didn't know why it was that she had first set out. At last, she answered, "I fear I have forgotten, great Bear. Would you please simply transport me to wherever it is that I will be most happy?"
   With a booming laugh, the Bear said, "Very well. May you enjoy your gift." And with that, Hama's vision faded to black.

***

Ugh, this doesn't feel like the best I could write... But I think it's the least of all evils I could pick. Comments?

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

I think there's an extra word in there somewhere.

Other than that, it's amusing, in a mildly entertaining way.

[Inumo]

I think there's an extra word in there somewhere.

Ah, yeah. Missed it somehow... >.>

[VAE]

Did the bear just kill her in the end?


If so.. i like the moral of not pissing off those more powerful than you by asking for favours XD

[Inumo]

Did the bear just kill her in the end?


If so.. i like the moral of not pissing off those more powerful than you by asking for favours XD

Well, isn't that the purpose of keeping it ambiguous?

[VAE]

Did the bear just kill her in the end?


If so.. i like the moral of not pissing off those more powerful than you by asking for favours XD

Well, isn't that the purpose of keeping it ambiguous?

To be honest, am not too much fan of ambiguity and other such stuff...
In this case, well, it's pretty much the most likely case.. the other explanations would have to be very contrived.