In short, I am male, have serious feelings for another male friend, and have a few homophobic friends. life is confusing and I'm stuck. :tired Help would be appreciated.
Choose for your own happiness.
Your options seem to be a) lie to everyone about who and what you are for the rest of your life and circle around a never-ending downward spiral of self-loathing, or b) tell your homophobic friends to suck it, and seek happiness with someone you actually love, and who loves you back for who and what you are.
Of course, that's a lot easier said than done. Standing up against bigotry IRL is hard, and doing it while you are the target of said bigotry is even harder.
Still, you can get new friends. Getting a new sexual orientation is a lot harder.
Also, ask people in your vicinity, who you trust, and know you and your situation better for advice. They might be much more helpful than us anonymous people from the internet.
I've already asked, but my friend says he has no advice to give.
If you're asking people on the internet for advice, you're already fscked.
Hope for best, prepare for worst. If you are living on your own and don't have to rely on your friends for anything, then they are expendable in the scheme of things. Because last I checked, a friend is supposed to be someone you can feel comfortable around and if they are not going to be your friend because of who you are, well then they aren't really your friends to begin with.
It sucks, but there are few situations in life where one gets to have everything work out. So its best to just go at it from an intellectual approach and figure out which option is the best with as few negatives as possible rather than trying to work out a situation where everyone wins.
Hang on.
We're supposed to be giving helpful advice?
Dang it, why was I not told this?
Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on January 26, 2010, 11:09:55 AM
Hang on.
We're supposed to be giving helpful advice?
Dang it, why was I not told this?
That's why I stayed out of the thread.
I wish I could help but I've never been that good with advice
*hugs* good luck and if you ever need some one just to talk to or just an ear to bend fell free to send me a message
I have but a few points with questions to make. One what "type" of homophobic are your friends? Are they the "I dun likes dem gay peepul cuz dey may hit on meh" type or the "Jebus says it's bad" type. The reasons I ask this is because alot of the first type are usually just confused and, sometimes, can come around to realizing it's not something to be bothered by. Me being formerly one of those. When I was younger I didn't understand homosexuality and, as an angsty teen, went about acting like they were {insert generic slur here}. Eventually as I got older it suddenly struck me, the "Why the hell do I even care about this at all?" bat laid a solid blow to my head and I just got over it.
If however they're the 'Jebus' type then I don't know what to do. I've known quite a few of those and to this day they still boggle my mind. I don't particularly want to break into that though since anything involving 'THE Man' on the internet often results in copious amounts of ranting, crying, screaming, and {explictive} flinging from both sides of the fence.
So yeah, talk to them if they're the first type. and hope for the best. Other then that can't really think of much else to say but hope this helps a bit. good luck eh.
It may also be that they just genuinely don't like it. I've found, especially of late, that if you are uncomfortable with homosexuality you're either default ignorant or a bible thumper. This is kind of a sad thing, because as people seeking acceptance, it's pretty narrow to assume that if they don't like your choice or agree with it, they're ignorant.
Talk to them, find out what their honest feelings on it are, and *DONT* just assume that it's some single minded ignorance right off the bat and see if it's something that you, as friends can work past. If not, then part ways. Even if they're religiously motivated on the matter, they're still human beings and capable of thought. Approach them with as open a mind as you hope to be approached with and it will likely work out better.
Also, yeah.. this is the internet. Not the best place to get advice.
Ya, I know that the internet is a bad place to get advice, but it's better than nothing. Thanks for the advice though, not being all secretive about it helps.