[Story] Twisted Tale of Ranma: Final Chapter

[GabrielsThoughts]

isclaimer: I do not own Sailor moon ranma, nor any anime mentioned in this series

A twisted tale of Ranma

Final chapter

Written by Gabriel R Lopez

"Bwah ha ha ha ha ! Ryoga is P-chan and Usagi " the crazy girl broke into hysterics...anyone familiar with the girl would know her name was Akane Tendo " hah hahhahahha Ranma is Chibi Usa and Darien's just a cute little kitty bwah he he he he ha ha HA HA hee hee" Akane then laughed so hard her insides hurt. Ranma watched as the orderlies at the Crazy home for girls hauled Akane off to the insane asylum... That poor delusional girl. Ranma knew this was the result of the Blog that he started shortly after the events that brought him to this world, actually he managed to start www.ranmaslifesux.jk 3 days after he was transported to this world. It was strange that by chronicling only handful of events the number of people breaking into insane laughter had doubled.

Ranma wasn't entirely computer illiterate, but with the help of a mouse he was able to set up the account and post his Blog with few problems. Strangely enough the mouse was named Brain, and Ranma had rescued the poor defenseless mouse from the clutches of Kaya, the demonically possessed cat owned by Miyako. He insisted that the mouse was evil and that he would be doing the world a favor, but Ranma took one look at the poor little creature and felt pity...much as he had for the little grey squirrel with a crescent moon on its head, it was just amazing how much squirrels and kittens looked alike... and since Darrien, Satsuki, short bus or whatever could never agree on her name Ranma just started calling her "Foamy." Because Foamy the squirrel was one crazy little mutant.

Brain could speak, and convinced the pigtailed martial artist that they should try and take over the world... although he would insist on calling Ranma Pinky just because after Ranma was malleted into a Japanese spring of drowned girl which Ironically enough was located underneath the girl's locker-room at some school called Furrychan High... a pig cannonballed into the spring after him and now both Ranma and Ryoga are permanently female for however long that lasts...Ryoga was trying to get away from the vicious care bears that live on the moon. Apperently in this reality, Care bears are these vicious communist little suckers that force people to be happy whether they want to be in a state of happiness or not. Of course being in a constant state of depression Ryoga attracted them like moths to a flame.

Funshine was known as the reaper, because of his sunny disposition, no one saw their death coming until it was too late. Funshine suffered from a multiple personality disorder, which was over looked, because both personalities were especially cheerful, the childish innocence of the one personality was more than compensated by the violent cruelty of the other. The real threat from the care bears was grumpy bear, he had earned the nickname Scarface because of a huge scar that went through his right eye... and he had a habit of saying "Say hello to my little friend" before pulling out his machine gun and blasting everyone who wasn't happy with his candy heart launcher. Of course in every group of communists there's that one dissident...we'll call her Cheer bear. Cheer bear, who despite her name was not that cheerful, was the leader of the Democratic Care bear Militia and was an undercover American operative fighting the war on terror.

Fortunately, Ryoga's directional curse kicked in when she entered the girls bathroom and wound up in Mikado's dressing room...5 miles away, where Mikado chased her around for a while before she told him she was in love with another man...heartbroken Mikado vowed he would not allow it, and vowed he would demand satisfaction from this Sauske fellow in a duel. Ryoga found this so romantic she swooned into a hall closet and tripped over a mop in a bucket of water triggering her other curse turning her into a small piglet, Ryoga then wandered into a dark corner which opened a portal back to FHS in time to see Ranma crash through a skylight into the girls locker-room.

Ranma, who had been launched from the girls locker room in Saint Hibachi's school for girls across the street with a mallet was then pummeled on by more girls for being a pervert...and he was still wearing that hideous pink sailor fuku. Of Course the fun really began when the floor capsized and everyone fell into a sinkhole formed as a result of the school using the water from the underground spring to fill the school swimming pool. The school was short on funds, and using the spring water was an economical decision they regretted earlier that morning, after the boys from Class C all mysteriously turned into girls, among them Naruto, Garra, Sauske, Shino, Lee...

The mysterious disappearance of the perverted boy was credited to the sailor scout in his place...Rini convinced them that the boy had stolen her sailor fuku in order to impersonate her, a story she had barrowed from Miyako. In Miyako's version however the villains where mutant monkey boys, Ranma convinced them it was a flat chested cat girl, and for some strange reason the girls felt guilty for assuming it was a boy.

Just Then

"Rowar! I am Mammon 90 I have returned from monster island...fear me!" of course Ranma and Ryoga took him down as quick as humanly possible...which was still pretty darn slow when compared to the speed the monsters are dispatched by normal magical girls. And Ironically enough Ranma and Ryoga caused more damage than the monster himself, having destroyed all schools and businesses in a 3 mile radius. And then Myako showed up and called up some kind of bubble attack and Mammon 90 was safely encapsulated in a giant bubble. The sailor scouts didn't interfere because they were lazy, and Mammon 90 wasn't on they list of baddies yet...in fact he wasn't on any monster lists assigned to regular magical girls...until now.

On that day a "new" magical girl team was formed....the Tokyo Wrecking Crew which consisted of Miyako, Ranma, and Ryoga, three magical pets (Brain was assigned to Ryoga), and an assignment to kill the most feared monsters in all of Japan, Pikachu, Hello Kitty, Barney, the Care Bears, Godzilla, and Mammon 90. Watch out boys, ready or not here they come.

The End

Epilouge: Brain and Ranma eventually took over the world using Ranma's blog and Hypnophonectic writing to cause mass hysteria. Ryoga discovered a cure to the jusenkeyo Curse after giving birth to Mikado's baby... he was caught cheating on her with Sauske...it was awkward. Foamy is now living happily with all three of her personalities even though two of them are boys. Usagi used the power of her moon cressant dildoh...er wand to defeat the sailor scouts and stuff, and her brother is still annoying and girly.

A/n: hypnophonetic writing is writing that is so confusing it has to be read aloud, supposedly it can be used to control people by placing hypnotic suggestions into the subconscious mind... any way I'm going to leave now.