The Clockwork Mansion

                  Coming Soon!
               The Tales of Pagan

Hopefully, within a short amount of time, the first chapter of a new story will be posted. Until then, I will answer any questions to my best ability.

Cool! Glad to hear that you're doing something like this. Good luck! *sits back with his best MST3K material and waits (just kidding)*

That's not a question. And way to make me feel self-conscious and everything, gah.

Maybe I should include some basic details about the story?

Do it. We want to know what is it going to be about and where is it going to be set.

Ah yes. That probably would be a good thing to do.
Alright...


A fantasy setting of my own imaginings. Not a wholy complete universe, but the important bits to the story are all there in my head. A bit of drama, bit of my brand of comedy, and it's probably going to have odd bits of random.
Magic is in the story, and is quite important to plot. Gods were there, they have died. Races besides humans exist, but not that many. Oh, and "Our zombies/vamps are special."

That's a start, right?

I apologize for the douple post.

Alright, more things to say.

I think naming a couple people might be a good idea.
  Janeth (Jane- th): Son of a farmer, he's got a straight head on broad shoulders. Simple thinking, but not dull. He's decisive and goes with what sounds good. Large build and knows that others notice.
  Sirul ( the "cer" in cereal- "ul" in dull): Store clerk, quick eyes and a sharp mind work for him. Tales and songs fill his head and tell him to keep a look for a chance at change. As for his mouth, wit (so he would boast) spills forth while wine goes to the depths.
  Rawn (R- "awn" as in dawn, lawn, drawn, fawn): Tall slender frame, confidence and suave, all hide behind the book glued to the end of his nose. This librarian leads the best granary of knowledge in the city and fights both the rats of chaos and the locusts of idiocy away from his precious grains.

A map of the initial setting for the story.
http://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j184/darkosilis/TelNauus.jpg (http://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j184/darkosilis/TelNauus.jpg)
http://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j184/darkosilis/TelNauusnamed.jpg (http://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j184/darkosilis/TelNauusnamed.jpg)


So next I'm thinking races or magic? Magic's longer, because it's a bit of a three-in-one. Yes, the first chapter's being written.

Tonight, races.
I'm still uncertain of how much to say, but how 'bout I say that there will probably be spoilers in the next paragraphs and you've been vaugely warned?

Sapien: Much the same as the humans that you have seen, these are the massive majority of the population. They produce no magic and they've more brain than brawn. If a technological advance comes into being, they probably did it. The first batch of sapiens, far on the northern tip of a continent, grew large and realized they wanted more space. So boats were made and people left in drones. Being quick and numerous breeders, sapiens filled the islands and continents of the world, travelling inland or southward till the world was covered. Slow to instinctual change, sapiens took quite awhile to stop moving, but now they rarely leave their birthplace. Over generations, sapiens adapt to the land where they settle, to the point where one might not recognize another as the same race. Sapien was still young when the Forgers became extinct, and the current ones don't remember them at all. Since most sapiens only see others like them, they don't travel, and the other living races keep to themselves, sapiens generally regard other races as myth and fairy-tale-- magic, as an ancient thing long gone.

Mort: These resemble zombies, but with quite a few differences. First thing, they have dead bodies, they don't reproduce by normal means, they boslter population through infection, and the main diet is live or recently deceased meat. Mort are sentient though, individuals produce quite above sufficent magic but limited to that individual, and the bodies they inhabit hold together mostly by that magic. Mort posses instictual needs such as food, potent needs. However, alone or even in pairs, mort have enough strength to resist gluttoness urges. In large groups, or the occasional riots and hordes, this restraint is sapped and mort become quite feral. Thus it is important to note that mort are solitary beings, for sanity's sake. Mort do not age in body, and are mostly immortal excepting exstinsive physical harm, but possessing somewhat frail bodies, this is not an unknown occurance. Mort, on the whole, are quite aware of the Forgers and their passing, but care little, for mort have a source of magic themselves and lost nothing by the race's extinction.

Ok, I was planning to talk about the Forgers too, but it's like a quater after five in the morning here. I'm tired. See you guys in the funnies. Good rest.

Ok, it's taken me awhile to think of something to do for this, I couldn't decide (and I had to got my thoughts straight).
I kinda wanted to write about magic or the Forgers, but not today.

Kithen: A reptilian race, these are a tribal and a reclusive people. What first needs to be noted that there are significant differences in numerous standings between males, females, and grands.
  The female of the Kithen is longer lived than the male (average of ninety years), taller though not quite so physically strong, and due to her wisdom from longevity often holds positions of guidance or leadership. The females are scaled, as are all Kithen. The legs and spine of females are not quite so bent as the males, but more so than a grand, giving them an average height of five and one-half feet.
  Males haveshort livespans, nearly half the average sapien age (between thirty and fourty). Most Kithen are males, in most tribes, males are the majority. Males do many jobs in a tribe; farming and hunting, tanning and smithing, warriors and priests, males fill any posistion necessary. A male's legs are bent and the spine curved somewhat, giving the male a small stature (four feet). This belies the physical prowess of a Kithen male, which is certainly quite substanial.
  A grand Kithen is somewhat of an oddity. Grands posess no reproductive organs and such produce no offspring. A  grand has the longest life of a Kithen, normally over triple that of a sapien (two hundred fifty to three hundred). Appearance between grands and other Kithen is a sharp contrast. As the the long legs and spine are as ruled as a sapiens, grands stand straight and tall (eight or nine feet,occasionally nearing ten). Grands are rare, most tribes would only have two or three alive at one time. Grands are nearly always the leaders of a tribe, in the law, in war and in religion. Grands are the only Kithen who produce any magic, no others do. The magic that grands produce, however, is more than enough for the grand and the tribe around it.
  The Kithen is the oldest race upon Antara; they held most of the world before the Forgers came to it. Initial communications between the two were hostile, and the war that came suprised neither. The Forgers won easily, but left the Kithen to survive. As their population was left in severely low numbers from the war, Kithen lost most of the world that had been theirs. The tribes that were left pulled closer to each other to provide trade, cultural and martial assitance. The Kithen have since remained reclusive and reserved from the other two races.
  Considering the conflicts Kithen had with the Forgers, it is not suprising that Forger-worship is unheard of in Kithen tribes. They prefer instead, to worship two gods asociated with the earth and the ocean. Numerous other lesser gods and spirits are worshipped as well, but those two are counted supreme by Kithen.

Hooo... four posts and no questions still? Do I have to give out cookies or something? <sigh> Regardless, I will post something later, more than likely something about the geography of the world.

Nothing really. You seem to be doing fine so far. You certainly have your "main" races ready to be shown off. Unlike me (Note to self: get on that).

So the Forgers are the "Precursors," if you will, and came from another world/universe? And with their disappearance, Magic became something more like a myth? I mean, magic is still a part of their world, but it's a part that most people don't interact with? And Mort are mostly Sapiens, I presume (Given that the Kithen don't come out much)?

I'll probably come up with a few more at one in the morning.

Wooot! Questions! Questions that I have direct answers to- even more woot!
Actually, once I finish Forgers, that's it for races. Less is more, heh.  Dag, I've got an urge to ramble, gotta keep that in check.

Forgers are somewhat like the Precursors of Jak, but different in that the Precursors are still alive and at large. I've no doubt that, somewhere out in the great realm of the stars and planets, other Forgers live. The ones on Antara however, are dead.
Yeah, the Forgers dying caused a whole hell of a lot of magic to go bye-bye, but that's of how I run magic. You've probably seem me use the phrase "produce magic." That's because, in my verse, magic isn't a free-flowing force through the stars. I'll talk more about during my magic discussion.
Yes, most Mort nowadays were Sapiens, but some of the older ones that are still around are Kithen, it's not impossible or anything. The first Mort? Heh, I'll talk about that later.

And please! More queries! More inquisistions! I finally understand why you relate your thread to addictive substances.

Quote from: Pagan on July 31, 2008, 01:33:36 AM
Yeah, the Forgers dying caused a whole hell of a lot of magic to go bye-bye, but that's of how I run magic. You've probably seem me use the phrase "produce magic." That's because, in my verse, magic isn't a free-flowing force through the stars. I'll talk more about during my magic discussion.

Yeah, some of my earlier ideas were like that. So, magic is a bit like non-renewable energy or something like that, except you need something capable of creating it in order for magic to be available? And so long as the energy is available, can anyone (well, you know what I mean) use it, or does someone have to create magic in order to use it. And I know that Sapiens don't create magic, but the Mort are kind of like the Forgers in that they create magic, so I'm sensing a connection of some kind...

Hm, should I wait for your magic discussion?

Quote from: Pagan on July 31, 2008, 01:33:36 AM
Yes, most Mort nowadays were Sapiens, but some of the older ones that are still around are Kithen, it's not impossible or anything. The first Mort? Heh, I'll talk about that later.

Aha! You've caught the plot hint sickness too! Welcome aboard! You must now pass it on.

Quote from: Pagan on July 31, 2008, 01:33:36 AM
Wooot! Questions! Questions that I have direct answers to- even more woot!
Actually, once I finish Forgers, that's it for races. Less is more, heh.  Dag, I've got an urge to ramble, gotta keep that in check.

Quote from: Pagan on July 31, 2008, 01:33:36 AM
And please! More queries! More inquisistions! I finally understand why you relate your thread to addictive substances.

Heeheehee. Now you know what it's like for me. But isn't it?

That reminds me, I don't really have anything for my post tonight. Maybe I'll just post another character profile, those are fun... like Dreksa or Merlin. Maybe Skaira. Hm, I'll think about it.

No... the only sickness I've got is talking about your universe as if you are not the Lord and Master of it. Ah well...

As far as your magic questions, I'll cut you a deal. Nothing right now, but the next post (and I'll try really hard to make to tomorrow night) I'll put up my magic system.

Yes, go, write!

Magic in the world of Antara!
How to start?

  I guess the first is to reinforce that magic does not flow freely throughout the universe. Magic is not something like
gravity or magnetism. It does not flow underneath the ground like a river in a ley line. The force of magic is produced by certain souls. The beings that have these souls have the ability to tap into this power and use magic. Might be helpful to think of an electromagnetic wave, created at one point, spreading out in all directions and growing weaker the farther out it goes, unless something blocks it.
    Some souls produce magic only for that soul. This is because of a barrier around the soul, these are "Walled Souls," preventing any magic produced from going beyond the soul so that others can not use any magic produced by that soul. Sorta like a mirror surronding a light bulb. An individual such as this could have enough magic to level a city, but if the magic produced doesn't pass beyond the soul that made it, no one else can use that magic. Walled souls tend to have a stronger amount of force than an open soul when they produce the same amount of magic. Mort are an example of walled souls.
  However, if a soul which has no barrier produces magic, an "Open Soul," anyone near that soul can use the magic produced by that soul. The range around an open soul that will be saturated by magic is correlated to the amount produced and the force of the magic. The force of magic beyond the soul begins at around half the force of the producing soul and grows weaker quickly as the edge of the range is reached. Multiple open souls who are within each others range benefit greatly from the proximity as each range overlaps and the force of each open soul adds to every other open soul within it's range.Think if you will of a light bulb in room, then two, then three and so forth, with each bulb, the room continues to grow brighter. Forgers are an example of open souls.
  A soul which produces no magic is known as a "Dark Soul." Fortunatly, walled dark souls are extremely rare, so most dark souls can benefit from the magic of an open soul. Dark souls which are in the range of an open soul become "Lit Souls." They can use magic just as any other. Even though a lit soul produces no magic, a lit soul does add some force to the magic which it uses, thogh this force does not aid any others within the range, unlike multiple open souls.
  The strength of the magic that a soul uses is known of the magic's force. Force could possibly be compared to the frequency of a light wave, though differing amounts of force do not change the "color" of magic used as differing frequencies do. The amount of force differs due to race, age, and exercise and study. The amount of magic produced differs by the same variables, though this is much more difficult to increase. Even dark/lit souls can increase the amount of force they have, though this is slow except when lit.


And I think that's about it. At least for part one.

      Interesting. Interesting indeed. So your character's ability to use magic is affected by their physical condition as well?

Okay...
      Walled Souls create magic for themselves. Um, can they use the magic off of an Open soul?
      Open Souls create magic for everyone, and more of them in an area reinforces the effect. So, for really big effects, would the Forgers get a big group of Open Souls together to keep refining their power to the point that they could do some really big magic?
      Dark Souls don't create magic at all. They can use Open soul magic. I'm guessing that most people/Sapiens are this kind?

      Out of curiosity, is one of your main characters a Walled Dark Soul?

      Um, how close does a Dark Soul have to be to an Open Soul to "channel" magic?

I'll probably come up with more questions, but I'm starting to fall asleep here. Good night. And it's looking good so far.

By "exercise" I meant flexing the magical muscle. It was kinda metaphorical, bad word choice on my part. But it's the same principal. Using spells, especially big ones will tire you, but eventually you'll get strong enough to do those easily and then you move on to bigger spells, etc. So physical condition doesn't truly affect the strength of spells. Unless you have a gaping hole in your chest or something. That might make casting difficult. Probably.

No, a walled soul can not use the magic of an open side.

Well... when talking about the Forgers, really big magic for them is reaching points of universal effects. Forgers are nigh gods, so they're ridicously strong already. The range of each covered huge amounts of Antara and ... I'm getting close to plot here, whoops.

All sapiens are dark souls, yes. As for the peeps on other worlds? Most are actually open souls, but other worlds aren't in the story at all, so it doesn't really matter.

Well... yeah, one is. The way [cut] makes that fact relativily worthless for a good long while, but yes, one is a walled dark soul.

A dark soul just has to be in the "range" of an open soul to become "lit," and thus be able to use magic. Should I explain "range" in greater detail?

As for the next post, I'm going with magic 102. Casting and such. I'm hoping I'll post tomorrow, but with lighting and thunder and crowe-damned comcast, I don't know when I'll have it up. Peace.

Quote from: Pagan on August 01, 2008, 04:28:19 AM
By "exercise" I meant flexing the magical muscle. It was kinda metaphorical, bad word choice on my part. But it's the same principal. Using spells, especially big ones will tire you, but eventually you'll get strong enough to do those easily and then you move on to bigger spells, etc. So physical condition doesn't truly affect the strength of spells. Unless you have a gaping hole in your chest or something. That might make casting difficult. Probably.

Well, physical/spiritual/magical exercise. Practice makes perfect.

Um, snip...
Snip...

Hm... is there a particular reason that Sapiens are all Dark souls? Or is it just something about their world in particular?

Quote from: Pagan on August 01, 2008, 04:28:19 AM
Well... yeah, one is. The way [cut] makes that fact relativily worthless for a good long while, but yes, one is a walled dark soul.

No worries, it's what I would do to.

Quote from: Pagan on August 01, 2008, 04:28:19 AM
A dark soul just has to be in the "range" of an open soul to become "lit," and thus be able to use magic. Should I explain "range" in greater detail?

Maybe as a postscript for your next post.

Actually, quick question: how is magic passed down? Like, will the child of an Open Soul be an Open Soul as well, something like that?

Quote from: Pagan on August 01, 2008, 04:28:19 AM
As for the next post, I'm going with magic 102. Casting and such. I'm hoping I'll post tomorrow, but with lighting and thunder and crowe-damned comcast, I don't know when I'll have it up. Peace.

Good luck. See you later. *yawns*

Quote from: Jairus on August 01, 2008, 04:33:47 AM
Hm… is there a particular reason that Sapiens are all Dark souls? Or is it just something about their world in particular?
Actually, quick question: how is magic passed down? Like, will the child of an Open Soul be an Open Soul as well, something like that?

Two fat birdies, one slick stone. I should have mentioned this earlier or explained it better, but the type of soul is determined by race. Morts are all walled souls. Forgers are all open souls. Grand Kithen are all open. Male and female Kithen are all dark. Sapien are all dark. However, there is an odd soul or two that's walled and dark. But that's blind chance. Not as good as winning slots, not as bad as falling through a solid wall... but pretty rare.

Hmm... I think I'll just something about Sapiens here. Sapiens are open to genetic change a bit more than other races. It's what makes them change basic istincts over time, it's the reason why they're just so adaptive to their enviornment. It's how I get racial variety with only three races. And if the Sapiens had been around the Forgers long enough, it's possible Sapiens could have become open souled. Oh well... that chance went bye-bye.  >:3 <very, very evil neko>

The urge to reference certain songs is rising strongly... I'll just have resist.

So this is magic 102: Spells and casting.
But first a clarification on the range of open souls. "Range" is the term for the area in which open or dark souls are affected by the magic produced by an open soul. Inside the range, a dark soul becomes lit and can use magic. Inside the range, an open soul receives the benefits described above. The range of an open soul is affected by both the force of magic and the amount of magic produced by that open soul, though the distance of a soul's range barely changes. It might grow a meter in thirty years.
And now for casting.

Casting is quite easy, think of the spell you wish to cast and let it fly. Before being able to cast a spell though, one must "make" that spell through a process known as crafting. Spells can not be taught, there is no method to learn, no incantations, no hand-waving. Each individual must recreate every spell he wishes to use. To better explain it, think if you made a machine, then showed it to your friend, but it's impossible for you to show your friend how to
build this machine, he has to study yours and recreate it or he has to think of the machine himself and create thusly.The process for crafting spells differs, for some it's like weaving thread, others say it's piecing a puzzle. The difficulty does not differ and it is a taxing procedure. Crafting a spell requires complete concentration on the task to even be able to work at it. How long the crafting takes depends upon the preparedness of the crafter, the complexity of the spell, and the crafter's skill. One's skill at crafting spells, well, practice makes perfect. A spell, when completed, takes on the image of a seal (the wax things on letters, not the animal) in the mind, always remembered and ready to be called. Once a spell has been crafted however, it can be cast by a simple mental exercise. Call up the seal of the spell wanted and break it open, this casts the spell.

Questions? Please, somebody, raise a hand. Oh, and next lesson: "The effects of being lit" or "Elements of magic and a soul's affect on elements"?

Okay, so spells aren't like DnD, where you learn them and then forget them once you've used them? You're basically creating your own version of a spell, tailored to your needs and how you perceived that spell, that once you've completed it can be called up at any time? Can spells be increased in power over time? Um, can the effects of a spell vary slightly (like can a fire spell be used to do something as small as light a cigarette and something as large as burning down a door?)? And I'm guessing that each Open soul has a different range for how far the effect carries.

Okay, that's what I've got for now.

Regarding all of the questions: This is how my mind works. Just as an example, I watched Bedknobs and Broomsticks for the first time in years a week ago and by the end of the movie I had figured out two different ways that the Substitutiary Locomotion spell could have worked, and both of them fit how the spell was shown to operate and be called up in the movie.

Your two questions are basically about the scaling of power for a spell, right? Ok, this is where the idea of force comes into play. As you increase the force behind your magic, you increase the power of your spells. Think of punching a wall with your full strength. Now go imagine yourself training for about a decade, now take your imaginary self to the same wall and punch it again at full strength. Different result right?
Scaling a spell's power up and down is just measuring the amount of force behind your magic. Same thing as throwing a weak punch. This takes a large bit of control in magic though, so we use the age old "practice makes perfect" once again.

Spells are somewhat open to interepation due to the circumstances. A seal to summon fire might be used to hold a flame in your hand at one point, and light an enemy's flesh on fire at another. It's all in how you break the seal. (Yes, this is me getting variety out of a limited set again, I just like a small number of mutlitask options to an option for every task and only one task.)

As for the distance of ranges, yeah it varies. Very old, powerful grands could have ranges spreading over their entire tribe's land. Forgers, even the young ones, had ranges spreading across continents.

Bedknobs and Broomsticks? Don't know it.

Ah, okay: that's kind of how spells work in my universe as well. I have no problems with the same spell fulfilling basically the same function in general but having a different output in specific... okay, that didn't make much sense. Sorry. Anyway, thanks for clearing that up. Can't wait to see more!

Oh, and Bedknobs and Broomsticks (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bedknobs_and_Broomsticks). It was one of my favorites when I was a kid.

EDIT: Something that just hit me as I was going to bed, is it easier for for a Walled and/or Open soul to craft spells? I'm guessing that Dark Souls would have it hardest (unless you don't need to be under the effect of an Open Soul to create spells... does a Dark Soul need to be Lit in order for it to craft a spell, or can it do it anytime?)

It's pretty much even between walled and open souls. Dark souls do have it bad though, they do have to be lit in order to craft a spell. There's a reason for that and I guess I know which topic to do tonight.

Quote from: Pagan on August 02, 2008, 03:00:59 PM
It's pretty much even between walled and open souls. Dark souls do have it bad though, they do have to be lit in order to craft a spell. There's a reason for that and I guess I know which topic to do tonight.

I can see that... you can't make a machine without all of the component pieces, after all: in the case of spellcrafting, the components are magic and your own capabilities. Okay, I can't wait for tonight.

Oh, um... can you "start" and "stop" spell crafting, like set aside what you've done so far and come back to it tomorrow or a week later? I mean, there has to be an upper limit to how long you can set it aside, because I'm guessing that a half-completed spell will degrade in your mind, but do you have to spend days/weeks working on a spell non-stop, or are you allowed breaks?

Um, all these things about souls has raised a question: can a being without a soul cast magic, or do such things not exist in your world?

First I'll answer the two questions, then tonight's lecture.
  No, the moment the concentration on crafting is broken, the spell falls to pieces and has to be recrafted from the start. However, the time in crafting varies like I said, probably little over an hour for a spell to summon flame. A complex spell, such as an enchantment or a warding would more than likely take the better part of a day.
  A being without a soul can not cast magic. A soul must be lit to cast magic, without a soul, the being has no chance of casting. Yeah, soulless beings do exist on Antara, someplaces they exist in droves.

And now, tonight's lecture

  Even though the term is most often used to described dark souls when in the range of open souls, "lit" is more acuratly the term for any type of soul that has access to magic. However, all open souls and walled souls are lit at all times, so it doesn't need to be said that walled or open souls are lit, such as it doesn't need to be said that a number is to the first power.
  The effects of being lit are few, most only happening when changing from dark to lit, known as "lighting". As Mort having more pressing concerns when they turn and grand Kithen light whilst in the womb, neither could tell of the switch.  Dark souls, though, are quite aware of lighting. The immediate effect is a complete lack of sensation: sight, hearing, smell, taste, even touch, all go away. In a few minutes, sight returns; an hour after, hearing. Smell eventually returns as well, but it can take years for taste to return and even the oldest morts don't have the sense of touch.

And I'm way too tired to do anything, I'll edit this to completion in the morning, GOOD NIGHT.

Quote from: Pagan on August 03, 2008, 05:11:03 AM
First I'll answer the two questions, then tonight's lecture.
  No, the moment the concentration on crafting is broken, the spell falls to pieces and has to be recrafted from the start. However, the time in crafting varies like I said, probably little over an hour for a spell to summon flame. A complex spell, such as an enchantment or a warding would more than likely take the better part of a day.
  A being without a soul can not cast magic. A soul must be lit to cast magic, without a soul, the being has no chance of casting. Yeah, soulless beings do exist on Antara, someplaces they exist in droves.

Okay, thanks for clearing that up.

Quote from: Pagan on August 03, 2008, 05:11:03 AM
  Even though the term is most often used to described dark souls when in the range of open souls, "lit" is more acuratly the term for any type of soul that has access to magic. However, all open souls and walled souls are lit at all times, so it doesn't need to be said that walled or open souls are lit, such as it doesn't need to be said that a number is to the first power.
  The effects of being lit are few, most only happening when changing from dark to lit, known as "lighting". As Mort having more pressing concerns when they turn and grand Kithen light whilst in the womb, neither could tell of the switch.  Dark souls, though, are quite aware of lighting. The immediate effect is a complete lack of sensation: sight, hearing, smell, taste, even touch, all go away. In a few minutes, sight returns; an hour after, hearing. Smell eventually returns as well, but it can take years for taste to return and even the oldest morts don't have the sense of touch.

Okay, so lighting isn't as simple as just walking inside a set circumference and suddenly being able to perform magic: there's actually quite a few side-effects to it. So, all of these effects hold true, even if someone was Lit in the womb? Um, do Open souls suffer from sense-related problems, and if one were to leave the area of affect caused by an Open soul would all of their senses return to normal, or is it just because their senses were overloaded and their coming back down from that overload (like walking outside into bright sunlight from a dark movie theater)?

And now I want to ask you about souls and how they can be lost, but I fear distracting you from your current objective (and based on my thread, we know what can happen if that happens), so I'll just wait for you to get there.

If I understand the questions correctly, you're asking if when an open soul enters another open soul's range, would that open soul go through the lighting process? The answer is no. That soul became lit when it became an open soul, so it would not go through the lighting effects ever again.

I'm going to finish last night's lecture before answering the second question. A warning, some of this is up in the air and subject to change.
  While lit souls lose much of their physical senses, they are somewhat compensated. Lit souls seem to have some form of etheral senses, though nothing conrete as to what they are. These senses are not always avialable and seem to come and go at random. It has been theorized that these etheral senses are strongest at the moment of lighting, when all physical sense leaves the soul. Dark souls have not yet been said to have any etheral senses when lit, and it's possible that a soul must actually produce magic to gain these.

In answer, the effects of unlighting or going dark is much the same but quicker.


Ok, I think I'll actaully stop doing magic for awhile, we're walking on thin ice. So... I think I could do Forgers now, or do you want more on souls? Or I could finally do that lecture on geography.  And raise those hands dangit, you learn more by asking questions!

Quote from: Pagan on August 03, 2008, 03:44:12 PM
If I understand the questions correctly, you're asking if when an open soul enters another open soul's range, would that open soul go through the lighting process? The answer is no. That soul became lit when it became an open soul, so it would not go through the lighting effects ever again.

Um, I think I was asking whether or not a Dark soul... oh, I see the problem, I didn't punctuate right. I was trying to ask if a Dark soul who was previously lit (and then left the influence of an open soul) would have to go through that whole re-lighting thing again if they reentered an Open soul's influence, or if they could skip it and get their senses back on track faster.

Quote from: Pagan on August 03, 2008, 03:44:12 PM
I'm going to finish last night's lecture before answering the second question. A warning, some of this is up in the air and subject to change.

Welcome to my world. Why do you think my stuff is so chaotic?

Quote from: Pagan on August 03, 2008, 03:44:12 PM
  While lit souls lose much of their physical senses, they are somewhat compensated. Lit souls seem to have some form of etheral senses, though nothing conrete as to what they are. These senses are not always avialable and seem to come and go at random. It has been theorized that these etheral senses are strongest at the moment of lighting, when all physical sense leaves the soul. Dark souls have not yet been said to have any etheral senses when lit, and it's possible that a soul must actually produce magic to gain these.

In answer, the effects of unlighting or going dark is much the same but quicker.

Ah, so magic-wielders gain some sort of "sixth sense" in exchange for their more physical five sense? That's a little more fair then.

Quote from: Pagan on August 03, 2008, 03:44:12 PM
Ok, I think I'll actaully stop doing magic for awhile, we're walking on thin ice. So... I think I could do Forgers now, or do you want more on souls? Or I could finally do that lecture on geography.  And raise those hands dangit, you learn more by asking questions!

I'm a little curious about souls to be honest (especially since the concept of a soul in my universe is so bloody important that you could consider this entire story about Terra to merely be a prologue to a much large cross-multiverse story I have in mind).

Once again, answer the question then a lecture.
Dark souls have to go through the lighting process each time, every time. It's one reason why Kithen dislike leaving their lands. It's not something one wants to experience again and again.

By a overwhelming win (one), souls have win the topic contest tonight.

  Souls are what give a being sentience, what gives beings access to magic. Without a soul, a being has neither. A soul resides with it's body for that body's lifespan and leaves for a different plane upon that body's death, most times. Souls can be ejected prior to death by magic though this is difficult without killing the body. When a soul is ejected, it does not leave this plane. The soul either becomes an Oddity of some sort or it enters another body which already has a soul in residence. When this occurs, the souls have something similar to a battle of wills, one soul (not always the orginal) becomes the host, the other the boarder. Having two souls in one body is not pleasant the body often dies soon after the second enters. Sometimes, very extremely rarely, the two souls decide to merge instead of coexist - why this happens is unclear, a tie in the 'battle of wills,' the souls being 'friendly,' who knows?- which creates a "Merged Soul." Regardless of the original souls', a merged soul will always be an open soul. And a quite powerful one. While a merging between souls has little effect on the physical state, the mental state will be a bit worse for wear.
  Soulless are Oddities which have a corperal body, but posess no soul. A body which had it's soul ejected, a Mort which failed to turn properly, a zombie, and a few other Oddities are all Soulless. Soulless aren't too dangerous, they tend to loiter and stare blankly. Unless a soulless falls under the control of a spell, then it's up to the will of the caster what that soulless will do. If the body of a soulless is still living, it will most likely die soon.


Any questions? Oh, and don't get too excited about merged souls. They're interesting sure, do they show up in the plot? No.

Interesting stuff. For some reason, I'm envisioning the battle of wills as something like between Ling/Greed from Fullmetal Alchemist. And I'm guessing the Soulless don't really do anything, kind of like the Hollow that result from a Fae breeding in the DMFAverse?

And I like how you anticipated my question about Merged souls. I'm guessing that a merged soul's mind could be best described as "schizophrenic?"

Well, most of the soulless are just going to be zombies raised by magic, so they're already going to be under the control of someone. So it's less like the hollows and more like undead under a necromancer. But that's most cases, the rest are pretty much like a hollow from Furrae.

Schizo is a light term for a merged soul. Forming a coherent thought is going to be difficult for a good long while. When you're possessed, one soul has control of the body even if it has to switch hands occasionally. When two souls merge, it's not quite so clean cut. The thoughts and wishes of both souls mingle and it's kinda like a sentence that changes between two languages every other word.

I'm really liking the geography idea. So unless I get an objection or something, that's what'll be up tonight.

No new questions to answer and a request to see geography, let's go!

  Antara's geography could easily be described as an archipeligo. A myriad of islands and dots of land are scattered across the many seas. The greatest landmass is around the size of our world's Greenland (which, incidentally, holds a large number of the Mort population). Most of the islands are closer to the size of Texas.
  Islands tend to be found near each other in clusters. These are normally within sight of each other on the horizons. But clusters are usually father apart. This is the primary reason why naval technology on Antara is a couple of steps ahead of other areas. Even though clusters are a bit spread out, there isn't enough water between them to be called an ocean. One ocean exists, in the eastern hemisphere with only two islands. These two islands snake vertically across the planet. The two are really just one extremely large mountian range, so there's no habitable land upon them.
  In case you're wondering, the island that was mentioned way earlier, Tel Nauus, is in a cluster in the far southwestern corner of the map.

So... maybe next time I could do a precursor on Oddities? Or maybe just do Forgers already. I'm open to suggestions. And questions people. Ask and you shall recieve! Knowledge. I can't really give anything else, but eh.

Interesting. I'm sensing a possibility for naval warfare on the horizon. Out of curiosity, is anything hiding out in the eastern hemisphere's ocean? I'm guessing that clusters tend to either have similar forms of government, or may belong to the same government out right, while each cluster basically keeps to itself. Why do the Mort seem to be concentrated on that one island (and I know that they're elsewhere, but was that where the Mort got started or do they just tend to migrate that way?)? Um, what's the technological level basically like (imperial age/seventeenth century, industrial revolution, or something else)?

The Oddities sound interesting, but really whatever you want to do. I'm starting to get into character information over in my thread, and even posting a few samples of writing.

I saw, actually I'm thinking of cribbing off you cribbing off Amber and doing some *real* character profiles, so that's another idea.

Yeah, the cluster's generally have friendly relations, trade and such. Well, the Mort tend to have a bit of a horde mentality and don't lose it well. But since the First Mort is there, life isn't all so bad. For the Mort.

The tech level is a bit schizo, so I'm not going to say it's this and it's only this and anything from that is out. Tech is aviable as the plot demands pretty much. But as for a general idea, think height of Roman empire. Yeah, old, but really, not that much happened between Rome's collapse and the Renisance.

I see. So, no steam engines or things like that? Well, outside of something simple like the Aeolipile (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aeolipile). Maybe some clockwork mechanisms and stuff?

The First Mort? Interesting...

Incidentally, I am gradually adapting her template to fit my needs. For example, how my characters fight and what weapons they prefer is important enough to warrant mention. I figure in a handful of characters it'll be my own and I can go back and fix the old ones and stop "cribbing" off of her.

Sorry I didn't do anything last night. Sorry I can't post anything right now. But I'm going on a four day trip in about thirty minutes. I might be away from a computer with internet for all of those days, so I might not be able to update anything. If that happens, I'll do all of my missing updates on Saturday. See ya'll then.

No worries. Have fun! Be warned that you'll have to catch up and comment on my stuff, or else I'll come up with about fifty questions for you to answer!

Seriously, have fun.

I'M BACK! So while I was away, I suppose I should have been working on the stuff for the thread, but really... all I could do was suffer internet withdrawals and cope with books. Seriously, how did people live without the net? Seriously though, I do have a couple of topics in mind, I just can't do all of them tonight. So tonight you're getting Oddities. And after that's done, I hopefully will have thought of something for the second topic.


Oddities is a very open catch-all term that can apply to places, species, things, basically anything that's strange, bizzare, or unnusual in Antara. The soulless from a couple of posts ago fall under oddity, a Marble or a Forger's Tomb would be called an oddity as well. For a race to be considered an oddity, it must have a small population, lack sentience, produce magic, be unimportant to the plot, any combonitation of those factors. Oddities that are objects aren't common, normally things that have been enchanted and ancient and fallen into myth. Odditiy localitions are places heavily touched by magic and just wouldn't exist naturally, the mountian islands of Antara's ocean are considered oddities (I need a name for those two...) the collosal plateu of Grineer is an oddity as well.
In troper terms, an oddity is something created by the whimsy of the author, something that doesn't fit my rules and I still want it or something like that.

Up next, the a character profile, and one that almost exactly copies Amber's cast profiles, this is shameless and I apologize.


Name: Sirul
Age: 18
Species: Sapien
Hobbies: day-dreaming, cards, flirting
Hair: light brown, shaggy
Eyes: sharp, bright, green
Often Seen: with a blank look in his face and his head in the clouds
Most known for: "The windmill incident 1 and 2"
Favorite Food: Apples
Favorite Colour: bright blue
Personality: Light hearted and easy-going, Sirul wants fun and adventure from life above all else. The most avid listerner to bards and traveling merchants, Sirul knows plenty of legends and stories and desires to be in one himself. Unfortunately Sirul's not the most responsible or dedicated person, and so hasn't done much to accomplish his goal. His attention span, though short, is concetrated and thus he is capable of quickly finished deeds. Sirul's quick to a joke or flirt and shrugs off grudges easily.
History: Sirul has lived in Lotrent his entire life with his mother, father and younger siblings (all sisters). Being the eldest child, he was the first to help in his father's shop, but his sisters have followed him.  Aside from pranks and flirting with any girls on festival days and haggling with the merchants who pass through Lotrent, Sirul hasn't done much. Only recently has he begun his friendship with Janeth.
Quirks/Fun Facts: Sirul has numerous scars upon his back and bottom, from switchings given to him by parents and townspeople.
Sirul is actually quite good at haggleling and the merchant business.
Sirul's sisters cannot cook and often rely upon him when their mother isn't home.


And that's that. God I'm tired. I will say that both of the above are subject to change. Questions, please, raise your hands.                    Good NIGHT!

So, in a Meta-sense, an Oddity is whatever you say it is? Wait, are enchanted objects relatively rare in your universe?

Hm, in my universe I call Oddity-like-locations "Wilds," a place where wild magic has done some weird things. Never-ending springs in the middle of deserts, jungles in the middle of arctic wastelands, floating islands, eternal flames, old battlegrounds where massive amounts of energy were spilled, the places where magic is actually visible to the naked eye... they're not safe places to be. Especially since most of the creatures and beasts there have been affected and mutated by all of the magic in the air into something really big and disturbing and deadly. We are talking weird crap here... kind of like what you've got.

Yep, oddities are what I say they are, matter of convience really.
Enchanted items exist, however, it takes a very fragile seal to cast one and the amount of force require to make the enchantment worthile or even lasting is simply ridiculous. So yes, enchanted items are a bit of a rarity.

Give me two floats and a goat's tail, and I'll have tonight's posts.

Pagan! Use that mush you call a brain! You need to come up with something!
You're right, Shoulder Demon, I need to do this. Think, think, think.
First is a profile sheet for Janeth

Name: Janeth
Age: 19
Species: Sapien
Hobbies: practicing with his great axe, working, browsing shops
Hair: dark brown, short
Eyes: brown, large
Often Seen: at the mill, working
Most known for: buying that great axe
Favorite Food: beef
Favorite Colour: grey
Personality: Janeth is an interesting combination of dedication and impulsiveness. He can make what would be a difficult and trying descision for others within a day, simply because he goes with his gut and what sounds better (how "better" is judged changes from time to time). Once he's made the choice, he sticks with it, regardless of the consequences, doesn't matter the effort or time involved. As an obvious side effect, Janeth is very stubborn. He's not very reserved with others, saying whatever he wishes to.
History: Janeth's family mainly practices farming and hunting, but at a young age, Janeth decided he wanted to work at the mill, and he soon found himself there. Janeth's tendencies lead him to make odd choices, such as his purchase of his twohanded great axe (which he has named "Mortane") or when he decided to follow a cute girl to Port Selien. He's got a colorful past and plenty of stories to tell.
Quirks/Fun Facts: Janeth likes to window-shop, but rarely will he fill the desire to purchase anything.
Janeth enjoys reading and often visits Lotrent's modest library.
He flirts girls at the drop of a hat.
When a pursuit of Janeth's fails to the point that he decides to stop, he moves on to whatever is next pretty quickly.

And second a fail. I'm getting tired, I might answer a question, and I'm sorry for my suck, but no other topic for tonight.

So Sirul is the daydreaming hero-wannabe and Janeth is the stubborn yet honest fool, both of whom have yet to find a focus and purpose in their lives? I sense destiny on the march...

Wait... I should write that line down.

Oh, and how did the two of them meet, out of curiosity?

"Windmill Incident 1 and 2" of course. Yep, when I thought about what combination would make for the best way to get two people out of a hometown to *do* something, this pair came to mind. Since then, I've just been exploring what would seem natural to people with those personalities.
No questions about Mortane? Aw well.

I seen to have a bit of a second wind, but instead of writing a big honking topic, I'll just give a couple of foot notes to earlier topics.

On Mort.
It was mentioned *way* earlier that Mort have the typical feeding impulse of undead, but they can resist it somewhat. I think I should clear that up a bit. Every Mort has a voice in their head, screaming to eat flesh, but when the Mort is alone, the voice can be easily ignored. When two Mort are together, each one hears his own voice and the voice of the other. See where this is going? That's why Mort are solitary things, when too many gather together, the voices pretty much take over the brain and there goes most of sentience.
The First Mort is pretty much what his name implies. His body is not that of a Kithen or Sapien and isn't known on Antara. Whether that race died out or something else, who can say- sides him. The First is unique in that his voice either does not exist or is quite sane. Other Mort around him hear little of the rest of the voices, the First's is so overpowering in their minds. Because of this, the First has been able to direct the Mort around him on Banteis into somewhat of a society and a culture, if more than a little on the side of a dictatorship.

On seals.
Seals, which are the mental storage of spells, are not eternal and invicible. They suffer from wear and tear and some are rather fragile. If a seal is too far strained or goes without restoration, it will break. And then that seal is lost until it is crafted again. Maintance for seals is similar to crafting one, entering the concentration necessary, and then tightnening any looseness, replacing pieces too far gone, etc. Occasionally, a seal is simply too delicate to be used more than once. These seals are lost after the first casting. It tends to be that these are also highly complex spells to craft, so such spells are not commonly used.

Hoo-ah, more questions! It's always easier to answer questions than it is to write one of these topics. Guess it's my habit of directness and such. But more questions! Ask and I shall answer!

Ah, a "Noodle Incident" styled event. I like it.

I like the idea of race where every member is insane. Or maybe I'm just nuts too. So the First is basically the only thing keeping the Mort from rampaging across the world? I'm also guessing more willful Mort can resist the effect of the voices longer. Heehee... "You're just jealous cause the voices don't talk to you." Great t-shirt, that one. Kind of describes the Mort in a way.

Hey, machines need regular maintenance, why not mentally craft spells too? I'm guessing simple spells need maintenance less often, while more complicated ones might need daily "check-ups," as it were? And each seal has a "limit" that it cannot go beyond: so, a simple fire spell can light a cigarette or make a fire-ball, but if you try to make a forest-fire sized flame you'll break the seal? What happens when a seal breaks: do spells backfire on the caster, or simply fall apart as you're trying to cast them?

I hoped you would. And since you know the rules of a noodle incident, you know I don't have to tell you anything about it. Though it does involve paint and feathers and lots of flour.

I think you might have misunderstood me a bit on the Mort. If just one Mort is alone, out of "hearing" distance, then he only hears his voice, which is pretty quiet and solo Mort can operate sanely. The First is what keeps the island of Banteis from becoming a blood-field. Everything would be slaughtered and eaten, probably most of the Mort there included.

Not exactly, it's not the size or style in which a seal is used that leads to the breaking point, it's the number of times used. Like I've said before, the size of the spell cast is dependent of the force behind it. A seal breaks after it has been cast for the last time and the seal just falls apart. The spell gets cast, the caster gets an awful mental whiplash and that seal's gonna need a rebuild. But nothing blows up in a face. Shame though, I kinda like "pie-in-face" humor on occasion.

Hm, fun.

I was just commenting on the "voice" that they hear in one another's presence. So, outside of the Bantels, Mort are solitary creatures? Can they live in the presence of non-Mort without any danger (Except for the whole infection thing)?

Mental whiplash? Sounds nasty, though from your description it vaguely sounds like the power behind the spell makes the whiplash's affect change. Um, is it easier to rebuild a spell once you've "broken" the seal, since you did it before?

Yeah, Mort can live amongst other races without going feed crazy. It's only in the presence of other Mort that the voices grow stronger.
You see, Mort are my version of vampire/zombie. Vamps are cliche though, and I cannot use them in good concience. And I love undead, so I wanted to use them. This was my way of using zombies without having them be mindless brain-eaters.

Only slightly, in that once you've built something once, you know you can built it again.

I have to do two things for yesterday, Forgers and some more random facts.

The first thing to know about the Forgers is that they are not from Antara. Where exactly they came from, it's unsure, but it was only a small family that came to Antara of near thirty individuals. No other Forgers have come to Antara before, during, or since. So when I talk about the Forger's history, I am only speaking abot those who came to Antara.
In physical appearance, Forgers are large beings, normally over three times the height of a sapien, twice as wide too. Their skin varies in color and texture, some have blue flesh, others purple scales, or hot pink feathers. The skin is always rock hard though, nearly impenetrable to normal weapons. Odd features such as horns, fangs, wings, anntenae, or anything else is random, yet quite possible. All Forgers tend to have a glow surronding their entire body, though it is strongest near the chest and head, which is slightly tinted.
The history of the Forgers upon Antara is rather simple, they came to the world when only the Kithen and Mort inhabitted it, and immediatly there was annamosity between the Kithen and Forgers. The war ended desicivily with the Forgers nigh unscarred and the Kithen decimated. Afterwards, the Forgers affected the world with their massive magic, bettering the land or creating Oddities. The last act of Forger history, when Sapiens appeared (it has been theorized that the Forgers actually created the race, or somehow brought them into global play), was the most active. The young Sapiens, without magic of their own, often worshipped the Forgers for the gift of magic and in awe of the Forgers' strength. The Forgers accepted the worship of the young race with great appreciation. Unfortunatly, all of the Forgers were immensely aged and they died under the slow sword of time.
Forgers were giant in physical size, but collosal in magic. Forgers were open souls and the ranges they produced were huge in size. The force of their spells was titanic, and Forgers had great skill in crafting seals. It was often said that a Forger could do anything in magic, that they were omnipotent- slight hyperbole. Many enchantments Forgers left upon items or places are still active.

Some random facts.

Magic has no elements, each spell is seperate and unrelated to others, though many casters make such distinctions to help organize spells in their own minds.
Spells which are not instantaneous and are intended to have a lasting effect have two uses of the caster's force. To determine the strength of the spell and to determine it's length in time. Once the spell is cast, it will not need to be maintianed for it's duration, but once the spell has died out, the spell will need to be recast inorder to keep the effect in place. This is the reason why enchantments are not highly common, the magical additions die in short time unless the amount of force behind the spell is prodigious.
This should have been said back during the Kithen topic, but two more bits of information about grands. Grand Kithen have dragonic weeks upon their back, the span of each wing is slightly wider than the shoulders of the grand. Grand Kithen cannot truly fly with them, but gliding is easily accomplished. Grand Kithen are omnivoric and have exotic tastes, while they will eat cattle and deer and other animals or grain and fruit and vegatables, grands consider Sapiens to be a rare and delicious treat. Male and female Kithen, however, prefer to stick to non-sentient food.


Alrighty, any questions for what was supposed to be last night's topics? And any suggestions as to what I should do for tonight's?

Interesting. So the Forgers that the Antaran's know and "love" were just a little part of the overall race? And they brought humans to Antara? Also interesting. The Forgers sound a bit like the demons from DMC: all of them having different shapes and powers, but the same general abilities shared among them. And the Mort predate the Forgers, so the Kithen were the original sapient race on Antara? Hm, I have to wonder about why the Forgers were so old when they came to Antara... I sense backstory.

As for the magic stuff... eh, I can see how all of that works.

Now I'm off to finish my Part 2.

Yes, go, finish it! Wanna read it so bad.

I'm not going to say anything specific about how Sapiens came to Antara, mainly because in the end, it doesn't matter plot-wise.
Yep, just a small part of the large Forger race. And there is a bit of backstory to them, but unless you want a drama to rival the greek gods, I'll spare you.
Yep again, Kithen were the orginal Antarans.

I'm beginning to wonder if I should write a bit of story like what you're doing for tonight's topic. I've got a couple of ideas I could use... But you have anything you want to hear about, please let me know.

Quote from: Pagan on August 12, 2008, 09:12:31 PM
Yep, just a small part of the large Forger race. And there is a bit of backstory to them, but unless you want a drama to rival the greek gods, I'll spare you.

My dear Duke of Langstone, I have backstory for characters that not only are never mentioned in the story of Terra, they've been dead for almost ten thousand years. Just to give you a hint of that backstory, part of it involves Merlin (yes, the Merlin) yelling the words "Because it's awesome!" And at one point he also brings down an entire civilization with a wrist-watch-sized radio transmitter...

And I am working on it... just a warning, you may hate me for years to come.

Alright, due to some good advice and a masochistic nature, I'm going to post what might be considered chapter 0 or chapter 1 of the story.  Which finally has a title, "Gods of Antara." It's not going to posted this instant, I'm going to edit into this post later tonight. So be on a lookout.
I am jumping off the cliff, I'm hoping there's a pool at the bottom.

Well, don't rush it. Just have fun writing it. Do you think I would have written that prologue if I wasn't giggling and cackling half the time?

<Snip snip> Look for chapter 1.2 below!


It's not very long, I know. I'm not sure when chapter 2 will be up, hopefully soon. Questions, comments, something I hadn't thought of?

Off to a flying start, are we?

When my brain has cleared up a little bit, I'll throw in my two cents.

...

Okay. It's a little clearer now. Sounds like a big party in the village: it did help to clarify that this was because they were basically the first people to "leave" the village in a while. It could just be me, but I think you're trying to cram a little too much description into your main characters. From my perspective, the town is currently the most important part: since I'm guessing they'll basically be traveling on their own, that could be a good time to fit in the more detailed descriptions for them. Get a second opinion though, since my way might not work for you. Anyway, thanks for putting this up.

Now isn't it nice to get this down on "paper?" Did you have fun writing it?

Could you expand a bit on your critism? If I'm understanding you, I was giving too much description-- physical, their past, stuff like that-- for this part, as there would be space for it later? That really could work. I was wanting to make the "party" the first chatper, but it might be better to just tack on the next bit and even it out somewhat.
As you can see, my style of writing is criminally short, I was using the description for padding. Though I think I might have an idea on how to expand chapter 1 a bit in another way.
I can't really say anything of my style besides length, because I haven't written much fiction. Don't be suprised if it's a bit schizo for awhile.
I think for my next update, I'll revise chapter 1 and maybe add what was going to be chapter 2 into it. We'll just have to wait and see.

No question on the big plan? Ah well...

It was really nice to get it on paper! The idea that began this story came to me years ago, most likely over a decade. It's gone through revision after revision. Maybe now that I'm showing it to people, I'll finally be able to get it finished. I had a good feeling writing it, but it was more like a feeling of accomplishment after cleaning out a really cluttered basement-- or rather, a section of a really cluttered basement.

And thank you! With your bit of help, I'm seeing a much better way to do chap 1 already.

And I'm feeling a little... woozy... Vertigo, for the win, eh?

Quote from: Pagan on August 23, 2008, 12:55:33 AM
Could you expand a bit on your critism? If I'm understanding you, I was giving too much description-- physical, their past, stuff like that-- for this part, as there would be space for it later? That really could work. I was wanting to make the "party" the first chatper, but it might be better to just tack on the next bit and even it out somewhat.

As you might have caught, I'm generally a bit light on the descriptions... because if I try to go heavy I turn boring and technical (note how hard it was to get through those four paragraphs on Shepherd Junior... I'm surprised no one wanted to know a little more about it... unless I hit all of the bases... um... anyway!). So I tend to slip in little bits of description here and there, and if I do a "description dump" I try to keep it as entertaining as I can so that I don't bore people. Well, I'm trying not too, anyway: I don't really have enough external opinions to know my strengths and weaknesses yet, which I why I love feedback. As for the descriptions of the characters themselves, it did feel a little heavy at times. You've got plenty of time to completely describe them before the shit hits the fan, right?

Quote from: Pagan on August 23, 2008, 12:55:33 AM
As you can see, my style of writing is criminally short, I was using the description for padding. Though I think I might have an idea on how to expand chapter 1 a bit in another way.

Here's a trick: help paint the town. Focus on different areas, listen in on other conversations, look over other events. Maybe it's just me, but I like suggesting that other people's stories continue without the protagonist's interaction. Sort of like how in some movies they have shots of conversations and interactions that have been going on throughout this whole dance or ball or what have you: there's a whole town that we're probably not going to see again. Leave us with vivid memories, let us know what the main characters are leaving. The characters in Covenant Wars leave Gar Salem for a week, and they come back and they have to catch up with what's happening... and they have to do that a few times. In your case, if you decide to destroy the town at some point, it becomes a lot more meaningful than the place getting blown up in the first ten minutes, because now we know that there were people there and we sort of cared about them.

Quote from: Pagan on August 23, 2008, 12:55:33 AM
I can't really say anything of my style besides length, because I haven't written much fiction. Don't be suprised if it's a bit schizo for awhile.

Practice makes perfect. As an example, my style just kind of sprang into being because I want people to be entertained, so I kind of went for what you called the "lighter tone." But since it's mostly reflexive by this point, I have to learn how to turn it off or alter it in order to get the effect that I want or to refine my other techniques..

Quote from: Pagan on August 23, 2008, 12:55:33 AM
I think for my next update, I'll revise chapter 1 and maybe add what was going to be chapter 2 into it. We'll just have to wait and see.

Eh, do what you want. That reminds me, I've gotta put something up.

Quote from: Pagan on August 23, 2008, 12:55:33 AM
No question on the big plan? Ah well...

I assumed that the big plan was them going to the harbor city to earn their fortune, unless they're planning to use that as a jumping stone to go on some adventure. Of course, considering that in The Covenant Wars the actual war itself is the B Plot, maybe I should be digging into your story a little more.

Quote from: Pagan on August 23, 2008, 12:55:33 AM
It was really nice to get it on paper! The idea that began this story came to me years ago, most likely over a decade. It's gone through revision after revision. Maybe now that I'm showing it to people, I'll finally be able to get it finished. I had a good feeling writing it, but it was more like a feeling of accomplishment after cleaning out a really cluttered basement-- or rather, a section of a really cluttered basement.

Yep, that's what it's been like for me. I've basically known all of this stuff, but getting on paper helps me organize it and catch mistakes. Which is why I love it when people ask questions! It also lets you know that people are interested in what you're working on, or at least want to help you work on it.

Quote from: Pagan on August 23, 2008, 12:55:33 AM
And thank you! With your bit of help, I'm seeing a much better way to do chap 1 already.

You're welcome.

Quote from: Pagan on August 23, 2008, 12:55:33 AM
And I'm feeling a little... woozy... Vertigo, for the win, eh?

I call it a "post-writing high." Remember when I posted "The Cursed Castle of Stalcaire?" I felt a little woozy after that too. Actually, a lot woozy, since I didn't get anything up the next day. It's a weird feeling, but to me it means that I've done some good work. I hope.

Quote from: Jairus on August 23, 2008, 01:11:01 AM
As you might have caught, I'm generally a bit light on the descriptions… because if I try to go heavy I turn boring and technical (note how hard it was to get through those four paragraphs on Shepherd Junior… I'm surprised no one wanted to know a little more about it… unless I hit all of the bases… um… anyway!). So I tend to slip in little bits of description here and there, and if I do a "description dump" I try to keep it as entertaining as I can so that I don't bore people. Well, I'm trying not too, anyway: I don't really have enough external opinions to know my strengths and weaknesses yet, which I why I love feedback. As for the descriptions of the characters themselves, it did feel a little heavy at times. You've got plenty of time to completely describe them before the shit hits the fan, right?

Quote from: Jairus on August 23, 2008, 01:11:01 AM
Here's a trick: help paint the town. Focus on different areas, listen in on other conversations, look over other events. Maybe it's just me, but I like suggesting that other people's stories continue without the protagonist's interaction. Sort of like how in some movies they have shots of conversations and interactions that have been going on throughout this whole dance or ball or what have you: there's a whole town that we're probably not going to see again. Leave us with vivid memories, let us know what the main characters are leaving. The characters in Covenant Wars leave Gar Salem for a week, and they come back and they have to catch up with what's happening… and they have to do that a few times. In your case, if you decide to destroy the town at some point, it becomes a lot more meaningful than the place getting blown up in the first ten minutes, because now we know that there were people there and we sort of cared about them.

And now I know what I had thought to add into chapter one is right. Thanks for confirming what the voices said. Though I highly doubt I'll use the "destroyed home-town" trope. I don't like that one for some reason.

Won't say anything about your guess on the "big plan" because I want it to be somewhat of a suprise.

Quote from: Pagan on August 23, 2008, 01:36:28 AM

Quote from: Jairus on August 23, 2008, 01:11:01 AM
~snip~

Quote from: Jairus on August 23, 2008, 01:11:01 AM
~snip~

And now I know what I had thought to add into chapter one is right. Thanks for confirming what the voices said. Though I highly doubt I'll use the "destroyed home-town" trope. I don't like that one for some reason.

Glad to have been of help. The reason that I don't want to use the "Destroyed Home Town" trope is because in this case the home town is an enormous city with maybe two or three hundred thousand people living in it. Which is not to say that it won't come in to play at some point... hehehe...

Quote from: Pagan on August 23, 2008, 01:36:28 AM
Won't say anything about your guess on the "big plan" because I want it to be somewhat of a suprise.

Eh, that's okay. Heck, even with all the stuff I've posted I've been keeping things under wraps...

I just realized what tonight's post for my thread is going to be: The Knights of the Realm.

"Ah, comon now. Why would I ever make this up?" Of course, the children gathered around the man all believed him. No matter what their parents and siblings said, the man's words had to be true. The world would simply be too boring if he was not telling the truth.

   While the children gathered around the old veteran and listened to his tales, the rest of the party-goers flitted about, talking to one person then another as their fancy took them. The event to see off the venturous pair, Janeth and Sirul, filled the largest bar of the town, the Three Crowns, to Mister Nightan (the tavern's owner) great pleasure, and poured into the street and nearby buildings. Such as the nearby house of Miss Tabithias, who was making a lovely dinner for the celebration, many filled the kind woman's home, especially children, who might get a treat from her if they asked nicely. Stories were being told to any ear that would listen, while other tales were being made. For instance, a young Mister Antwain was attempting to impress a couple of pretty young ladies by doing minor acrobatics. Unfortunately, he never could land as well as he jumped. Or the old men, Master Lewuc, Master Oswalk, Masters Jint and Loal, who were sitting at a table, reminiscing about their collective childhoods. Laughter filled the air as drink filled the gullet. Even the serious bankers of the village seemed to sway to the light mood of the day. Occasionally, someone would pick up an instrument with a friend or three and play a tune, which would quickly inspire many to dance. And the guests of honor never saw a moment not surrounded by well-wishers or someone telling them he or she hoped to see them again soon. Over and over, each congratulated the other for his brilliance. The plan they had developed was bound to be a success, but neither knew a party would serve as their farewell. A welcome unexpected bonus.
   The revelry could be heard throughout the entire town of Lotrent, with its numerous wooden and stone buildings, and even sounded over the many small outlying farms surrounding the village, though most of these were empty with the people all in the town enjoying themselves. The forests farther out were spared the noise and were silent save for the critters and the wind. South of the forests of Lotrent lay the three peaks of Tel Nauus, easily the highest points of the island and possibly the entire cluster of other islands around it.
   But down away from the high altitude of the mountains, the party went on and one of Lotrent's young women was asking Sirul about how the duo had thought up their wondrous idea. The light of the sun played in her dark brown hair as it fell to her shoulders, her pretty hazel eyes matched her clothing. "I didn't even think the two of you were friends. After what happened at the windmill and all..."
   Sirul's winced momentarily at the memory of the horrible and event, but recovered before the lass could raise her eyes again. "Ah well, even though the two of us were not on the absolute best of terms that day-- or week-- we eventually came to appreciate each other's point of view and ideas. Just so you know, I had really nothing to do with the feathers. And the second time was comple-"
   "Your fault, yeah, I know." Janeth interrupted by shoving his elbow in Sirul's side, he seemed to have leapt from who he had been conversing with to jump into this one. "Everyone knows that, Sirul. We both came up with the idea, it just kinda came out of nowhere."
   The girl was still a bit confused. "Oh? You both came up with it? But... when did you two have the time to talk? I'm sure you couldn't have while you were working."
   Janeth answered, shaking his head, "You're right, we never had a moment's rest while fixing the thing. And the second time was worse. I've still got bruises from that job. We talked over some ale at the Tale's End after each night." He grinned suddenly and asked, "Ya know what Sirul drinks?"
   Sirul stepped in nearly right after Janeth had begun talking, "Does where our plan came from really matter? It will become reality soon and then we'll reap the spoils." Sirul's lips split into a huge smile, as if a cherished wish had been granted.
   To Janeth's disappointment, the girl paid Sirul more attention, "But really, leaving Lotrent? Living in another town? No one's done that for awhile. I don't know anyone who's done it."
   Sirul kept his wide grin, "Yes. We are somewhat revolutionary, aren't we?
   "Aw, you afraid we won't come back, girl? Don't worry; we'll come to visit sometime." Janeth paused a moment, "Once we're finished with Port Selien" The girl had been looking more at Sirul, but at this, turned to Janeth and launched into a gush about how lucky he- "they"- were to be able to see the coastal city. Sirul, having lost the contest this round, gave Janeth a light punch and moved on, watching Antwain attempt to jump from his feet, flip, and land on his hands. Even though he was able to flip over, it seemed that his hands just couldn't handle the landing and he kept falling onto the ground with elbows and head leading the way.
   The day passed too quickly for all, suddenly it was time for supper. The dinner featured many dishes from several families of Lotrent-- Miss Tabithias had made two basket fulls of rolls and a huge roasted turkey-- many more fine drinks as well. Eventually though, the sun sank beneath the horizon and the signaled the party's ending. As everyone went to their homes and prepared for the night, some a bit more stumbling than walking, one or two limping, and not few left with an arm around a pretty waist. Sirul and Janeth sat in the Three Crowns, talking about the celebration and what tomorrow held until they finally felt able to rest. The two had packed for the journey to Port Selien over the past week; they would be travelling light and on foot, save for Janeth's exception. Sleep gave them dreams of what was to be their new life. They wanted that new life soon and would not have to wait long. It began with the sun's rising.
   Or so they had thought it would. The dawn broke, the roosters called, and each awoke with a headache, just as any other morning. Regardless, the two gave Mister Nightan a final farewell—along with paying their tab—and placed feet to the ground. While they walked, the two conversed. Even though the pair differed in places, they had discovered common ground while they had fixed the windmill, such as each had a fondness for the old stories. Sirul preferred them spoken or sang while Janeth enjoyed reading the tales from a page, but each knew the other's legends and discussed them at length. The stories and accounts of shadow beasts came up often, neither had seen one of the monsters, but both felt conviction in their existence.
   "Of course they're real, how could they not be?" Sirul said after Janeth had played the demon's advocate. "Explain Treshac's story otherwise."
   "Well, Treshac has said a few things more weird than shadow beasts, his credibility's a bit thin." Janeth countered.
   Sirul nodded briefly, but said, "True that may be, he had a couple of witness with him that time. Each of them told the same tale he did. Are all of them lying?"
   "Or they could have just thought they saw them, what with all the ale. Or Treshac coulda told them they had seen them."
   "Oh, if's that's the case, all Lotrent should have seen shadow beasts yesterday! You and me especially." They continued walking and the sun slowly moved across the sky. "You know... if you hadn't insisted on bringing that axe, we could have probably been in Eisa tonight." Sirul said when evening began to set.
   "Bah. It's not that heavy!" replied Janeth, rolling his shoulders which held the weight of his large great-axe. "I doubt we could have reached Eisa anyway. We aren't horses."
   "You have a point. When would you like to stop and sleep?"
   "When I can walk no farther. Which..." He took three steps, "Is about now." Janeth dropped his gear and Sirul did likewise. They ate some bread, found the softest bit of ground available and nodded off, the small packs serving as thin pillows. Tomorrow, Eisa.


And that's chapter 1.2.
Crits and comments? I'll take anything from anyone.

Okay, better, but you've got a few extra words sneaking in here and there and some tense changes. One of my tricks to catch stuff like that is to read it nice and slowly: that'll help you catch stuff like that.

Um, do they strictly need to leave the town in the first chapter? Then again, too much padding is a bad thing (he says as he contemplates another page and a half to two pages for The Cursed Castle)

And...

Quote"Oh, if's that's the case, all Lotrent should have seen shadow beasts yesterday! You and me especially." They continued walking and the sun slowly moved across the sky. "You know... if you hadn't insisted on bringing that axe, we could have probably been in Eisa tonight." Sirul said when evening began to set.

Right there in the middle between "across the sky" and ""You know"," you should make a new paragraph: it feels like about half the day passed right there in the space of him speaking two lines... which is basically what happened, but since a few hours have passed it might be a good idea to separate them.

Okay, that's what I've got right now.

Dang, I should post something tonight.

I'll check the grammar stuffs in the morning, when I'm more likely to catch it, but thank you for noting that.

They don't need to I guess, but I really want them to hurry up and get to Port Selien. At least something interesting happens there.

You make a good point, and I might just add some more conversation there to make the day feel longer. I just didn't want to split the paragraph because it them both so short and both of them having Sirul speak. I blame an OCD-esque impluse.


And on the thing of "get story moving" and "give it a nice, slow pace" I'm not really sure which route to go. I'd feel like an extreme copout if I just told everything snap, snap, snap and bam! cool stuff is happening. But at the same time, expanding things too far feels like slog and it's not a strong skill of mine... Which probably means that I should try to slow things down, give myself some good practice.

And I have that vertigo feeling again... Whoo... light headed.

From my experience, it's generally a bad idea to leap head-first into a story. You've got to test the waters first before you take the dive.