Corrupt A Wish Revived

[Jairus]

Granted. The fishy is a great white shark, and the dishy is a large enough pool for it to swim up and eat you.

I wish for a box.

[VSMIT]

Granted.  The box is llearch.

I wish for a box without monkeys inside it.

[Jairus]

Granted. It's filled with apes.

I wish for a barrel of rabid monkeys.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

Granted. They're all dead by the time they arrive at your location, stink to high heaven, and the liquid dripping out of the bottom of the barrel stains your carpets and simply can't be got out, no matter what you try.

Oh, and your creativity leaves you in the stench, and goes to find better quarters with a hunchback on the upwind side of the river.


I wish I could tell you how tasty this cheesecake is.

[Jairus]

Granted. The memory of this cheesecake and all cheesecakes you have ever eaten or ever will eat leaves your mind and travels to everyone else's mind.

I wish I had a pair of goggles.

[Slowtini]

Granted, but they're now permanently attached to your face, and make people do weird pairings of you and other characters.

I wish I had some bubble gum.

[VSMIT]

Granted, but it glues your mouth shut.

I wish we had the technology.

[Jairus]

Granted. The technology achieves sentience and takes over the Six Million Dollar man and he goes on a rampage and we're forced to kill him.

I wish that they'd stop making Saw movies.

[Jer-oh-me]

Granted, now they make Drill movies.

I wish I was the fastest man alive.

[Jairus]

Granted. You take two steps and run headlong into a wall because your reflexes aren't at the same level. You spend the next eight months in a hospital recovering.

I wish that Neon Genesis Evangelion would have a satisfying conclusion.

[Zedd]

Granted now it's so boring the fans give up on day one

I wish I hadn't remove the sandbags from that balloon this morning

[VSMIT]

Granted, but now you can't go anywhere.

I wish I had a hot air balloon.

[Jairus]

Granted. The balloon floats off with you in it and crashes into a giant radio tower, causing blackouts and mass panic all around the county.

(And Zedd, are you saying that the fans giving up on Evangelion would be a bad thing?)

I wish that my old car hadn't been rear-ended.

[VSMIT]

Granted, now it's been T-Boned.

I wish I had a newer car.

[Jairus]

Granted. The insurance premiums drive you into bankruptcy.

I wish that people would stop taking professional wrestling seriously.

[Jer-oh-me]

Granted, now they all watch Sumo Wrestling and it grows just as unrealistic.

I wish I could jump from the roof of this five story building without breaking any bones and be able to run up the side of the next one.

[Jairus]

Granted. You cause massive amounts of internal bleeding and shortly after running up the next building collapse in extreme pain.

I wish that baseball players could hit one another with the bats.

[VSMIT]

Granted, they soon wouldn't have any bats to hit each other with.

I wish I had The Tumbler.

[Jairus]

Granted. The Joker blows it up and you crash the Bat Pod into a wall within five seconds.

I want the Iron Man Mark III suit.

[VSMIT]

You can want, but you can't have.  (You didn't wish for it.)

I wish for the Iron Man Mk3 suit.

[Jairus]

Granted. Unfortunately, you forgot to wish for JARVIS in order to help you control it. You crash and burn within ten seconds.

I wish for an XBox 360. I don't want to play it, I just want to have one so I can say that I don't use it.

[Jer-oh-me]

Granted but it's so shiny and tempting and beautiful, but it's encased in a transparent Faraday cage so that now enticed to play you cannot.

I wish I owned this University.

[Jairus]

Granted. You know have to deal with every single piece of paperwork necessary for the running of the university, because the staff all quit when they heard you were taking over.

I wish that I had a copy of a video game that I would not play under normal circumstances.

[VSMIT]

Granted, but these are still normal circumstances.

I wish I had a good cookie.

[Jairus]

Wish granted. The cookie is so good that no other cookie you eat shall ever compare to it.

I wish for a hamburger.

[VSMIT]

Granted, but it's so horrendously dry and undercooked, you die of both dehydration and food poisoning.

I wish I had a mow as a pet.

[Jairus]

Granted. It eats all of your clothes for the rest of your life forcing you to walk around naked all of the time.

I wish I had a kangaroo rat.

[VSMIT]

Granted, it has a severe inferiority complex and bites your ankles whenever it is afraid.

I wish I had a PS3.

[Rakala]

Granted. After months and months of playing they're recalled for radiation. You end up getting cancer, lose your hair, and die slowly and painfully.

I wish my MP3 player could hold more songs.

[Jairus]

Granted. Your MP3 player now holds all the songs in the world. Unfortunately, the jack is busted, so you can't listen to any of them.

I wish I had a football.