The Clockwork Mansion

In brief: Dinosaurs to carry guns in Jurassic Park 4 (http://film.guardian.co.uk/news/story/0,,2149175,00.html)

(http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t102/superluser/AWESOMEFILM.jpg)

I hear that in Jurassic Park 5, they're going to coat the dinosaurs with acid, because then if they touch you, not only will they rip you to shreds, but your skin will burn, too.

Also, should I change this to a generic upcoming movies thread or leave it as it is to shame Jurassic Park 4?

Haven't heard anything about Jurassic Park 4 for forever.
I figured someone would mention it soon, since they have official Jurassic Park dino chicken nuggets now.
Yay dinosaur movies that usually star paleontologist characters~

Dinosaurs on a plane?

I hope this is a joke... I really really hope this is a horrible cruel joke.  The premise is so (not B, not C, not even D) F-movie lame, it makes the plot to "The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies" look inspired and philosophical.  I want to stab everyone involved in the thighs with a rusty screwdriver and let them die slowly from tetanus.

well the third one was funny, but this concept of "Dinosaurs with guns" is beyond ridiculous. I'd sooner believe the Raptors were responsible for a series of serial killings (at least that seems more plausible) than one picking up a gun and shooting at people. What dumb Mickey Mouse organization makes movies that stupid...besides the obvious.

If Universal is trying to make money, they should try and make a "good GODZILLA VS. It came from JURASIC PARK"  movie. simply make Godzilla's origin tie in with Jurassic park, and pit him against clasiic Godzilla, or Rohdan, or  even King Kong.

Dinosaur with guns you say....I wonder what my friend David has to say

(http://www.bluecorncomics.com/pics/turok1.jpg)

Does he look happy right now?

And yet, they're not the first to think of this idea. It reminds me a bit of Nanosaur (http://www.pangeasoft.net/nano/index.html): You are a dinosaur, sent back to prehistoric times from the future, to kill evil dinosaurs and rescue eggs.

JP4 has been in production hell for years now. I heard that they were going to make human/dog/dinosaur hybrid... thingies. I had been hoping they'd have made an underwater JP, if only so that they could have explained the stupid scene in the third one where those people vanished on the boat.

well then.

This is further proof that Hollywood is shaped like a very large dead horse, with producers, actors and directors all clambering over it, beating said horse vigorously with sticks of varying size and density.

Oh god, if they actually make this film it'll officially make Uwe Boll look like a good director by comparisson :U

why don't they make a turok movie instead? then you could have dinosaurs, and dinosaur things with guns.

I did not need to be exposed to this.

ive read the miachel chriton books, most of them at least, and i thought that JP1 was pretty good and forgave all its discrepancies. JP2 was offensive to me, as though the filmakers were unaware of a second book other then its title. JP3 actually repulsed me so far i cannot come within ten feet of it and as of yet have happily not seen it.

movies like this need armed guards and cautionary signs to make sure nobody is subjected to them by accident.

on a similar note just today i saw a movie trailer for Lake Placid 2... i loved the original, a funny scary adventure that was very well done and is even today a great movie.... and then they slap 3D everywhere in bad taste and in bad production values, add a couple people waving guns on jet skis, and assume that the little old lady and the chubby guy went through about seven plastic surgeries between films.

fortunately i know of a movie coming soon that sequels can only be good things *retreats into his happy place to escape bad movies*

Quote from: Netrogo on August 21, 2007, 12:26:02 AM
Oh god, if they actually make this film it'll officially make Uwe Boll look like a good director by comparisson :U

I can make it worse.  Uwe Boll could still direct it.

Quote from: je.saist on August 21, 2007, 01:44:05 AM

Quote from: Netrogo on August 21, 2007, 12:26:02 AM
Oh god, if they actually make this film it'll officially make Uwe Boll look like a good director by comparisson :U

I can make it worse.  Uwe Boll could still direct it.

Oh hell no! Tell me you're fucking kidding :<

Quote from: Netrogo on August 21, 2007, 01:47:57 AMOh hell no! Tell me you're fucking kidding :<

He is kidding.  Stephen Spielberg is still directing it.

Perversely, I think that makes it worse than if Boll were directing it.

Quote from: Alondro on August 20, 2007, 09:10:11 PM
I want to stab everyone involved in the thighs with a rusty screwdriver and let them die slowly from tetanus.

You probably realise this is a bad idea.

There's too much chance of hitting a large artery in the thigh. Aim for the foot, or the calf at a pinch. Or you can aim for an arm, which might work better...

Jurassic Park... 4?

"Oh COME ON!"

Doesn't even begin to cover this.

Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on August 21, 2007, 08:16:59 AM

Quote from: Alondro on August 20, 2007, 09:10:11 PM
I want to stab everyone involved in the thighs with a rusty screwdriver and let them die slowly from tetanus.

You probably realise this is a bad idea.

There's too much chance of hitting a large artery in the thigh. Aim for the foot, or the calf at a pinch. Or you can aim for an arm, which might work better...

How about the lower gut, where I might puncture the bowel and trigger peritonitis and sepsis?  That sounds like fun too.   >:3

This will be the greatest movie since Rocky IV.

Well, this just sounds like just the thing to send the Jurassic Park franchise straight into a handbasket to you-know-where.   :erk

IMO, I liked the three movies (however irritating the third one was, somewhat), but I liked the first especially for the fact that it captured the fascination and bits of fear that people have for dinosaurs.  But slowly they've been turned into the equivalent of a B-grade monster movie.  Just better-made.  :rolleyes

One could buy the fact about raptors could become as intelligent and adaptive as the third movie had them.  But guns?  Bring back the nature, please. x3

........................No comment.

...My heart has been broken.

it's quite hard for a dinosaur lover to be reading this stuff, y'know? :cry

Quote from: Xze-Xze on August 21, 2007, 11:31:30 PM
...My heart has been broken.

it's quite hard for a dinosaur lover to be reading this stuff, y'know? :cry

I concur.  x3  But in the immortal words of Jon Lovitz via The Critic: "People, it's up to you.  If the movie stinks...JUST DON'T GO!"

Of course you would think that if people stop going to bad movies, they actually WOULD stop making bad movies...  :rolleyes

"Holy Gee, this is awful!"
--Advent on Channel 12, C. M. Kornbluth

Quote from: Aisha deCabre on August 23, 2007, 04:51:41 PM

Quote from: Xze-Xze on August 21, 2007, 11:31:30 PM
...My heart has been broken.

it's quite hard for a dinosaur lover to be reading this stuff, y'know? :cry

I concur.  x3  But in the immortal words of Jon Lovitz via The Critic: "People, it's up to you.  If the movie stinks...JUST DON'T GO!"

Of course you would think that if people stop going to bad movies, they actually WOULD stop making bad movies...  :rolleyes

applause for a liking of classic TV shows there, but the single flaw is that hollywood executives are idiots, and a little thing like nobody watching a movie has never stopped them from hyping it, glorifying it later as a success, and then completely ignoring that its in the bargan bin one month after DVD release.

The whole point of Jurassic Park was to be visually impressive - the dialogue and acting was incredibly cheesy and barely passing B-movie standard at any point ("Clever girl," being one of those rare moments).

The Crichton books were dross, unless you really, truly and deeply loved descriptions of flourescent lights going out and how uncomfortable trees were to sleep in (oh, and some dinosaurs).

I look forwards to dinosaurs with guns because (this needs to be said) it's about friggin' time something interesting happened in the franchise.

:<  Jurassic Park was a good movie and the book was even better.

I mostly enjoyed Jeff Goldblum as Jeff Goldblum.

now we know what killed the dinosaurs, somehow they saw this and died of embarrassment.  >:3

Crighton's Jurrasic Park books were re-imaginings of  Doyle's the Lost world to begin with, and he made it his own spectacularly. I've read the books and seen the movies, and the movies are another way of re imagining the same idea... but guns is too much, The Sci-Fi Channel already made a movie called Raptor Island with the same plot, and that was so awful I changed the channel and saw Power Rangers:Mystic force for the first time ...guess which one was better. 

Quote from: GabrielsThoughts on August 24, 2007, 12:50:22 PMThe Sci-Fi Channel already made a movie called Raptor Island with the same plot, and that was so awful I changed the channel and saw Power Rangers:Mystic force for the first time ...guess which one was better.

Speaking as one who's seen a pretty good deal of Mystic Force... uh...

Gee, I'm gonna have to think about this one.

If they had called it Dino-Riders instead of Jurassic Park, then I'd accept the guns happily.

*only just remembered that old cartoon and how awesome it was*

Quote from: RJ on August 25, 2007, 12:12:40 PM
If they had called it Dino-Riders instead of Jurassic Park, then I'd accept the guns happily.

*only just remembered that old cartoon and how awesome it was*

So was Dino-Saucers and Dinosaurs & Catalacs

At least it's not as bad as Land Before Time.... yet.  :shifty