Fellow DMFA readers, I am in desperate need of advice and distractions.

[Kitsune Ascendant]

It's a bit of a long story, about my first love and the aftermath. I really feel that you people might be able to help me with this, and I trust you not to make hurtfull comments

It all really started early april. no, make that late march, as my senior year of high school was coming to a close. I was still with my first (and up to this point, only) girlfriend then. I was happy in that respect, to the extent that happy was possible, execpt things didn't seem to be going anywhere with the relationship. basically, we were little more than friends on the outside. there was probably love (I know I really cared for her, and I'm pretty sure she cared for me), but between murphy , my shyness and general inexperience with girls, and our apparent inability to show eachother how we felt, it didn't seem to be working. that's when this whole thing began. little worries began to creep into my mind. was I missing something here? do "we" even have a chance anymore? it this somehow my fault? then, one fatefull day mid-april, she broke up with me. It hurt. a lot. I was too shy, and too fearful of making the emotional wound deeper, to try to get back together with her. for several weeks after that, this gut-wrenching emotional pain would hit me, paired with the usual self-doubts and cursing of various higher powers. eventually, though, the feelings faded. It probably wouldn't have worked anyways, since she was going out of state for college.I was, to the extent possible, over her and back to my usuall shy geeky self. Or so I thought.

fast forward to this week. suddenly she's back in my mind, along with the emotional pain. my mind still says that It's best I forget about her. my heart, on the other hand, is still firmly in love. not being with her is beginning to tear me appart. I tell myself I'll meet the girl I'll spend the rest of my life with, but I can't help but wonder if she was supposed to be that girl. combine this with percieved inadequacies of this universe (why the heck aren't we all furries? I mean, think how much nicer things could be if we were all anthropmorphics), and some difficult to answer philosophical questions and you have a recipe for a slightly depressed state of mind. 

basically I need two things (three, actually): advice on dealing with the emotional pain that has returned, and distractions. preferably in the form of consitantly funny webcomics with large archives. oh, and mabye dating tips (keep in mind I'm shy)

on a completely random note, it's also very easy to mentally add -ed to report on the "report to moderator" link.

[Damaris]

Keep this in mind.  If she's the one, she'll end up showing back up when you are no longer anticipating the possibility.

I find breakup times are the best time to get a lot of projects done, so I would work on something you've been putting off.  Especially something difficult and time-consuming (one breakup I had ended up with a semester-long extra credit project being finished in three days.  I couldn't sleep.  Got a really good grade in the class.)

As far as the emotions... those have to do their own thing.  I would try clearing your mind whenever you begin obsessing.  Picture yourself on the beach, listening to the surf, and gently blow the "bad" emotions away from you. That might help.

[Kitsune Ascendant]

well, I suppose that's usefull, in a way. but for the remaining summer I don't have anything real to do. and I have tryed my own " brand" of meditation, which helps a bit. sometimes I think it's all that keeps me from really burrying myself in depression.

[Cvstos]

If it's any consolation, this is not atypical for the end of high school.  It's extremely rare for a couple to stay together after high school.  You're still not really an adult yet.  You're going to do a lot of learning in the next couple years, especially about yourself.  There will be others.  It'll hurt for a while, but you will heal, and you will move on.  In the meantime, confide in some friends, express the emotion, all of it, even if it's to a wall.   Finding an outlet is also often useful.  Sports, martial arts, video games, whatever.

The first loves are always the hardest to lose.

[Kitsune Ascendant]

If it's any consolation, this is not atypical for the end of high school.  It's extremely rare for a couple to stay together after high school.  You're still not really an adult yet.  You're going to do a lot of learning in the next couple years, especially about yourself.  There will be others.  It'll hurt for a while, but you will heal, and you will move on.  In the meantime, confide in some friends, express the emotion, all of it, even if it's to a wall.   Finding an outlet is also often useful.  Sports, martial arts, video games, whatever.

The first loves are always the hardest to lose.

they sure are. at this point, I think I need distractions and people to talk to. mostly people to talk to, I guess. I don't have that many friends this side of the moniter, so thanks everyone for listening to me.

like I said though, I think I might want some dating advice. esp. from girls. oh, and if somone could find the wizard and get him to give me some courage.

[Netami]

Had me a girlfriend once. Turns out it was a guy pretending to be a girl online though. Dumped my ass and left me feeling exactly the same as you, despite it not being a "real" relationship (the time and effort put into it sure felt real.)

That was when I was like 13. Wouldn't be until many years later when I was doing the same shit that I realized the truth of the situation.

What did little me do to get over it? Nothing but hurt. You can do stuff to take your mind off it, but it'll always be there. You'll either become jaded or die trying.

[Cvstos]

If it's any consolation, this is not atypical for the end of high school.  It's extremely rare for a couple to stay together after high school.  You're still not really an adult yet.  You're going to do a lot of learning in the next couple years, especially about yourself.  There will be others.  It'll hurt for a while, but you will heal, and you will move on.  In the meantime, confide in some friends, express the emotion, all of it, even if it's to a wall.   Finding an outlet is also often useful.  Sports, martial arts, video games, whatever.

The first loves are always the hardest to lose.

they sure are. at this point, I think I need distractions and people to talk to. mostly people to talk to, I guess. I don't have that many friends this side of the moniter, so thanks everyone for listening to me.

like I said though, I think I might want some dating advice. esp. from girls. oh, and if somone could find the wizard and get him to give me some courage.

Well, how's this: The sheer tragic irony of my life is that people who follow my dating advice seem to wind up getting the girl about 90% of the time, yet I can't seem to get a date to save my life.

*sings*

It's not you're fault
I understand
Now I'm more a man.
You needed space to find yourself
and I'm in the same place now.

Living dreams
dreaming new
springing foward to:
"Choose a life
to get me by,
not a life that passes by"

[Lysander]

This one remembers back when feelings were irrelevant and caring was just another term. Things were much more simple then. Don't know how much help I can be and don't really have dating advice, but I'll do what I can.
For things like distraction, many things can suffice for at least a while. Things mentioned above are good. I'd suggest things like practicing swordfighting/kendo and a possible something like a punching bag to slash at. Better if you have a friend to do so with, but sometimes if you just have to get out energy and rage or something you can just slash the bag for a while. Games like DDR are good for stuff to do as well. Get some exercise, and if you force yourself to learn to beat a heavy song when you could originally only beat it on light, you can definitely forget about things. The web comic Zoo City is a great one. Mostly comical though still a sense of plot. Very nice and sometimes interactive flash animations too.
In general though, I come here to encourage you...To advance forward. In these hours seized by memories. Until your phoenix rises, time stands still. Seek truth beyond perception. Savor what may come to pass. It's time to rise above destiny, no longer living in slow motion. Do not let a world that whispers be a thorn in thy side. Melt this moment of frozen time. For whatever shall come to pass, just get up and start from there. Do not succumb to your fears, nor allow your ambitions to become symbolic visions withering in the wind. Just like angels with burning hearts, advance forward. It's a brand new day.

Tangled in this lifetime, tangled in it's sorrow.
Moments of clarity, fade until tomorrow.
Tangled in this Madness, what was deep now shallow.
If I believe in miracles, why do I feel so hollow?

Holy crap, didn't mean to type that much. Ah well. Raven black wings...

[Kitsune Ascendant]

you are all so awesome. I especially liked your response, lysander. down-to-earth advice (though me and ddr don't mix), combined with a brand of philosophy I'm particularly fond of. thank you everyone for listening and for the advice you've all given me.

[LigerJet]

Slash a punching bag?  Wouldn't the stuffing fall out?  Mind you...I've never actually looked at what's inside a punching bag...

[Netami]

Tightly compressed sand, I believe.

[xHaZxMaTx]

I typed up a bunch of 'advice' but decided not to post because I suck at giving advice.  Best adivcie I do have for you is to keep looking, and to forget the past.  And don;t say it's not possible, I've been in your position before and it sucks, I know.  But you just have to realise (and this may sound a tad cliche) that there are other fish in the sea.  No one is 'perfect' for anyone, everyone has flaws.

If it's any consolation, this is not atypical for the end of high school.  It's extremely rare for a couple to stay together after high school.

My sister's getting married with her first boyfriend out of high-school.  Sorry, not really advice for you, Kitsune, just saying that there are exceptions.

[Cvstos]

Of course there are exceptions, but there's also hazards involved with those.  Marriages that start so early in life are also far more prone to divorce.  I wish them luck, however.

You also make an important point that no marriage is going to be flawless and without argument or trouble.  Arguments, frustration, conflicts, differences of opinion, etc. are a part of marriage and any relationship in general.  One shouldn't expect them to be nonexistant.  Even the best have those.  Learning how to deal with them and come out better for it, that's the key.