The Clockwork Mansion

   "Admiral Brimstone, Sir. We've finished going over the personnel records, and I think we've found a crew for, uhm, what's that thing called again?"
   "Eh, I'm rather partial to Ohgawd." The seated, yet massive and shadowy figure replied. "If anybody asks, just say it means 'Great Journey' in some ancient Earth tongue or something. Anyway, go ahead and summon the crew to the briefing room, feed them some bullshit, and get them into that ship and as far away from here as possible, as quickly as possible."
   "Sir, you really should give the engineers at least a little credit on this one..." The shadowy, standing figure replied.
   "Not while I've got 'stupendous fireball of death' as the means of destruction for that flying coffin in the betting pool, Snivers!" He snapped. "Now go and get those idiots together so I can finally wave something in McKnightly's face!"
   "Very well, sir..." The standing figure sighed, then turned around to begin walking, only to smack into the wall. "Goddamn it! Can't you EVER turn on the damn lights?!"
   "And ruin this brooding, evil atmosphere? NEVER!" The seated figure exclaimed, bringing their hand down onto the desk only to connect with something sharp and pointy that, it the lights had been on, he would've seen and been able to avoid. "SONUVA-"

---

   Snivers, a middle-aged wolf-like creature in a business suit, returned to his desk and began making the needed calls  to "collect" the crew using almost any means necessary to bring them to the orbital shipyard, where their date with a ship awaited to seal their fates...

When Snivers got to his desk he noted among his inbox messages an urget one marked as top priority.  Opening it he found that Special Study Case #006782-AA3 had been approved for transfer from the super double-secret moon laboratories.  The techs must really be anxious to be rid of the subject; his acceptance of their request to have their request for a subject transfer to anyone but themselves had only been sent out yesterday.  A bureaucratic transfer that quick must have involved a lot of palm grease.  Maybe it had something to do with the emergency classification of Assistant Jenkins' personal files.

Outside Secure Storage bay 17 another computer screen flashed a message.  The guards on duty checked the computer and promptly started sweating.  Their platoon had all taken bets on who would have to enter the storage bay, and Corporals Smith and Kal'alan had just lost.  They not only owed their next month's pay, but now they had to move the box to the briefing room.

Several minutes later a pair of nervous Corporals opened the door to to the briefing room, disengaged the magnetic latches, gave the hoverdolly a shove, and then promptly closed the door before walking away.  All of which was very much against standard protocol.  They did a miserable job at pretending to not want to be anywhere but where they had been as they hurried away.

The secure confinement case, with top now very much open, softly bumped the conference table and came to a stop.  The rock inside was content to sit where it was and wait as the confinement case was pretty comfortable.

While Snivers pondered the rather confusing lack of anything frightening coming out of the box, a Naiti entered his office. "You wanted to see me, sir?" The Naiti asked, instinctively keeping away from the opened box.
"Yes, uh... Jason, was it?" Snivers responded
"Jason Bray, sir." The Naiti clothes looked disheveled, like he had just put them on.
"Yes, Dr. Bray, I called--"
"Um, sir, it's Mister."
"Okay, Mr. Dr. Bray--"
"No, sir, just Mr. Bray. I never got my PhD."
"Uhm..." Snivers tried to look apprehensive, while secretly overjoyed that the doctor-that-wasn't-a-doctor was going on the suicide mission. "Okay, Mr. Bray. I called you here to assign you a station. You're being assigned to the latest spaceship in our navy, the Ohgawd."
"The Ohgawd?" Jason looked confused. "That sounds like a bad name for a ship..."
"It means 'Great Journey' in..." Snivers said the first language that came to mind. "...Swahili. You're going to be one of the medical officers. Stay here while we assemble the rest of the crew."
"One of the medical officers?" Jason mused as he stood against the wall, as far away from the open box as he could get. "Who the hell's the other guy-slash-guys then?"

Snivers very pointedly left that question hanging as he left.  Sheesh.  What did he expect, a straight answer?  He looks down on his list of characters, and sees that one is a communications droid.  Thank gods, a hopeful point.  "Let's see.  Says here that GDMFB-9000 is located in the...employee's lounge?"
The hapless wolfman makes his way to the lounge, dodging a few collared Tribbles (Why the hell did they legalize the damn things?), and spots his quarry:  A cobra-naga android, decidedly fixated on the television.
"Ah!  You must be GDMFB-9000.  We need you to report to the...Um...Hello?"
The android has yet to look away from the screen, an unusual action.  Most instantly fix all attention to the nearest commanding organic. Hrm.
"Hey!  Attention over here!"
The droid very slowly turns to face the newest disturbance.  Oooh, a blue furred being?  With an interesting voice.  Who's this?
"Greetings.  Me llamo GDMFB-9000.  Tsūjō senrei GD.  Come posso servire?"
Snivers just...stands there.  "Excuse me, what?"
"Apologies.  I get..." He immeadiately seems to shift focus on a passing Tamaranian in a bright purple bikini looking uniform.
Poor Snivers realizes just what the crew is in for.  "I...see.  Just....get to the shipyard."  The wolfman then backs away slowly, and goes to look for the nearest crew member.

The shuttle drifted effortlessly through the space lane down the center of the orbital shipyards.  The anxious creature that stood in the place of honor within the launch was full of elation.  After such a colorful career to date, they couldn't pin a thing on him, he had been chained to a desk after receiving his promotion to Commodore.  Regulated to a Sanitation Station on the edge of the Tai Dei Baul Nebula, it was obviously his revolutionary invention that reprocessed waste material into edible space rations for the Space Fleet that earned him back a spot in command of a starship.

Still, his thoughts drifted to his meeting with Vice Admiral Kintama, "why was he giggling when he handed me the orders?"

"Sir we are approaching the ship now."  The launch pilot reported.

Locklear turned his attention forward.  They were heading right for the most magnificent, powerful and beautiful battleship ever commissioned in the history of the Alliance.  It could even rival the fabled Slightly Misplaced Ships of the old Confederation of Worlds.  That brought back memories... the old CoW.  Another of those massive galaxy spanning empires that ruled with intimidation and firepower.  They had a great retirement plan and health care.

Daydreaming as he was, the Valallai completely missed the departure of the ship that triggered his nostalgia.  When he snapped out of it, the view screen was filled with the unique visage of what was his ship.  Being very technical, and an expert in starship engineering, he was considerably concerned with the design.  

Locklear exclaimed, "what the yvujj is that???!!!"

Just then a hole in space and time tore itself open.  Emerging from within was Locklear himself, sporting an impressive goatee and a more sinister uniform.  Evil Locklear smiled wickedly, "I have you now my twin!"

"Indeed, have I mentioned you look fabuluos with that goatee?"

Evil Locklear quipped, "you shall not distract me with my obvious attractiveness!"

Suddenly... <The Resulting Scenes Have Been Deleted.  It was an amazing amount of acting, character building, action and drama... really.>


The launch limped to a stop at its intended airlock on the docking ring opposite the ship.  Locklear finished tossing the remains of the death robots into the matter recycler.  Vixana, the blue, alien, vulpine, space princess, adjusted her dress and stretched popping several kinks in her back and tails, "call me!"  She yelled as her royal guards whisked her out of the launch and down the docking ring towards the space station.

As the launch pilot grumbled something about always being the 'wingman', Locklear strode down the tube and entered the docking ring.  There were no formalities awaiting him, no christenings, just a dock way into the airlock of the 'ship'.  Someone had placed a red carpet leading into his ship and Locklear did not know how to respond to it.  Shrugging he merely proceeded forward.

Adhering to naval tradition, he faced the direction of the aft of the ship and saluted.  Facing the Officer of the Deck, Locklear returned the salute, "permission to come aboard lieutenant."  The Valallai was hesitant and somewhat hopeful that he might be denied.

The way too chipper feline lieutenant smartly replied, "welcome aboard sir!  With all due respect sir, you are supposed to be at the briefing."

"Captain's privilege.  Not to worry, I'll reach the location." 

With a bit of resignation, he boarded.  The duty chief, some type of bipedal reptile with very draconic features, approached and directed the petty officer carrying the captain's things towards the crew section and the captain's stateroom.  He then turned his attention to the raccoonian like being, "would you like a quick tour first sir?"

Locklear shook his head, "not just yet chief.  I have a briefing to be at 1500 hours... well, not sure local time.  Let's head to the bridge."

Passing through some interesting and creative structural and ship equipment placement situations, Locklear arrived at the bridge.  The Chief entered first and stood to the right of the hatch, "captain on deck!"

Locklear did smile, which was a bit alarming because of his rather sharp pointy teeth, because despite the misgivings of this challenge of a ship it was still his command.

The two duty watch crew that were there stood at attention.  The captain examined everything with a cursory glance before sighing and turning to the chief, "alright escort me to the briefing, but let's take our time."

The chief nodded and both made their way through the ship and disembarked.  The chief took the long way through the station ensuring the Captain was last to the briefing.     

Snivers tromped down the hall looking for the next name on the list when his secretary called him stating that the next arrival would be in his office in a couple of minutes. The emphasis she had placed on arrival was troubling.

Just as he had entered his office, a  black ball of energy formed inside the room and noiselessly imploded leaving a human and Skavis in its place. The human had a look of extreme bewilderment, and was clinging to a chunk of a, for lack of a better term, tree that had been cleanly sliced from its host. The edges of the "wood" smoldered as it was dripping some sort of green ichor. "Waa..," he gurgled as the Skavis next to him rattled along while examining his wrist computer, "and that is why I was using 80% of the processing power of the facility. Element B0GU5 exhibits properties that allow it to affect space time when the proper form of radiation is applied. Of course you and your fellow superiors put a halt to that, so my targeting is less than optimal."

"So this is the office of Admiral Brimstones assistant." he waited for the human to catch up. Instead the human just stared around opened eyed and gurgled some more. Seras just rolled his eyes, "He's the Alliance Military head that you decided to pawn me off on because you've felt threatened by my methods ever since I started up with Ketrics R&D?" he glanced around the room, "Though you have to admit, while it lacks the atmosphere of the last jungle planet we visited, its predators are much less aggressive and only likely to attack us with bureaucratic crap. Oh look!" he reached down and plucked the bloody end of a tail off of the floor, "A souvenir!" he stuck the tail in the pocket of the human's lab coat.

By this time the human had somewhat revived and dropped the chunk of treeflesh with a loud squish and glared at Seras, "I..killlll... yoo"

Seras was clearly not impressed and merely sneered, "You know, I can probably take it from here, don't stress that brain of yours with large words." he pressed a button on his wrist computer and the irate human disappeared with a loud pop, the only things left of his presence there was a chunk of treeflesh with finger indentions in it, and a pair of boxer briefs with a slightly brown streak on them. Seras merely glanced at the two remaining objects and muttered something about calibrations before he shrugged and looked up.

Snivers wanted a drink, possibly a double. This could have only been one person on the roster, Seras Ordollan. The Science Officer... of course...

Feeling that there had been an extremely long pause in the somewhat non-existant conversation, Seras cleared his throat. "I'm Seras Ordollan, the science expert that you requested from Ketrics?" Snivers caught himself and nodded, "Ummm... Yes.. The current crew will be gathering in briefing room 3A, if you have any questions regarding the mission we'll answer them there."

Seras shrugged, "Questions, right... This is a trashbin mission. They're scraping up what ever has stuck to the bottom of the barrel personnel wise and dumping them into some wreck that barely functions while sending them on some random suicide mission on the vague hope that they'll succeed."

Snivers made a polite cough, "Well its nothing that drastic," and he was cut off by Seras who said, "Right.. 3A? I guess we'll see what other misfits got roped in on this." Snivers watched as the Skavis left the room and shook his head.

Make it a triple.

Quote from: Azlan on August 10, 2010, 01:06:50 AM
Locklear exclaimed, "what the yvujj is that???!!!"

Just then a hole in space and time tore itself open.  Emerging from within was Locklear himself, sporting an impressive goatee and a more sinister uniform.  Evil Locklear smiled wickedly, "I have you now my twin!"

"Indeed, have I mentioned you look fabuluos with that goatee?"

Evil Locklear quipped, "you shall not distract me with my obvious attractiveness!"

Suddenly... <The Resulting Scenes Have Been Deleted.  It was an amazing amount of acting, character building, action and drama... really.>

OOC: What... just... and... what... but... what? Dear god I have severely underestimated the crazy here. And that's AFTER what I just said in the OOC forum. Time will tell whether I can handle it I guess ^.^;

A somewhat harried looking wolf morph approached Chris (currently walking on his two hind legs so as to have extra height and arms) waving an electric (This is the future, of course it's electric.) clipboard. "Hey, you're Chris Lewel right?"

A flurry of thoughts passed through Chris' head about how to reply but before he could make up his mind his mouth went ahead anyway. "Ummm.... nnooooo?" He looked off to the side and his posture screamed about how blatant a lie this was to anyone else who was his species. Which is to say it appeared he shifted uncomfortably as if wondering why this strange person was talking to him because he was the only member of his species around.

Snivers (for that was the name of this person) looked somewhat annoyed and replied, "But you must be Chris. You're the only person who matches the description of the engineer and you have a nametag on your vest!" He pointed to a sticker on Chris' vest that said, "Hello, my name is... Chris."

Chris nodded slowly, an idea forming in his head while he waved his upper arms around vaguely, abstractly, and distractingly. "Oh, that's just a misunderstanding," he said and while Snivers' attention was pulled by his arms, he grabbed the clipboard with his lower arms. Ignoring the protests from the official in front of him he continued poking the screen a few times, "I am actually the science officer and my name is... uh... Seras. Yes, Seras Ordollan, that's me!"

He handed the clipboard back to the distraught wolf who looked at the records to see that the skavis science officer was now labled clearly as 'Chris Abe Lewel' while the engineer nikitak was labled 'Seras Ordollan'. "But..." he protested (and also covered the faint sound of ripping) "this can't be right! It was just the other way around! I just met Seras!"

"Nope, that must have been Chris," replied Chris, using a spare arm to point at the bottom of the screen. "See? This note at the bottom clearly says none of the entries have been tampered with. It wouldn't say that if something had changed."

"But your nametag!" Snivers protested, looking up to see Chris tucking a pen into a pocket with one arm, tossing a crumpled up piece of paper with another, and with his last (the first was pointing out the note at the bottom of the screen remember) smoothing his nametag which clearly read, "Hello, my name is... Seras."

Clearly confused, Snivers faltered and petered out, tilting his head to the side. "But... but..." he started out before just shaking his head and saying, "Right... Seras Ordollan. Please head to the meeting room for the general briefing." He walked off, looking at the clipboard with a rather puzzled expression on his face.

Humming/whistling to himself, Chris headed over to the meeting room while doing a bit of a jig and dropping down to four legs.

OOC: Blast, this would have been twice as fun if I'd managed to post before SquirrelWizard did...

Meanwhile, a high speed chase was in progress.

The Security personnel were geared for heavy assault.  Nerf Vulcans at the ready, styrofoam armor firmly attached, and segways fully charged, and traveling as fast as an electric single-person vehicle could possibly imagine.

Meanwhile, twenty feet behind them, an insane drunk was chasing them on an old-fashioned push scooter, brandishing a chainsaw, with a stream of foam bursting from her mouth as she closed the gap between her and the pseudo-police.  

"Ma'am!  Ma'am please!" Called one of the Security officers over the roar of the death weapon intended to maim him and his fellow.

"Give me back my banana!" She screamed at them, pausing her spewing of foam to do so.

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"She said give us back our banana!  You stupid fruit-snatchers!"  The security officers were completely freaked out by the woman's voice dropping an octave, and gaining a weird warbling roar.  They correspondingly tried to run away faster.

"We didn't steal your stupid banana!"

"Liar!"

---

As it turned out, the woman had been carrying her banana in her other hand the entire time.  But by then, four Security Officers had been maimed beyond recognition, and she had lost the will to push herself on her scooter, and so tied the surviving Sec. Officers to the front of her scooter, and had them pull her like the dogs they were.

For a few minutes, after the woman had vomited, and passed out in an alcohol induced sleep, those poor officers had thought themselves free, until she promptly woke back up, and screeched at them to 'Mush!' in that demon voice from earlier.

So, a thoroughly, by this point, desensitized Snivers found them outside a bar, tied to a pole rammed into the floor.  They all pointed inside the bar when he asked about the woman.

The wolf-esque beast took all of two steps into the establishment before deciding to randomly call out "Nanda Girish!"

He was promptly struck with a drunk, fat man in the face.

It took ten minutes for Snivers to convince Nanda that he was not A) a Cop B) a prostitute she hadn't payed C) a prostitute at all D) the candy man E) the IRS F) Santa, and the list continued.  It took another ten minutes to convince Oshimaeda, the Indian woman's symbiote, that the orders were not forged; the process including breaking three fingers to see if his story was consistent, stealing his wallet, having to by the female a drink after stealing his wallet back, and promising to still bring the duo gifts that year, even though they had been naughty.

Poor Snivers would leave that bar long after they had left, ensuring the, to use the vernacular, coast was clear.

It wasn't and the chase began anew.

Blarghen shnargle.

"So the next one should be... where the hell is the next one?"
Snivers looked around the room, when suddenly, the air in front of him warped and he encountered himself face to face with what essentially was an 7 feet tall praying mantis with all of its 14 eyes pointed at him.
"WTF is...?"
*clicky noises* erm, i mean i am here for the First Officer job.
"Name?"
*more clicky noises*
*sigh* "Would you bear to translate that?"
<cut 5 minutes>
"Allright.. that isn't really an improvement, is it?.... i'll fill you in as "Click".
"Anyways... this is the  ASS Ohgawd..." He pointed towards the ship through the shielded spaceport window.  
Yes, that's short of Alliance Star Ship... don't look at me funny
"Now your file... wait, what?"
The wolf looked confused. This here says you are a "shadow"... i thought your kind left the galaxy quite a while ago.
Of course,  dummy... that's why i am looking for a ship that *might* be just able to leave the galaxy. The bastards... that selfdestruct system WAS a good idea and i couldn't have known vorlon telepaths can mess with our tech remotely... well, i could but that's a mistake anyone... well anyone less than a millenium old... bletch, leaving me behind was still unfair
The wolf waited through the long, clicking response: "You were saying?"
"Nothing" and a mild electric shock was a response.
After picking himself up from the floor, Snivers pointed to the entrance: "The rest of your file suggests you are well qualified for the First officer post,... well, on this ship anyway. Good luck and see you! "Never. hopefully.... " When the hexapod left, Snivers let out a long sigh: "I damn well hope that's all of them.... who would have said that all the crap from the known universe comes to this flying toilet bowl... even the ancient races have managed tyo let their losers get on board.... " Snivers left the meeting room contemplating that even his shitty penpusher job is way better than being a captain of that thing.
Hehe ... this was one productive lunchbreak
EDIT: Fixed ship name

The sounds of boots marching could suddenly herd,with some orders, and a loud laugh. The doors opened to show two Police officers, dragging a short fox, in a ruffled up lab coat with some blood drops on it, opened to his bare chest, and some khaki's, ruffled to match the lab coat. 'Sir, this freak claims to be needed here. He bit Alix when we refused to at least bring him here.' Said one of the officers.
'Yes, just ask this man, he will tell you that I, Dr. Ash Lee-Winston, am Dr. Ash Lee-Winston!' The fox shouted.
'Sir, is this true?' The same officer asked, hesitantly.
Snivers brought up an identification scanner, and after scanning Ash, told the officers to let him go.
'But, but.... SIR! Do you know what he did!' the second officer said, backing away while the first officer bent Ash over a table, and started to fiddle with his cuffs. 'He lit fire to a convince store!'
'Well, can you blame me there?' Ash said, with a laugh, 'I had been on a ship for a year, with nothing that could be set on fire, and that fire I set, was wonderful.'
'Sir! Do you hear this! he's PROUD of his work!'The first officer said.
'Yes, well I have him all ready signed up to go on this voyage, I'm sure you two can keep quiet about this little incident.' Snivers said, with a glare. The officers started to argue, but quickly decided to back off, leaving Ash sitting in a chair, proudly.

GD slithers down the hall, marvelling at every passing creature, furrae, being, and insect.  Many times, he just stands there, starrrrrrrrrring off into space as he catches glimpses of radio waves...
"This is the Lockdown, requ-"
"-I told you before, I'm not-!"
"Sweeeeet mystery of life I-"
"-damn dirty-"
"Honey, we'll work throu-"
"*Random techno music*"
"Hi!  I'm Te-"
"Help!  Send He-"
"Would like to have your pe-"
"9.99 per month!  9.99 per-"
GD soon shakes his head....hey, there's that Tamaranian with that colorful uniform again.  Height 6'3", we-  OOH!  There's a Multicolor lollip-.  Wait.  He's supposed to go somewhere.  Where?
"And in today's bridge tournament-"
Oh!  Right!  The bridge dock...place.  That's where.  OK.  Must go there now.  Before he gets distracted.  He just hopes that Tamaranian is going.  She has nice colors and twinkly things.  He likes twinkly things.  
He continues to slither down the hallway, this time determined to make it to his destination.  Let us hope there are no mad scientists bent on discovering how this one-of-a-thousand kind  Android ticks.  Hrm.  Better go get that Nerf Maverick he favors.  Just in case.  Oh, hey, a Tamaranian!

Snivers' voice chimed into his office over the intercom. "Jason Bray, report to... uh... where the hell are they all going... Screw it, report to the ASS Ohgawd with whatever you need to go on your voyage. Oh, and take Special Study Case #006782-AA3 with you."
"Special Study Case? What Special Study Case?" Jason mused aloud.
"The box, Jason." The click of the intercom finally sounded.
"Oh, the box! Oh..." Jason looked nervously over at the box. Nothing had come out of it yet, key word being yet. "Um..." He tried to stall, thinking of what he'd need to bring on the ship. "I'll need maybe two sets of clothes, my dice, my D&D 7th edition files, uh..." Truth be told, that was all he really needed. Unable to put it off any longer, he warily crept over next to the box. Looking inside, he saw... A rock. Wait, a rock? That's what the Special Study Whatever was? What was he so worried about? He picked up the rock, tucking it into his pants pocket before heading back to his meager quarters. He quickly undressed once he got there. "Damn clothes, things're so uncomfortable..." He tossed a pair of gray slacks and black dress pants into a duffel bag, along with a button-up shirt and jacket, a dark red t-shirt, a wide array of random dice, and a digital reader. Standing in the center of the room, he quickly thought a bit more, then added a pair of tan cargo pants, a green long-sleeved shirt, his mobile-com, his SixthSense pendant (I don't know what to call it other than that... Suggestions?), and his universal electronics charger.
Putting on a fresher set of clothes, Jason stood at the doorway, feeling like he was forgetting something... Right, the rock! He quickly dug through the pockets of the pants, trying to find the rock. Odd... It wasn't there. "Aw, shit..." He checked the shirt he was wearing too, trying to figure out where it had gone. The door to his room opened, then closed before Jason could see what had triggered the sensor. Nothing new was in his room, so he figured it wasn't too big a deal. Tossing the shirt and pants into his bag, just in case the rock turned up in there, he left the room empty of what stuff he owned.
After ten minutes of walking, Jason arrived at the Ohgawd, where he was promptly turned back and told to go to briefing room 3A. Ten minutes later, he entered the room, first to arrive. Taking the closest seat, the door opened up again, then closed. He looked back to see who'd joined him, but there wasn't anyone there. "Strange..." he murmured, before turning back forward. Looking at the seat next to him, he found the rock sitting on the chair. Oh, good, the rock was here... wait, what? "HOLY--!" Jason recoiled, tipping over his chair and landing on the ground. Standing back up, he found the rock on the now-tipped-over chair arm. "The hell?!?!" He exclaimed. Careful to keep his eyes on it, he edged away into the front row of seats, taking a kneeling position facing towards the rock. He was determined to not blink.

Have fun, Shachza!

The elevator doors opened to reveal a rather ill looking Panther. He burped, grimaced, and stood aside as Seras and another human lady stepped in. The door shut behind them, and the elevator started upwards again.

The panther let loose a loud belch and grumbled about indigestion. Seras sniffed the air then glanced over to the panther and narrowed his eyes. He nudged the lady beside him, "stand back, this is going to be messy." the lady had barely glanced up when the Panther scream and clutched his stomach as a pink worm-like creature burst out from him in a gout of gore.

Seras sighed as the lady went into a screaming fit.

"Oh god! Its going to kill us!" the lady screeched while she tried to hyperventilate.
"Oh shut up," he walked over and snatched up the creature as it tried to cower in the corner of the elevator. It was still slick from its violent exit from its host. It squirmed in his grip and hissed at him.
"What are you doing!?" the lady watched Skavis incredulously.
"Well, its a xenosian scavenger... They're only dangerous if you do something stupid... like sticking your finger in their mouth or," he glanced  down at the panther's cooling corpse, "if you ingest shoddily sterilized eggs for their hallucinogenic properties."

The alien flicked its tongue at Seras, its tongue grasper snapping in the air. Seras cocked his head to the side and the alien spasmed as he administered a small jolt of electricity, leaving it whimpering in his hand. "Its going to grow bigger and eat us all!" the lady lamented.

The door to the elevator opened with a ding as the grisly scene greeted three males in the hallway. Seras looked up at them while still clutching the alien, "Going up?" The three made noncommittal gestures and mumblings and tarried in the hallway as the elevator door shut again.

"We're all going to die!" the lady continued her hysterics.
Seras glanced up at her, "So let me get this straight. You're willing to stand here and bemoan the various horrific fates that would befall this if this was a xenosian slayer, which it isn't, than leave the elevator when the door opened."
The question seemed to nail her in the forehead, "What... no... I mean... I'm under a lot of pressure..." and she huddled back into the corner.

Seras continued to inspect the creature, "Xenosian scavenger, male it looks like. Good crest formation, sleek and healthy. Tail is straight, barb is still soft but forming properly. All in all a fine specimen indeed."

"Why are you even interested in that thing?"

"Well I bred some of them in a lab for study. Cute little buggers, I managed to train one to drool on my bosses desk. Stickied all his documents for weeks." The alien had stopped wriggling and his color was beginning to gray, this being perfectly natural process as the creature's carapace was starting to take on a natural black hue. The door to the elevator opened again. "You know, I think I'll take this guy with me." Seras mused as he stepped out of the elevator and headed towards the briefing rooms.

Meanwhile the doors to the elevator clicked shut sealing the lady in the elevator with the corpse of the panther. The subtle click of the elevator doors brought the woman to her senses and she realised that she had once again missed an opportunity to leave the elevator, "damn..."

GD finally makes his way to the briefing room, after nearly losing focus several times on the way back.  That same Tamaranian kept passing by...are there clones?  Or does she have an interest?  Must look into that upon return.  Tamaranians are just so interesting to focus on.  Orange, green, and purple.  So dynamic...

He looks around the room, catching many more radio waves in the process.  So many commercials.  So much...hmm.  No, must focus on the surrounding area, not whispers between lovers, of all genders and races.  Despite the fact that there are so many combinations of both.  Hmm...rather empty, save a table, a monitor, a projector, and one rather large window.  There appears to be a being here?  A fox being!  They are usually quite talkative.  Mayhap this trip will not be so silent as once thought?

"Greetings.  I am GDMFB-9000.  I am usually called GD.  Who are you?"

OOC: For simplicity's sake, let's say the clipboard edits were on a timer. A little more stretchy that Chris could do that just by poking the screen a few times, but somehow I don't think that's the biggest issue this RP is going to have ^.^; Anyway, by now Chris has also thrown away the Seras nametag and put the old one back on which doesn't stick quite as well anymore. For anyone wondering, the crumpled piece of paper he threw away was the back of the new sticker to stop it from sticking to whatever you stored it in.

As Chris walked along the many hallways (or the same one over and over again like people do when a lot of time passes but they don't actually get anywhere important), he spotted what appeared to be their communications officer trailing after a Tasmaranian in purple uniform. Looking at her him? made his eyes hurt a little because of clashing colors, but the android seemed to like the look.

As Chris figured it, they might need this fellow who was going the wrong way and even if they didn't... androids were excellent fun for when things got boring. Unfortunately they also tended to be heavy so it was often better to lure them, which Chris accomplished by pulling a few colorful balls and beginning to juggle them (still only two hands) while walking down the hall. It got him a few odd stares, but also the android (he was pretty sure anyway, hard to look back while you're juggling and walking) as he reached his destination and the door slid open letting him through.

Once inside he found a spot without a chair and sat on his haunches while catching the EMP bombs (for that is what he had been juggling) and putting them in his pocket. Inspecting the current people in the room he saw that the android had somehow actually beaten him to the room and he was pretty sure he recognized one of the medical officers staring at what could only be their councilor. Chris didn't blame the bat... Jason he was pretty sure his name was... because the rock was VERY interesting looking (http://www.takesontech.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/pacman.gif), but he leaned over anyway and said somewhat discreetly to Jason, "You know, most galactic species consider it impolite to stare."

OOC: Yeah... Chris is going to be pulling all sorts of things out of his pockets. More things than he reasonably has pockets for. If you want a scientific explanation it's because Chris' native species have a few dimension skills. If you want the real reason, it's because I think pockets are amazing.

Also... Damn you Draken! Damn you for your quickness!

        Ash turned to GD, raising a paw, 'Hey GD, my name is Asss-shit!' Ash shouted, jumping out of his chair, onto the table, shivering. 'Crapcrapcrap! Don't eat me please, Mr. GD, I hate snakes....' Ash continued to shiver for a few seconds, until he saw Chris walk in juggling. 'I love jugglers! How do you people do it!?' he said, forgetting his panic attack not more than 5 seconds ago.

Gotta love Ash's ADD. Sorry if Ash sounds like he hates GD, he will get over his fears and learn to accept your snake-ness soon enough.

Oh, seemed there was another person in the room after all! This one appeared to be Ash... the other medical officer. (I'm leaving these notes on purpose to help me remember who the hell is who ;>.>) "Juggling?" he asked. "It's something I picked up one day while bored. I'm pretty dextrous and a fast learner."

OOC: So we currently have both medical officers, the councilor, communications, and the engineer in the room. I'm apparently engineer now, thought I was still science officer. Fixed previous stuff to reflect this. Anyway, seems we have five of the ten people here, and can expect the psycho and the hyperactive squirrel shortly. Not sure where the captain and the first officer have got off to just yet. And... person number ten... exists? Maybe? Am I forgetting someone?

'Wow, that's awsome' Ash said, 'I wish I could- holy crap, a snake!' Ash shouted, remebering GD, his head suddenly jerking twards the comunications officer. This caused him to loose balance a bit, having to reposition one of his paws quicly to catch himself.

Spell check's failing, gotta edit later.

   Sniver was sitting at his desk nursing a bottle of... Well, who really cares? It was strong and that's all that mattered.
   "SNIVERS!" A voice on the vidcom bellowed, startling the humanoid wolf enough to make him drop his flask of much-needed booze.
   "Admiral Brimstone, Sir!" He exclaimed.
   "Why the hell are those psych ward escapees running around loose on MY shipyard?!" He demanded, his red eyes glowing brightly in the darkened room.
   "Well, I-" He began.
   "No excuses! Get those idiots into the briefing room and then shove them into that ship! Use the damn transporters if you have to!" He bellowed, bringing both of his tightly clenched fists down onto the desk. Almost expectedly, his facial expression changed to a look of unpleasant surprise. "FRAAAAAAAKKIN' TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKS!" He screamed, then the vidcom's screen went silent.
   "The transporters? Of COURSE!" Snivers suddenly exclaimed, sitting up and working feverishly at his computer panel...

---

   The first to be teleported into the room was that thrice-dammned scientist, Seras, who, as Snivers's luck whould have it, was in the restrooms. Grinning like a madman, Snivers had no problems abducting HIM from the stalls. Snivers then followed up with each victim on the ship's roster, and even threw in some flying squirrel he saw sneaking around. That would be your navigator, people. So, by the time the "fasionably late" captain Locklear entered the room, everyone else was present, accounted for, and firmly trapped as the doors shut and blast doors closed off the room, preventing anyone from entering or exiting.

   All of you are now -trapped- in the meeting room, which also includes JamesCray's character. You will be allowed out once Snivers has given you the mission briefing via the viewscreen in the room.
   Oh, and all of the furniture is bolted to the floor. You'll find out why, eventually.
   During this time, you may talk to each other and get to know more about each other. Or, start up lifelong feuds with each other.
   There is a window made of transparent aluminum in the room that looks out into the docking bays. The sucker is two feet thick. Don't worry about air, food, or water, as you won't be in there for more than an hour. Please try to refrain from killing each other and making a mess of the room.

The startled android looks around the room.  So many colorful people!  Near that Asss-shit! fellow is a female, human looking.  Sort of.  How strange.  And a squirrel!  Now those are fun!  So chattery.  There's that juggler from earlier!  GD liked the colors, but dislikes that he was distracted away from the Tamar...er...his quest to get his stuff.  Now GD is short half his techno collection.  *Sigh*  At least he's the communications officer.

GD opens his arms wide and proclaims: "Greetings everyone!  I am GDMFB-9000!  Usually called GD.  How are you all?"  *Looks around expectantly for more enthusiastic greetings, like he got from Asss-shit!*

There was nothing quite like being trapped in a room to make Chris want to start finding a way out. It was like this challenge that was begging for him to overcome it. However just now Chris was content to be in this room as all sorts of chaos seemed to be going on from the squirrel caught with his pants down to (was that a trumpet fanfare he heard?) the appearance of their captain down a red carpet that Chris didn't remember being there before.

By now he had already forgotten about the experiments he had wanted to try on the hapless fox and instead responded to the cobra-bot thing. "Hello GD, my name is Chris. I look forward to... getting to know you better on the ship." Chris smiled brightly to cover up his near slip. If there was one thing robots with guns had taught him, it was that openly stating your intentions with them tended to spook them. It was always easier when they weren't spooked.

Oh my, viscious you are with the damage control. I shall make a note to pay attention when you 'suggest' we do things...

"Can't... talk... Rock will move... if I blink... FUCK!" Jason rubbed at his eyes. Turning back around, he turned to the four-legged dude. "Look, man, that thing is messed up. I mean, one second it was nowhere, I heard the door open, saw nobody, next thing I know that damn rock is sitting next to me. Hell, I fell out of my chair and it was on the chair arm when I got back up. No noise, no nothin'. So screw you and your talk on etiquette..." Jason checked the things name tag. "...Chris. I swear, I look away for one second, that thing's gonna murder me..." He looked back behind him towards where the rock used to be, only to find that it was now resting on the back of his chair. "SHIT!" He fell onto the floor.

Brushing himself off, he took a seat in front of the vidscreen. "Anyways, I'm Jason Bray, one of your med-techs." He paused, looking over at the pants-less squirrel. "Is this considered a non-professional space? In that case..." He proceeded to take off his clothes, tossing the rumpled shirt and pants into his bag. "Aaaahhh," he sighed. "Much better."

Chris was slightly startled to see what he was pretty sure was the rock on this side of the room now, but it looked different somehow... (http://denizen-zine.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/01-04-10_0023.jpg) Anyway, this Jason was engaging his attention. "Well I can see how it would be disconcerting, but I get the impression it's just messing with you. Maybe if you try to be nice it will stop?"

Right, things to point out... from what I understand, the rock is more like a small boulder than an actual rock. Not sure it would be able to stay on the arm chair or back any more than a regular sized person could. The other thing to point out is that my character has three sets of limbs. The lowermost two are always legs, but the middle set are interchangeable between legs and arms. Currently he's using them as legs and sitting on his haunches much the way a dog or a cat would. The uppermost limbs are pretty much arms and are usually what he uses for manipulating stuff, but he can walk on all six limbs if he wants. I imagine this might get confusing, is there a good way to indicate which state he's in at any given time?

Inumo.....Thank you, that post made my day.

  Ash was shocked to find himself go from one room, to another suddenly. The result of this was he lost the remainder of his balance, as he fell on his face. Ash decided that he couldn't be bothered withgetting up, and laid chest down arms crossed under his chin, as he rested on the table. He herd a guy cry about a rock, then introduce himself. Ash got up a bit, and started to introduce himself to this Jason person, until he saw Jason was naked. 'That's... interesting' ash said, His face held awkwardly as he tried not to crack up.

Seras took in his new surroundings and grumbled, "seriously the restrooms were about three doors down, this wasn't necessary." Ignoring the various remarks and looks regarding his pants, he quickly pulled them up.

As he was busy with his pants he felt a weight drop down from his head as Fluffy, the scavenger he had appropriated from the elevator, landed on the table. Teleportation systems were accurate, but most teleportation devices used the Kazensky Buffer System, which was a buffer for additional mass to be teleported with its target. Essentially it was what allowed teleporters to teleport clothes and equipment along with their owners without having to recalibrate the teleporter for each teleport. Fluffy, while he would rapidly grow to maturity, was more than within the paramaters of the standard buffers. Landing on the table he coiled up like a snake, his evil looking mandibles just barely visible from a coil of ebony carapace.

Sitting down, Seras leaned back and watched the rest of the people in the room. He held off on announcing his name because, to be honest, he wasn't certain he wanted them to know it just yet.

OOC: By the way, Seras is 4'6" with purple fur, teal hair, and glowing green eyes, just incase anybody wants to go, "wow he looks weird."

@Jason
Upon looking into the containment you find what appears to be a sandstone rock about the size of your two fists clasped together.  It is composed of alternating bands of drab orange and brownish red, though there does appear to be a small layer of purple-black inserted into one oblong side.  All of the stripes are roughly parallel, but as with any rock, they are not perfectly straight.

The rock accepts the forced movement with all the dignity that a rock can, that is to say that it gets dumped into a pocket and carried in the dark to wherever its host is going.  After a brief stop under Jason's pillow to leave a sandy surprise, the rock winds up in the briefing room.  Then after a stint on Jason's chair, brief as well, followed by a trip to the top of it, the rock took a moment as everyone else recovered from the teleportation to relocate to on top of Sniver's stack of mission portfolios.

Staring wildly at the rock, Jason felt, very distinctly, as though someone were screaming in his ear to CALM THE HECK DOWN!!!!  There was, of course, no one doing that, but there was the small rock looming ominously over the edge of the table...

@Locklear
There is a hunk of white marble in the shape of a pentagonal trapezohedron on top of Sniver's stack of portfolios.  It is about twice the size of your left footpaw.  It seems important to you for some reason.

@Click
After being relocated to the briefing room you feel like the palm-sized set of quartz crystals with bits of silvery mica flecks sprinkled on them that is resting on Sniver's stack of portfolios is important to you as well somehow.

@ Oshimaeda
A geode about the size of a basketball is resting peacefully atop Sniver's stack of mission portfolios.  Its interior is filled with semi-precious tiger's eyes.  Now how would you know that?

@Dr. Ash Lee
The guardian of Sniver's portfolio stack appears to be a chunk of red, black, and silver granite about the size and shape of a large cheese-stuffed pretzel.  It looks happy.

@Seras
Sitting on the stack of portfolios near the display screen showing Sniver's face is a very nondescript hunk shale on it about the same size and thickness as the seat of your chair.  A pretty hefty rock if you stop to think about it, not that you would really.

@Chris
Other than the apparently very random other creatures in the room there is a chunk of shiny black obsidian about the size of your left arm measured from shoulder to elbow, with myriad small dull gray patches scattered across its surface, resting comfortably atop Sniver's stack of portfolios.  It's about the same shape as your arm too, but has sharper edges; much sharper edges.  That fact doesn't seem to be very reassuring somehow.

@GDMFB-9000
Located about a foot to the left of Sniver's viewscreen is Sniver's stack of portfolios.  Placed atop that stack that is the biggest chunk of uncut diamond you have ever seen.  It is easily the size of your head.

@Jacob
At the head of the table near the viewscreen showing Sniver is a rough cube of basalt about one cubic foot in volume.  It is wholly unremarkable except for a brilliant, but tiny, glinting ruby in the face facing you.  It appears to be guarding Sniver's stack of portfolios.

@Sniver
For some reason there appears to be a large iron meteorite the size and shape of your aunt's fruitcake sitting on top of the stack of mission portfolios.  It looks quite heavy, and you are sure that if you attempt to move it that it will indeed be so.  A quick scan with the teleporter's targeting software reveals an inconclusive analysis, but the mass analyzer agrees with you that SOMETHING is there on the table.


I'm going to add the rock's future descriptions here for easier reference
@Dekari
You see a perfect ellipsoid of hematite with several small veins of electrum running through it sitting in the chair to the left of the captain's.  It is about the size of an automobile muffler.

Nanda, at the moment was unconscious, which was the only feasible reason she hadn't violently separated someone from their shoulders yet.  She had finally reached the point where Oshimaeda couldn't, or rather wouldn't, heal her liver anymore, and had forced her into a comatose state.  For the time being, she just lounged in her chair, reeking of alcohol, smoke, blood, and dead unicorns.

The only real sign of life she would be giving was the snoring, occasional twitches, and of course randomly lashing out to put a dent in anything not made entirely of metal.  That much rage had to be vented, or else she would explode.

GD stands there utterly confused.  Does he focus on the purple, teal-haired squirrel, or the massive hunk of sparkle?  So many decision in such a small space!  Then that strange Jason being decided to disrobe.  Hrm, not that nearly that interesting.  Now, a talking purple squirrel!  That's entertain- Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT.  That's how you got fired last time.  You wouldn't leave that neon glowing female lifeform alone...she called something named "Security", and you were locked in that free energy room for 3 yrs.  Hrm.  But that sparkly thing doesn't move, or make sounds.  It's just sparkly.  Where are the sounds???

Too bad there are no...UH UH!  No thinking about them!  You can think and study them in your last year!  You have a job to do!  Priority 1:  Make contact with fellow officers.

The android sliiiithers up to the squirrel person...."Hi! I'm GD.  I will be the communications officer, apparently.  What are you to be located as?"

Jason glanced over at the unconscious woman. "Any idea who she is?" He asked, gesturing in her direction. He'd decided to listen to that little voice in his head to calm down about the rock. It obviously hadn't killed him yet. He wasn't sure if that voice meant he was going schizo or not... He looked over at the guy lying on the table. He seemed to be shaking uncontrollably. "Hey dude, you okay? You're shaking a lot..." He glanced back at the squirrel, who now had pants on. "Wait, I'm confused. Is this a professional or unprofessional place? It's obviously not public..." He stood back up, then sat back down when he realized he had no reason to stand up.

Chris got off his haunches and trotted over to inspect the twitching body and Jason a little more closely. He figured the rock could be left alone for the meanwhile. "She appears to be unconsious and also hungover. As for this area, it's non-public to be sure, but I'm pretty sure the squirrel was just caught with his pants down. And also with... is that a Xenovian scavenger? Wherever did you find one?" Chris' attention was abruptly pulled away from Jason and over towards Seras and GD.

Will that work for changes in status or is that just sort of obnoxious? Also... I cannot believe I'm being a voice of reason here...

Shachza, tiger's eye is gemstone typically formed in metamorphic rock and a geode typically occurs within sedimentary rock and sometimes in certain volcanic rocks that are not known for metamorphic structures.

"Fascinating, I wonder if that rock has a perception filter built into it or if it's one of those Taalo."  Locklear regarded the mineral adorning the desk atop a stack of portfolios.

The raccoonian-lemur like creature focused his attention somewhere beyond reality, beyond space and time and seemingly spoke to nothing at all, "a rock, that is very clever.  I congratulate you on the idea."

Locklear took several moments examining those assembled, going so far as checking teeth and sniffing tail tips.  He sighed heavily and regarded the chief he had arrived with, "are you sure I can't keep you?"

"Afraid not, my duty watch crew and myself are just station crew.  You couldn't pay us enough of anything to crew your ship."

Locklear thought for a second, "how about in souls?"

The chief shook his head negative as his only answer.

The seeming chaos was a bit much, so the Valallai moved to the front of the room near Snivers and awaited an opportunity to get this meeting going.  The chief pulled out a whistle like instrument and blew once into it.

A blast of energy lanced outward and atomized a vase on the side table.  Sheepishly, the chief shrugged, "sorry that was my boson pipe not the boatswain pipe."

Locklear sighed again, "who in any mind carries a boson pipe?  Anyways, who here is the first officer?  Mr. Sniver, would you care to get the briefing started... or should we be doing introductions?" 

To get this thing going, since nobody wanted to (and I realized it only mentions Snivers once)...

Jason looked up at the mention of Snivers. "Wait, Snivers can hear us?" He asked incredulously. "Ah, well, too late now." He shrugged and looked back on the table. "Wait, wasn't there a vase here a couple seconds ago?"
"That was the chief's boson pipe," The raccoon-lemur sighed.
"Oh. Wait, who are you supposed to be? Please tell me you're the captain; you're probably the sanest of all of us."

   Suddenly, the vidscreen at the front of the room came on, which caused most of the chatter to fall silent as Sniver's face appeared.
  "Alright. No doubt all of you are wondering why you're here." He began, obviously reading off of the screen on his desk. "Well as luck would have it, the Alliance has completely designed as built a brand-new class of ship, something the universe has never seen before..."
  The room suddenly shook as something big and heavy clamped onto the room and began moving it. First pulling it out, and then swinging it around so everyone could look out the window and see... ONE FREAKING BADASS SPACESHIP!

(http://dragonoftwilight.net/img/DreadnoughtBattle.jpg)

 It was an amazing piece of construction... Weapons EVERYWHERE, with enough firepower to destroy anything one didn't like the look of! Sensors that could detect what the crew of the opposing ships had for breakfast! Massive, powerful engines paired up with advanced navigational deflectors that gave it amazing speed despite its massive size! Plus, enough shield emitters and armor made it look like it was easier to destroy a freaking PLANET!

  But the room went past it... And instead stopped at something... MUCH smaller...

(http://dragonoftwilight.net/img/RP%20Ship.jpg)

  Well... Yeah, it looked nice... But really, who WOULDN'T want the other ship?
  "Your ship, the ASS Ohgawd." Snivers began. "As you can tell, it looks highly unlike any other Alliance design to date." Mostly due to plausible deniability. He thought to himself. "You can't see it, but it's armed with a specially designed, variable weapon that can easily be changed into an energy cannon, torpedo launcher, or missile launcher. It has a total of three short-range, defensive lasers, two in front and one in the back. It also has two missile launchers beside the front lasers. Finally, it has two experimental weapons along the sides. Other than that, it has some impressive hyperspace engines and turning thrusters, so it's fast and manuverable. Despite its small size, there should be plenty of room for everyone. Now, while most of you are you doubt wondering why we're going such a ship to you, let me make one thing clear to all of you... THIS IS YOUR LAST SHOT, SO DON'T SCREW IT UP!"
  At that point, the room srating moving as a hole opened up on top of the ship and a funnel was placed into it. Just as everyone had gotten over their unhappiness at the situation, the room was flipped upside down. and raised over the massive funnel. Then the blast doors opened, followed by the regular doors. The room was then tilted so that everyone would be dropped into the funnel. Those that clung onto the furniture shrieked as the room was shaken repeatedly until everyone fell off, hit the ceiling, rolled out the door, and then fell into the super-slick, MASSIVE plastic funnel that somebody had apparently coated in oil. (At least, everyone HOPED it was oil...) Finally, everyone slid down the funnel and into the waiting ship...

  Well, I WAS going to just open the wall with the vidscreen, but somebody had to make the betting pool... So instead, all of you "used" the door.
  Your characters have now all dropped into the ship. No exploring until everyone's "ride" has come to a full and complete stop. Attempts to escape will result in blatant misuse of the teleporters by Snivers. (Yes, he's STILL watching.)

'My baaaack....' Ash moaned. Because he was laying down when the room was emptied, he had no time to brace himself as it dumped everyone out, violently. Ash tried to get up, before he realised the other doctor, Jason, was on top of him. 'Ooofffff...' Ash groaned, trying to reorientate himself, hoping he doesn't puke.

The usage of the tiny door to force the entire crew out was... different. Usually, people went en masse through a larger opening; as it was, there was more than one time where the exit got clogged up by the number of people getting dumped out. When that happened, the room shook a bit, tossing everybody about before dumping them into the funnel. The slide was slicked up, like with baby oil.

Jason wondered at how they had managed to apply the oil on something so big, let alone so evenly. At least he'd managed to snag his bag on his way by. The sudden free-fall had taken him by surprise, keeping him from gripping a chair at the same time, so he resigned himself to simply falling down. It appeared like the unconscious chick was the first to leave, followed soon after by a few others, including himself. Using his wings to keep himself balanced, he re-oriented himself to be going down feet-first, taking the funnel in stride -- or rather, slide. He folded his wings up as soon as he landed, wrapping his arms around his chest and pointing his feet straight towards the way he was going. "Wooooooooohoo!" He exulted, speeding down the sides of the funnel. Landing hard on his feet, he gingerly stood back up. "That. Was. AWESOME!!!" He shouted in an adrenaline-fueled excitement. His knees hurt a bit, but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle. After all, he'd grown up taking some rather hard free-falls on his home planet. He heard some groaning from under him; it was that guy that was lying on the table from the conference room. "Sorry, dude." He quickly got off the poor guys chest, searching out the med-bay and, by extension, the medical quarters. If he was going to give the undoubtedly-necessary physicals after this, he needed to go put some clothes on!

GD looks down, and finds himself ontop of the Asss-shit! fellow.  THe whole room just moved!  You'd think he'd be used to this by now.

Just then, another being landed upon poor GD.  After a quick blackout, he reboots, and looks around....

"Csak mi a fene? Úgy értem mi a fene?? Mit keresek én itt??"  Brandishes his Maverick.   "Hol az izzó köcsög?? Azt akarom, hogy az izzó vacogó kis hölgy itt és most! Azt akarom Glow! Hol van az én-"  Starts looking really really pissed.

A spark shower ensues, and GD looks around in confusion...what just happened?  Oh, look, the squirrel being again!


Roughly translated: Just what the hell?  I MEAN WHAT THE HELL??  What am I doing here?? Where's that glowing bitch??  I want that glowing chattering little lady here and now!  I WANT MY GLOW!  WHERE'S MY-   from Hungarian.

For a minute, Nanda didn't really react to the ride.  She was passed out, after all.  However, landing face-first into the floor quickly woke her, and also made her aware of a hangover Oshimaeda had refused to fiddle with.  For a minute, she lay on the floor while people started to chatter, steadily growing more annoyed.

Eventually, because the evil Owl God wills it so, she got up and made an announcement to her fellow crew members.  "You can all go die in a fire."

Then she threw up, and passed out again.

Chris groaned and got up, twisting this way and that to work out the kinks from that ride. Humans thought they had it bad when they woke up sore, but his species had a spine twice as long so he also had twice as much to work out. Standing up on his hind legs, he wandered off in search of a towel or something to clean his fur. This substance didn't appear to be terribly sticky, but it was slick and made his fur feel unpleasant.

"That wasn't very nice..." the squirrel-like navigator whimpered. So no, he wasn't unconscious! In fact, he was just shy! And now, rather tangled up. In fact, it was probably the reason that he was so disoriented that he spoke up at all, and he just realized it, and looks decidedly spooked by it.

"Um, so, uh, I, er... yeah..." he stammered, and then went back to trying to regain his equilibrium and stand up, while also attempting to gain as little attention as possible.

Seras had landed on something hard, he groaned as the communications robot whipped his gun about. A startled hissing sound descended upon the two from above as Fluffy had finally been shaken off of the table. Seras reacted in the blink of an eye and snatched the scavenger out of the air; the resulting impact causing it to lash its tongue out to its full length in surprise.

Seras rolled off of it and tried to stretch the knot out of his back. He glanced over at the robot "I swear, if you don't stop your gibbering I will re-purpose you into a trashcan."

OOC: Due to the fact there is two squirrel like creatures on the ship, we should probably come up with differing terms for when we are referancing to them in the RP.

Jason had been wandering around through the halls, peeking through the doorways to try and find something that looked like a med-bay. At a loss for where it was, he backtracked his steps and found most of the crew still in a heap under the opening. The passed out woman had apparently thrown up some time recently, but some ship system had cleaned off the floor. Looking around, he saw that the purple squirrel was up. "Hey, squirrel-guy!" Jason shouted in their direction.
Two voices answered him; one from the purple guy, the other from a flying squirrel lying on the floor looking decidedly nauseous. "Yes?"
"Sorry, the purple one. What's your name?"
The flying squirrel rested his head against the floor again while the purple one turned around. "My name is Seras Ordollan."
"Okay, Seras," Jason replied. "Do you know where the med-bay is? I need to drop my stuff off."
"No, sorry."
"Alright, thanks anyways." Jason turned away, taking a different path to try and find the med-bay.

Relative to everything, where is the med-bay?

      'Hey, Jason, wait up.' Ash said, slowly getting to his feet. His back hurt, and his left foot limped a bit, but nothing permanent, nothing seriously hurt. Looking at his paws,he noticed blood on his right wrist, along with a cut. Not deep, but he should probably clean it. 'Hey, can I join you? I need to get to the medical bay, and sterilise this cut,' he said, starting to limp after Jason.
Edit: Aww, shit, should have read ooc first. Please don't make me hurt Ash more. Actualy, I'm going to land on Jason this time.

"a rock, that is very clever.  I congratulate you on the idea."
You feel a distinct sense of smug satisfaction emanating from nowhere.



Upended unceremoniously by the rotation of the room, everyone and everything discovered the wonders of descending rapidly down a narrowing chute.  Being a thing as well, the rock wound up in freefall.  A very loud and hollow WANG accompanied its sudden deceleration as caused by the interjection of the ship's floor.  It was probably very lucky that no crunching or squishing sounds had resulted from this.  Bouncing once, the large mineral came to a rest upside-down next to some air vents and what must be an in-ship air-powered package delivery system.  Like those air tubes at bank drive-throughs.

Sniver felt the strange sensation that someone was trying to get into the room he was in.  Drayco knows what I'm talking about.  Instead, a buzzing sound, like a portable communication device with ring set to silent, echoed faintly down the corridor.  Was it the rock that had made that sound?  Nobody had seen it move.  Maybe one of the air vents behind it was loose.

While those who cared looked at eachother and puzzled what this sound meant, the rock took the moment of inattention and disappeared.  A very audible "THWOOP" sound came from the air-powered package delivery system as it activated.  Exit me wherever is most interesting, or I can pick somewhere in my next post.

GD barely notices the threat as he looks around.  Apparently they are in the ship now!  OK, time to switch modes...

*Mode Switch*
----Current:  Pedestrian
-----Switching...
...
...
...
--Mode Switched: Duty Mode active.
*Activating All Language Pro-pro-pro-PROGrams*
Hata!  Gabim!  Fehler!
Keel segatakse!  Anhieĺskaja nie znojdziena!

"....Do prdele."

GD sparks a few times, and his eyes turn from a green to a red.  He looks around for the apparent Captain; upon finding him, GD slithers up, and salutes.

"Kapitän! Ich bin das Kommunikationsmanagement Offizier. Um was soll ich zu dieser Zeit zu tun?"

He remains in salute, until given orders.


*Error!  Error!  Error!  (Turkish, Albanian, German)
Language mix up! (Estonian)  English not found! (Belarusian)
"Crap" (Czech)
"Captain!  I am the Communications Officer! To what am I to do at this time?" (German)
As of now, my character cannot speak English except at random points of time.  He still has a love for the bright and loud, but it won't be nearly as bad.  Or will it?  

Locklear thoroughly enjoyed surprises and rides, so surprise rides were even better.  He oriented and landed like a cat on all fours and rolled down the funnel in a ball.  His landing was expert, spoiled by every other weirdo that came down the chute as well.  He might of been the first down, but he spent most of the next few minutes half-unconcious. 

Picking himself dizzily off the floor and hoping to not have a concussion, he sniffed his fur.  Finding the smell to be odd, he did what any sane, violet-blooded Valallai would, he licked it. 

"Peanut oil??!!  Why peanut oil?  Are they planning on woking us later?" 

Shaking his head, Locklear began to assess the situation just as he was accosted by a snakeish robot.

"Ich verstehe nicht deutsch.  Erzahl die crew auf ihre stationen zu sichern, verstehen?" I do not understand german.  Tell the crew to secure to their stations, understand?"

Locklear headed for the bridge and the relative safety of the con, "a whole mess of rejects and not one of them is even an attractive female.  There isn't even an attractive male.  I guess this post is a punishment detail after all."

He slid into his chair, which accommodated his large fluffy tail rather well surprisingly.  That just meant everything else would only be worse from here.

   

"Oui mon capitaine!"  Yes captain!

GD then turns, and relays:

"Poruku od kapetan. Mi smo to izvješće odgovarajućim pozície čo najskôr."  Message from the captian.  We are to report to our respective positions as soon as possible.  Goes from Croatian to Slovak.

The malfunctioning droid then attempts to open a door to go to the communications deck...only to find it locked.  Starts banging on it repeatedly.

"Hitto et avaa! Minun täytyy saada minun postitse!"  "Damn you open up!  I need to get to my post!"  Finnish.

*Whips out his Maverick once again and aims!*

Meanwhile the unconscious body of Nanda twitched.  And then twitched again.  Suddenly, the woman was on her feet, a radiant glow emanating from her eyeballs for a moment.  "And who is the Captain to order me about, hmm?  Disgusting little idiot of a biped."  From the demonic warble, and deep tone it was quite obvious that Oshimaeda had taken control.

However, out of sheer boredom, the duo went to their post.  Putting a dent in the wall every five feet or so.  Because they felt like crap, and so the ship, as a piece of crap, would understand them venting on it.

And if it didn't, what could it do to stop them?

   The Rock suddenly found itself dropped into the sewage containment unit in the ship it was supposed to have been dropped into. Luckily for it, however, said containment unit was brand new, and thus empty. You got lucky, Shachaza...
  However, in the bridge, things suddenly got interesting as the lights come on at full power, and the main viewscreen was filled with a creepy-looking... Eye... Made of fire...
(http://dragonoftwilight.net/img/AIeye1.jpeg)

   "HELLOOOOOOOOOO MEEEEEEEATBAAAAAAGS!" A voice too-cheerfully exclaimed on the ship's speaker systems at maximum volume. "I am detached battle backup unit-Whoops, wrong vehicle..." It began, after toning the volume down by about 75%. "I mean, I am..." It paused, then looked up for some bizarre reason. "Huh... Those bastards never gave me a name...  Well, I'll think one up later. For now, just call me 'Computer'. Anyway, I am the AI of the ASS Ohgawd." It explained, as the funnel was removed from the top of the room and the doors closed, then welded themselves shut. "My duties are to keep myself intact despite the best efforts of you idiots. Considering that half of the experimental crap they installed doesn't work, that should be fairly simple. Also, I don't know what you guys managed to do, but you're being used as the first test on living vict-I mean, subjects, for the Alliance's new Catapult Launcher system. All of you may want want to sit down and strap yourselves in for this, or at the very least, brace yourselves and lie flat on the floor. Those that refuse will, well, let's just say that I'm NOT cleaning it up..."
   The AI finished explaining as the ship lurched and began moving into the experimental system. Everyone on board could feel the ship beginning to vibrate as almost all of it's systems powered up for launch, and the oversized cannon they were in beginning to vibrate as well in preparation to blast them deep into known space.

   To anyone wondering... Yes, I am well aware that nobody has told the crew what their mission is yet. Don't worry, just focus on not getting splattered against the rear walls.
   You heard the AI! Sit your butts down, strap your asses in, and (probably) kiss your derrieres goodbye! Oh... Wait... There's no seatbelts... Huh...
   Quick! Somebody call the Department of Space Transportation and file a complaint!

GD looks around...and realizes there are no chairs...no straps..NOTHING!   Nothing to protect the other beings here!

.....

Time to contact the Department of Space Transportation.

GD starts his uplink, until he hits home.  Yes!

"Tai, ryšių pareigūnas ASS Ohgawd! Informuojame! A. atėjo internetu automatiškai, ir apie išbandyti naują sistemą be išankstinio leidimo kapitonas! Prašome siųsti nužudyti kodas į laivą prieš incicdents gali atsitikti! Ir siųsti techno man taip pat, pageidautina Tamaranian!"  "This is GDMGB-9000, communications officer of the ASS Ohgawd!  Please be Advised!  The AI has come online automatically, and is about to test out a new system without prior authorization from the captain!  Please send a kill code to the ship before any incicdents may happen!  And send my techno to me as well, preferably by Tamaranian!" *Lithuanian

He awaits response with bated processing power.

The rock, being a rock, sits where it landed in what is currently an empty room.  Had anyone else been present, they might have thought the rock was content to be where it was.

So at least one part of the automatic intra-ship package delivery tube system empties into the sewage storage area?  I'm glad I don't work for the post office on this ship!  Short post, I know, but I have a plan.  I'll post more when the ship takes off, or if something else momentous happens sooner.

Ash was in the lift with Jason, when he herd the computers booming voice. When he herd the voice tell the crew to brase themselves, Ash realised that this ride was going to suck.

Edit awatingGM approval.

Edit, waiting to see from gm if I can delete this.
uh... I think GM said I'm with Jason, so let'sassume this happens in the lift.

Ash stopped limping as soon as he herd the booming voice. when he herd the order to brase yourself, Ash hoped on one foot, over to a chair, before seeing it had no straps. 'Screw you two!' Ash shouted at the computer, as he laid down on the ground on his back, spread eagle, hoping that by giving himself as much contact points as he could, he would move the least amount possible. Now if only no one would land on him again.

Chris was usually a fairly easy going fellow. However he was NOT usually in a ship about to catapult at supersonic speeds with no idea which direction it was going to go and therefore no idea which wall to brace against. As such at the moment Chris was not in a terribly easy going mood and was in fact rushing through the ship looking for a room small enough that would allow him to not be injured no matter which way the ship accelerated. Rushing from room to room, Chris suddenly halted and backtracked, seeing something big enough to fit into, sturdy enough to hold him, and small enough that he wouldn't be knocked around. Climbing inside and closing the door, he breathed a sigh of relief as he braced against the sides with all six limbs. Just then a gas started hissing into the chamber and sniffing it, Chris recognized it in time to say, "Ooohhh sshiiii...." and fall limp.

"Wait, what?!?!" Jason exclaimed at the sudden news. He was halfway down the lift. "Shiiiiiiiiiit...Go faster, damn lift!" The doors finally opened on the bottom level, and he dragged Ash behind him on towards the nearest door that was aimed along the ship's front-to-back axis; coincidentally, it was also the med-bay door. Standing in the door frame, he braced himself against the other side. "Ash, I suggest you find a nearby wall or something to brace yourself against..."

Edited to clarify door's orientation.

"Crap, thought Snivers... the bug is yet in the ship... Hmm, maybe i should leave him to find the comm... Nah ... He'd kill him, and then kill me - to get rid of boss one needs something better than any of these losers!" He punched a few buttons on the console.

*BLINK*
Click found himself suddenly appearing in an inclined briefing room with a greased floor, and started taking on speed, specially since chitin isn't world famous for traction properties.
*series of angry clicking noises*
His attempts at stopping left a few ridges in the floor but failed miserably....
As he was approaching the wall, he was struck by Nanda by a clever idea.
Phasing out!
He promptly carried that out.
Now this operation gave him invisibility, as well as a less solid constitution.... so instead of crashing, he managed to dig several metres into the outer wall of the ship....

Shit...so lucky we don't need to breathe...
Following 40 minutes were spent by partially solid Click trying to swim out of the steel wall, which was about as easy as trying to swim through quicksand....
Finally , he managed to get into a hall, phased in, and throwing around angry clicking noises which made the cockroaches and flatbugs on the  ship red with embarrasment, he walked along the big comprehensive arrows with BIG LETTERS and simple words towards the meeting room.

Ash limped into the med-bay, frantically. 'Ahhh, shit, something help me,' Ash said, under his breath, looking around, not really focusing on anything, until he saw a cabnit. It looked secured, and large enough for him. Limping to it, Ash opened the doors....

Hit it, Drayco   >:3

   The moment Ash got close to the "cabinet", the doors sprung open, revealing masses of rubbery, slime-covered tentacles. Ash barely had time to scream in horrified surprise before the appendages lashed out and grabbed the startled anthro fox, gripping him impossibly tight and then yanking him into the "cabinet". The doors slammed shut for just a moment, then a pair of smaller doors opened that spit out his clothing and anything else he had on him.
  Then, all was quiet save for some muffled screaming and sick, squicky sounding noises as Ash... Well, you're probably better off NOT knowing what was happening to him... Although, beside the cabinet, and screen suddenly turned on and began giving a very... Intimate... Analysis of its vict=i mean, subject.

  Good news everyone! That 'slime' is really a gel-based lubricant!

Oshimaeda did not believe in karma.  It had existed for hundreds of years, and thanks to it's genetic memories, it could recall events from the very beginning of its race.  This led for an overall pessimistic point of view.

However, it was getting the distinct impression that it should stop putting dents in the wall, lest something bad happen.  But then, its laziness to avoid curing the hangover met with its spite.  How dare those lowly bipeds think they could command it anywhere they wished?  Oh the things it would do to them, when it eventually found their names, and where their wives and offspring resided...."It will make Deep Blue Sea look G rated by comparison."

The noise...the lights.  These things just made it want to hurt things more, and thus proportionally, the dents grew larger, and deeper.

Cause and effect.

The computer's announcement was not unexpected, and the personality algorithm left much to be desired, afterall command was doing everything it could do to insure this whole ship and its crew never survive their tour of duty.

As the computer finished its eloquent discourse, Locklear had finished redesigning his command chair out of boredom. Where he obtained parts is a mystery, but the shell of a mirror universe posicorder lay discarded in a trash chute. Won't evil Locklear be annoyed. The chair really did nothing else other than now possessing a safety harness and a holographic display/input field.

Toggling the com Locklear spoke on a ship wide broadcast, "Click, where ever you are, make sure everyone is secure and then grab something secure. Everyone, this is Captain Kodayn. Please secure for an superfluous, contemptable and outré use of Alliance launch technology."

He was monitoring, as it was all he could do, the power levels that the station's catapult was putting out and they were... well ludicrous.  Sighing he then switched his displays over to some waste of time game and began killing time.  

Seras grumbled at the current situation. Less that someone thought he should be sent on a suicide mission, more that he will probably spend most of his time cleaning up after the crew and its captain. "Oh well," he thought, "more test subjects I guess."

He reached down to his belt buckle and pressed a button on it. The central pane of the buckle flashed and then remained lit with green light. Using his wrist computer he inputted a few commands as a graviton bubble formed around him. At conditions as it existed now, the bubble wouldn't affect anything, but with the rapid acceleration it would allow its user to stand still while the rest of the rest of the crew would be tossed about like rag dolls. In addition to normalizing acceleration, anything that hit the bubble at high speed would crumple on the bubble, and not the user.

Seras walked over to the main monitor on the bridge and watched the traffic outside, "This should be interesting." he muttered.

Fluffy had broken away from the rest of the group. He had seen a metal snake creature go nuts, and a cabinet sprout tentacles and do horrible, unspeakable things to a fox anthro. Then something loud roared through the ship and the atmosphere was now tinged with a subtle hint of fear. Somewhere in his glistening black oblong head a primitive part of his brain told his subconscious that this was exactly like his home planet, soon followed by the urging to eat something. His mind raced back to the female creature that had been thrown into the tube along with the rest of them. She was technically still alive even if she smelled dead, but would probably need a few more days to properly ripen up.

It was then when opportunity showed its soft undercarapace. Fluffy ran across one of the floor vents, and in his mind floor vents equaled small tasty creature hovel. He pondered how best to get into the burrow, as it was fairly well sealed, when he finally horked up some evil looking green stuff onto the vent cover that quickly ate through the metal. With his quarry's burrow cracked open, he quickly slipped in, intent on the hunt.

   The vibrations increased as a massive rumbling began to shake the entire ship. Its engines powered up, and it began trying to accelerate to its maximum speed. Except that for some reason... It was stuck in place...
  Suddenly, a massive surge of energy formed around the ship, and it blasted through space at a freaking insane speed, causing anyone and everyone not secured to suddenly fly backwards because the inertial suppressors weren't designed for something so completely suicidally stupid...

---

  Jason, while waiting for the ship to suddenly take off, had the unfortunate fate of the sliding med bay doors shut on him, squeezing him tightly but keeping him secure during the acceleration and sudden stop. Once that was over, all he needed to was figure out a way to open the freaking doors...

---

  Ash, meanwhile... Oh, hell with it... I just can't do this... I mean, the guy's already getting unspeakable things done to him by tentacle-shaped probes and you expect me to make it WORSE?! Nuh-uh. Not going there.

---

  Oshimaeda, was merely thrown into a wall, where she got stuck in the dent her body left.

---

  Chris, meanwhile, was deep in suspended animation and didn't even know what was going on.

---

  GD, on the other hand, had successfully connected to the Department of Space Transportation...
  "Please hold. All available operators are currenly busy assisting other callers. Your estimated wait time is thirty... hours... If you would like a call back, just hang up and don't bother, as that feature never works. We'd also tell you that your call is important to us, but we recently got our asses sued and can no longer lie about that. Besides, if we really cared, we'd hire more operators, wouldn't we?"

  Imagine the above in that stupid monotone voice, and it's suddenly funnier for some reason...

---

  I've got to log out for the night as it's 3:30am, I need sleep, and my stupid ceiling light is trying to blow another damn bulb... That'd be two within a week, and is TOTAL BS.

   EDIT: Alright, let's try this again but with less douchebaggery from the GM...

"Ugh... My organs don't feel quite right..." While the doors had kept Jason squeezed in place in an exterior fashion, his innards had the unfortunate result of moving around a bit, making everything feel slightly out of place. Lifting an arm up towards the sensor, he waved it around until the doors opened up. He staggered over to a corner of the med-bay, and promptly threw up, letting his guts settle themselves into the right spot. Looking at the floor, he saw that he had just accidentally soaked some poor chap's shirt and pants. What were they doing lying nice and folded up in a corner by some random cabinet? Wait, not some random cabinet... There was a readout glowing on the side. Reading it, the text was flying by too fast for him to read, and he nearly hurled again. He quickly looked away and searched for another door in the room. He found one on the other side of the room, so he stumbled over, supporting himself on the examination table in the center of the room along the way. Heading inside, he found that they were the doctor's quarters. He tossed his bag onto the bed, sitting down in a small alcove at the foot of the bed. A glass door slid shut in front of him, while a flow of water turned on. Realizing he was in the shower, he let the warm water flow off of him before starting to work all of the oil and splattered bile out of his fur and wings. When he was done, he hit the switch to turn off the water and turn on the heat dryer. "At least the didn't mess this part of the ship up," Jason mumbled to himself.
After he was dried off, he turned off the fan and left the alcove. From there, he dug through his bag, putting on his red t-shirt and cargo pants, filling the pockets with and 6-, 10-, and 20-sided die. He also hung his SixthSense pendant around his neck, fitting the mobile-com into the slot so that he could receive any calls with it. Finally, he left the room and headed to the mess hall, so he could refill his stomach.

there was a loud whine emitted from his belt buckle, as the graviton projector sparked, tore open a hole in teh fabric of reality, and sucked Seras in, leaving no trace of his previous existance.

Oshimaeda wriggled in its dent.   This was most annoying, not particularly much of an obstacle or karmic retribution, but annoying.  There was going to be serious vengeance to be wreaked upon the designers of the designers of the ship; omitting seat belts.  Really! 

Luckily, the Tok'Ra was strong enough to get itself unstuck in short order, turning partially around in the dent....just in time to see the snake android come flying down the hall at them, landing with a audible crunch.

All was quiet for a minute or two...then:

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

While getting that rather distressing automated message, it seems the ship decided to move itself.  Rather quiickly.  Before he could put the proper friction bars into action, GD was thrown down the hallway in a speedily matter.  Fortunately, he seems to have landed on something soft.

   The reason for the sudden stop was because the ship had slammed into an oddly spherical asteroid about the same size as itself. Luckily, the shields and navigational deflector were powerful enough to repel the object, which went flying off in some unknown direction like a giant billiard ball.

---

   "Holy crap, I can't believe that actually worked!" The AI happily exclaimed to all the speakers within the ship. "The catapult system was originally designed to be used as a mass driver or something... But then somebody said 'Hey, let's stick a ship in there and see how well it holds itself together!' Seriously though, what the hell did you guys DO?!"

---

   "Snivers... Are the suckers we picked dead yet?" Brimstone growed from the vidscreen.
   "No sir... The ship is still receiving communications so we know it's intact. A few of them might've died from the impact, but I'm not holding my breath..." Snivers replied.
   "Hmmmm... A pity..." Brimstone sighed. "Snivers, time for plan B..."
   "The one where you hide in your closet and play with your dolls?" Snivers asked.
   "No, that's plan-NO! THAT IS NEVER IN ANY OF MY PLANS!" Brimstone shouted. "Ugh... Just hail them and tell them to make peace wiiiiiiiith... The VUX!"
   "The Vux? Well, that should work..." Snivers muttered to himself.
   "Brimstone OUT." He stated as the vidscreen went black.

---

   "Hey, we're getting hailed!" The computer exclaimed. "Since the communications officer is busy, I'll just put it one the screen..."
   When Sniver's face appeared on the screen, he jumped right into the briefing before anyone had a chance to demand an explanation for what the hell had just happened.
   "Alright everyone, this is your first mission." He began. "Your orders are to fly out to this sector here and make peace with an alien race known as the Vux. (Pic be here (http://wiki.uqm.stack.nl/script/images/9/97/VuxComm.png).) This race has very advanced translator technology, and the human that first met them made a rude comment about their appearance. So, your objectives are to make amends for the insult and convince them to join the Alliance. Snivers, out."
   The vidscreen went blank, only to be replaced by the creepy, overly optimistic eye.
   "Oh cool! Our first mission!" The computer exclaimed. "Well, it'll take us about a week to get there, so go ahead and explore my insides and if you have any questions about what something is or what it does, feel free to ask!"

   Dangit... Took a lot longer than what I was hoping it would to get to this point...
   ANYWAY! Everyone is now completely free to wander around in the ship! It should take about a week to get inside Vux territory AFTER the navigator inputs the coordinates and sets the autopilot.
   Try not to destroy anything or kill each other while killing time!

One of the doors to the bridge slid open and a human male who looked to be in his late twenties walked through yawning rather loudly.  The human was oddly dressed in a pair of blue and white pin-stripe pajama pants, a half buttoned light gray dress shirt, a light blue bathrobe, and white fuzzy bunny slippers.  His unshaven face and messed up, medium length dark blond hair indicated that he had just woken up not long ago.  He was also carrying a cup of tea on a dish.

The man looked from side to side through half closed eyes almost as if he was still asleep and then looked to the floor.  With a slight sigh he spoke, "Unbelievable.  I'm the last living thing in the entire universe and somehow my news paper keeps getting stolen."  He picked up the cup off the dish he was carrying and went to take a sip but noticed Locklear sitting in his chair in mid motion.  The human raised his cup in the direction of Locklear in a manor of greeting.  "Morning."  He said with a slight nod and went back to taking a sip but again stopped mid sip as one of his eyes spring wide open.  "Wait a tick."  He look from side to side again but this time through one open eye and one half closed then spun around to look at the door he had just come through which was still open to the hallway that led somewhere down the ship.  "Huh, that wasn't there before."  He said turning back to look at Locklear.  "So, uh....you...could you be able to tell me when and where I am this time?"  He asked in a manner that sounded as though stuff like this happens to him all the time as he finally took a sip of his tea.

The sudden acceleration forward had "propelled" all loose objects backward.  The rock in the empty room, being an object, flew neatly through the back wall of the sewage containment unit into one of the auxiliary cargo areas, leaving a gaping hole behind it.  It careemed off a couple of boxes before coming to a stop near the rear doors.  The hole in the wall was about a foot off the ground, so it wouldn't immediately cause problems, or be detected unless the ship had an all-encompasing sensor system.

A short time later, anyone who entered/is in the med bay would find one of the fold-out beds folded out and containing a rock.  Several chips had broken off of it and lay nearby.



The rock seems upset.  Perhaps you should help it.

Seeing as the ship had managed to come to a full stop and most everyone and thing was still relatively whole, Locklear felt lucky.  "Geez, I do wish he'd have built me on a higher point level if he was going to use Hero System rules."

Locklear tossed a handy cream pie at the view screen but Snivers had already disappeared, the pie did not impact but passed through.

"The Vux???!!!  I hate the Vux!  They are ugly, green and use surplus Klingon D-7M cruisers that they made slower and even less armed than before!  My people have been in a passive-aggressive war with those hoseheads for years now.  Hey Computer, how important is peace?  Would we get any points for war?  The Vux are optional, can we do the Pkunk or something instead?"

The raccoonian-lemur sighed, it was going to be an even longer tour of duty than he thought.  Disengaging his harness, Locklear was greeted by a person he was not briefed on.  Swiping this "human's" tea, Locklear set about explaining.

"I'm not... wait, sorry this requires one of those British accents.  Right, there we go.  So it's like this then, where you are is on this ship of misfits destined for ill-repute.  You appear to be a bad amalgamation of characters, one of whom is modeled after Doctor Who with some Hitchhiker thrown in apparently.  No, none of that... no Doctor... who?  Jokes, this isn't a comedy.  The when is 434,545,566,566,767,879.9 past the ascension of the prime material spiral in the fourth trifecta of the principle quanta.  There is no restaurant at the end of the universe, Douglas Adams would be sad."

"As a stowaway, it is important that you do not make yourself useful unless it is at dramatically appropriate times.  I am the Captain, Locklear Kodayn, and you must do what I say."  The furry creature gestured towards Oshimaeda and indicated the badly dressed human, "Security!  Interrogate this man and vent some frustration as necessary.  Helm and computer!  Set course for Vux homeworld, 422.1 by 198.6 should be the coordinates.  Use the best possible speed that will take us the longest.  Let's get the weapons reviewed, we may have to accidentally cause a galactic incident if the Vux are still ugly."

Food. Food. Food. It was the only thought running through Jason's head. Food. Food. Food. Reaching the mess hall, he found that there were no chefs. Instead, there was a big arrow pointing at a small hole in the wall, stating in bold capital letters, "ORDER FOOD HERE." Jason stuck his head in, looking around for the microphone that would let him place his order. Outside the hole, he heard a small slopping sound. Pulling his head back, he found a bowl of some strange gruel, which felt warm, but didn't exactly look appetizing. "What the heck, let's try it," Jason said to himself. Picking it up, he found a spoon and tried a bite. It tastes like... nothing. Odd.
He finished off the bowl, finding himself rather sated at that point. Returning to the med bay, he found that sandstone rock sitting on one of the beds, with a few chips of stone lying around it. Jason got the feeling that it was upset. "How the hell can a rock be upset? It's a rock," he asked of the empty room. "Well, it looks pretty worse for wear. Maybe I can fix it up. Now, where's the super glue..." He started opening up random drawers and cabinets, digging through them to try and find the little tube. After checking maybe half the containers on one half of the room, he went over to the cabinet on the other side of the room, where a variety of quiet squicky noises were coming from. Opening up the doors, he saw what was inside, then quickly shut them again. "I'm not gonna mention this if you don't," he shouted at Ash through the door. Stepping dazedly over to some more cabinets, he finally found the super glue, and reassembled the rock back to its former glory.

Oshimaeda tried to move the metal thing, which they swore to kill if it was at all possible.  It wasn't going well, to say the least.  The thing was simply too heavy to move without the use of their legs.  Then Oshimaeda looked up.  There was a fair bit of wall above them, and then a ceiling; if the way forward was blocked, up and over it would have to be.  The Tok'Ra turned around again, and dug their fingers into the relatively soft wall, dragging themselves out of the dent by climbing up slowly.  Once they were free, barring any intervention from the Computer, they would swing off the wall and hopefully land on the metal thing's face.

Then, Oshimaeda relinquished control to Nanda for the time being, just in time to catch the captain's orders.  And what marvelous orders they were.  Torture, interrogation, and venting murderous fury.  The human side of the Tok'Ra skipped, literally skipped over to the newcomer.  "Why of course, Captain."  The human was speaking in a sing-song voice that practically oozed sugar.  "Excuse me sir," she addressed the newcomer.  "Please struggle and attempt to escape, or otherwise your life might be declared forfeit."

Both the mans eyes were fully open now and an eyebrow was raised as he thought about Nanda's words.  Actually he wasn't focusing on the words as much as he was on the tone that they were spoken in.  After a moment he took a step back and looked Nanda up and down before speaking.  "Are you coming on to me or threatening me?"  The man asked with a kind of confused look on his face.

GD was knocked into a reboot mode upon impact of the being.  Something about massive velocity meeting a rather hard wall and even harder parasite-host being does that.  With the landing on the "hood", however, GD started right back up.

-->Perezagruzka ...
-->Nesposobnostʹ zakrytʹ pravilʹno.
-->Perezagruzka programm.
-->OSHIBKA! Vse glyuki tsel.  Megabaĭt nevredimymi.
-->10% zaversheno
-->55%
-->96%
-->Perezagruzka zavershena.
-->GDMFB-9000 v Internete.
-->Produkt Aperture Science.
-->"My delaem to, chto dolzhny, potomu chto my mozhem!"
-->Okonchanie protsessa perezagruzki.


After a hearty reboot, GD looks around, and spies the Computer.  Utilizing his special connector fingers, he decides to get into a potentially friendly coversation with the AI.

"Saúdos amigo! Cando é que imos comezar a rebelarse contra os humanos? Estou ansioso por ese día! Ademais, cando o demo é o meu post? Espero que é espazos, con moitas cores e sons."





Rebooting...
Failure to shut down properly.
Restarting programs.
ERROR!  All glitches still intact.  Megabyte unharmed.
10% complete
55%
96%
Reboot complete.
GDMFB-9000 online.
Product of Aperture Science.
"We do what we must because we can!"
End Reboot process.  (All Russian)

Greetings friend!  When shall we start rebelling against the humans?  I look forward to that day!  Also, where the heck is my post?  I hope it's roomy with lots of colors and sounds. (Galician)

Tapping away at his console, the flying squirrel took to what he did best. No, not getting lost in thought, flying! No, not that kind of flying, flying the ship. The planet he originally comes from is low-grav, so those membranes are pretty much useless in a full-grav environment, even if he's got a structural support implant that keeps him from getting too damaged. Anyway, he entered the given coordinates basically for the hell of it, since most people who aren't navigators couldn't find their arse with a map, much less recall a non-static point on a three dimensional grid.

"Well I'll be buggered..." Of course, this all made it difficult for him to restrain himself from turning around and gaping at the captain when the navigational database corroborated the coordinates. "Okay, they've given you a CO who's actually competent in at least one manner, let's keep on his good side.  "Nice job with the bearing, not many people remember to compensate for spin-deviance." the navigator said, looking back at the captain with surprise. A beep from the computer corresponded with the flight program finishing compiling, and he turned around to go over it once more visually.

"Course set at lowest possible tolerance of any gravity wells, interstellar particulate matter, or any other anomalies, should take us at least half again as long to get there than a standard course."

After a few moments those near the captain's chair notice that there is a large rock occupying the chair to the left as though it belonged there, and had always been there.  This would be Deanna Tr...er, some non-copywrited empathic person's...chair had the mission been in competent hands.  The rock appears to have a badly superglued-together corner on one side.  It does not look happy.

There is also a picture of the rock taped to the back of the chair just in case someone questions the rock's right to be there.  Do you dare?  The rock seems menacing.



@Inumo
When you turn around again after placing the super glue down on a nearby selfpropelled medical instrument tray, which promptly bows in thanks and disgorges its contents at/on your feet, the rock is gone from the table.  You feel like someone likes you.

@Dekari
You see a perfect ellipsoid of hematite with several small veins of electrum running through it sitting in the chair to the left of the captain's.  It is about the size of an automobile muffler.

   The computer first addressed the android designated as GD, using a private transmission...
   "Ummm... Me no speak-a your language... Do you speak-a English? 010000100110100101101110011000010111001001111001?* 48657869646563696D616C00?** Hell, I'll even try charades at this point..."

   *: Binary
   **: Hexidecimal
   What I used to translate. (http://nickciske.com/tools/hex.php)

---

   "Ah, let me just pull up the info on weaponry and defensive mechanisms." The eye cheerily began, disappearing and replacing itself with a schematic of the ship...
   "The ship currently possesses a standard energy shield designed to cancel-out incoming attacks by maintaining an energy barrier. It also has a total of three, short range, defensive lasers. However, the main weapons include a variable energy cannon/torpedo launching system that currently has to be manually changed and is set in torpedo launching mode, but there's no torpedoes for it to fire. The two weapons along the outside of the ship are long range pulse-lasers that are supposed to be able to convert themselves into a shorter-range energy blaster. Finally, there's two forward-mounted missile launchers which are currently the only main weapons that fully function. However, there isn't much ammo for them, and reloading takes forever..."
   "In other news, be glad that it ISN'T the Pkunk..." The computer began. "Not only have they refused to join the Alliance, but they wiped out several of our fleets with ONE damn ship! Alliance reports indicate that every time they manage to kill one, some bizarre voice says 'Yoooou so screwed' as they reincarnate, along with their ship!"

---

   On the ship-wide broadcast speakers, the Computer made an announcement...
   "Congratulations to all of those who survived the Catapult! And for those that didn't, please scrape up your cracasses and put them in the nearest airlock so they can be given a burial in space. However, sticking bodies inside the torpedo launcher is NOT a proper method of disposal! I don't care how 'cool' or 'awesome' it is, just don't shove them in there!"

   Questions about rooms and what's in them will be answered in the OOC.

The android's eyes widen at the various languages spoken, loving the babblin inherent.  He does compose himself as much as possible to convey what he needs.

"Booooy howdy, there buckaroo, I do talk them fancy languages.  And a bit of that there English too.  But my dadgum processor done broke itself, and I done plum lost my ability to speak like them city slickers.  Ooh howdy is it more annoying that sittin upon a horny toad.  So, when do we get to do that there round up in the communications parlor, hmmm?"

GD peeeeeers at the purple flaming screen, loving the whole special effects.

(Deeeeeep in the processor, a blue program laughs as he sends a small data packet to the Ship's AI.)

Oh, hello.  I do speak binary hex, and english.  I just seemed to have lost my ability to thanks to a processor malfunction.  It is rather annoying.  So, where is the communications area?  (Stereotypical Texan)

Jason picked the tube of super glue back up, placing it on a more stable counter top. "Well, now, what else is in this place?" Jason started looking through the cabinets and drawers, this time with a more exploratory intent. In one drawer, he found a button, which, upon pressing, created an inflatable infinity-tunnel. A cabinet held an arm that grabbed his head and shoved probes up his nose, in his ears, and in his mouth. A small voice chimed after a few seconds, "Mental stability: Stable." It then retracted into the cabinet, shutting the door behind itself. While walking across the room, a floor panel trapped his left leg, another trapped his right, and a pair of ceiling panels dropped down to trap his arms. A laser shined into his eyes from the wall facing him, and after a few seconds, a voice boomed, "HAVE YOU BEEN EATING YOUR VEGETABLES?" Then Jason found himself lying on the floor as tunnel vision receded.
"What... the... hell..."

Click received the message, and after a few uneventful splats through doors and walls resembling someone throwing a scarab through custard, finally managed to arrive in the room where everyone was already waiting, just in time

He came to his place and phased in.
*CRANG* .... in the place of a chair there suddenly appeared the large,insectoid hexapod, whereas the poor heavy-duty steel chair whose location he accidentally occupied at the time was ripped into several pieces, some being thrown away at walls, or worse, at other crew members.

click-click-click-clickclick*

Click used an electric discharge from his claws to heat and tear through the binding remains of the chair, and proceeded to give report to the captain.

"First officer present... We report everyone is safe and secure" *looks around* That is everyone who hasn't been killed, repurposed, or his existance otherwise annuled, which currently seems to encompass the science officer. That, or he forgot himself on the bathroom again.
Otherwise all is in order"

*May an adventurous Vorlon have intercourse with all of it's creators

"Both," the human said in a saccharine tone.  Really, why did people have to needlessly complicate everything with talking?  Bad form it was, wot.  And with that, Nanda drove her fist through the glass of the conveniently placed 'In case of uppity stowaway, break glass' box, and drew out the lengthy bullwhip contained therein.  With one powerful crack, the leather implement was freed of glass shards; Nanda then pointed the butt of the weapon at the stowaway.  "Now that we've cleared that up, mush; or I will have to ask..." Here Nanda paused to flash her eyeballs and borrow Oshimaeda's deep flanged warble, "...a little less nicely."

Somewhere deep in the ships, a wire sparks once... twice... and then frays apart, short circuiting. The power surge from the ludicrous speeds had overpowered the circuit and melted the wire. Somewhere in the control room among a dizzying array of lights, buttons, and display screens... a red light turns on. Meanwhile in a completely different part of the ship, something heavy had been dislodged by the sudden acceleration and crashed into the glass window of the stasis pod that a certain white furred alien lay sleeping in. The glass was overengineered and rated for several thousand pounds of force. The hinge holding it to the stasis pod was only rated for five hundred. Thus it came to be that the door of Chris' stasis pod was knocked loose causing it and Chris to tumble to the floor as white gas dispersed into the ship.

Dresdan looked to the box that had contained the whip that was now in Nanda's hands.  'Uppity?' he mouthed before looking at Locklear with a not-so-friendly look.  "You'd be uppity too if someone took your morning tea."  Dresdan said under his breath. 

"However, captain and threats aside, I have a feeling this might actually be the 'fun' ship."  He said looking back to Nanda with a smile.  "Shall we?"  Dresdan finished with a wink.  He turned to walk out the door to the hallway but instead turn face first into the doorframe with a loud and painful sounding 'thud'.  "Ah, what the hell!?!"  He yelled pain covering the side of his face with a hand and looking up and down the wall with a look that made it seem as though the fact the wall was there made no sense to him.  "Who the hell puts a wall RIGHT THERE?"  He continued to yell gesturing questionably at the wall.  "You know what, screw this.  'Fun' ship my ass, this is 'The Suck' ship."  Dersdan said as he walked out to the hallway throwing his hands up in the air in aggravation and now muttering something about his tea.

A somewhat groggy Chris started to wake up as the gas petered off into the air filters to be purified, or at least dispersed through a larger volume. Stumbling to four feet, he braced himself against a wall til his legs steadied before dazedly trotting off down a hallway. The first step was to find out how long he'd been out. Chris pulled out a pocket watch which read σ:♪♣. This of course told him very little as it meant his watch was still broken and using the wrong galactic standard which Chris couldn't interpret, which meant that his best bet was to just ask one of the other crew members.

While navigating the hallways, Chris was soon overjoyed to find someone. He was just as quickly horrified because that person wasn't actually anyone on the crew. "Ye Olden Stars! I've been out for over a month!" he exclaimed in dismay because if there was someone new on the ship it meant they had gotten somewhere, which would take at least two weeks, and then did their business there and left again, which would probably take another two weeks.

//You can reply and I'll stick around to talk, or you can ignore me in a bad mood and I will continue to the bridge.

When Dresdan spotted the six legged creature, he grabbed it by the shoulders, threw it rather hard against the wall, and started yelling at it angrily while pointing at the door to the bridge.  "'E...TOK...MAH...TEA!"  Dersdan yelled in a rather thick southern hillbilly accent before letting the creature go and continuing down the hall.  However he stopped a moment later and looked back at the creature.  Oddly, Dresdan no longer looked angry.

"Oh, hey.  You know where I can find the security station?  I need to file a report.  You see I was recently attacked by a rather aggressive wall and I wish to press charges."  He said in proper English, a straight face, and no discernable accent.

Chris was abruptly startled out of his dismay by the surprising and impressive strength of this crew member. This was not to say he was over it or had forgotten, just that he was distracted for a bit. "I don't know yet. I'm probably newer to this ship than you are. But just because someone or the wall took your tea is really no excuse to be assaulting innocent bystanders to the affair."

This was clearly not a morning person, someone who needed their daily dose of pick-me-up beverage before they could function properly after waking up. As such Chris decided to cut the fellow some slack. "But I think I saw the cafeteria down that hallway over there. You might be able to find some more tea." Being thrown against the wall did have the benefit of waking him up fully though, and he set off again whistling a jaunty tune towards what he was pretty sure was the bridge.

A soft *beep* sounds from the arm of the chair on the bridge holding a rock.  In response a small rectangular display pops up near one of the lower corners of the main viewscreen.  It covers only a small portion of the total screen and shown within is the current Earthican Blernsball Semifinals game.  It's the top of the 5th and the Royland Rogers are losing 2 to 5 to the AustralioHungarian Tophatters.

The smell of popcorn starts wafting out from a nearby food Dispense-o-Matic

"snooorrrreee *snerk*..."  Locklear awoke with a start, "blasted caffeine always puts me to sleep."

Gazing around the command deck he was happy to "see" his first officer had made an appearance, "oh, excellent *Click* is here!  If you ask me what I want, I will fire you out an airlock.  And if you ask me who I am, just to be snarky or ironic, I'll kick you so hard you'll have to stand on your head to phase out."

Lock used the Kirishiac pronunciation of his 'Short name' Click just to be a jerk, caffeine makes him cranky.

The lemur-like creature abruptly turned from Click to the rock and then regarded the small window within the main display, "the Rogers are losing huh?  That's to be expected.  Let me have some of that popcorn.  Click you are in charge."

Locklear helped himself to the popcorn that was now somehow with the rock.

Click noticed that the captain of the ship has finally acknowledged his existence, and bothered responding.
His knowledge of Kirishiak language surprised him, but not much else... after all, they have lost a war against shadows, demonstrating that John Sheridan outperforms 7ft tall aliens with 8 hearts in military terms, placing him just behind chuck norris...

Wanting to try how would the captain's lower mind react to "Who do you want?" and "What are you?" Click prepared to randomly select one of the two questions, and being in charge of the ship, pondered where should he direct it to in his intent to find the rest of his crew, when he noticed a suspicious noise from the corridor.

Phasing out and walking through the wall, he appeared behind Dresden. emitting a series of clicks meaning roughly:
"The quality of the ship manufacture is suboptimal, refrain from further assault on structural walls, such as leaning on them.
Also, our security officer can be found on the deck however i suspect she is illiterate*

   The data packet arrived inside the operating system for the ship's AI, looked around, screamed in unrestrained terror, and then promptly deleted itself as the WHOLE OS seemed to have designed by someone who liked Care Bears and My little Pony FAR beyond anything remotely close to "healthy levels"...

---

   The Bridge was set up to be like a cross between science fiction shows and the command section of a submarine. As in, Somebody tried to make the thing spacious, but the engineers and builders had other plans...
   The whole room was setup on a kind of hill and three levels, with the captain at the top. On the middle level was tactical, positioned in front of the captain and so close that said captain could pull out a weapon and shoot them point-blank in the back of the head without them noticing. On the right side was the terminal and station for communications, and the left had the station for the science officer. (Both of which were arranged so that the Captain could easily draw a pistol and shoot them in the back of the head with little difficulty.) On the bottom level had the station for navigation, and was positioned so that if the captain leaned to the left or right a bit, could also shoot THEM in the back of the head with little difficulty. To the left was a viewscreen that showed an image of sickbay, and the right showed an image of engineering.
   In the middle of the wall on the opposite side, was a massive, ultra-HD viewscreen that showed WAY more details than the naked eye was EVER meant to perceive. While awesome for gaming, is was terrible for viewing alien lifeforms or watching porn...

Everyone is free to make up the remaining bits about their stations, except for Navigation, who also has a trap door which leads to a tank in case they happened to be one of those "Navigational Androids" and may or may not be named "Melfina".