The Clockwork Mansion

The Grand Hallway => The Outer Fortress => Topic started by: Brunhidden on August 17, 2007, 09:16:14 AM

Title: No more 'News'?
Post by: Brunhidden on August 17, 2007, 09:16:14 AM
August 27 marks the final edition of the printed version of "Weekly World News", after that it can only be found in online format.

how many of us have walked by in the grocery store to let out a quick 'snrk' sound effect after seeing what this weeks cover is? i know i have, several times.

the beauty of this paper is not that it is 'the worlds only reliable newspaper', but that you temporarily suspend disbelief for a moment and read news to be entertaining and not depressing... although the flaw in that is the untold times this 'entertaining' newspaper has forecast the destruction of the world and yet has not given up 'hope' for the next doomsday.

Of special note is that back in 94 the WWN accused 12 United States senators of being space aliens- few of them bothered to deny it and one from Louisiana said "At last the cat is out of the bag, although it was not the way i would have hoped my family to find out"

Just a bit of a thought about something you pass every day and probably don't think of often, although the "Einsteins brain goes on rampage" still makes me smile remembering the picture of a giant floating brain shooting lightning bolts at people.

QuoteFilm at eleven
Title: Re: No more 'News'?
Post by: DarkAudit on August 17, 2007, 09:29:50 AM
What will Bat Boy do now?
Title: Re: No more 'News'?
Post by: Netrogo on August 17, 2007, 09:32:37 AM
Aww I'm gonna miss those. Laughing it up at the latest cover of WWN was one of my little joys when grocery shopping :cry
Title: Re: No more 'News'?
Post by: Tapewolf on August 17, 2007, 09:37:17 AM
It sounds remarkably like the Sunday Sport in the UK.  Although most people bought that for the porn, the headlines were striking enough that someone published a compilation of them.  "World War II Bomber Found On Moon" was probably one of the most well-known ones, complete with a photoshopped picture.
Title: Re: No more 'News'?
Post by: lucas marcone on August 17, 2007, 09:46:51 AM
Quote from: Netrogo on August 17, 2007, 09:32:37 AM
Aww I'm gonna miss those. Laughing it up at the latest cover of WWN was one of my little joys when grocery shopping :cry

im right with ya buddy.
Title: Re: No more 'News'?
Post by: xHaZxMaTx on August 17, 2007, 10:11:29 AM
My drafting and design teacher used to have a stack of those in his classroom; was always good fun browsing through them.  Can't say I'll miss them, though.
Title: Re: No more 'News'?
Post by: superluser on August 17, 2007, 11:25:20 AM
Never really bought them, but I will definitely miss them.

Favorites?  Anything with Bat Boy, but this is my favorite:

(http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t102/superluser/batboy.jpg)

Also, the ``Scientists plan to blow up moon'' one, because it was about Alexander Abian (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Abian), a university professor who really did advocate blowing up the moon to stop AIDS. (no, I don't get it, either)

But hey, the paper had cameos in 12 Monkeys and So I Married an Axe Murderer.
Title: Re: No more 'News'?
Post by: RJ on August 17, 2007, 11:38:05 AM
I feel absolutely deprived that this wonderful paper never reached Australia. :<
Title: Re: No more 'News'?
Post by: Netrogo on August 17, 2007, 12:38:00 PM
Hey now, blowing up the moon to stop aids makes perfect sense. I mean the moon is synonymis with night, so blowing up the moon would in theory rid us of night. Since most people choose to engage in sexual escapades at night this would greatly reduce the amount of sex going on in the world, thus hindering the spread of aids and possibly ending it all together.
Title: Re: No more 'News'?
Post by: xHaZxMaTx on August 17, 2007, 12:50:43 PM
That makes too much sense. :<  Or too little, I get the two mixed up.
Title: Re: No more 'News'?
Post by: superluser on August 17, 2007, 01:21:00 PM
Quote from: xHaZxMaTx on August 17, 2007, 12:50:43 PMThat makes too much sense. :<  Or too little, I get the two mixed up.

Too much.  Here's what he has to say on the subject (http://groups.google.com/group/sci.astro/msg/e2553dd5238f7af8):

Quote from: Alexander AbianEnough of 20 million years of unrelenting, and inexorable global catastrophes and disasters that have plagued and continue to plague the human species -  disasters which are a direct consequence of the 5 billion year old corrupt, putrid and infested orbit of the planet Earth and its decadent tilt.

No regional methods can stop the perennial floods, earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes, typhoons, brutal colds, scorching heats, droughts, famines, ubiquitous epidemics of deadly diseases such as cholera, typhus, AIDS, etc.  The existence and the occurrence of all these calamities, of all these deadly viruses such as the virus of AIDS are created, maintained and nurtured by the celestial setup of our Solar System!!
Title: Re: No more 'News'?
Post by: Netrogo on August 17, 2007, 01:38:36 PM
I... I... I w-was kidding... He's ACTUALLY that serious??? Holy fuck! Someone call the guys in the white freaking coats, this guys completely freaking insane!!! :erk
Title: Re: No more 'News'?
Post by: superluser on August 17, 2007, 02:02:36 PM
Quote from: Netrogo on August 17, 2007, 01:38:36 PMI... I... I w-was kidding... He's ACTUALLY that serious??? Holy fuck! Someone call the guys in the white freaking coats, this guys completely freaking insane!!! :erk

You don't get on the cover of the Weekly World News for being sensible, you know.  And he died in 1999, so the mental health community fell down on that one.
Title: Re: No more 'News'?
Post by: Zedd on August 17, 2007, 02:41:51 PM
Thats a sad shame..I guess they couldnt aford pushing everything out in a high price
Title: Re: No more 'News'?
Post by: Chaos on August 18, 2007, 10:24:18 AM
Those born under the sign of the moon, signal the reincarnated of the antideluvian spirits of old, and thus all the the great evils in the world can be traced back to the moon. Hitler, Brutis, Ceaser, Mab. The presence of the moon in our solar system had caused untold spiritual damager to our society as a whole. Alsom the destruction of the moon, gives us the benefit of a pretty ring around earth.

as an iteresting side note, astrilogically speaking, nearlly 3/4th of all of my major signs are cusps.
Title: Re: No more 'News'?
Post by: thegayhare on August 18, 2007, 10:55:02 AM
I used to read it on the night shift when I worked at the local cumby's.

I mean there isn't all that much to do till 8 am after the 1 am bar closing beer rush ends.

least I didn't have to pay for it
Title: Re: No more 'News'?
Post by: llearch n'n'daCorna on August 18, 2007, 03:24:17 PM
Quote from: Chaos on August 18, 2007, 10:24:18 AM
Those born under the sign of the moon, signal the reincarnated of the antideluvian spirits of old, and thus all the the great evils in the world can be traced back to the moon. Hitler, Brutis, Ceaser, Mab. The presence of the moon in our solar system had caused untold spiritual damager to our society as a whole. Alsom the destruction of the moon, gives us the benefit of a pretty ring around earth.

The side issue of all the mass isn't going to go away, it's just going to move around, so the tidal effects won't leave, they'll just be different.

Also the Earth's movement around the sun will change. And the seasons will change. And the earthquakes and volcanoes will go nuts for a while before settling down.

Let's not mention the amount of the moon's mass that will go flying back to Earth, crashing back down through the atmosphere in a hugely pretty display. Until some of it reaches the ground, of course...
Title: Re: No more 'News'?
Post by: TheGreyRonin on August 18, 2007, 05:11:00 PM
 You've sold me, Llearch!

Now where did I put those spare thermonuclear weapons...?