[Story] The Future History of Jakob Pettersohn (11/Jul/09 - Final Chapter)

Started by Tapewolf, February 24, 2007, 03:15:04 PM

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Tapewolf

Quote from: bizun on December 09, 2007, 12:19:17 PM
I just swallowed all of it in two-evenings' time.  And it left me a bit hungry.
keep doing, nice job!
Thanks. 

QuoteParticulariy, I liked the part with BSA agents. Strange, whrerever they get cameo, everybody wants to hurt them...
Well, there had been some horror stories of people abusing the BSA to halt a competitor's operations while they checked for pirated software which I'd read around that time.  I thought it would be rather amusing if they suddenly strayed into a horrifically dangerous world that is wholly outside their comprehension.

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


Brunhidden

last night at work i printed off all of this story so far, all chapters and only the chapters.... its a freakin book, but i know thats because its large text with much spacing on only one side of the paper.

im on chapter 5 right now, and will say more after i am finished
Some will fall in love with life,
and drink it from a fountain;
that is pouring like an avalanche,
coming down the mountain.

Tapewolf

Quote from: Brunhidden on December 09, 2007, 03:20:33 PM
last night at work i printed off all of this story so far, all chapters and only the chapters.... its a freakin book, but i know thats because its large text with much spacing on only one side of the paper.
Last I checked, which was a long time ago, the CJP story had the word count of a short novel.  I haven't checked Future History's wordcount for a while now.

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


Brunhidden

Quote from: Tapewolf on December 09, 2007, 03:39:17 PM
Quote from: Brunhidden on December 09, 2007, 03:20:33 PM
last night at work i printed off all of this story so far, all chapters and only the chapters.... its a freakin book, but i know thats because its large text with much spacing on only one side of the paper.
Last I checked, which was a long time ago, the CJP story had the word count of a short novel.  I haven't checked Future History's wordcount for a while now.

its about two pounds, maybe two and a half,  on single sided printer paper, i am so glad i did it at work and not home
Some will fall in love with life,
and drink it from a fountain;
that is pouring like an avalanche,
coming down the mountain.

Dannysaysnoo

Quote from: Brunhidden on December 09, 2007, 04:02:04 PM
Quote from: Tapewolf on December 09, 2007, 03:39:17 PM
Quote from: Brunhidden on December 09, 2007, 03:20:33 PM
last night at work i printed off all of this story so far, all chapters and only the chapters.... its a freakin book, but i know thats because its large text with much spacing on only one side of the paper.
Last I checked, which was a long time ago, the CJP story had the word count of a short novel.  I haven't checked Future History's wordcount for a while now.

its about two pounds, maybe two and a half,  on single sided printer paper, i am so glad i did it at work and not home

Bah! A real novel is double-sided! and A3

Alondro

Quote from: Tapewolf on November 26, 2007, 12:34:28 PM
Quote from: Alondro on November 12, 2007, 06:37:16 PM
Tapewolf, you do realize I'm going to have to steal you for my animation company.  If my first two projects get done, I'll need writers for full-length works. 

Heh, I'm honoured, but writing something feature-length could be hard.   I'd be the first to admit that I'm more adept at adapting existing ideas - after all, that's what CJP and Future History are, a new spin on an existing concept.  If I do the world design as well, I'm usually stumped for stories :(

That would actually work quite well!  I'm usually very good at creating the worlds and the scenarios and basic plots and whatnot, but then have trouble fleshing out the story.

I almost always think of the end first and then work everything toward that goal, but I tend to get impatient (usually because I'm so short on time) and just rush everything to the conclusion.  That's why I've been doing mostly just short stories for the Anthrocon book.   :3

Oh yes, and I have only one thing to say about the latest chapter:  Lolipop, lolipop, oo-la-la-lolipop, lolipop, lolipop *click*  Da-dum-dum-dum.   :giggle
Three's a crowd:  One lordly leonine of the Leyjon, one cruel and cunning cubi goddess, and one utterly doomed human stuck between them.

http://www.furfire.org/art/yapcharli2.gif

llearch n'n'daCorna

Quote from: Tapewolf on December 09, 2007, 03:39:17 PM
Last I checked, which was a long time ago, the CJP story had the word count of a short novel.  I haven't checked Future History's wordcount for a while now.

78712 and 41544 words, respectively. Novella length, verging on novel, since most novels are >100k words. Heck, most of the ones -I- enjoy reading are 300k+ ;-]
Thanks for all the images | Unofficial DMFA IRC server
"We found Scientology!" -- The Bad Idea Bears

Alondro

Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on December 09, 2007, 07:55:52 PM
Quote from: Tapewolf on December 09, 2007, 03:39:17 PM
Last I checked, which was a long time ago, the CJP story had the word count of a short novel.  I haven't checked Future History's wordcount for a while now.

78712 and 41544 words, respectively. Novella length, verging on novel, since most novels are >100k words. Heck, most of the ones -I- enjoy reading are 300k+ ;-]

Hmm, I wonder how many words the story I wrote long ago is.  It was 94 pages typed.  I need to find it again!

EDIT:  Found it.  About 42,500.   :3
Three's a crowd:  One lordly leonine of the Leyjon, one cruel and cunning cubi goddess, and one utterly doomed human stuck between them.

http://www.furfire.org/art/yapcharli2.gif

Brunhidden

okay, i finally got the chance to read (at work) the entire story presented on this thread so far. and ive digested what i could

1- i was not really expecting much. despite my respect for tape as an author i entered this knowing the story would be more or less a fanfiction, and thus i had low expectations. at times this really did show through, but it did not really hurt the story... then again almost every story has a few points where the plot is railroaded from point a to point b to force the characters to do what you want or to include all the miscellaneous aspects you wanna cram in. on a positive note i really do wonder who is going to pop up next, which probably excuses all the previous of this paragraph.

2- at times the story seemed disjointed, as though the current idea was just dropped as though done halfway through just to introduce new characters. while infrequent it did give me a bit of a turn when it happened, specifically when the doberman was introduced, it was like picking up a different book for a short period. nothing severe, and i guess i would be far more sensitive to this then most others.

3- you show a great talent common with many of the classic scifi writers, you do have a streak of passion for some of the tech you write about. it does not matter if its only possible in theory, or by the time you finish with the chapter you partially debunk its uses, the sheer fact it could be done or makes a good story is enough to go into detail which really makes things seem real.

4- the tofu soul, i freakin love that. give me a little time and a pad of note paper and i could cobble together "101 uses for an artificial soul"

5- keaton, i am impressed here. on our forums and suchlike i have no problem with keaton, and in fact admire and like her. however you wrote her in such a way that i had a strong urge to bite her head off, kudos on writing like that

6- daryil, hes got some good ideas. i can easily see how a race of magical horny furrs who stay at their sexual peak for a few thousand years can have a population problem. i would kinda like to see a cubi family tree, but only if i have asprin on hand. also, regular family reunions of a cubi family sound like a real hootnanny
Some will fall in love with life,
and drink it from a fountain;
that is pouring like an avalanche,
coming down the mountain.

Tapewolf

Quote from: Brunhidden on December 20, 2007, 05:05:47 AM
1- i was not really expecting much. despite my respect for tape as an author i entered this knowing the story would be more or less a fanfiction, and thus i had low expectations. at times this really did show through, but it did not really hurt the story...

Yeah.  Really it was intended as a sequel to CJP, so it does skimp on explaining some of the DMFA stuff which was covered in that.

Quote2- at times the story seemed disjointed, as though the current idea was just dropped as though done halfway through just to introduce new characters. while infrequent it did give me a bit of a turn when it happened, specifically when the doberman was introduced, it was like picking up a different book for a short period. nothing severe, and i guess i would be far more sensitive to this then most others.

That was the intended effect, actually - Peter F Hamilton does this a lot.  That said, it was also to help give me a breather while I decided what to do next.

Quote3- you show a great talent common with many of the classic scifi writers, you do have a streak of passion for some of the tech you write about. it does not matter if its only possible in theory, or by the time you finish with the chapter you partially debunk its uses, the sheer fact it could be done or makes a good story is enough to go into detail which really makes things seem real.

4- the tofu soul, i freakin love that. give me a little time and a pad of note paper and i could cobble together "101 uses for an artificial soul"

Heh.  That would be neat, if you want to send me a PM.  I do have a few extra ideas which I haven't mentioned (one of which has just been dropped from chapter 22 to help it flow).  What's really bugging me is that I don't have a brand name for it  :rolleyes

Quote5- keaton, i am impressed here. on our forums and suchlike i have no problem with keaton, and in fact admire and like her. however you wrote her in such a way that i had a strong urge to bite her head off, kudos on writing like that

Actually, one of the things which bugs me a little is that she is a bit subdued compared to what she did in, say, Cog's story.  That one did make me want to bite her head off.
But yeah, she really is fun to write, and more is coming up.

Quote6- daryil, hes got some good ideas. i can easily see how a race of magical horny furrs who stay at their sexual peak for a few thousand years can have a population problem. i would kinda like to see a cubi family tree, but only if i have asprin on hand. also, regular family reunions of a cubi family sound like a real hootnanny

I haven't worked out the whole Daryil clan, if that's what you're asking  :3
We may see a bit more of Dorcan's family, though.

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


Sunblink

Quote from: Tapewolf on December 20, 2007, 05:47:21 AM
Quote5- keaton, i am impressed here. on our forums and suchlike i have no problem with keaton, and in fact admire and like her. however you wrote her in such a way that i had a strong urge to bite her head off, kudos on writing like that

Actually, one of the things which bugs me a little is that she is a bit subdued compared to what she did in, say, Cog's story.  That one did make me want to bite her head off.
But yeah, she really is fun to write, and more is coming up.

*coughKeaton'sbackstorycough*

Now you guys know how I feel whenever I write as Keaton. XD She's my baby, but she's so screwed up - and that makes me proud of her development over the years and makes her all the more entertaining to write. >:3 She used to be just an emo-punk seductress with bad dialogue and a predilection for leather... now she's... well, as you guys have seen her. I might make an image depicting the transformation she's gone through over time. Though at times I just feel like making things a little bit harder for her in her history because even she can piss me, her creator, off.

But I have to say, Tapewolf's done an excellent job of portraying her, and he's helped me work out numerous aspects of her future history with his story, which I'm highly grateful for.

~Keaton the Black Jackal

llearch n'n'daCorna

Thanks for all the images | Unofficial DMFA IRC server
"We found Scientology!" -- The Bad Idea Bears

Tapewolf

Quote from: Keaton the Black Jackal on December 20, 2007, 09:23:04 AM
Now you guys know how I feel whenever I write as Keaton. XD She's my baby, but she's so screwed up - and that makes me proud of her development over the years and makes her all the more entertaining to write.
Yeah.  I can't say I've come up with a character myself yet that I truly despise...

Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on December 20, 2007, 09:39:46 AM... Soul Fu?

It's more like Quorn.  I did consider 'Quoul' or 'Quol' but that is an abomination.  In fact I think it was that which prompted me to ask on That Place.  Actually, llearch, do you think you could quickly scan the logs from Tuesday (I think)?  Someone probably posted a perfect name after I left?  :P

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


llearch n'n'daCorna

#193
Quote from: Tapewolf on December 20, 2007, 10:35:36 AM
Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on December 20, 2007, 09:39:46 AM... Soul Fu?

It's more like Quorn.  I did consider 'Quoul' or 'Quol' but that is an abomination.  In fact I think it was that which prompted me to ask on That Place.  Actually, llearch, do you think you could quickly scan the logs from Tuesday (I think)?  Someone probably posted a perfect name after I left?  :P

Collating all the offerings:

Sir Soul-a-Lot - 100% original!Dannysaysnoo
slightly usedKenji
Foul - Fake sOULDannysaysnoo
Diet soulDamien
Foul Spirit SustinenceDannysaysnoo
soulaDannysaysnoo
Sucka SoulaDannysaysnoo
Soka SoulaDamien
Soul-ezeDannysaysnoo
soul gloDamien
Soul Fullearch

It pretty much dried up as soon as you left. I could go into other suggestions, though... probably not what you're after, though. "I can't believe it's not Soul!" type thing... ;-]

"lunch", "Bread and Other" ...
Thanks for all the images | Unofficial DMFA IRC server
"We found Scientology!" -- The Bad Idea Bears

Tapewolf

Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on December 20, 2007, 11:07:24 AM
"I can't believe it's not Soul!" type thing... ;-]

Thanks for the list.  "I can't believe it's not Being!" would be more apropos.  At this rate I'm going to have a scene with a whiteboard full of names they've discarded  :3

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


Brunhidden

Quote from: Tapewolf on December 20, 2007, 10:35:36 AM
Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on December 20, 2007, 09:39:46 AM... Soul Fu?

It's more like Quorn.  I did consider 'Quoul' or 'Quol' but that is an abomination.  In fact I think it was that which prompted me to ask on That Place.  Actually, llearch, do you think you could quickly scan the logs from Tuesday (I think)?  Someone probably posted a perfect name after I left?  :P

i had been thinking 'fou-sou', or is it 'faux-sou'?  mostly ill stick with calling it a tofu soul though.


soul uses ive had so far-

8- magical items, now you can buy souls in bulk to to create magic weapons far stronger then normal using superior ammounts of energy

12- attune a soul to a specific element before embedding it in a gem, the holder could possibly use elemental magic of that type or enhance their existing skill with it

22- a hat

59- soul grenade, souls are intangible and cannot be affected by most weapons, but a strong burst of soul energy should be able to cause an impact to a soul. a soul grenade would take several tofu souls to make but can harm or stun any creature or being regardless of power or armor

62- soul bomb, similar to a soul grenade but far stronger. a soul bomb would be powerful enough to physically push the souls of those in the blast range beyond their bodies. while it could not actually destroy the souls they are no longer attached to meat, and even if they could find a way to return the body would be dead by then. insta-kill for even the most powerful demons, but itll kill whoever sets it off too

66- energy drink, even beings can feel revitalized after one of these. probably addictive, small chance of temporary superpowers. i shudder to think of someone taking one with viagra

71- soul claymore, it may be possible to make a soul grenade or claymore directional so that someone behind it cannot be harmed or suffers lesser harm. in all probability it would either only work for weak blasts, have a chance of blowing away the person behind it anyways, or have any number of random problems. as it is unknown if any physical object can block soul energy effectively this is only in theory

75- batteries, imagine a AA battery with the energy of a soul. its estimated you could run a personal CD player for two years or more of continuous use. may increase efficency with research

78- attach soul to robots to allow limited free will. though not sentient it does allow for things like fuzzy logic, empathy, and a sense of self.

81- infuse soul to living patient of below average magical or psi ability, if properly treated the soul may bestow a moderate temporary boost or a slight permanent boost. more research is nessicary to see how to improve absorption.

85- set in small glass marble, provides illumination for a near permanent duration. a zero emission light which can replace normal bulbs or be attached to a rod to create a flashlight.

89- exotic seasoning for southern food, also makes excellent potato chips

95- makes a very potent color safe bleach.... although it does tend to make clothes vibrant and occasionally tie-dye

99- steep a common item like a baseball or darts into a soul brew for prolonged time, thus creating a 'lucky' item that responds you your mental urges. may be considered illegal for professional sports

101- use souls to counter pollution? more research necessary
Some will fall in love with life,
and drink it from a fountain;
that is pouring like an avalanche,
coming down the mountain.

llearch n'n'daCorna

Feing? A light, fluffy alternative to take-out? Set up a delivery service, delivering pizza with the "extra sauce" topping...
AuthentiSoul?
Eze-Meal?

Brun, good list. Add "Fashion accessory", "bleach for hair", "cheap indoor lighting for greenhousing chili plants", ... ;-]
Thanks for all the images | Unofficial DMFA IRC server
"We found Scientology!" -- The Bad Idea Bears

Brunhidden

Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna link=topic=2274.msg167444#msg167444
Brun, good list. Add "Fashion accessory", "bleach for hair", "cheap indoor lighting for greenhousing chili plants", ... ;-]


all already on the list, but i have the strong inkling that was meant to be sarcastic
Some will fall in love with life,
and drink it from a fountain;
that is pouring like an avalanche,
coming down the mountain.

llearch n'n'daCorna

heh. No, no. I was thinking along the lines of the original "101 uses for a dead cat" style, rather than actual useful uses...
Thanks for all the images | Unofficial DMFA IRC server
"We found Scientology!" -- The Bad Idea Bears

Brunhidden

Some will fall in love with life,
and drink it from a fountain;
that is pouring like an avalanche,
coming down the mountain.

llearch n'n'daCorna

... mount a fan on it, and use the light pressure to spin the blades?
Thanks for all the images | Unofficial DMFA IRC server
"We found Scientology!" -- The Bad Idea Bears

Tapewolf

Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on December 20, 2007, 12:31:31 PM
... mount a fan on it, and use the light pressure to spin the blades?

Some good ideas here.  That wasn't one of them, but still  >:3

Next chapter should be up tomorrow evening since I'll be away from home after that.

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


Tapewolf

Chapter 22 - Threats

Jakob was sitting in the common room, with one of the robot panther-creatures at his side.  For a few moments he looked rather shaken, but the strain quickly disappeared from his features as he glanced up at Keaton.

"You wanted to see me?"  From her sullen tone of voice it was quite clear that she was doing this because she had no choice in the matter, but it didn't mean she was going to make things easy for them.

"Just one question before we begin," said Jakob.  "Why did you kill Wils?"

"Wills?" asked Keaton, nonplussed.  "Oh... Being, right?  Dead?  Everyone's uptight about it for some reason?  Nothin' to do with me.  Next question?"

The panther swore loudly in a disappointed tone of voice.

"Sorry, Ren," the wolf said.  "As they said on the news, we may never know who dun it.  Now, Keaton, come with me, if you please.  And relax... you might like this."

In a room deep within the base, the very room where Keaton had threatened Simeon, there was a figure lying still upon a marble table.  Her eyes were closed and she wasn't breathing.  Keaton looked down at the black-furred Being and was somewhat surprised to find that she recognised them.

"I've never tried to make a female android before," Jakob said.  His fingers and wing tentacles played across a keyboard as she watched... it was starting to get boring when he removed a faintly-glowing jewel from his pocket.  Keaton could almost taste the energy in it... this was someone's soul.  So is this what he did to Joshua? she wondered.

Suddenly the girl twitched and opened one eye.

"Jakob?" she croaked.

"How do you feel, Ephrael?" he asked.

"You BASTARD!  You left me in that stone for A HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS!"

Jakob chuckled.  "More like a hundred and thirty, I think you'll find.  Still, what's a couple of decades between friends?  Besides, I already told you... it took more than half that to make your resurrection viable."

Keaton was intrigued, and somewhat pleased.  She had first met the marsupial more than a hundred years ago, when they had been part of Gareeku's expedition to rescue a group of kidnapped people, mostly 'Cubi, and Jakob's father had been among them.  The jackal had strung along in case the kidnappers had taken her mother.
I remember her... she was alright, for a Being.

"So, what are your plans for me?"  Ephrael asked.

"Plans?  To be honest I didn't have any beyond getting you into a body again," he said.  "But you are quite welcome to stay.  I can always do with new employees."

Ephrael considered it long and hard.

"No," she said at last, "I was born a wanderer.  And there is so much to see... so much has changed... so many new things to discover..."

"You want to leave?  So soon?" said Jakob, his headwings drooping with disappointment.  "I'd hoped you'd stay.  In any case you need to know a bit about your new body."

"All right," Ephrael smiled, "a couple of days.  I guess I owe you that much..."

* * *

"Hello Dorcan," said Mordrith coolly.  He kept his distance, as the thought had occurred to him that even if Dorcan was truly his grandson in robot form, he might still unknowingly contain a bomb.  Especially given his creator...

"I've brought you some presents," Dorcan said nervously, somewhat put out by his reception.  He placed a pair of small cylinders on the table.  Each one was about the size of a coke can, and Mordrith's headwings briefly fanned out in alarm.

"What are they?" the elder doberman asked suspiciously.

"Soul energy."   Mordrith's face fell.

"Oh my gods... Dorcan, if that's really your name... haven't you learned anything from the fall of the Jyraneth?  Soul stealing is evil, it's wrong, it's..."

"It's all right!  We didn't kill anyone for this stuff.  Our company has invented a way to synthesize it."

"I'm sure.  Now, let's get this over with."

Mordrith stood in front of the younger doberman, and stared deeply into his eyes.  This had nothing to do with the old adage that the eyes were the windows on the soul - in any case Dorcan's were really cameras - but it did make the process of attuning his mind to Dorcan's a lot easier.  The mental image of his own face was, in effect, acting as a test-card.

"Oh gods, Dorcan, it is you," he wept as the pair of them embraced each other.  "Why, you're warm," he said.

"Eh?  Oh that... it's part of the thermal dissipation system.  Keeps me at roughly the same temperature as a normal furre.  Jakob and company really wanted realism.  No blood, though," he added as Mordrith tried in vain to take his pulse.

"...and it's true about the soul energy?"

"Yep!"

"Wow..."  This was perhaps, the understatement of the millenium.  However Mordrith, like his grandson, had a particular affinity for surprise, which may perhaps have been one of the reasons his impromptu sermons to the clan were so shocking to many of them.

His eyes narrowed slightly.  "But isn't it a bit unethical making new souls just to harvest them for eating?"

"That's not how it works," Dorcan corrected.  "They aren't really souls at all.  It's more like... you know that stuff, Kworn?"

"The un-meat thing, right?  I've heard of it."

"Yeah.  Well, with real meat, you've got something that's been cut out of a dead animal, and when it was alive it used to perform a specific function in the animal like muscles or a kidney or something.  With Kworn, it's just a blob of processed algae.
"What we've done here is the same kind of thing.  The stuff in those cans isn't anyone's soul, it's just a pure, artificially-generated energy field with no structure or sentience to it at all."

"So... so you mean he's actually trying to put an end to soul-eating?  What's in it for him?  I mean, if it's really Cross he can't be trusted.  They say he ate thousands of souls himself..."

"You know, he'd probably say the same about you," Dorcan grinned, handing him a pamphlet.  "Yes, it's a bit of a puff-piece, but you two have a lot more in common than you probably realise.
"As for ending soul-eating, I guess that's too much to hope for, but it is the eventual aim, yes, and if we can reduce the amount of it in any way, it'll be worth it.  Jakob really does not like the idea of someone ending another person's afterlife to sustain themselves, and to be frank I can't say I blame him.  Apparently he started to get really jittery about that as he approached a thousand and began to research ways of extending people's lives without hurting anyone else in the process."

"Heh," Mordrith said, scanning the pamphlet, "So went through a one-third-life-crisis, I guess?   Still... him? a Being sympathizer?  I would never have believed it possible."

"What you believe is up to you," Dorcan said, "But I believe he is a good man, despite his shady past.  Now, it's been great to see you again, but are you happy that I'm me?  Can I see the rest of my family?"

Mordrith broke into a smile, and hugged his grandson again.  "Why of course, Dorcan."

* * *

"Joshua?"  The husky turned to see Keaton behind him.  Oh great, what the hell does she want?

"When I sent you off, I gave you an amulet," Keaton said.  "I guess Jakob took that, right?  Do you happen to know where it's gone?"

"No.  Anyway, why should I want to help you after what you tried to do?"

"Look," she said, her voice a mixture of threat tinged with desperation, "They're gonna kill me anyway unless I get out of here, in which case one more death doesn't make much difference, does it?"

"I don't know where it is," Joshua repeated, taking a step back.  "In his study or something?  One of the labs?  Around his neck?  It could be anywhere."  Colonel Mustard in the library with the lead pipe.

"Thanks," she said stiffly, and headed off.  The lab seemed to be a safe bet, the only problem would be finding someone who was willing to tell her where the lab was.  She'd need someone really stupid to pull that off...

"Excuse me, mister," Keaton said a few minutes later, "where can I find Cr- Jakob's laboratory?"

"Go down the right corridor.  The door is the third one on your left," said the panther.

Right first time, Keaton thought a few minutes later.  Jakob had left the door unlocked again so she crept in... the chain of the necklace was poking out from under a heap of other items.  For a moment she had a twinge of suspicion that this was too easy.  Had he left it there deliberately as some kind of trap?  But the prospect of freedom soon override it and a moment later the amulet was around her neck.  With a sigh of relief, she pressed the stone and promptly vanished.

* * *

"We have the souls advert shot," said Niall, from one of the wall displays.  "Want me to put it on now?"

"Indeed.  Let's see how this turned out."

Niall vanished from the screen to be replaced by a lead-in count.  Then a desert with a lone incubus jogging along.  The camera zoomed into him as the music hit the chorusline:

We are young
Wandering the face of Furrae
Wondering why our dreams went away
Learning that we're only immortal for a limited time


Jakob was extremely proud of this - the best part was that no-one else in their world would recognise where they'd stolen the song from.


Killing others to live - it doesn't have to be that way
Artificial soul energy.  Power without the cost.

Coming soon from Jayhawk Cybernetics
Making immortality go further

"Fantastic," he said as the company logo faded from the screen.  "Just like I wanted.  Make sure they send at least two 35mm prints and a copy in C-format, as well as the digital version.  We'll have to discuss the one for the androids next..."

He started as a shrill scream ripped through the air.  Gesturing Niall to call them back later, Jakob and Azrael both ran outside towards the small cupboard next to the study where it had erupted from.  When they opened it, Keaton fell out feet-first and draped in pieces of shredded fabric.

"You tried to use the amulet, right?"  Jakob asked, helping her up.  "It's a double-ended link... takes you to the endpoint index.  I guess you must have left that in Ashford's jacket, eh?"

"That reminds me," Azrael put in.  "I think you should know that we've decided what will happen if you step too far out of line,"  Keaton's heart missed a beat.  Soul death...

"Nah..." Jakob said, seeing her expression.  Before she could protest, he made a magical pass and she found herself back in the room where Ephrael had been resurrected.  The wolf strolled to the back of the room and opened a cupboard.  Inside it he was immediately confronted by an arrangement of large pull-out shelves of the kind you might find in a morgue.  As Keaton watched, he selected one and drew out what appeared to be a dead jackal.  A vixen.  For one heart-stopping moment she thought it was Lianna, her twin sister...

"Can you guess what it is yet?" he asked in a strange and slightly irritating voice.

"For me?"

"Happy birthday," Jakob said.  "This is my second female android.  And if, gods forbid, you do go off on some kind of rampage, Daryil, Niall or I will tear the soul screaming from your body.  You'll wake up in her," he said, patting the inert furre, "...just like Dorcan did, and with all the magical abilities he now possesses.  Which is to say, approximately none whatsoever.  It's very simple, and very effective.  Most of our androids have safety interlocks to prevent them from being able to attack my allies, and of course your ability to steal souls will die with your body.  All we have to do is steal yours."

There was a twisted smile upon his face that sent a brief shiver down her spine.
Yep, that's Johan Cross alright, she thought grimly.

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


Cogidubnus

So, soul death he's got not problem with, but enslavement he's fine with...

Personally, the threat of being collared would piss me off more than being threatened with truly dying.
I'd also wonder how Ephrael would have stayed sane for 150 years trapped in a rock.

Very nicely written and entertaining. I look forward to future chapters.

techmaster-glitch

Quote from: Cogidubnus on December 21, 2007, 04:27:31 PM
So, soul death he's got not problem with, but enslavement he's fine with...
'Enslavement' as punishment for misbehaving. There's a difference, I think.

Quote from: Cogidubnus on December 21, 2007, 04:27:31 PM
I'd also wonder how Ephrael would have stayed sane for 150 years trapped in a rock.
She probably isn't! :giggle
Avatar:AMoS



Tapewolf

Quote from: Cogidubnus on December 21, 2007, 04:27:31 PM
So, soul death he's got not problem with, but enslavement he's fine with...
Personally, the threat of being collared would piss me off more than being threatened with truly dying.
I'd also wonder how Ephrael would have stayed sane for 150 years trapped in a rock.

I confess, even I'm not entirely sure why he's forcing Keaton to stay, apart from the fact that it makes things more fun.  In any case, keeping her around until he gets bored is relatively temporary - soul death is forever.

Or did you mean robo-Keaton?  If that happened it would mean they could actually let her go because she wouldn't be dangerous anymore.  Ironically it would probably make her want to stay in the off chance that they can give her some powers back or something.

Ephrael has gone a bit weird, but during the proofing stage, Pal hinted to me that she always was weird, it just hasn't come out in the RP yet.  That said, I have been toying with the idea of trapped souls perceiving time more slowly or going into some kind of 'standby' mode for that reason.

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E


Cogidubnus

Quote from: Tapewolf on December 21, 2007, 05:21:34 PM

Or did you mean robo-Keaton?  If that happened it would mean they could actually let her go because she wouldn't be dangerous anymore.  Ironically it would probably make her want to stay in the off chance that they can give her some powers back or something.

I meant robo-Keaton, yes.

Not dangerous anymore...indeed. I suppose she would not be, perhaps even to those who would do her harm. I imagine that Jakob's fail-safes wouldn't turn off towards those who are not his allies, unless his attitude towards killing changed dramatically.

Let her go - indeed, merciful. Her wings clipped, her hands bound and her neck safely collared. Who is going to perform maintainence on such a body? Certainly not anyone else, for no-one else knows how. It is well and truly enslavement, for the body is at the discretion and control of Jakob himself. It is nothing less than a disgraceful act, in my opinion.
Be a good-girl and don't get into any trouble (that Jakob would hear about), not that she could. I personally would rather die. A soul is the essence of a person, but being ripped from everything that made you, you, I feel is cruelty. To say that a body is just a body is a half-truth. Imagine being ripped from yourself and being put in the body of a grasshopper, or an ant - even better, being put in the body of a blind and deaf man (for in essence, that is what Jakob is threatening here, to take away certain parts of Keaton's innateness and ability). Your appearance, and in this case, your power and your ability simply being taken, forever, at the discretion of one who is neither judge nor jury, but rather both.

What good is a soul if it's broken? Merciful indeed, this Mr. Cros-, this Mr. Pettersohn.

As for Eph, thought, well, she does seem a bit crazy, yes. It was just something curious to me - being able to know the years (albeit off by twenty) made me think what it would be like to sit in a rock for a century or so and count the seconds.
I personally would be fruit loops, but some sort of standby mode might make sense. The other thought that occurred to me was that it might be like some sort of self-made reality in the gem, but then, I don't know if you'd really want to leave...

techmaster-glitch

#207
Quote from: Cogidubnus on December 21, 2007, 05:44:46 PM
I meant robo-Keaton, yes.

Not dangerous anymore...indeed. I suppose she would not be, perhaps even to those who would do her harm. I imagine that Jakob's fail-safes wouldn't turn off towards those who are not his allies, unless his attitude towards killing changed dramatically.

Let her go - indeed, merciful. Her wings clipped, her hands bound and her neck safely collared. Who is going to perform maintainence on such a body? Certainly not anyone else, for no-one else knows how. It is well and truly enslavement, for the body is at the discretion and control of Jakob himself. It is nothing less than a disgraceful act, in my opinion.
Be a good-girl and don't get into any trouble (that Jakob would hear about), not that she could. I personally would rather die. A soul is the essence of a person, but being ripped from everything that made you, you, I feel is cruelty. To say that a body is just a body is a half-truth. Imagine being ripped from yourself and being put in the body of a grasshopper, or an ant - even better, being put in the body of a blind and deaf man (for in essence, that is what Jakob is threatening here, to take away certain parts of Keaton's innateness and ability). Your appearance, and in this case, your power and your ability simply being taken, forever, at the discretion of one who is neither judge nor jury, but rather both.

What good is a soul if it's broken? Merciful indeed, this Mr. Cros-, this Mr. Pettersohn.

It's not really that bad, just take Dorcan from his time in BotM. At the very least, he's gotta be able to perform some self-maintenance to get along. Realy, all he wants is to just get home, but if he can't, he could feasibly still survive.

And even then, you are overlooking what you can do with technology to replace magic. Just take my Mechangel charcater from the Honor Circle; he's lost all magical ability, but made up for it in technological prowess.

For Keaton, if she was stuffed in an android body, then released, she could surely learn about technology, then rebuild her own body into a veritable death-machine to continue furthering her causes of destruction. She could construct an new body in an entirely different form--one that is perfectly optimized in every way to cause maximum damage on a massive scale. She also would be well and truely immortal; as long as she services, repairs, and-when needed-rebuilds herself with new technology, she could go on forever. At least, until the day she finally decides to shut herself down.

My point is, you are seriously undercrediting what technology can replace and give back if you lose something else.
Avatar:AMoS



Cogidubnus

Quote from: techmaster-glitch on December 21, 2007, 05:59:24 PM
It's not really that bad, just take Dorcan from his time in BotM. At the very least, he's gotta be able to perform some self-maintenance to get along. Realy, all he wants is to just get home, but if he can't, he could feasibly still survive.

And even then, you are overlooking what you can do with technology to replace magic. Just take my Mechangel charcater from the Honor Circle; he's lost all magical ability, but made up for it in technological prowess.

For Keaton, if she was stuffed in an android body, then released, she could surely learn about technology, then rebuild her own body into a veritable death-machine to continue furthering her causes of destruction. She could construct an new body in an entirely different form--one that is perfectly optimized in every way to cause maximum damage on a massive scale. She also would be well and truely immortal; as long as she services, repairs, and-when needed-rebuilds herself with new technology, she could go on forever. At least, until the day she finally decides to shut herself down.

My point is, you are seriously undercrediting what technology can replace and give back if you lose something else.

No, I quite feel it really is that bad.

What if Dorcan breaks? Androids have accidents too.

The point isn't that Keaton could perhaps make up for what she's lost - it's that the act of sticking her into a robot body is like...truly, removing the wings from a bird and then sticking it in a cage. Learning about advanced robotics and technology would be one way to get around what Jakob would have done, but until that time she would basically be totally dependent on others to keep her running. If she leaves, she better not break anything.
The point isn't that Keaton can go on causing mass destruction and chaos - the point is that I don't feel like being stuck in a bottle is a good alternative to really and truly dying. Jakob isn't going to stick her in that body with the intent that she'll just replace everything that he took and go along her merry, destructive way. It is something meant to disable her - whether or not she could someday get around it, doesn't make it any less cruel, to me.

My point is, you're missing the point. If someone cuts off your arm, being able to make a prosthesis that's better than the original doesn't make the person who cut it off nice for doing it.

Tapewolf

Quote from: Cogidubnus on December 21, 2007, 05:44:46 PM
Not dangerous anymore...indeed. I suppose she would not be, perhaps even to those who would do her harm. I imagine that Jakob's fail-safes wouldn't turn off towards those who are not his allies, unless his attitude towards killing changed dramatically.

His attitude is certainly not the same as it is in FCRP - I'm thinking in terms of that episode leaving him changed for the worse, but not as badly as the last time.  Note that the panthers, for example, are quite capable of killing people and at least one person has died by their 'hand' during the story so far.

The interlocks in robo-Keaton, Dorcan, Joshua and Ephrael only work on members of Jakob's clique, or at least, people with the right RFID tag (worn or implanted for the living, built-in to the robots).  Remember that Eph is in the same boat now - in an earlier draft she left in this very episode, but I decided to postpone it for a while.  Eph and robo-Keaton would be able to kill anyone else, unless they did what Jakob threatened to do and turn her actuators way down.  In BotM, Dorcan hasn't yet killed anyone himself, but he can and has already shot one of the Brotherhood with a stungun.  If he tried that on Jakob he'd collapse in a heap.

QuoteLet her go - indeed, merciful. Her wings clipped, her hands bound and her neck safely collared. Who is going to perform maintainence on such a body? Certainly not anyone else, for no-one else knows how.

This isn't something I've had reason to cover yet, but the body doesn't require much maintenance.  Most of the mechanical components are enchanted to prevent wear, and there is also a nanomechanical repair system.  In addition, Jakob is in the process of applying for patents so most of the interesting tech will be available for perusal.  When they go big-time, it's probably going to be something like a car dealership network.  The plan is to allow people to live longer, better lives so it's not like Battlefield Earth where the device self-destructs if you try to find out how it works.

In the meantime, Jakob is happy to perform maintenance himself, for free - it will give him a better idea of how the bodies perform in the wild.  In the original draft, we had:



Ephrael considered it long and hard.

"No," she said at last, "I was born a wanderer.  And there is so much to see... so many new things to discover."

"Well, if your mind is made up, I can have Niall run you back to the company HQ," Jakob said with a slightly disappointed tone of voice.  "I'll gave you a draft of the manual for your body, and take my card in case you do have any questions about it."



QuoteIt is well and truly enslavement, for the body is at the discretion and control of Jakob himself. It is nothing less than a disgraceful act, in my opinion.
Be a good-girl and don't get into any trouble (that Jakob would hear about), not that she could. I personally would rather die.

Oh, she could.  Jakob would be annoyed, but once she's out of the building he can't really stop her, since the body's parameters are adjusted via some kind of wifi link.  In any case, all she could do after that is kill someone corporeally, which, while he doesn't like it, he is ultimately less concerned about than her current ability to destroy souls.

QuoteA soul is the essence of a person, but being ripped from everything that made you, you, I feel is cruelty. To say that a body is just a body is a half-truth. Imagine being ripped from yourself and being put in the body of a grasshopper, or an ant - even better, being put in the body of a blind and deaf man (for in essence, that is what Jakob is threatening here, to take away certain parts of Keaton's innateness and ability). Your appearance, and in this case, your power and your ability simply being taken, forever, at the discretion of one who is neither judge nor jury, but rather both.

Debatable.  Dorcan's got used to it, although it was a bit of a bummer.  I don't want to go too far into this since we'll drift into spoiler territory.  However, the Jayhawk team have gone to fantastic lengths to try and make the body as much like a Being body as possible.  In fact, as part of the development process, Jakob has linked himself into the brains to possess them so he knows they're good enough.  Even sex works, on a recreational level, at least - Daryil would make sure of that - although this is not something I intend to explore in the series.  If you want that, read Robots of Dawn by Isaac Asimov.

QuoteWhat good is a soul if it's broken? Merciful indeed, this Mr. Cros-, this Mr. Pettersohn.
We'll deal with that later :P

QuoteAs for Eph, thought, well, she does seem a bit crazy, yes. It was just something curious to me - being able to know the years (albeit off by twenty) made me think what it would be like to sit in a rock for a century or so and count the seconds.
I personally would be fruit loops, but some sort of standby mode might make sense. The other thought that occurred to me was that it might be like some sort of self-made reality in the gem, but then, I don't know if you'd really want to leave...

Part of this is inspired by Turnsky's Foxfire Chronicles.  One of the characters in that has, I believe, been trapped in a soul orb since before Atlantis fell, and has come out more-or-less fine.

Anyway, this kind of philosophical debate is why I was so disappointed with your 'rimshot' post in the Neutrality thread :P

J.P. Morris, Chief Engineer DMFA Radio Project * IT-HE * D-T-E