Corrupt A Wish Revived

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

You can fly........ Too bad you can't land............



I wish to be a few inches taller than I am now.

[Slowtini]

You are now a few inches taller.
Your size is now comparable to that of a football.

I wish I could land. D;

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

You crash......


And burn......


I wish I had convictions powerful enough to make me stave off death, like my avatar.

[Slowtini]

Granted.
But, Death wields a scythe, not a stave.
Game Over.


I wish I wasn't on fire! o-o;

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

*douses you in liquid nitrogen to put out said fire*


I wish I had a penny.

[Slowtini]

Granted
It's made of lead.
When you try to spend it, you are arrested for counterfieting.


I wish I had a blanket.

[Rakala]

Granted. It's electrical, and not in the pleasant warm way. In the deadly way.

I wish I had theme music that I could control the volume.

[Slowtini]

Granted, but you broke the "Lower Volume" button.

I -nnk- Wish -Kzt- This -Ngah- Blanket -Yeowch- Wasn't -NNH- so -Gk'- Hurty!

[Rakala]

Granted. It's not warm either.

I wish you weren't a genetic freak.

[Slowtini]

Granted.
Yay! M' Normal again.
Oh... Wait...

I wish the blanket was made out of polyester and cotton and awesome warmth.

[Rakala]

Granted, but it has the spell "Rune of Death" cast on it. When you touch it you die.

I wish everybody who was below average in a majority of the things they do would die.

[Slowtini]

You die, making the wish null and void.
Therefore, you come back to life, bringing the wish back into play.

Welcome to paradox, population: You.

I wish I wasn't dead.

[Rakala]

Granted. You are tortured for eternity.

I wish I owned the entire collected works of Brian Jacques.

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

Thugs come to beat you up and mug you of the books............ And then they make fun of your taste in reading material


I wish I had someone I could have an intelligent discussion of the Illiad with.

[Lysander]

Granted, but the one with whom you discuss the Illiad is far more intelligent than you leaving every word going right over your head.

I wish for a paper cut.   

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

You slash a slip of paper across your throat, and the severed corotid artery spells your doom.


I wish I had teh swing of that whole omnipotence thing.

[TheGreyRonin]

Granted. You now possess the Swing of Omnipotence...but no one to give you a push.

I wish I had more beef jerky right now.

[Slowtini]

Granted, but it's not the beef you were hoping for.

I wish I had that neat Cubi' "Magical Clothes Generation" ability. Cause... Yanno, Free Clothes.

[Lysander]

Granted, but with your new abilities that you don't yet know how to use the best you can form is a pretty sketchy loin cloth.

I wish to preview this message. 

[Mao]

Granted, but in to do so, you go back in time... but when you do you cause a distortion that leads to the wording of the message changing a bit and so you get sent back again.  This continues on for eternity.  Enjoy your time loop.

I wish that my laptop was working right now. (stupid video memory)

[Rakala]

Granted. It's working as a paper weight.

I wish I controlled a zombie army that would not eat me.

[Lysander]

Granted, but only because you are a zombie yourself that still has a conscious mind. I've never understood why zombies never eat each other when all they want is human flesh.

I wish to die.   

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

It hurts. A lot.


I wish that I had mor energy to do my work.

[Rakala]

Granted, it's natural gas energy, except you have to convert it to energy yourself. And you have to do it by inhaling it which ends up killing you for some unnamed reason.

I wish I was a member of a real band.

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

It's a lame band. Your instruments are vandalized by people who actually like good music and you're mugged of everything you have.


I wish my classes in the week before thanksgiving weren't such lame affairs where only a third of the class shows up.

[Rakala]

Granted. Less than a third show up. Only you show up.

I wish was raised by wolves and lived to adulthood.

[Corgatha Taldorthar]

You have no social skills or hygene. You live out your disease ridden days in the wilderness eating bugs, until you're rescued by humans, who promptly put you in an insanitarium.



I wish I didn't get so nervous about presenting my work to other people.

[Rakala]

Granted. You get the nerve up to show it and everybody mocks and ridicules you about how much you fail at life. This eventually drives you to suicide by shooting yourself in the head. It fails and you become a "vegetable" who can't feed or dress yourself. You soil yourself constantly and your family hates having to take care of you. Eventually they kill you.

I wish that corruption hadn't been so long.

[Lysander]

Granted, but it's not nearly as fun.

I wish for some graphite.   

[Rakala]

Granted. It is force fed to you.

I wish graphite tasted better.