You all know the rules by now.
I wish my acne would clear up.
Granted. Your faced gets sandblasted off, and the thread dies a long, slow, painful death.
I wish I had more time in the day to get things done.
Granted. You're fired.
I wish that I could get this smell of gasoline on me out.
Granted. *sets Stygian on fire*
I wish I could lose some weight.
Granted, your internal organs disappear.
I wish I made more money.
Granted. *airdrops twenty tons of quarters onto VSMIT*
I wish that Britney Spears would go away and leave us alone.
Granted, but now you've got Paris Hilton to bother you.
I wish I was both famous, and not famous, at the same time.
Granted. You do something really stupid that kills you and earns you a Darwin Award. Congratulations for removing yourself from the gene pool.
I wish for a house designed by M.C. Escher.
Granted. Good luck on finding your way out.
I wish I had a house designed by H.P. Lovecraft.
Granted. You now have a house in R'lyeh, and Cthulu's watching your every move.
I wish I had a house designed by J.R.R. Tolkien.
Granted. You will bash your head against those low Hobbit ceilings for the rest of your life.
I wish I had a can of Diet Coke.
Granted. Just watch out for that Mentos I put in it...
I wish I had some cheese.
Granted. It's old. And stale. And covered in green fuzz.
I wish I had a house in a clearing in the middle of a forest, where I could go to relax, away from those pesky things called "humans."
Granted. Say hello to the starving bears and wolves for me.
I wish I had Buster the Mythbuster's Crash Test Dummy.
Granted. The Mythbusters also come to live with you and end up blowing up your house.
I wish there were more episodes to Red Vs Blue.
Granted, but they all center around discussions of shakespeare.
I wish my wish couldn't be corrupted in some horrible way. :<
Granted. However, since you didn't wish for anything of physical value, you also don't get to tangibly enjoy it.
I wish I had a copy of ET for the Atari.
Granted, but your atari gets stolen.
I wish goggles would speak in an Australian accent.
Granted. Oy, this freak o' science is a roight little bugga, ain't ee? I'll ave to tackle 'im to tape him up so we can get him back to the woild! Wotcha!
I wish I had a copy of this game (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Rigs:_Over_the_Road_Racing).
Granted, but the disk is unreadable.
I wish for fish.
Granted. The next time you go to a swimming pool or lake, the entire body of water will be filled with fish.
I wish that they hadn't canceled Firefly. (I am morbidly curious as to what you're going to do).
Granted, but all the actors are replaced by Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish I didn't just do that :<
<3 firefly
Granted. All of the original actors are back on Firefly, but all of the Leonardo DiCaprio's are now walking around New York City naked.
I wish I had one of the Doctor's sonic screwdrivers.
Granted, but it's broken.
I wish I had a holodeck.
Granted. Instead, you replaced the characters with Kate Winslett.
Granted. You can't see it, though.
I wish I could go home now.
Granted. You live in a box.
I wish I had Telekinesis.
Granted. The first time you try to use it, a rock flies up and knocks out three of your teeth and you spend a week in the hospital.
I wish I had Granny Weatherwax visit me.
Granted. She ends up hating you.
I wish Red Dwarf wasn't canceled. (Kudos to anybody who knows why it was..... or knows what Red Dwarf was.)
Granted. The fanbase declares that the show is completely different from what Red Dwarf was before it was canceled, scream "Ruined Forever!", and then watch it anyway to bitch and moan about all of the changes. Any new fans are chased off, and eventually the fandom falls apart.
(For the record, I think Granny hates everyone)
I wish the third season of Star Trek hadn't sucked.
Granted. Seasons one and two sucked so hard, the entire series was cancelled.
I wish for a fishy in a dishy.
Granted. The fishy is a great white shark, and the dishy is a large enough pool for it to swim up and eat you.
I wish for a box.
Granted. The box is llearch.
I wish for a box without monkeys inside it.
Granted. It's filled with apes.
I wish for a barrel of rabid monkeys.
Granted. They're all dead by the time they arrive at your location, stink to high heaven, and the liquid dripping out of the bottom of the barrel stains your carpets and simply can't be got out, no matter what you try.
Oh, and your creativity leaves you in the stench, and goes to find better quarters with a hunchback on the upwind side of the river.
I wish I could tell you how tasty this cheesecake is.
Granted. The memory of this cheesecake and all cheesecakes you have ever eaten or ever will eat leaves your mind and travels to everyone else's mind.
I wish I had a pair of goggles.
Granted, but they're now permanently attached to your face, and make people do weird pairings of you and other characters.
I wish I had some bubble gum.
Granted, but it glues your mouth shut.
I wish we had the technology.
Granted. The technology achieves sentience and takes over the Six Million Dollar man and he goes on a rampage and we're forced to kill him.
I wish that they'd stop making Saw movies.
Granted, now they make Drill movies.
I wish I was the fastest man alive.
Granted. You take two steps and run headlong into a wall because your reflexes aren't at the same level. You spend the next eight months in a hospital recovering.
I wish that Neon Genesis Evangelion would have a satisfying conclusion.
Granted now it's so boring the fans give up on day one
I wish I hadn't remove the sandbags from that balloon this morning
Granted, but now you can't go anywhere.
I wish I had a hot air balloon.
Granted. The balloon floats off with you in it and crashes into a giant radio tower, causing blackouts and mass panic all around the county.
(And Zedd, are you saying that the fans giving up on Evangelion would be a bad thing?)
I wish that my old car hadn't been rear-ended.
Granted, now it's been T-Boned.
I wish I had a newer car.
Granted. The insurance premiums drive you into bankruptcy.
I wish that people would stop taking professional wrestling seriously.
Granted, now they all watch Sumo Wrestling and it grows just as unrealistic.
I wish I could jump from the roof of this five story building without breaking any bones and be able to run up the side of the next one.
Granted. You cause massive amounts of internal bleeding and shortly after running up the next building collapse in extreme pain.
I wish that baseball players could hit one another with the bats.
Granted, they soon wouldn't have any bats to hit each other with.
I wish I had The Tumbler.
Granted. The Joker blows it up and you crash the Bat Pod into a wall within five seconds.
I want the Iron Man Mark III suit.
You can want, but you can't have. (You didn't wish for it.)
I wish for the Iron Man Mk3 suit.
Granted. Unfortunately, you forgot to wish for JARVIS in order to help you control it. You crash and burn within ten seconds.
I wish for an XBox 360. I don't want to play it, I just want to have one so I can say that I don't use it.
Granted but it's so shiny and tempting and beautiful, but it's encased in a transparent Faraday cage so that now enticed to play you cannot.
I wish I owned this University.
Granted. You know have to deal with every single piece of paperwork necessary for the running of the university, because the staff all quit when they heard you were taking over.
I wish that I had a copy of a video game that I would not play under normal circumstances.
Granted, but these are still normal circumstances.
I wish I had a good cookie.
Wish granted. The cookie is so good that no other cookie you eat shall ever compare to it.
I wish for a hamburger.
Granted, but it's so horrendously dry and undercooked, you die of both dehydration and food poisoning.
I wish I had a mow as a pet.
Granted. It eats all of your clothes for the rest of your life forcing you to walk around naked all of the time.
I wish I had a kangaroo rat.
Granted, it has a severe inferiority complex and bites your ankles whenever it is afraid.
I wish I had a PS3.
Granted. After months and months of playing they're recalled for radiation. You end up getting cancer, lose your hair, and die slowly and painfully.
I wish my MP3 player could hold more songs.
Granted. Your MP3 player now holds all the songs in the world. Unfortunately, the jack is busted, so you can't listen to any of them.
I wish I had a football.
Granted. PETA throws buckets of blood on you for throwing around the skin of a pig.
I wish every other post wasn't Jairus's. (Wink wink nudge nudge.)
Wish granted. I don't post in here again.
I wish that they'd release Wakko's Wish on DVD already.
Granted. They erase all of the DVDs you already own and use them to distribute Wakko's Wish to the public. (Seriously, I was just kidding.)
I wish Micheal Jackson was still good.
Granted. In fact he's so good that he found a vat of peanut oil and bus full of cub scouts. He's. Just. That. Good.
I wish Tim Horton's actually took debit or any credit card that I actually have.
Granted. Without realizing it you spend all your money there, go broke, and end up having to become a whore to make ends meet.
I wish I could get a decent group going to play Ironclaw. (btw, if you're interested send me a message. Yes, I'm entirely shameless.)
Granted; except after killing the first monster everyone else has to leave for some-reason-or-another.
I wish for a perfectly fine morning.
Granted. This wasn't it.
I wish my eyes were better.
You have 20/20 vision, but now suffer from achromatopsia.
I wish during the next 36 hours not to meet any unexpected events.
Granted. You die right beforehand, that way you don't notice anything during the 36 hours.
I wish Fred Phelps weren't such a hate-mongering SOB.
Granted. His mother is now a donkey.
I wish I could focus on work.
Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on August 12, 2008, 10:38:26 AM
Granted. His mother is now a donkey.
Sorry to interupt the game but how is that a bad thing?
To answer your question it didn't solve the hate mongering part and he's technically no longer a son of a b. He's now a son of a donkey.
Anyways.....
Quote from: llearch n'n'daCorna on August 12, 2008, 10:38:26 AM
Granted. His mother is now a donkey.
I wish I could focus on work.
Granted. You starve to death while working.
I wish I had a life.
Granted, it's someone elses, someone you have no idea about, and everyone that knew them now knows you, but you don't know them. They come up to you on the streets and say, "Hi, [Rakala]!" But you don't know how to respond...
I think I wish I could be less indecisive. Maybe.
Granted. You've now decided for sure that you're content to remain otherwise indecisive.
I wish I were a little bit taller....
Granted. You become freakishly tall instead of just a little bit taller.
I wish the zit on my pinky toe would go away.
Granted. You now only have one foot.
I wish people were more creative with their corruptions.
Granted. However, since creativity is relative, everything balances out.
I wish I have the ability to shoot any projectile on to an intended target at an arbitrary distance away.
Granted. You get sued by a random unknown author of a series of comics who wins the case, you have to give him all your money and your ability to shoot projectiles.... somehow.
I wish I had a tuna sandwich.
Granted. You get a Tuna sandwich and it's excellent, so excellent that the smell stays on you and begins to permeate even your pores and you now reek of tuna, onion and mayo. All who approach you recoil in disgust at the ever increasing odor that you exude as the power of your stench grows to epic levels to the point where you can no longer live among your own kind, and are cast out, never to be near them, nor any of those with the capacity to smell. You are chased away from all forms of civilization violently and go down in history as the single most revolting smelling person. Ever.
I wish I was a baller....
Granted, Now you are now being served by many of your friends and family as your form of a delicious melon ball
I wish i could fire a lazer from my navel without dying or being hurt or anyone in the process of firing
granted, but it does not have the power to do anything besides point at stuff.
I wish I had a real Sonic Screwdriver, because that would be awesome.
----------------
Now playing: DOUG the Eagle - Anitra's Dance (http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/doug+the+eagle/track/anitras+dance)
via FoxyTunes (http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/)
Granted. It's totally pointless, since it's not a laser, and about all it does is shine a blurry little light on anything within 10ft or so.
Hint: "LASER" is an acronym. "LAZER" is not...
I wish I didn't have to explain that.
Granted. It's a finger of vodka with the rest of the glass filled with very cold, blue gatorade, in a rocks glass.
I wish that shadowterm enjoys his drink.
Granted. It's poisoned.
I wish the next post had exactly 50 words in it including the wish.
Granted. He enjoys it so much that he chokes and it and as a result trips in front of traffic. In a frantic attempt to avoid hitting him a cement truck swerves and instead rams into a building with incredible force. The pressure from said force explodes forth and blows many things over. Including you, into a rather large, and active, cardboard recycling machine. This causes you to die a slow and painful death.
Granted. Only the original post was lost due to a timed out session and it's contents were forgotten.
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat and a six four father...
Granted, unfortunately do to a wish fulfillment center miscommunication, your father's in a giant hat and you find 6^4 (1296) rabbits at home.
I wish that I understood how to do roots in mathematics by hand.
Granted. However, now you must always do roots by hand.
(If you're really interested, try this page (http://www.nist.gov/dads/HTML/squareRoot.html))
I wish I have the ability to control time at will, with no repercussions, caveats or quibbles of any sort.
Granted. You go so far in the future you experience Armageddon.
I wish I could fly.
Granted. (http://missmab.com/Comics/Vol_263.php)
I wish there was no such thing as getting songs stuck in your head.
Granted. You end up getting in an accident which makes you a vegetable.
I wish that the corruption before this one wasn't so predictable.
Granted. Now you can't predict anything.
I wish the next corrupter will be unpredictable.
Granted. You have a grand mal seizure, sprout a bunch of pipe-cleaner spider legs from your ribcage, breakdance on the floor screaming "I am Platypus-man, Patron Saint of Serial Killers" for about three hours and spend the rest of your life in a padded cell, utterly convinced that you are, in fact, the offspring of that one zoo panda and have to get back to your 'mother' before you die in these unsuitable conditions.
I wish I had a sliiiightly less sadistic sense of humor.
Granted. You don't exist any more.
I wish for The Event to come to a pass.
Granted. You need a pass to see it, though.
I wish I'd had more sleep last night.
Granted, unfortunately its the last amount of sleep you will ever get in your life ever, however this is not necessarily a bad thing as you merely restart from the point at which you woke up this morning and will continuously go through this day and the ones that follow as long as you manage to stay awake, though when you fall asleep you add to your total rest gained so this 'Groundhog day' feature may balance itself out eventually, but don't be looking forward to that happening in your personal time any time soon.
I wish that I was funny only when I want to be funny and not when I don't want to be funny at all, which is currently the case.
Granted. However, you will think you were funnier when you didn't want be funny despite everyone else not thinking said act to be funny.
I wish for a pot of blue ink, whose intended purpose is to fill fountain pens, namely mine.
Granted. It's dried out.
I wish I had a job that made me happy.
Granted. You're now unemployed, free to do whatever you want.
I wish to avoid recursive language in the future.
Granted. Your voice box phases through your body and falls right on the floor in front of you, severing itself and running away.
I wish I had a soul.
Granted, Satan walks up and buys it off of you for a donut.
I wish I was a moderator...
Granted. You happen to be a moderator of a debate about the finer details of astrophysics, and unfortunately don't understand any of the arguments.
I wish to meet at least one of the gods from Ōkami when they are not in a wrathful mood.
Granted. They tell you the secrets of the universe. You can't comprehend it and your head explodes.
I wish I could get to level 80 in Adventure Quest.
Granted. However, they have changed it that 80 is a low since the ceiling is now 1000.
I wish.
Granted............. or is it?
I wish it was the weekend already.
Well, it is. In Australia at least.
I wish I could have anything if I want it.
Granted. Then one day when you're frustrated you accidently wish you were dead and... well....
I wish I went to heaven for eternity! HA! The incorruptable!
Granted. You get the Buddhist nirvana, where nothing ever happens and you have nothing to do.
Pity you didn't get the Islamic one. Apparently they use vestigial virgins, and they're very enthusiastic about their job. Oh, well. Maybe next eternity...
I wish I wasn't quite so evil...
Granted. You have to come out of your box.
I wish it were 2012.
Granted. Congrats, it's the apocalypse.
I wish mean people wouldn't call me all day.
Granted. They call you all night.
I wish I had a really original wish to wish for.
Granted. It's easily corrupted.
I wish the next person's corruption would have nothing to do with this post.
LionHeart is banned for wishing for an original wish.
I wish that the guys who made Epic Movie never make a movie again.
Congratulations. They start writing alternative polka music instead, which somehow manages to become popular with the pretentious post-modernist crowd. You have to stand hearing it on the radio and at work and repeated over and over again until it becomes like a newer version of the Rickroll.
I wish that I didn't have such a fucking time with cleaning and fixing up my garden.
Granted. Your garden catches on fire.
I wish I had some money.
Granted. Here's a penny.
I wish for a large pepperoni pizza.
Granted. The pepperoni is not only cursed but was in fact expired.
I wish that I could be reincarnated as the favorite spandex leotard of a very slim and attractive ballerina, aged somewhere between 21 and 26.
Granted. You remain her favorite and are worn every single day until she dies at age 103.
I wish there were no tribbles at all.
Granted. That episode of Star Trek never aired, it's ratings went downhill and suddenly hundreds of jokes and references today are lost. Eventually it leads into the decline of man, riots, rape, murder, anarchy. Congratulations, you single handedly destroyed civilization.
I wish the tribbles were back.
Granted. They're everywhere. And I mean everywhere. In your tea, in your food storage cabinets, all over the space station, in your chair, in the engines, wearing your underwear... and you have no way to ever get rid of them.
I wish that Jar-Jar had been toned down just a little.
Granted. You have to live with him, and even though he's toned down he's still REALLY annoying.
I wish I had the Insanoflex and that it wouldn't keep going for forever, just until I'm done.
Granted, but it still leaves a wake of destruction as it travels through the city, and everyone blames you for not stopping it - though they are all impressed by your physique.
I wish I could get my sleeping schedule under control before college.
Granted, but you never wake up D:
I wish I had a muffin ._.
Granted. It's an Evil Muffin.
I wish for some Amlodipine Besylate tablets.
Granted, But you have a stroke seconds later and soiled yourself afterwords
I wish I had a magical banana
Granted, but it's magic power is currently sealed away.
I wish my wish was not my wish, but that my wish was instead the wish of another, and that said wish would be granted in a most humorous way.
Said wish was granted in a humorous way, but affected you disastrously.
The creation of this wish is left as an exercise to the reader.
Granted. You promptly turn into a spider-monkey and run a successful campaign for Vice-President.
I wish MTV was about music again.
Granted. However it gets so clogged with crappy bands who are trying to make it big that the few good ones that do exist get completely overlooked and you're stuck with even more crap then you were before.
I wish I had the ability to turn invisible and back to visible when I'm invisible at will.
Granted. You can turn invisible, and once you're invisible, you can only turn back when you're in front of William.
I wish I had had more sleep.
Granted. However, now you can't get as much done.
I wish to have a pilot-able giant mecha on my family retreat in northern Ontario
Granted. However, it comes free with nightmares, the nightmares where you kill everyone you've ever known or loved, before turning on yourself in an orgy of self loathing and violence.
Oh, and Godzilla turned up to stomp your family home flat, too.
I wish I was disturbed about the previous corruption; either that or it was more corrupting...
Granted. Now you wish you never did that.
I wish llreach will wish he never corrupted the mentioned wish.
Granted. But it's still corrupted, and it's too much fun for the rest of us to let you or him change it. :P
I wish that hadn't been so easy...
Granted, in order for your wish to become effective you must beat Ninja Gaiden 2 and unlock every possible ability/option/award while your game is reset to the very begining if you get hit once. Have fun.
I wish I had supreme gaming skills that could be used for all games.
Granted. As now you find games too easy, now you devote yourself to some more difficult pursuits, say, Astronomy, Astrology and Demonology.
I wish demonology was just that little bit easier.
Granted. However now that it's just that little bit easier everyone starts delving into it, eventually unlocking the secrets of summoning actual demons. One eventually bests it's summoner and goes on a rampage killing all in it's range. Unfortunately you were in range.
I wish that my move to my new place and subsequent stay there went off without any problems what so ever.
Granted. your new place is a padded room in the insane asylum, where you will remain under sufficient medication that you will not pose a problem to anyone, ever.
I wish my job was noticeably less boring.
Granted. Unfortunately, it also got notability more dangerous.
I wish for a pair of wings at the size aerodynamically needed for an animal at the size of the average human being on the planet Earth.
Granted. Turns out you are bigger than the average sized human and you can't fly anyways. Now they're just dead weight.
I wish I had x-ray vision that I could turn on and off at will.
Granted. Similar to previous corrupted wishes, you can only turn your x-ray vision on and off when aimed at William. I hope you enjoy the sight.
I wish I didn't have to rewrite one of our apps to use ssl.
Granted. Except nobody uses your apps any more.
I wish dead weight would at least be aesthetically pleasing.
@ MOwser granted, you now have a stone and chisel with which you are obligated to redesign the wheel... unfortunately you have a problem with this task, because your supervisor "Ugg the tormentor" is out of the office for the rest week with his snoo snoo.
i wish for some peace of mind that doesn't involve death torture or menial tasks
@ ninja
Granted, magic Rays from saturn have warped your fragile little mind, shortly after you were run over by an SUV. Good news is you are now immortal, bad news is you uh kinda look like a zombie and you smell like one too.
Granted. You're now a vegetable. This is about as peaceful as your mind can get.
I wish I had more pomegranate tea.
Granted. You get to go to a five-hour long lecture on how the various fruit "teas" are not teas, as they are no a derivative of the tea plant. After the long agonizing lecture, you get a cup of Puer tea with a slice of pomegranate.
I wish for a hunk of scrap metal.
Granted. You get e_voyager. He's not very pleased that you've termed him scrap, either.
I wish I had a better job.
Granted. You're now a toilet scrubber at a local truckstop. Hey, some folks *would* consider that a better job!
I wish my clients weren't so annoying.
Granted, now they won't shut up.
I wish I had a nickel.
Granted. An incredibly pure mountain of nickle falls on top of you due to some freak quantum accident. The displacement of this nickle also causes an entire city to collapse into the resulting hole in the ground. Rocks then fall, and everyone dies.
I wish that Mr. Rogers was still alive.
Granted. He's wearing a bloodstained sweater...
I wish I had someone to cuddle.
Granted. I'm here.
I wish I had a box.
You have llreach.
I wish the book Pseudomonarchia Dæmonum was actually stocked in my local book store and/or library.
granted....unfortunately the pages are blank, thanks to the meddling of one Tom Riddle.
I wish for guidence
Granted. You gain a fairy godmother who has a double life as somebody else's shoulder-devil.
I wish for a wolf like White Fang in the 1901 Jack London Novel of the same title.
Granted. He eats you (and not in a good way).
I wish my back wasn't quite so sore.
Despite the fact you don't have a back because you are a cardboard box huddling a Jyrass-esque member of the forum, your back is now sore free.
I wish my desk does not belie the fact I am a major multi-tasker.
Granted, but it becomes such a mess that multi-tasking becomes impossible.
I wish Africa's problems were solved.
granted...Who's Africa again? oh well it must not be important. I also have this sneaking suspicion a whole continent disappeared from the face of the earth... oh well, since there are only six continents anyway it's not such a big deal.
I wish for a stack of supercalifragilisticixpealidocious pancakes, and I apsitively positutely do not want an splendifferous waffles, or dantifiona scones, or ferret ears by accident.
Granted. The pancakes are so perfect that you never eat another pancake in your life because you know that it can never measure up to those supercalifragilisticixpealidocious pancakes.
I wish that Joel Schumacher had been fired from the creation of Batman and Robin and Christopher Nolan had taken over way back then.
Granted. Unfortunately it was too dark for it's time and it was squashed by the censors.
I wish I were on a paid and vacation that was approved by my office with my life and job still intact during and after it.
Granted. The job that is still intact is working at a zoo. Ensuring the endangered animals reproduce.
... by hand. *cough*
I wish I were already asleep.
Granted. Because you fell asleep so quickly, you have a hard time getting up, and you are late for work, which means that you get fired.
I wish I could learn C++ instead of Python for my Comp Science class.
Granted. You learn it, then you get brain damage. C++ now takes up all of the information you can hold in your head. On the plus side, you didn't only learn C++, you are the greatest at it.
I wish I could beat Shining Force II.
Granted, however, the cheating-device you used corrupted your game-cartridge, and it crashed 2 seconds into the ending.
I wish for a large raspberry pie!
Granted, unfortunately in your excitement to get over and start eating it you trip and injure your jaw requiring it to be wired shut, leaving the pie to be eaten by me!
I wish I hadn't smashed my little digicam, it was a Canon SD1000, and I sniff every time I think about when I broke it.
Granted. However, some ice cream got stuck in the wire outlets and to make a long story short, you are now unable to hold a battery charge for longer than three seconds.
I wish to befriend an angel.
It is done, however, no one will believe you. Prepare to get fond of really long sleeves.
I wish for wisdom
Granted. You reach a point of enlightment that nobody can compare to. You're all alone.
I wish I could go back to innocence instead of experience.
Granted. In fact, you gain the unique ability to always return to a the last point in you life in which you were last 'innocent'. Unfortunately a big guy named Bubba seems to have taken a liking to you and your innocence and desperately wants to relieve you of it over and over and over...
I wish for better roads in my city.
Granted. However, a few moments later it began to hail steel balls for some reason, and the roads couldn't bear the strain.
I wish to befriend a demon.
Granted. As a gesture of friendship he envelopes your head in his mouth, and starts sucking.
I wish my migraine would stop.
Granted. For some reason now everywhere else hurts...but your migraine has stopped.
I wish that corruption wasn't so rampant.
Granted. However, all your future ones would be.
I wish during my wishes, including the ones yet to have made, there would be no inconveniences involved.
Granted. You just ruined the whole point of the game and everybody hates you for it.
I wish I could be more decisive.
Granted, I think. Are you sure? Maybe not...
I wish I could communicate with my far-away friends telepathically.
Granted. However, now you are unable to speak verbally.
I wish people played more card games.
Granted. Card games are now serious business. Schools are founded where people are taught how to play cards games correctly, and the religions of the world are swiftly driven under a mountain of cards. The fate of entire nations now depends on card games.
Cool, I'm in!
I wish that celebrities would stop trying to be centers of attention by doing stupid things.
Granted. Now instead of news about celebrities, news actually covers some important stuff, like the genocide in Sudan, Kashmir crisis, the war in Georgia, the Sri Lanka civil war, the embezzlement in the Chinese government, the one-party dictatorship in Singapore and poverty in Africa and Oceania. People are now so pessimistic and people get serious and nothing seems to have merriment any more.
I wish history classes actually taught history, not government propaganda mixed with a bit of history.
Granted. All of the atrocities of history are revealed, and all of the old tensions are reawakened because humans can't let the past be and get on with their frigging lives.
I wish that Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg (the makers of Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Disaster Movie) had a modicum of talent.
Granted. They just simply choose to neglect it.
I wish to be stronger and healthier.
Granted. Unfortunately it only lasts a few seconds.
I wish for a bountiful and healthy harvest from my garden this year.
Granted. It's a bountiful harvest..... of VENUS FLY TRAPS! RAWRG!
I wish it were summer again already.
Granted, But you end up with all over sunburn that renders your skin a dark black
I wish i had ability to shoot rainbows from my fingertips without catching on fire or burning my skin
You can't control your ability to shoot rainbows from tips of your distal phalanx (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Distal_phalanx) of your last four digits on both hands.
I wish in posts following, that symbol which is most common in writing is also missing.
Granted.Sentencesandwordsnowbecomealmostimpossibletoread,andsocietybeginstocrumblebecausenoonecancommunicate.Nicegoing,jerk.
IwishIdidn'thavetowritelikethis.
Granted. I meant the letter "e". I accidentally took out the adjective "fifth" when taking out the word "the" in front of it. I'm sorry. :rolleyes
I wish in the next post, the letter "e" is not used at all.
Okay, but it is quite difficult to both corrupt a wish and put down a wish that also follows said law.
I wish I didn't follow Darkdragon's law missing symbol law.
Grantd vrybody ls dos.
I wish that I knew what I just typed.
Granted. You typed the letter string "Grantd vrybody ls dos". What it is supposed to mean is up to your imagination.
I wish my insomnia would strike at a more convenient time.
Granted. You live through a zombie apocolypse because of it.
I wish the next person would provide the details of why.
Granted, Your the first zombie born into this dark world and soon you infect others around you while vomiting acid all over the place.
I wish I could Hollywood could find out a way making movies perfect without having to re-doing with remakes all the fucking time
Granted. Now, if only Hollywood can attract new scripts...
I wish for the ability to control time in its entirety.
Granted. The moment time is controlled and a change is made the universe is placed in an endless paradox making time meaningless.
I wish for this machine. :januscat
Granted. Now you own the machine which you were using to browse the Internet then, and only if it was yours originally.
I wish people were less concerned about their (and other's) appearances.
Granted, Now everyone looks like those pig people from the twilight zone and yet beautiful is a crime now thanks to that, I hope your happy now you hog faced loser :<
I wish I could have suit that can change it's appearance of any clothes I always wanted and needed all by own free will and I have the way not for it to kill or do any bodily harm to myself
Granted Zee....unfortunately, your tastes, wants, and desire in clothing is now limited to a wonderful ice cream suit. You would never consider wearing anything else. You could, for instance, wear a leather jacket with speedo breifs, you just don't want too. you could wear leather, lace, chains, and a banana suit if you wanted too, but you no longer desire such outfits. no, you want to wear nothing other than a wonderful Ice Cream suit... but the bonus is you have access to a ion million dollars and everything you buy is practically free.
I wish I could give the next poster my wish.
Oh thanks. I don't know what to do with it.
I wish I didn't have to make this wish, as wish implies desire, of which I need to rid myself to achieve the state of Enlightenment zen can bring.
Quote from: Darkdragon on September 02, 2008, 12:45:42 AM
Oh thanks. I don't know what to do with it.
I wish I didn't have to make this wish, as wish implies desire, of which I need to rid myself to achieve the state of Enlightenment zen can bring.
Granted, however, because your whish is in conflict with itself, you shall never reach Enlightenment, and will forever be locked in the reincarnation cycle.
I wish I could put a puppet in place of myself at my desk at work without being found out. That way I could do fun stuff while getting payed.
Granted. The building catches on fire. Your puppet burns down because it can't run and since you can't be found out you are accused the rest of your life of being an imposter.
Quote from: Rakala on September 02, 2008, 01:31:09 PM
Granted. The building catches on fire. Your puppet burns down because it can't run and since you can't be found out you are accused the rest of your life of being an imposter.
Since Rakala did not make a wish, I simply send him an annoying level of bad luck for the day. Nothing too bad, just annoying.
I wish that Head Crabs were scarier.
Granted, You have a horde of them swarming you right now, All kinds of headcrabs and ones that remain not to be spoken about and they have a shampoo for that as well but your already dead now due running into flames
I wish fast food restaurants made their own ideas than stealing others
Granted their own ideas will be so awful you'd wish for them to start stealing someone else's ideas again.
I wish I could control time (freeze it at will, make it flow again, such kind of things..).
Granted. you are restricted to using the powers in front of William, and you now are confined to using the time-traveller's tenses when referring to events that would have happened if you didn't freeze the time in the past and made a change (id est, do anything) for all of eternity.
I wish for a Calculus book which a majority of the population could understand.
Granted. As calculus is made understandable the other mathematical operation few can comprehend becomes wonderful and calculus is esteemed as naught.
I wish for the ability to play the piano if I for some reason wanted to.
:januscat
Granted. You will only only ever want to play the piano at "elegant" parties after you had two cups of punch, and then only as well as a drunk troll.
I wish to be a clairvoyant.
Granted. You seea vision of yourself getting a bloody face in the future, and you spend all you time trying to avoid any fistfight whatsoever. However, you don't look down, which causes you to trip and smash your face on concrete, thus what you did (or didn't do) is what made your vision come true.
I wish giant mechs were real (BattleTech style mechs, not the DBZ-wannabe japanese anime mocap mecha that totally rape the realism out of robotics :<).
Granted. Now that mechs have become key weapons of warfare, cities become their playgrounds. Hackers figure out how to get past their security and remote control them on rampages. And some idiot gets the bright idea to arm a few of them with nuclear warheads, and now we need to find a guy called "Solid Snake" to save us from nuclear devastation.
I wish I had a giant robot. Like GaoGaiGar.
Granted. Εxcept its locked in the arctic under a ton of ice and needs an external power source to power up.
I wish to be pyrokinetic.
Granted. You may be fireproof, but your clothes aren't, so every time you use your powers, you end up naked.
I wish I had a model of the Titanic.
Granted. It hit a model iceberg and and sank in your model ocean.
I wish I am psychokinetic.
Granted. You get your poweres from certain alien DNA. After having some fun with your new powers, Crypto hunts you down for having this DNA, and fires a fully-charged anal probe at you. You then violently empty your bowels, and your Head A Splode >:3
I wish I had a functional Mad Cat BattleMech that I knew how to pilot.
Granted. However, the United States military declares your mech a threat and blasts it to kingdom come.
I wish Michael Jackson would fade from the public eye and never make the news again.
granted but he has a son gary jackson who becomes famous before falling prey to the same things as his father
I wish i had a disco turkey.
Granted, It's now having a good boogie fever till you catch it and soon a new virus breaks out forcing people to dance greatly and dress poorly while no one can stop till they die of sweat loss thanks alot!
I wish I could done worse
Granted. It somehow involves llearch and the minispawn of cardboard boxes :erk
I wish I lived in the BattleTech universe as a MechWarrior.
Granted. Unfortunately, due to the speed of light, relativity, the Chandrasekhar limit, space-time physics, and supersymmetry, you die of old age and never got to see a battle.
I wish something unexpected will happen tomorrow.
granted you fell off a cliff getting into your car
I wish for artistic skill.
Granted. You now can make the best looking trash sculptures in the world. However, no one goes to see them because of the objectionable odour.
I wish to have one of the fastest Internet connections in the world without having to pay more than I have to at the moment.
Granted. Your internet connection is so fast that it starts taking you to websites that have not yet been written or will never be written in this reality because of your actions, causing paradox upon paradox to start building up. Soon the walls of reality begin to cave in and webcomics start coming to life... and this only makes things worse, and soon Cthulhu himself breaks through and begins to wage warfare on reality, even though he didn't really exist before.
I wish we could defeat Cthulhu once and for all.
Granted. Even though Cthulhu was defeated in such a spectacular manner which my words could never do it justice, there is now a sizable Cthulhu cult which denies that Cthulhu is gone once and for all. They wage war in many areas in the human empires in attempt to find an obscure way to resurrect it. Despite having turned the Solar System inside out, they show no progress nor any intention of stopping with the carnage.
I wish to see an image which depicts the awesome moment which Cthulhu was defeated.
Granted. The image is far too extravagant to be mentally processed which sends your mind into an insanity of colors, ultimately disrupting any further light and knowledge from being recorded in your memory.
I wish for a euphemism. :januscat
Granted. Bioshock. Oh yeah.
I wish I could comprehend the awesome moment of Cthulhu's defeat. Without my mind shattering.
Granted. Your mind doesn't shatter. It just melts :3
I'm not sure if I want to, but I wish I actually knew what the heck this Cthulhu thing is that everyone talks about (all I know is that it is some sort of tentacled mind-screwy cosmic horror :B)
Granted. You know understand Cthulhu (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cthulhu) in all of his terrible monstrosity, meaning that not only does your mind completely and totally break, it reforms into an aspect of him. You become a piece of a reality breaking monstrosity.
I wish I had a slice of perfect apple pie with a scoop of perfect vanilla ice cream on top. Oh, and the pie is that "just out of the oven" temperature where the ice cream melts perfectly as you're eating it.
Granted, but you drop the plate on the way to the dining room table.
I wish I had a toaster that DIDN'T burn my toast every damn time I try to make toast. CURSE YOU TOASTER, CURSE YOUUUUUUU
Granted. Instead, it turns your toast into Heero Yuy. (http://www.heerosferret.com/toast.html)
I wish that I had a cinnamon raisin bagel.
Granted. It's been toasted in Slowtini's toaster.
I wish I spent more time offline.
Granted. Now you spend an extra 30 seconds in bed instead of online.
I wish as Moore's Law approaches the tipping point, we can keep up with it.
Moore's law approaches the tipping point, but by that time, the retards at EA produce all software on earth, and are completely oblivious as to how to actually use their superpowered hardware.
I wish I had the sort of energy and drive I needed to work on my novel
Granted, but your novel is so rushed that it doesn't come out the way you wanted it. When your future publisher sees it, he finds it to be the worst piece of literature he's ever seen, and promptly gouges his eyes out because of the monstrosity.
I wish I had a harder time thinking that one up.
I sidle over to your house and surgically remove most of your cereberal, making it much harder to think *anything* up.
I wish that I impress the entire universe with my obvious superiority :p
Granted, you impress everyone but llearch, Damaris, Darkmoon, Amber, Zina, RJ, and Bill. And they ban you for thinking yourself to be superior.
I wish that people I meet wouldn't talk to me with a condescending air about them.
For some reason, the police haul you away after stapling the seventeenth person's mouth shut. You die in prison.
I wish they had decent food at my school's cafeteria.
Granted. But the food is now so good that they increase the price to 5 times the original. Now you can't afford it, and starve to death (assuming you're in college).
I wish I had the money to live on campus.
Granted. They serve the best Russian food (Sorry, Ren) which includes cabbage soup (Shchi - щи) and hard bread
Granted. However, they don't have room for you now.
I wish I wasn't ninja'd!
Granted, you get depressed of not being ninja'd and kill yourself.
I wish i had total control over magic in all forms and that Jyrras never talk like a stereotypical gay person again (i think) :mowdizzy. I dont bash on him either, hes tied with Abel as my fave. :)
Oh um, granted. Too bad you didn't also wish that magic existed right?
I wish people could be a bit more humble at times.
Quote from: Darkdragon on September 07, 2008, 05:55:47 PM
Oh um, granted. Too bad you didn't also wish that magic existed right?
If the wish was granted then magic would exist
Quote from: Dagardo on September 07, 2008, 05:57:19 PM
Quote from: Darkdragon on September 07, 2008, 05:55:47 PM
Oh um, granted. Too bad you didn't also wish that magic existed right?
If the wish was granted then magic would exist
Not necessarily, you get all forms of magic, but the set of magic currently in existence has a property of a null set, meaning that you control all forms of magic, which is equivalent to none because there is no magic.
Quote from: Darkdragon on September 07, 2008, 06:06:57 PM
Quote from: Dagardo on September 07, 2008, 05:57:19 PM
Quote from: Darkdragon on September 07, 2008, 05:55:47 PM
Oh um, granted. Too bad you didn't also wish that magic existed right?
If the wish was granted then magic would exist
Not necessarily, you get all forms of magic, but the set of magic currently in existence has a property of a null set, meaning that you control all forms of magic, which is equivalent to none because there is no magic.
OK you've confused me :mowdizzy Im tempted to say i would erase the existence of the null set but that may be contradictory and would confuse me more. I dislike feeling like a pain to others.
Granted. The concept of a null set is now gone. Along with most of higher maths, and much of society, which has been reverted to the hunter-gatherer stage; hundreds of millions of people will die of starvation, blaming you with their dying breath.
It's ok, though - someone will come up with the idea in a few hundred years.
I wish I didn't have to wait for messagelabs.
Granted, They come for you at your house and break your legs in with waffle bats and steal your stuff and destroy your evidence of your existence, also it was lucky you was home alone at the time so don't feel so bad that no one knows where you went :3
I wish was abit less or more humane with that :rolleyes
Granted. Considering less is more (according to Charmin Ultra) you are both less and more humane concurrently making your response to have no change.
I wish for your face. :januscat
Granted. You have a very bloody, messy, detached face in your hands. I'd probably clean the eyeballs out before putting it on.
I wish that continental drift would cause the environmental sciences building to not be so damn far across campus.
Granted. Also as a consequence of the continental drift, you are still across campus from the environmental sciences building.
I wish that I had fewer classes on Mondays...
Granted. You now have one fewer class on Mondays. You also have three more classes on every other day, including Saturday and Sunday.
Good luck.
I wish my arm didn't hurt quite so much from the overenthusiastic exercise yesterday.
Granted. For some reason you can't find any Vaseline anywhere or any other similar petroleum jelly products after the pain goes away...
I wish I was home already.
Granted. Your home lands on top of you. Welcome back.
I wish that Boxy would try to break Cthulhu's brain.
PS: Mowser, I was thinking that Boxy's arms would just fall off...
Granted, it failed of course and he punished you for wishing for it
I wish i knew what happened to my avatar...
Freddy Kruger stole it while you were sleeping :kruger
I wish that magic existed so I could save the lives of all the people i would have killed with my previous wish.
Granted. Sadly, you can't use it at all, and neither can anyone else left alive. Ewps.
I wish I could find some Deep Heat(tm). Or even some Depp Heat, for that matter, as my first typo had it...
Granted. Unfortunately since I had to guess which one you actually wanted and *cough* em... Mr. Depp is here and it seems he's found all of the Vaseline...Oh my.
I wish life was simpler.
Granted, It's only simpler for and you kill yourself out of boredom because life is so simple.
I wish a trans dimensional vortex would appear that would take me wherever I wanted. (This i am actually quite serious about, but *sigh* such is life.)
Granted, but your clothes get lost in the ether.
I wish I had a grape scented candle.
Granted. Sadly, the person supplying it failed to proofread carefully, and instead has supplied a grope scented candle.
Enjoy your... invasion of personal space.
I wish I'd had lunch
Granted, but you didn't enjoy it.
I wish I had some more soda.
Granted, you get a combination of 10 different kinds of soda mixed together. I think that granting may have been a little flat, but...
I wish for the Underworld Symphony. (have a cookie if you know where the reference comes from.) :januscat
Granted. Not knowing what you're talking about, I summon the symphony of hell. Ten thousand devilish musicians, each one wielding a dark instrument of pure evil (even accordions and bagpipes), conducted by Lucifer himself, and they're going to play "I love you, You love me" for the next thousand years... and the music will follow you around for that long.
I wish I had a violin. I can't play it, I just want one.
Granted, but you drop it.
I wish I had some more of that 10-kindsa-soda mishmash I got earlier. It was an explosion of flavor in my mouth, and every one was delicious! eDe
Granted. Except in your mind this one was worse than the previous one, despite being identical in every way. Furthermore, you will never be able to drink another soda ever again because they all pale in comparison to that soda (which may nor may not be a good thing).
I wish I can get the school orchestra to play "In the Arms of Death" by Daisuke Ishiwatari. (A cookie to those who knows where that is from)
Granted, but they screw it up so badly you kill them for it an get sentenced to life in prison with no chance of bail and no way to escape. As for the song It sounds a lot like Testament's Guilty Gear XX # Reload theme. (Korean)
I wish I had 4 stomachs. :)
Granted. You had 4 stomachs. You needed a gastrosectomy (a word I just made up by using gastro- (stomach) and -sectomy (to remove surgically)). Not one, but three gastrosectomies. Now you are down to one stomach and a lot of empty space inside you.
I wish I could write better poetry.
Granted, its so much better that every time you read it you blow someones mind, yeah I'm making a reference. :)
I wish I had a Warp-aci. :P
Granted. Unfortunately, it only does demands it thinks you want to be done and not the ones you want it to be done.
I wish the economy is stronger.
Granted. The economy of a nation that opposes yours is now stronger.
I wish I didn't feel so crappy right now.
Granted. You hadn't felt so crappy then. Now you feel crappy.
I wish the starving kids in Somalia are not starving anymore.
Granted. They're now dead.
I wish my MP3 player hadn't chosen today to pack in.
Granted. It chose last month to do it.
I wish I HAD an MP3 player.
Granted, here's Windows Media Player for all your MP3 needs. :januscat
Your nonexistent wish is granted. You become an emo.
I wish all the stuff that was ever screwed up by 4Kids had never been screwed up.
Granted, 4chan screws it up instead.
I wish I had more delicious Chili. Mmm... Chili...
Granted. It's so spicy your lungs shut down and you die.
I wish I was in shape.
Granted, the shape is a Cube.
I wish I had more of that spicy chili you just helped me get Rakala... That was MMM-GOOD-TASTIC D:
Granted you're tongue explodes.
I wish I had skill with all guitar types.
Granted. You play non stop and have blisters on your fingers. Ouch.
I wish I could take back all of my dumb posts that ended up in the abandoned mine.
Granted, yet somehow they are replaced by all your decent and worthwhile posts.
I wish for this wish to be granted. :januscat
Granted, but to someone else.
I wish I had a space cookie.
Granted. You have a space where a cookie used to be.
nyomnyomnyomnyomnyom.
I wish my boss wasn't quite so thick.
Granted, Now you have a boss that's nice and foamy..Your boss is a nice cold beer :3
I wish was less silly with that corruption
Granted, but now it's just demented.
I wish the lit up "Exit" signs over doorways weren't radioactive. :januscat
Granted. Now they're explosive.
I wish Windows Vista wasn't such a whiny little bitch sometimes.
Granted. It fails to work at all.
I wish you knew what I should wish for.
Granted, you wish for a thousand years of agony, which is subsequently granted.
I wish 64bit windows vista was compatible with more things :<
Granted but suddenly lasers spring out and shoot in the face playing a melody of a rainbow with your brain! I hope you feel better now! What is it with you and I.P.B. (Insanity Prawn Boy) with lasers??
I wish for a vagina of my own for Christmas or Santa Clause gets it! >:3
Granted, you get all STD's from it.
I wish for a taco that would come back after i eat it. :3
Granted. However, it also deprives you of any gratification when you eat it.
I wish the sky will be of a deep purple colour tomorrow morning.
it is but you dont live to see it
i wish i had a butterfly, scalpel and microscope
Granted. The butterfly is a mutant monstrosity, the scalpel is dull, and the microscope is broken. Good luck defending yourself.
(You learn fast, EXPONETIAL!!!!)
I wish for a black cat.
you get it but it gives you TONS of bad luck!!!
i wish i had uncorrupted cheese!
Granted. But when you go to split open the butterfly with the scalpel, its guts suddenly spew out and multiply...EXPONENTIALLY!!!!
NINJA'D! >:O
Granted. The black cat is a panther, and it is hungry, and you are the only edible meat within a 5-mile radius. Have fun >:3
DOUBLE NINJA'D! :boom
Granted. You are lactose intolerant.
I wish they would make a MechAssault 3, and conclude the Data Core storyline...I wanna know who that mysterious shadow was who picked up the last Data Core at the end of MA 2!
Granted. The mysterious shadow turns out to be Solid Snake in a crossover with Mech Assault, and the two of you have to team up in the brand-new Snake Walker to save the world from nuclear holocaust. Wait, how is that a bad thing? Oh, wait... you die saving the world. There! It's a bad thing!
I wish I could have corrupted that previous wish a little more.
you did and in corrupting it corrupted yourself!
i wish that i could clone myself
Granted. However, you can't get rid of them and have a hard time convincing anyone you are you. This will be especially difficult when getting an alibi for the murder of your best friend yesterday - by the way, the trial's tomorrow.
I wish people would use proper grammar. This isn't MSN you know.
they do, but now it's illegal to not speak every language in the universe. thanks allot!
i wish scientists could get off of beleiving spontanius generation
Granted. But due to your poor spelling you accidentally cause the world to end by violating the golden law of physics, which shouldn't exist due to Gödel's incompleteness theorem.
I wish for a meta-wish.
wish granted. a meta-wish is given to jyras. ☺☻♦♣♠•◘○◘
The non-existence of a wish causes the universe to implode.
I wish for common sense.
you get it and think yourself a threat to the world and jump off a cliff!
i wish i had Jak 3
Granted. Your copy is broken, while you watch me play it, beat it, unlock all of the cheat codes, and then play it through again in God Mode.
Seriously, I still do that from time to time.
I wish I wasn't so tired.
granted you cannot sleep for the rest of your life
i wish i had a thousand wishes
Granted. However, you are cursed to have each wish corrupted by the wish-corrupting community in the most unhelpful manner.
I wish people read the corresponding legal stuff before clicking "I Accept".
granted. now every @#$%ing person has to @#$#ing read the legal stuff otherwise they'll get arrested. @#$%ing politics
i wish i had an uncorrupted bazooka
Granted. You look down the barrel to see if it is loaded, and acidentally bump the trigger. Chunky Salsa (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ChunkySalsaRule) ensues.
I wish for more Vespene Gas.
Granted. Sadly, the thousands of zerglings that come with it are less welcome...
I wish I didn't have to work today.
Granted, all of your possessions get taken because of it.
I wish I dsidnt have to hit the d key on my keyboard for it to work.
granted. the d key has been removed from your keyboard.
i wish i could go on vacation.
Granted. However, there was something very very important you forgot to take care of before you left, and when you return, your house is buried underneath a mountain of the most evil material known to man...PAPERWORK!
I wish for additional Pylons.
granted, but theyre all broken
Granted. Due to your silence, all of your future wishes are forfeit.
I wish I knew a few useful spells which actually work.
Granted, but the government hauls you away for disturbing the peace.
I wish I had more wishes.
Granted, but all of them will be corrupted.
I wish for people to respect other people's choices.
Granted, and without criticism the world becomes slightly more chaotic.
I wish I had an unending supply of Raspberry sherbet.
Granted. You get this little annoying guy I know who goes by the name Sherbet. He has nipple lazers and can fly. Good luck.
I wish I had nipple lazers.
Granted, but this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1hs8ctxFFw) happens to you.
I wish I was part of the DMFA but not as a human.
Granted. However it goes much like THIS (http://www.missmab.com/Comics/Vol_429.php).
I wish I could go back to sleep. Permanently.
Granted. You have nightmares for eternity.
I wish life had a point.
It has one, that you miserably fail at.
I wish that annoying people wouldn't constantly ask me for advice.
Granted. Now only smart educated interesting people ask you for advice. They insult you for the poor quality of your advice.
I wish my nickname in high school hadn't been "Ralph Wiggum."
Granted, but everyone refused to call you your real name and therefore ignored you completely.
I wish for a januscat. :januscat
Granted. You mistook it for a fleck of dust on your screen and squished it.
I wish I could wake up on time for class tomorrow and stay awake until I needed to sleep again.
Unfortunately, the method you choose to stay awake involves inserting nails into your extremities to prevent sleep.
I wish I were the leader of a cult.
Granted. You are now the leader of The Cult of Grilled Cheese, of which you happen to hate, but only seem to be able to attract people who love the stuff.
I wish I could understand Latin.
Granted. You end up reading an ancient tome that transports you back to the Roman Empire. You are captured and forced to fight as a gladiator.
I wish my corruptions had less violence and death in them.
Granted. Now all your corruptions have to include something cute and cuddly. And muffins of non-doom.
I wish procrastination was not such a big problem.
Granted, nothing gets done at all.
I wish I didn't have the hiccups.
Granted. Now you have the throw-ups.
I wish I could go to the A Cappella concert tonight without skipping my meeting with my Shakespeare project group. (College is becoming steadily more like they warned me...)
Granted, the Shakespeare group goes to the concert with you, consequently accomplishing nothing that would have been otherwise.
I wish for all I need. :januscat
Granted, Yet you only have 50% what you wanted, And most of it is broken into many pieces. Hope it teaches you something or two...Also a giant horde swarm of people are very angry at you for some reason...
I wish I didn't have to deal with so much disappointment in the news lately
Granted. Now instead of disappointment, you are now horrified to learn every morning that the Dow Jones has dropped yet another hundred points from the day before.
I wish I can predict the future accurately.
Granted.
You forsee that a rare disease will dissolve all your bones within the next week, and there is no cure.
I wish my boss would have more reasonable demands. Creating a functional web-application with absolutely nothing but a name is not reasonable. Especially since I am no web developer.
Granted now you are completely capable and accredited to meet your boss's demands but at one tenth your current salary.
I wish I could play the piano.
Granted. You have to end up going to Russia, leaving your friends and family behind.
I wish for peace on Earth.
Granted. It lasted for one second before people started making a mess of things again.
I wish the day was over.
Granted. Nuclear Apocalypse. That'll pretty much end the day.
I wish no zombies came back from the dead as a result of my wish.
Granted. Vampires, Demons, Mummies, but no zombies.
I wish I didn't have to deal with this shit at work.
Granted. Now you have to deal with it at home.
I wish I had a proper wish to follow up with.
Granted, Yet it's given the next poster cancer in the process!
I hope your happy now Lion with this!
I wish I wasn't much a jerk to everyone and was more proper
Granted, but your proper demeanor advances towards arrogance making those around you become more of a jerk to you.
I with for Sacred Tears. :januscat
Granted, but they're not as delicious as you had hoped.
I wish for the ability to shapeshift, so that I may turn my fists into toasters, and punch people.
Granted. However, unknown to you, you were given the ability to shapeshift once, and you're in for a nasty surprise after you change your fists into toasters.
I wish for some miracle medicine.
Granted. Although the maker rushed it, and you got a rotten miracle.
I wish that the Princess Bride movie had more closely followed the book.
Granted. Unfortunately, it's the "original edit," with all of the boring political commentaries and deviations from the action. It never becomes popular, and we never get such timeless lines as "Mawwiage."
I wish Slowtini was Fastbigi.
Granted, Fastbigi looks exactly like Slowtini, and is pronounced "Slow-Tini".
I wish Jairus would swap places with Ren for one day.
agreed, no one notices a distinct difference between the two and both are locked up in a psych ward for observation because they claim to be the other... on the bright side they've been released and both are now looking for you.
I wish for box of chocolates, preferably not tainted by evil, of fungus, or some other malady that would cause my discomfort.
Granted, you discover that you are highly allergic to the packaging, and cannot open the box due to fear of your throat closing up, your skin falling off, your eyes swelling, and your tongue EXPLODING.
I wish I had some crazy awesome fun.
Granted. But you didn't get to remember it because you were dead drunk at the time.
I wish for a trial by fire.
Granted, you are sentenced to death by water.
I wish I could remember what happened D:
Granted. Now you wish you couldn't remember, because it wasn't pleasant.
I wish I had paid attention in high school.
Granted, all you learned was stuff that would never do you any good.
I wish I had an infinite supply of tacos all made to my liking.
Granted.
What use is a taco, Mister Anderson, if you don't have... a mouth?
I wish it hadn't taken so long to upgrade the servers this weekend.
Granted, it took 10 minutes, but you accidentally forgot to install the files required for the server to start up. It takes months of troubleshooting until you find what went wrong, and even then, cannot repair it, forcing you to purchase a whole new server stack.
I wish I had some delicious food.
Your food comes with enough food poisonings to stun an ox. At least it's delicious,... hmmm...
I wish I knew how to write in Python and Ruby.
Granted, however that becomes the ONLY language you can write in, and end up speaking in code.
I wish I had six rolls of duct-tape, some green paint, and a particle accelerator.
Granted, unfortunately the six rolls of duct tape have been used to incapacitate you by the "Green ecoterrorist organization". The GEO plans to set an example to the world by placing you in the particle accelerator, gift wrapped. you are sitting on top of several cans of green paint i with the words I luv science painted across your chest. And, they're still debating, arguing rather, weather or not it's a good Idea to use science to fear monger the populous.
I wish more people heard of the chum-scrubber.
Granted, however, you are not among them.
I wish I could get myself out of any situation. D:
Granted, you are now a spy, a very bad spy. You have the training and knowledge to get out of any situation... Your Mac Gyver skills know no equal.... provided it is in a classroom setting or written down on paper. In practice your about as prepared as a kitten is against a werewolf.
EDIT: The truth is You could get yourself out of any situation, unfortunately you may not be able to.
I wish I had a million bagillion dollars
Quote from: Slowtini on September 21, 2008, 08:11:12 PM
Granted, however, you are not among them.
Oh how I was blessed, to not see the worst move of all time I thank you!
Granted, the government confiscates it all, the value of your country's currency deflates so much, that you are left with approximately 12 cents.
I wish I had my degree, without all this nasty-wasty college. :<
Granted. You get it with nasty-wasty university instead and it takes longer, costs more and wastes alot more of your time and money.
I wish I had gone to College instead of University.
Granted, but all the jobs you want to apply requires a "university degree".
I wish something exciting would happen, preferably not life-threatening.
Granted. You sit in a sterilized room with nothing to do. Books can cause paper cuts, computers can cause carpal tunnel, and all these are hazardous to your health! You sit in that room forever so your life will never be threatened. You go mad from nothing to do and find entertainment from counting the imaginary bugs that crawl up and down the walls.
I wish I could have made that corruption shorter.
Granted. You didn't grant the wish to proper specifications: that's not exciting.
I wish for something abnormal to happen, preferably not directly fatal to anything.
Granted. You grow another toe, it's on your knee.
I wish I were better at corruptions.
Granted, however you lose all ability to type, thereby meaning you can corrupt the wishes, but not tell anyone else about them.
... ok, you can copy and paste using the mouse, but that's slow enough that you can never finish a post before someone else ninjas you...
I wish I'd been able to figure out what was wrong with the servers today.
Granted, you become so great in the art of corruption, that you break the fabric of reality, and basically destroy your house, and all the houses within 10 miles of where you live, killing thousands of innocent people.
Kudos to you.
Granted, but you got bored, and went off to watch television, instead of doing repairs.
Months of data are lost.
I wish my iPOD had infinite storage capacity.
Granted. Except the USB jack is broken and is out of warranty.
I wish something will happen to my neighbours down the street.
granted, the engine of an airplane totally destroyed your neighbors house dude.... by the way it's the eighties, your name is frank and your planning on wearing the coolest bunny suit ever for Halloween.
I wish Donnie Darko made more sense than nonsense.
Granted. A perfectly good cult film now makes sense, and an important cultural staple of mystery and intrigue becomes mainstream and then fades away. Oh, and your dreams are now infested with Frank the Bunny.
I wish Whose Line Is It Anyway was on earlier in the day.
Granted. It's on at 2:00 am.
I wish I had a working shower in my house.
Granted, the shower works but the drain is clogged.
I wish there were less complications.
Granted, but now the fabric of reality is torn and nothing exists within a ten-mile radius of you.
I wish I could visit my friend in Colorado sooner.
Granted. Oh wait, there goes your plane. Guess you still have to wait.
I wish I had a DVD version of Across the Universe.
Granted. It freezes every ten minutes, or thereabouts, so you can't properly enjoy it.
I wish I had something delicious to drink.
Here's a glass of chocolate chop cookie flavored sulfuric acid.
I wish to grant your wish. :januscat
Granted. My wish was that you'd grant someone else's wish. :)
I wish I was a slightly better mimic.
Granted, Now your a ditto from Pokemon now you can mimic anything to your hearts content! Downside a poke'ball hits you shortly after and now your a legal game for capturing!
I wish there was a faster cure for the common cold but wont lead to death of any sort
Granted. The "common cold" (Influenza) goes away and a new virus evolves which is more life-threatening than our current common cold takes its place as "the common cold".
I wish I have the ability to write in really small text so I can fit large paragraphs into small answer boxes and still be legible.
Granted, but you can only write in phonetic swahili.
I wish I could understand, and be understood by everything, in regards to language.
Granted. Unfortunately, there isn't anyone worth talking to.
I wish I had a watch.
Granted. However, it shows decimal time.
I wish light conversation was not so limited to the weather, sports and television.
Granted. Sex is now added on to it, but even though it becomes the subject of small talk it still seems awkward to those around you.
I wish I had a Pip-plushie.
Granted. It comes with an authentic ankle-biting mechanism, and it particularly likes yours.
I wish one can download music from the school network.
Granted, you are able to but that doesn't make it any less against the rules. Expulsion for you.
I wish I could draw the way I truly envision things.
Granted. You are haunted by visions of demons and horror until you gouge out your own eyes.
I wish I had some delicious, untampered with coffee.
Granted. The coffee is so perfect and wonderful and well-made and delicious that you are given the caffeine version of a high, and become addicted to the world's most perfect coffee.
I wish that Ren would draw more shonen-ai pics: those things are hilarious!
*my my how my little corrupt a wish has grown* Granted but the characters look like they shoved their faces in meat grinder. I wish for a british butler named Regginald.
Granted, but you quickly become enveloped in a cliche murder mystery where the butler is the murderer and is sent to jail, leaving you with no more butler.
I wish I was just like you. :januscat
Granted. You are now identical to silentassassin in all ways, including personality and quantum structure. The existed of two completely identical beings begins to destabilize the structure of the universe and space time itself, and we are forced to kill both of you before you set off a second big bang inside our universe.
I wish I had Death's horse Binky.
Granted. However, it dies.
I wish I had some angel / demon ancestry.
Granted. Dante shows up after you start rampaging and kills you. He then uses your soul to forge a new weapon to add to his collection.
Death's horse dies? I think that would cause the universe to end.
I wish anthropomorphic animals were real and made sense from an evolutionary standpoint.
Granted. However, all the industries which produce commodities all grumble at having to make 2,000 different types of the same object to accommodate for the different species and businessmen start wishing there was only one sentient, anthropomorphic species, and start hiring people to preform genocide.
It's true. See Binky's Wikipedia article (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_(Discworld)#Binky).
All right, I wish I could control my demonic (or angelic) ancestry.
Granted but god got bored and smited you.
I wish for a kitty named bootsie.
Granted. It coughs up hairballs, sheds all over the place, tears up the furniture, and leaves warm, dead mouse corpses on the doormat. Did I even really need to corrupt this one?
I wish I wasn't still hungry. I had a nice dinner...
Granted. But now you're thirsty. Thirsty for blood.
I wish for perfect accuracy.
Granted, Now you can hit the toilet seat 100% of the time when you urinate.
[size=9]even if there is no seat[/size]
I wish for Sixteen thousand gallons of air, an air compressor, and an air tank that's rated for 16,000 pounds per square inch.
Granted. You get 16,000 gallons of ammonia gas, an air compressor which uses half the electricity in the state of California per use, and an air tank rated at 16,000 pounds per square inch but has a total surface area of 12 microns squared.
I wish for a set of armour.
Granted I steal it and beat you to a pulp.
I wish for a sword to go with the armor.
Granted. You get a cursed bamboo sword which would never leave your hand. I'll be taking my armour back, thank you very much.
I wish for a usable, wilful dark sword.
Granted. You're also a light paladin, so every time you use it, you have to persuade your sword that killing this particular dark creature is, in fact, going to advance the forces of darkness...
Good luck with that. It's smarter than you are.
I wish I didn't have work to do today.
Granted. Instead of work, you have been pulled over by the police and are now under investigation for the unsolved "Jack the ripper" cases.
I wish that I could for once bake a cake and not have to go out and get an ingredient in the middle of baking said cake.
Granted. Although you might have to go the the deepest corners of your pantry, your basement freezer and your dungeon to procure the ingredients whose validity is of question, you did not have to leave the house to get them. Although you probably should have, as that took more time than to go next door to the newly-opened supermarket and buy the stuff you needed without having to worry about expiry dates.
I wish I had a usable, obedient dark sword.
Granted. You do obtain that sword, but the darkness required to wield such a weapon slowly overtakes you. The only way to revert the process is to traverse the great mountain and accomplish that which none else has, save for one, and become a paladin, requiring you to give up that sword you longed for.
I wish for reiterated inspiration. :januscat
Granted. You are inspired to assassinate the president.
I wish there would be one point in history where both mainstream candidates for presidency were good enough that I actually would have to think a little bit about who I would vote for.
Granted but they get shot.
I wish for a pet mow. :mowcookie
Granted. Over time, it eats all of your property.
I wish I am not sick.
Granted, but your already poor grammar worsens in a bizarre form of equivalent exchange. Almost like you ruffled an English nerd the wrong way... :P
I wish they wouldn't remake Nightmare on Elm Street, Rocky Horror Picture Show, or Ghostbusters. (And yes, they are going to remake those. But it might not be as bad as it sounds. (http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/8543))
Granted. However, now they go and remake other movies which don't need a remake.
I wish I am less sick than a moment before.
Granted. But the moment you figure out that you are less sick than you were a moment before, you also realized that you are now carrying llearch's child.
I wish I had the money to buy a house.
Granted. You save up $1.1 million and buy a two-bedroom unit in Mumbai. Not exactly the best place, but on the plus side, it has a view of a slightly polluted sea!
I wish my muse to come earlier than thirty minutes before my optimal bed time...
Granted. She comes a day and thirty minutes before your optimal bed time.
I wish I had money of my own that I earned in a legitimate fashion.
Granted. You have thirty cents you earned after twenty years working in terrible conditions in a coal mine.
I wish I had a pocketwatch.
Granted, but it works like the watches from heaven in All Dogs go to Heaven, but in reverse as you're currently alive. Therefore when you wind it you die until the watch corrects itself.
I wish foor somewhere to hang this noose. :januscat
Granted. You climb up a tree and hang it around your own neck. You both end up suffocating.
I wish I could save this wish until later.
Granted, but you just wasted it.
I wish I can soar.
Granted. You ache all over. Oh soar not sore? Sorry. Too late now.
I wish I weren't sick anymore.
Granted, you no longer have any sort of bacteria of virus in your body, but as some bacteria are required to live, you become severely ill in other disturbing ways.
I wish for Rakala to be healthy. :januscat
Granted. However, this comes at the expense of your sanity, if it still exists
I wish Lysander to be sane.
Granted. Lysander now sees everything in a manner that is considered completely sane. Unfortunately everyone else gets a little less sane as a result (hey, that all that insanity has to go somewhere) including yourself. Even worse is that was the last little bit of insanity was enough to push you over the edge. You are then commited to an Asylum to spend out the rest of your days in a padded white room and a very *unf* un *arhg* comfortable *thump* white *whap* JACKET!!
I wish for incurable style.
Granted. Not only is it incurable but it's terminal.
I wish I hadn't stepped in dog poo this morning.
Granted. You fell face first into it instead.
I wish it wasn't raining today.
Granted. There's a tornado headed your way instead.
I wish I wasn't surprised at how awful the taste is every time I take NyQuil.
Granted. You're now surprised that it burns a hole through the bottom of your jaw.
I wish I wasn't so tired.
Granted, but that much caffeine can't be healthy.
I wish to be justified. :januscat
Granted. You are justified in commiting suicide.
I wish I knew what to wish for. :B
Granted, you wish for something that eats your intestines, but you live through it.
I wish I had a bed to sleep on instead of the floor.
Granted. Unfortunately, the bed is courtesy of black mage.
I wish I didn't stay up so late.
Granted. Technically you stayed up early.
I wish people at school would stop making fun of me for stepping in dog poo.
Granted, now they make fun of you for being stepped on BY dog poo.
waitwhat?
I wish I understood what I just said. ><;
Granted, but that fishy in the dishy happens to be an angry octopus. Lock up your Japanese school girls!
I wish for a cute lil puppy
Granted, you get a cute demonic puppy, which also happens to be impossible to tame. Good luck when it grows up in your old age...
I wish we were reading a more interesting book in English...
Granted but you vecome blind and your hands fall off.
I wish for apple juice
Granted. However, you go and shoot yourself with a gun.
I wish stuff made sense sometimes.
Granted, but like Nietzsche before you, learning the truth about reality makes you insane and your conscientiousness implodes in on itself as a result of everything making sense.
I wish for a cupcake.
Granted. It is a perfectly ordinary cupcake, not outstanding or memorable in any way shape or form. You'll completely forget about ever eating it by the end of the day.
I wish that people never mispronounced one anothers names.
Granted, however, you have no idea how to pronounce "Szczebrzeszyn" or "!xuble" and that severed potential ties at the fear of mispronouncing it.
I wish I can get started on my philosophy course.
Granted. You start with the Tao of Paris Hilton.
I wish John McCain had picked a different potential veep.
Granted. Say hello to Vice Presidential candidate Paris Hilton.
I wish we were voting for leaders, and not politicians.
Granted. The next leader that is voted in is me! All who join my harem get free cookies!
I wish that stupid people would not stay at my hotel.
Granted. Only geniuses stay at your hotel. They make you feel stupid.
I wish James Starrunner would not kill all those who joins yakanaj's harem.
Granted, he welcomes you with open arms and arsenic (Beware the cookies...)
I wish that even the smart people who stayed at my hotel weren't so dumb. I've met some really dumb smart people. Talk about oxi-morons.
Granted, but they use they realize the greatness of the hotel down the street and leave your hotel vacant, informing everyone of the other hotel giving yours no customers.
I wish to stay a while in yakanaj's hotel. :januscat
Granted. Welcome to the Bates Hotel, I'm the manager Norman. My mother would love to meet you.
I wish I had gotten a little more sleep last night.
Granted. You slept in late. And I mean late into the day. In fact you slept until tomorrow. You miss all the important meetings.
I wish my ears weren't infected.
Granted. Your ears have been replaced with freakish lumps of flesh, that are infection-free and harmless.
I wish I didn't have such weird dreams.
Granted. Your dreams are nightmarish instead of weird.
I wish I could have lucid dreams.
Granted. You have a dream which is more classified as a nightmare and just when you realize you are dreaming and you can take control of the situation, you wake up.
I wish for a jolt of inspiration. (figuratively speaking)
Congratulations, you are inspired to drink a bottle of Jolt.
I wish to grant this wish. :januscat
Wish not granted. You have to grant your own wish. By the way, you have no clue what to wish for, and won't for a lengthy but undisclosed period of time. Sorry, pal, can't help ya. You're just gonna have to writhe in torment for a few years. :)
I wish I wasn't so lazy when it came to drawing my own comic.
Granted. You are now too lazy to improve on social relationships as you are too busy drawing away at your desk.
I wish I can remember how that spell goes...
Granted but it turns your family into newts!
I wish wonder what drugs Mother Goose was doing when she wrote her rhymes
Granted, you learn by experience and create yet more disturbing poems.
I wish Zedd wasn't such a keen ninja... :januscat
Granted, Zedd is no longer a keen ninja, but now you are and the assassins are now all coming after you.
I wish that I could understand and speak more Japanese.
Granted. You only learn words that would be offensive to the Japanese people.
I wish I could understand and speak more German.
Granted, but to them is sounds as though you are speaking Japanese.
I wish I could leave work now.
Don't we all? Granted, but you get called back immediately, and end up working a 36 hour shift.
And you're on salary.
And you don't get paid overtime. Or even time and a half. Or time in lieu.
I wish I wasn't speaking from experience.
Granted. You're not just speaking from experience, you were programmed this way from birth. It becomes an undeniable and inescapable part of your existence but with it comes the very fact that you are this and can be no more and no less and that others do not have it so hard.
I wish that my coworkers would stop brewing pots of decaf and not using the marked pots for it.
(Also: llearch, I'm in the same boat. Hence why I slack off as much as is humanly possible)
Granted, there are no unmarked pots to confuse your co-workers. Now both kinds of coffie look the same regardless.
I wish for Beautiful Simplicity. :januscat
Granted. You get an beautiful, elegant, simple proof of the Side - Angle - Side triangle congruency theorem which is just a bit more so than the best one out there.
I wish for the Death of Rats.
Granted. Unfortunately, you are not a rat, but you get reincarnated as one due to having been collected by HIM.
I wish to have a pleasant chat with the Death of the Discworld that did not involve me dying at any point during or at least five years after it.
Granted, but Death is there to escort one of your loved ones!
I wish I could meet an alien!
Granted, you meet a legal alien (i.e. one who is not of your country) which you don't like very much.
I wish to read some good books.
Granted, you become a monk and start reading The Good Book every day!
I wish I could teleport to another world (DMFA preferably :))
Granted, but I've heard the storms on Jupiter can get pretty nasty.
I wish for you. :januscat
Granted, but I'm a bitter dissapointment as a human being!
I wish I had a crystal ball!
Granted. Here: it's a ball made of crystal. You can't do anything with it, because it's so fragile. Honestly, what kind of a weirdo would want a crystal ball? Rubber balls are much more fun, and you can play with them.
I wish for the ability to leap into my computer screen and emerge at another screen, preferably one of yours so I could meet you guys in person.
Granted, you jump out in llearch's sub-space domain where only he can move around! You end up lost for eternity! :mwaha
I wish I could make my art come to life!
Granted, it will try to kill you and take your place.
I wish I could simply walk into Mordor.
Granted. now you can't simply walk out of Mordor.
Quote from: Kipiru on October 12, 2008, 05:40:43 AM
I wish I could teleport to another world (DMFA preferably :))
I wish for that wish also.
Granted, you teleport to the world of extremely cute cannibal bunnies!
I wish I controlled the one ring!
Granted but it tells you to kill yourself and you do.
I wish for world domination!
Granted, but the world doesn't like you so much for dominating and the inhabitants band together for a revolution. With only you on your side I can't se much chance of win.
I wish to know why there's only one bed in each bedroom of SAIA. :januscat
Granted. You find out and later wish you hadn't. You also have trouble walking for the next week as a part of the finding out process.
I wish to regain the one ring.
Granted, it will be delivered to you by Frodo launched from a trebuchet, and it will hit you right in the Eye. (http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh121/RentheKnight/More%20Random%20Pictures/Whataboutacatapult.gif)
I wish I was a mecha pilot.
Granted. It's missing both it's arms and legs and has no means of moving.
I wish for candy.
Granted, you have Skullcandy headphones.
I wish for the sky to fall. :januscat
granted, gravity on earth doubles...you now weigh twice as much as you did before.
I wish I could find true happiness.
Granted, but it's not as satisfying as you thought it would be.
I wish I could meet some of you in person.
Yeah, those baby-stalking child-eating types you hear about on the news with drug habits and bad breath? Turns out some of us are like that in person.
I wish that the Internet would be given its due as Serious Business.
Granted, web comics such as DMFA are erased from existance.
I wish for all I have to be all I'll ever need. :januscat
Granted, you die and are mummified with all your possesions for the afterlife.
I wish i could bend steel with my bare hands!
Granted. However, now you are not able to use a pencil or keyboard due to the common occurrence of you scrunching it into something akin to mulch.
I wish I am more immune to cold.
Granted, but you are more susceptible to heat.
I wish I had personal climate control.
Granted. However, you can only either force it to be an arid, cool climate or thunderstorms.
I wish the sky was of a sort of mauve-y pink-russet hue.
Granted, the Sun is now in he latter part of its life, shining bright red creating a pink sky and worldwide incineration considering how close the Sun would be to Earth at that point.
I wish for a chanticleer ascendant. :januscat
Granted. Since he's ascended you can't understand anything he talks about.
I wish for the person who grants this wish to grant it with all the words combined into one gigantic word.
GrantedButPoorly,SinceItIsObviousAsToWheretheWordsEnd.
I wish I had a better corruption for that wish.
Granted. It's such a great corruption that it comes true.
I wish I could lose some weight.
Granted. You shall lose it... manually. *starts up chainsaw*
I wish I hadn't referenced Aqua Teen Hunger Force when granting Rakala's wish.
Granted, while wandering what else to write someone beats you to it.
I wish I was given my own movie to make!
Granted. You get a $5.00 budget.
I wish to be a part of the élite of the supernatural.
Granted. Not only do you become part of the elite, but you stage a great rise to power within the ranks of all things supernatural. Unfortunately your rise was so explosive and powerful that norms find out about you and you are eventually captured, dissected and studied.
I wish to give the unwashed masses a brand new religion.
Granted, and like many religious figureheads and founders you are hunted and martyred for supposed tyranny.
I wish to understand why "januscat" becomes "wainscot" when I use the spell check. :januscat
Granted. The reason makes little to no sense and gives you a slight headache.
I wish the corruption of this wish didn't have any vowels in it.
Grntd, bt y cn stll ndrstnd t, nd t nvlvs th dstrctn f yr fmly.
I wish the poster below me would gain superpowers.
Granted. Now everyone who posts after you would get a beneficial superpower.
I wish I had more time to work out.
Granted. Your fired. Got plenty of time now.
I wish I could get up as early as I do and not be tired without having to stay up all night.
Granted. You wake up at that time and only that time only to fall asleep 5 minutes later every day for the rest of your life. On the plus side those 5 minutes feel great... just make sure you eat and get all the necessities out of the way.
I wish for peace on earth and global communion.
Granted, but it's the wrong kind of communion. People share wine and bread at all points which people eventually figure out the pagan hidden meaning behind it. They start eating each other, drinking their blood and it's not very peaceful anymore.
I wish I hadn't had to walk 3 miles to school this morning, uphill both ways. (School is on the other side of a hill)
Greanted, your legs are broken and you have to drag yourself that far.
I wish for the number 23. :januscat
Granted. Here it is (http://www.agonybooth.com/agonizer/The_Number_23_2007.aspx). Have fun. It sucked.
I wish that drawing this chibi wasn't so freaking hard.
Granted. Everything else gets harder as a result of you only drawing what comes easy to you.
I wish for a delirium of disorder.
Granted, the confusion turns the chaos into organized perfection.
I wish for Pain that I Am Used To. :januscat
You get a song called "Pain that I Am Used To" by a band which produces music of the opposite taste of yours.
I wish people respect grammar.
Granted. It's respected to the point of madness. People are executed when they use the word "good" instead of the word "well", and the worse the offense the more painful the death.
I wish I had a working bathroom.
Granted, you have a fresh, temporarily clean outhouse. Don't even need to worry abot plumbing in there.
I with to be granted a wish. :januscat
Granted! You are granted the wish "I wish I knew what to wish for!"
I wish I had s genuine sword!
You cut your foot off trying to learn to use it.
I wish that whenever I entered a room, a spectral orchestra played "Imperial March" (AKA Darth Vader music).
Granted. They play it half a semitone flat.
I wish I had an original corruption.
As you already exist in such a state wish fulfillment is in surplus and three children will now grow up to be astronauts.
I wish that my beard was fuller.
Granted. Now several tiny knights do their best to cut it off for you. http://www.kongregate.com/games/BoMToons/castle-crashing-the-beard
I wish I had $200 which weren't gained through illegal ways and are not infected with some strange disease.
Granted, though it all gets stolen by someone who does indeed obtain it illegally, aka via mugging you.
I wish I didn't procrastinate.
Granted. You blow things off entirely.
I wish my taste buds weren't infected.
Granted. You can now taste the aromas in the air and that means all sorts of pollutions and airborn muck!
I wish I could read people's minds!
Granted. They should be ashamed of themselves, and your cranial eyes bleed.
I wish I could get these logfiles filtered properly.
Granted. Unfortunately, it goes unrecognized, and soon you have the irresistible urge to light various things/people on fire.
I wish I had a time machine.
Granted, but its only use is to go forward in time as going back would inevitably alter things in such a way that this thread was never made, thus making the with never come to be and the universe corroding as a result of the time distortion.
I wish for the topic summary. :januscat
Granted. It somehow manages to eat your face.
I wish I had a Neptunian Yellow Slug.
Being unsuited for Earth's gravity, temperature, or atmosphere, it dies.
I wish I could win a Nobel Prize in physics.
Granted. As such you are encourage to study the other sciences much more closely. During your studies in chemistry and biology you get into a horribly disfiguring accident that leaves you with an appearance similar to my current avi.
I wish I could give the whole world a smile.
You get arrested and sent to prison for life for possession of 8134518356183651835618365 tons of marijuana.
I wish my joints didn't crack every time I moved.
Granted, they break instead.
I wish to corrupt this wish. :januscat
It is corrupted.
I wish that for one day, everyone I met would speak in Elizabethan English.
Granted. Very few people understand what they are saying themselves. Suicide rate goes up. There are too few people to make a new generation. The human race goes extinct you genocidal fart. D:<
I wish I used less smilies.
Your prose becomes dull, flat, and boring. Eventually you are nominated for an academic writing award and people fall asleep at the mere sight of your work.
I wished I could get "One Winged Angel" out of my head.
Granted. You get Carl Orff's "O Fortuna" stuck in it instead.
I wish to be able to distinguish lies from truth.
Granted. The supposed meaning of life is a lie. There is no point to life.
I wish I could've met Freddie Mercury before he died.
Grantes, but the took you with him.
I with this wish didn't exist. :januscat
Granted. You're not with it anymore.
I wish I had a great big pile of gold. Preferably not on top of me.
Granted, there will be a dragon on top of that pile, and he won't be going to share..
I wish I could play guitar.
Granted. You become moderately successful, enough to get by on it. Then thinking it will look cool you smash your guitar against the stage after a performance. Unfortunately you don't make enough income to replace it and you starve to death.
I wish I had an unscratched DVD version of Across the Universe.
Granted. It's pirated so your DVD player / computer can't read it and you spend more money on getting a chip installed so you can read it than you would have if you bought it.
I wish kids would be quiet when told to be quiet.
Granted, they do become quiet, but also very depressed an in time turn homicidal! MUHAHAHA!
I wish I had a drawing of mine in the Louvre!
It's put up next to a sign which says "Everyone, point and laugh at this!"
I wish that election day would just come and go already so I don't have to be bombarded with political ads every 6 minutes.
Granted, but you miss it and wake up the next day with a communist leader!
I wish I could see magical creatures!
Granted. But they don't want to see you.
I wish I can control magical creatures.
Granted. You are dissected by government scientists to see what causes this control.
I wish I could participate in Ninja Warrior.
Granted, you get chopped up into cubes and toothpicks!
I wish I could cook Chinese food!
Granted, but you're arrested for cannibalism.
I wish everything wrong with my body would suddenly just go away.
Granted, but nothing right comes back.
I wish for an unrivaled level of awkwardness. :januscat
granted, but they lock you in a deep cell in an asylum and throw away the key!
I wish I had perfect teeth!
Ok, but you now have to wear braces for the rest of your miserable life. And you can't eat any form of food.
I wish I didn't have to wait for the cookies to be done.
Granted, you become allergic to cookies and you never have to wait for them any more.
I wish I could make my own MMORPG!
Done. Nobody plays it and you go down in history as the worst MMORPG maker ever. Stick to RPGs next time.
I wish this wish couldn't be corrupted, thus breaking the game with my uncorruptability.
Granted, the game is over, however since this is a corruption I can't really do this. A time-space rip forms and sucks all of eternity into it causing another anomaly considering that eternity can't really be sucked in since it's infinite so it's just sucked into a time space rip forever and.... uh.... there's just a paradox, okay?
I wish I could've ended that corruption at some point.
Granted, you are beaten by another poster and have to abandon you corruption!
I wish I never had to study again in my life!
Granted. You end up in an accident which leaves you a vegetable. You don't have to think ever again much less study.
I wish it were an easy decision which college to go to.
Granted, but you still choose wrong.
I wish I could get the gokudo flash files to play in my browser like they were earlier.
Granted but your internet connection disables itself indefinitely in exchange.
I wish for a spider that quotes Shakespeare. :januscat
Granted. You get a spider latched on to your hair which repeats "Let's kill all the lawyers" from Henry VI, Part II, Act IV, Scene II, which gets misinterpreted by lawyers and gets you sent to court.
I wish for gold.
Granted, but the one granting your wish has bad spelling and gives you Glod(a mountain dwarf with a bad attitude). Long live Pratchett!
I wish I was a real unicorn!
Granted, but you are one of those that is captured on The Last Unicorn .
I wish for Google Desktop. :januscat
Granted. You get the version that is for the Mac if you own Windows or Linux, and the one for Windows if you happen to own a Mac.
I wish for a blank stare.
You get hit by a truck and become a living vegetable!
I wish I had a transforming motorcycle!
Granted, it transforms into an oversize tea cup. If you do happen to fill it with tea the mechanics will probably rust and it won't be able to transform back.
I wish for a piece of shark cartilage. I hear it's the best kind. :januscat
Granted, but you have to fight the shark for it first!
I wish I could stop time!
Granted, but now you're frozen in one point of time permanently, unable to have a conversation with anyone ever again, but you still can't outrun light.
I wish that I could see Ultra Violet light.
Granted, you see everything in an ultra shade of violet! Enjoy the violet trees and violet bread!
I wish I could shoot beams out of my eyes!
Granted. It causes slight discomfort when you do.
I wish AVP Requiem had focused less on how brutal the aliens were.
Granted, the movie now focuses on the love triangle between the pizza loser, the hot tramp and the rich idiot!
As far as that goes, I wish AvP Requiem wasn't done by amateurs!
Granted, it was done overblown with special effects and no real plot point.
I wish I had never seen 5 alien babies pop out of a pregnant woman. *shudders* That wil haunt me for the rest of my life.
Granted, you see them coming out of a man!
I wish they made a 5-th Alien movie!
Granted. They insist on using Sigourney Weaver again who is now getting old.
I wish they made a movie out of Batman Vs Predator.
Granted, but the world is not ready for such a crossover yet and the movie is a bust!
I wish I had a more interesting job!
You quit your current employment and sign up as a "bullet sponge".
I wish movies had decent dialogue these days.
Granted, that's all they have.
I wish all my problems would just go away.
Granted, you die! :mwaha
I wish I could live forever!
Granted. You do. You live forever. Congratulations. You get to watch your friends and family die, humans wage wars for stupid reasons, history repeat itself time and time again, species evolve and die off, the world change, the sun explode and the earth die, the stars blink out one by one, and finally the universe ends. And you're still alive. All alone. Forever.
I wish something horrible would happen to me.
Granted, you are mistakenly mobilized and sent to Iraq, but in an all female squadron! Now you tell me whether this is good or bad?
I wish I could impose my wishes onto other people!
Granted, everyone of your wishes come to pleasantly pass, for everyone else. You are left without any hopes and dreams for yourself.
I wish for the universal language to be Japanese. :januscat
Granted, now nobody can understand a word from eachother, except the Japanese of course! (as far as there being a language of the universe, it should be Bulgarian, after all the Voyager probe caries with it a recording of a Bulgarian folk song)
I wish I could meet with aliens!
Granted. You meet these aliens. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alien_(Alien_franchise)
I wish I knew how to make hyperlinks with other words.
Granted (http://clockworkmansion.com/forum/index.php?action=help). However, it's buried in lots of other information so that you can't actually locate it.
I wish we had smarter users.
Granted! This forum is overruned with geniuses who only criticize eachother and the admins, making this one of the most boring forums in existence!
I wish I could command the elements!
Granted. They're not very obedient.
I wish I could get a hug.
Granted, you get hugged by an iron maiden! Enjoy!
I wish I could breath underwater!
Granted. Admittedly it's only _out_, and not back in.
I wish I felt like I had something to do...
Granted. You feel like you have to vote. Ooops, too late.
I wish I could meet somebody I truly care about.
Granted, but your feelings are truly unwanted and despised, alowing you to never go near the person due to a restraining order.
I wish to destroy the internet. :januscat
Granted. Apocalypse ensues.
I wish I had a symbiote suit like Spiderman's.
Granted. It goes about systematically destroying everything you've ever lived for.
I wish I was omnipotent over all reality.
Granted, but that means everything bad is also your fault.
I wish I had an opportunity to show my excellent singing voice to the world without them hating me and my voice.
Granted, they just hate you, and not your excellent singing voice.
I wish that I could turn off my absolute certainty that I'm going to die.
You're not certain. But cheer up, you'll still die!
I wish that I would only offend the people I wished to offend, and cut out all that wishy washyness when I'm being playfully mean.
Wish granted, but the people you wish to offend are ever-present and have hired goons.
I wish I was more than a Pygmy Shrew.
Congratulations, thou art a fluffy fuzzball. But nobody respects you any more or less than before.
I wish I had one of those "speak to computer and it writes what you say" programs (Can't think of the technical term. Dictation programs?)
Granted, you get this. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyLqUf4cdwc) :P
I wish I had a better understanding of C++ iostreams.
The Borg collective assimilates you.
I wish more people would get it when I throw out obscure, erudite references to works of art.
Granted. However since everybody knows about it they're not obscure anymore.
Granted.
I wish for an obtuse angle. :januscat
Granted. It turns into a right angle.
I wish I had a Reverse Blade Sword (http://www.trueswords.com/product_info.php?manufacturers_id=&products_id=3098)
Granted. You drop it on your foot.
I wish I had a decorative set of armor.
It's ugly.
I wish I had a kevlar vest
Granted. You get shot while wearing it.
I wish Beavis and Butthead wasn't such an insult to human intelligence.
Granted. Now you are an insult to human intelligence.
I wish I had the Libris Mortis.
Granted, you cant read it, and will never be able to. Fat lot a good that thing did ya huh? Also someone thumps you over the head with it and steals it.
I wish I had one of these (http://www.trueswords.com/critical-mass-modern-battle-katar-p-3348.html). The weapon not the girl.
Granted, but it's made of plastic, and the girl proceeds to steal it anyway because you rejected her.
I wish I could leap tall buildings.
Granted, but now you can't even walk over a rock without jumping into orbit!
I wish I could weild all forms of weapons to perfection!
Granted, but it's difficult to use all weapons at once.
I wish I knew some form of martial arts.
Granted, you know Sumo!
I wish I had a multimillion dollar corporation to run!
Granted. As soon as you take over all the multimillions go down the drain.
I wish I had a strobe light.
Granted. You also have epilepsy.
I wish I'd already handed in my notice.
Granted, but it's after you're fired.
I wish I knew why your image changes every time I look at it.
The knowledge proves too much for your mind, which melts out of your eardrums.
That being said, I also wish to know what's the deal with llearch n'n'daCorna's avatar
I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
I wish I had a little more time today.
Granted. The Earth is pushed away from the sun, causing another ice age.
I wish I had longer hair.
You're taken for a hippie.
I wish I didn't get motion sickness from First person perspective games.
Granted. You get it from everything else instead.
I wish this wish wasn't a cop-out.
Granted. Your wish is now for a vat of acid, which you promptly fall into.
I wish I had a heart, courage and a brain.
Granted. You are nothing but a heart, a pair of testes, and a brain all in a jar.
Granted, but corrupted.
I wish for this with to not be corrupted. :januscat
Wish not granted.
I wish stuff usually work rather than not.
Granted. All your enemies work out how to kill you.
P.S. You have to grant the wish. Then corrupt it.
P.P.S. The "uncorruptable wish" has been done before.
I wish I ha-STOP- It's hammer time!
Granted. Hikari ni nare!!!!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rauITkQUFzU)
I wish something really nice would happen to the next poster.
Granted, I have a birthday and noone notices (HINT)
I wish I could see another world!
Granted, but you can't see this one. Good luck walking around without tripping over things, and ending up face-first in your birthday cake...
I wishy for a fishy in a dishy.
Granted, you may have a rather frisky looking shark on a saucer. i was going to try and put it in one of those cans of peanut brittle that shoot snakes but who trusts peanut brittle from a tube?
I wish i could stop shedding on my keyboard
Greanted, you no longer have fur to shed.
I wish for this message to explode. :januscat
The explosion kills you and your family.
I wish I was more efficient.
Granted, you more efficiently age and die.
I wish to wake up where the clouds are far behind meeeeee, where troubles melt like lemon drops, that's where, you'll fiiiind meeee...
The axe murderer finds you, looking to corrupt your perfect pastoral scene :kruger
I wish my nose wasn't stuffed up.
Granted, your nose is quite the opposite, running until and beyond blood pouring out.
I wish to be over the rainbow. :januscat
Granted. The catapult will fire you any minute now.
I wish I'd practiced more.
You practice to the point that you forget to eat, bathe, or sleep. Your friends find you dead in a gutter.
I wish the school I went to was more hygenic.
Granted. You have to be de-contaminated every time you enter.
I wish I had a group to play Ironclaw with that didn't argue and get off track all the time.
Granted, they beat you to a pulp after they're done playing. At least they're not arguing and off track.
I wish I had a Fae length lifespan.
Granted. Everyone you know and love dies around you.
I wish the Xtacles show would win the contest between it and Frisky Dingo.
Granted, but Xtacles then ceases to exist.
I wish I knew what that was about.
You are now filled with pointless trivia about garbagy, late night cartoons.
I wish that Sealab 2021 was still on the air.
Granted. It covers all channels at all times removing anything else decent on TV.
I wish to implode. :januscat
You implode...... And die from the implosion.........
I wish my nose wasn't stuffy. Preferably involving a method where I still have my nose at the end of it
Granted, however since you stated it simply as a "preference" your nose gets chopped off anyways.
I wish I had a mow.
It eats you out of your house. Literally.
I wish I could sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Granted. You sleep for the rest of eternity.
I wish I were a ninja.
You don't get all those cool powers that are attributed to ninjas. Instead you have to spend 18 hours a day sifting through mud with a bunch of farmers for the off chance that you might covertly learn something important. And you don't.
I wish that whole Ninja vs Pirate thing never EVER started.
Granted, instead it's both Ninjas and Pirates against Corgatha. Guess who's side most people are on.
I wish that however the next poster corrupts this wish, it's entertaining for me.
You are now the opposite gender.
I wish I knew how people deal with odd confessions.
Like. What's the mentality behind people just up and admitting things.
It's always intrigued me.
Granted, but you can't deal with the result and anytime you or anyone near you needs to confess something the situation becomes immensely awkward. :januscat
Granted..... or is it?
I wish to sing! And not poorly either.
You can't stop singing. The neverending vibrations in your vocal cords cause your neck to dry, crack, and start bleeding. The blood fills your lungs and you die.
But you do get a record deal before this happens.
I wish the administration at my college actually knew how to mail the right letters to the people intended to recieve them.
Granted, but the college only intends to send massive amounts of junk mail.
I wish to be offered as a sacrifice upon the feast of madness. :januscat
Granted, but you have a foul taste.
I wish I could dance.
You learn to dance. You never master the ability to dance well, or gracefully, but you can technically dance.
I wish my recovery from my cold hadn't made me more aware of how much schoolwork I had to do!
Granted. You are unaware of it, it never gets done, you flunk out of school, have to become a whore, and die a slow and painful AIDS related death.
Error
Error
Wish Not Detected
Shutting down.
I wish Rakala had made a wish.
Rakala wished for you to die, and although he suffered horribly for it, his wish *was* granted.
I wish for a nice Vhailor Axe.
Granted, but its chaotic nature drives you into a berserk rage slaying random things you'd probably rather not.
I wish for a carnage anthem. :januscat
Granted. Ride of the Valkyries will play, in a volume so the people around can hear, whenever you kill something, even as measly as a fly or a mosquito.
I wish for artistic ability.
Granted. You artistically get fat and make yourself into a piece by sitting on the couch for the rest of eternity.
I wish for a working bathroom.
Granted, but your bowels shut down making the bathroom useless.
I wish for the struggle to survive. :januscat
You fail that struggle.
I wish my Rps would actually progress.
Your Rps progress into increasingly boring games that eventually cause all of your players to leave causing you to contemplate your lonely existence, eventually leaving you a broken shell of a person.
I wish this defect I was working on made sense.
Granted, but it is never able to be repaired. :januscat
I wish to be a distribution center. :januscat
Granted. You get distributed across the world. Painfully.
I wish I had a solution for some of my problems.
Granted, you get the solutions for your smallest problems only.
I wish I could be a pioneer of something.
Granted. You're a pioneer of the open Martian plain. I hope you brought something better than a covered wagon.
I wish I was deaf, so I couldn't hear the phone ring anymore.
Granted. Instead- wait a second, the phone just rang.
Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Instead of which- ... sorry, phone again.
Instead of ... sorry, phone again.
Look, you're just going to have to deal with this yourself. I'm busy answering the phone
I wish I had something useful to do that wasn't likely to take months to implement.
You have useful things to do, but never the time or energy to actually do any of them.
I wish I could calm down. *paces around in agitation*
Granted, you get calmed down by gewtting knocked over the head with on the many phones llearch is answering, and are now in a coma.
I wish I had a tail.
You can't keep your balance with the tail, falling over and looking stupid everywhere you go.
I wish I wasn't so (insert expletive of choice) agitated
You are now so (insert expletive of choice) happy that someone see fit to throw you into the ocean with you tied to and weighed down by a car. And I learn to keep my balance with the tail.
I wish I had animalistic ears to compliment said tail.
You are shot by a hunter.
I wish I was a few inches taller.
Granted.
You are now a few inches taller than an inchworm.
Lucky you.
I wish I could fly.
You can fly........ Too bad you can't land............
I wish to be a few inches taller than I am now.
You are now a few inches taller.
Your size is now comparable to that of a football.
I wish I could land. D;
You crash......
And burn......
I wish I had convictions powerful enough to make me stave off death, like my avatar.
Granted.
But, Death wields a scythe, not a stave.
Game Over.
I wish I wasn't on fire! o-o;
*douses you in liquid nitrogen to put out said fire*
I wish I had a penny.
Granted
It's made of lead.
When you try to spend it, you are arrested for counterfieting.
I wish I had a blanket.
Granted. It's electrical, and not in the pleasant warm way. In the deadly way.
I wish I had theme music that I could control the volume.
Granted, but you broke the "Lower Volume" button.
I -nnk- Wish -Kzt- This -Ngah- Blanket -Yeowch- Wasn't -NNH- so -Gk'- Hurty!
Granted. It's not warm either.
I wish you weren't a genetic freak.
Granted.
Yay! M' Normal again.
Oh... Wait... :<
I wish the blanket was made out of polyester and cotton and awesome warmth. :>
Granted, but it has the spell "Rune of Death" cast on it. When you touch it you die.
I wish everybody who was below average in a majority of the things they do would die.
You die, making the wish null and void.
Therefore, you come back to life, bringing the wish back into play.
Welcome to paradox, population: You.
I wish I wasn't dead. :<
Granted. You are tortured for eternity.
I wish I owned the entire collected works of Brian Jacques.
Thugs come to beat you up and mug you of the books............ And then they make fun of your taste in reading material
I wish I had someone I could have an intelligent discussion of the Illiad with.
Granted, but the one with whom you discuss the Illiad is far more intelligent than you leaving every word going right over your head.
I wish for a paper cut. :januscat
You slash a slip of paper across your throat, and the severed corotid artery spells your doom.
I wish I had teh swing of that whole omnipotence thing.
Granted. You now possess the Swing of Omnipotence...but no one to give you a push.
I wish I had more beef jerky right now.
Granted, but it's not the beef you were hoping for.
I wish I had that neat Cubi' "Magical Clothes Generation" ability. Cause... Yanno, Free Clothes. :U
Granted, but with your new abilities that you don't yet know how to use the best you can form is a pretty sketchy loin cloth.
I wish to preview this message. :januscat
Granted, but in to do so, you go back in time... but when you do you cause a distortion that leads to the wording of the message changing a bit and so you get sent back again. This continues on for eternity. Enjoy your time loop.
I wish that my laptop was working right now. (stupid video memory)
Granted. It's working as a paper weight.
I wish I controlled a zombie army that would not eat me.
Granted, but only because you are a zombie yourself that still has a conscious mind. I've never understood why zombies never eat each other when all they want is human flesh.
I wish to die. :januscat
It hurts. A lot.
I wish that I had mor energy to do my work.
Granted, it's natural gas energy, except you have to convert it to energy yourself. And you have to do it by inhaling it which ends up killing you for some unnamed reason.
I wish I was a member of a real band.
It's a lame band. Your instruments are vandalized by people who actually like good music and you're mugged of everything you have.
I wish my classes in the week before thanksgiving weren't such lame affairs where only a third of the class shows up.
Granted. Less than a third show up. Only you show up.
I wish was raised by wolves and lived to adulthood.
You have no social skills or hygene. You live out your disease ridden days in the wilderness eating bugs, until you're rescued by humans, who promptly put you in an insanitarium.
I wish I didn't get so nervous about presenting my work to other people.
Granted. You get the nerve up to show it and everybody mocks and ridicules you about how much you fail at life. This eventually drives you to suicide by shooting yourself in the head. It fails and you become a "vegetable" who can't feed or dress yourself. You soil yourself constantly and your family hates having to take care of you. Eventually they kill you.
I wish that corruption hadn't been so long.
Granted, but it's not nearly as fun.
I wish for some graphite. :januscat
Granted. It is force fed to you.
I wish graphite tasted better.
Granted, but it gives you cancer now.
I wish I could clean my room neatly using telekinesis.
Granted. Afterwards you question why you have telekinesis, once you realize that you have it your head explodes messing up your nice clean room.
I wish I could pee around corners.
Granted. It goes around all the corners of whatever object to land on you.
I wish for the next person to post to giggle slightly. :januscat
Granted. I giggle slightly at your rather gruesome demise.
I wish for great justice!
Granted. It's not given to you, though.
I wish I'd remembered to post in MGM.
Granted, but you are at a complete loss as for what to type.
I wish to to dance with all my might. :januscat
Granted. You dance until you DIE! D:
I wish I wasn't at a loss for what to type in most of the RP threads (that or not apathetic anymore :/)
Granted, but your inspiration was a bottle of Captain Morgan, so even you don't understand what you typed.
I wish I was a better guitar player.
You are one iota of guitar skill better. Nobody notices the difference.
I wish people would stop calling me "Corgi"
Granted. Now they all call you Corga instead.
I wish my wife was here.
Granted. She doesn't post, EVER, and STILL wants you to do the dishes.
I wish that I could have one billion dollars, Tax-Free.
Granted, but what's this mark on the paper the bills are wrapped in? And are those sirens outside your door?
I wish technology aged just a liiiiittle bit slower.
Granted, but to balance it out, you now age faster.
I wish I wasn't so bored.
Granted. Your intelligence is degraded to a point that you no longer have the capacity to be bored, along with many other things.
I wish for a mystery. :januscat
Granted - OOP!! The Scooby gang beat you to it! Sorry.
I wish Twilight was cooler.
Granted, you go blind and can't see it's coolness.
I wish I had more self restraint.
Granted.
You are now tied to a chair.
I wish to know, is it really All that, AND a bag of chips?
Granted. It is not.
I wish I cold shapeshift.
Granted, but only once.
I wish I had a container of delicious, delicious, banana peppers.
Granted, Sadly they was too hot and they was rotten from the inside and you died from a flame and fungus filled mouth
I wish I could have the antidote to the poison I gave you...I was just kidding with the poison and all
Granted, but it's empty, cause I took the antidote.
Jerk.
I wish I could have INFINITY WISHES. :U
Granted. Without thinking and in an embarassing situation you wish you were dead and it becomes so.
I wish I was the god.... of STATIC CLING!
Granted, but while trying your new abilities you accidentally create static so powerful all objects in the world are drawn to you, suffocating you.
I wish to make a paper airplane fly forever. :januscat
Granted, now it's passing Saturn and going steady to another galaxy!
I wish I could dance like Justin Timberlake!
Granted. Now Justin Timberlake dances like you.
I wish I was wittier.
Granted, but now whatever you say goes way above anyone's head due to your wit being far too strong.
I wish to flee the scene. :januscat
Granted, but they got your license plate number.
I wish I had more self-control.
Granted, you just can't control anyone else.
I wish I hadn't been at work all day today.
Granted.
You were at work all night last night.
I wish I had a delicious brownie, with chocolate chips embedded in it.
Granted. They were made by Mab >:3
I wish upon a star junkyard.
Said junkyard devours you whole.
I wish the reliability of Wikipedia would be of such quality that its accuracy would not be doubted by pedagogic persons.
Granted, but now nobody uses it. :<
I wish I had the ability to shoot noodles out of my fingertips as a superpower.
Kinda' like that one dane cook sketch. The only one I liked.
Shooting pasta at liars. Enjoy your noodles, you liar.
Granted. Dane Cook sues you for copyright infringement. Whether you win or not is unimportant because either way you spend alot on legal fees.
I wish people could be more original.
Unfortunately, being original becomes such a value that it trumps even efficiency. You die when instead of the doctor giving you the same flu shot that inoculated the last guy, he injects you full of KCl mixed in with some herbal medicines so he can "see what happens".
I wish I hadn't procrastinated to the point where I have a ton of work to do in a paltry week.
Granted. You swap with me. Unfortunately, I'm in the exact same boat as you...
I wish the same thing as Corgatha.
Having done all of your work on time, your stress level shoots through the sky and the next thing you realize, you can't move your arms. And the room is oddly padded......
I wish I could get the Radetzky march out of my head.
Granted. It's been replaced by the duck dance song. Good luck with that.
I wish I'd got more done today. Or at least that I felt I'd got more done.
You now get an overwhelming sense of satisfaction, almost euphoria, from doing nothing. You become so unmotivated that you can't even feed yourself, and are attached to an IV for the rest of your life.
I wish I could write more quickly without sacrificing quality.
Granted, but the carpel tunnel quickly puts a stop to your writing altogether.
I wish for this wish to come true. :januscat
Granted...
I wish Dr Seuss controlled the universe.
Your wish was granted, it came true
But now we're not sure what to do
For Geisel died many years ago
It's not the same when someone else tries, y'know?
I wish those creeps who get off to movies like the "Saw" franchise would stop it. That way, I could enjoy the thrill of a perfectly good horror/suspense movie in ethical peace.
We agree!
Oh, but I have to corrupt your wish, right? Uhm. Lessee....................... Ok, all of those perverts are brutally hacked apart by real life psychoes. And then with the demographic that principally watches horror/suspense films so drastically reduced, it becomes less profitable to write them, so no new horror/suspense movies are made.
Seriously though, I wish that the "series death effect" didn't happen to horror films. You know how like the first one is bloody, but clever, and then how the successor ones just get bloodier and more gory, and start to leave out all the clever and interesting parts? I wish that didn't happen.
Granted, but as there are so few of us that believe more blood does not equal better movie, with said movies being demolished the horror/suspense genre is slowly disregarded and are no longer produces.
I wish for every button on the keyboard to have a special use with the function key. :januscat
Granted, they all give your computer a virus.
I wish I had hugz.
granted, however, we interpreted the Z to mean extremeness. You will be hugged repeatedly with over 9000 PSI's of force until you die
I wish for cookies.
Granted. They have a crab salad filling.
I wish to see through the looking glass. :januscat
Granted.
The looking glass is cracked though. :<
I wish for a roll of duct tape.
Granted. It is used to bind and gag you.
I wish that the electric car hadn't been killed and people would be driving them since they're zero emission and more effective than internal combustion cars.
Granted.
Your battery's dead, and the plugin slot's rusted tight.
I wish for MORE SUN DRIED TOMATO POTATO CHIPS.
They are the definition of delicious.
Granted. They're just a little too dry.
I wish I lived in Kong Studios.
The lack of solid, physical food soon becomes very inconvienent.
I wish I could stretch out this kink in my back
Granted. Your the kink in your back is removed, Mortal Kombat style.
I wish people knew what Kong Studios was.
They do, but they make fun of you for liking Gorillaz.
I wish the LSAT test I have tomorrow wasn't affecting my nerves so.
Granted, now it's shortening your attention span, and you just mark answers and fail because you dont read what you're supposed to.
I wish to shoot a fish in a barrel.
Granted. You're in the barrel, too.
I wish I had a better corruption for that one.
Granted, but it still kinda sucked. Of course with all the smart mouthed people here on the forum everyone takes the time to comment to that effect.
I wish I didn't have to work on this defect.
You have other, hugely gaping defects that need work on beforehand.
I wish I were better at chess. Preferably involving a method that doesn't take a lot of work.
Granted. You become the undisputed master of Taikyoku Shogi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taikyoku_shogi), a version of Japanese chess. Except the games take so long nobody else wants to play a game.
I wish my handwriting was better.
Granted, but your thoughts are more incoherent.
I wish you could will away ailments and diseases.
Granted, but your will diminishes slightly every time a disease or ailment does.
I wish for a suicidal dream. :januscat
Granted, Sadly it was real at the same time so you die in your sleep by a gas leak
I wish was less disturbed by that corruption
Granted. You will be four times as disturbed by your next corruption.
I wish for a light Minkowski-space time-cone.
Granted, but you make a few typos in your formula which causes the come to overcome you and slowly everything else in existence.
I wish to love you. :januscat
Granted. I'm a deadbeat who doesn't aid financially at all.
I wish I knew if you meant me or the person who posted before you.
The knowledge is completely irrelevant and soon forgotten, and you're bummed that you wasted a wish on something stupid.
I wish that my martial arts sessions on Sundays didn't so often involvet he teachers tossing me all over the mat.
Granted. It involves you going to the hospital for broken bones.
I wish all my loved ones would rise from the grave and feed on human flesh.
Granted, but for some strange reason you don't become a zombie as they munch on you, but they cause you to die instead.
I wish for a hyperlink. :januscat
Granted. (http://www.pown.us/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/223.jpg)
I wish for a new set of headphones.
Granted. Your MP3 player / Computer system of choice isn't compatible with them, though.
I wish I got more sleep.
All your friends make fun of you, because sleeping less than four hours out of every twenty four is cool.
I wish I could stay awake longer without ill effects.
Granted. Originally you were going to die a peaceful death in your sleep. Because of this wish you change fate and die horribly and painfully while awake.
I wish I could draw.
Easy enough. Your drawings are horid abombinations that cause all who look upon them to beg to a higher power for blindness and amnesia.
I wish I was exempt from obeying the strictures of the law.
Granted. You don't have to obey the strictures. Unfortunately there's no such thing as strictures when it comes to law so your ass still gets hauled off to jail.
I wish for a knock knock joke.
Granted.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Two dogs.
Two dogs who?
Two dogs thrown against the door.
Congratulations, you have a knock-knock joke. Be glad I didn't make it worse.
I wish I had the guts to post the original version of this joke.
Granted. You feel the wrath of boxy.
I wish people would call me bacon man.
Granted. They do so because you're made out of bacon. Tasty, tasty, bacon. *licks lips*
I wish that people knew that soylent green was actually made of SOY and LENTils.
All the people who claim that as the most iconic spoiler of all time track you down and beat you up.
I wish the food at my school cafeteria was at least marginally more palatable.
Granted. It's soylent. All the nutrition you could need, and it doesn't taste like crap. In fact, it doesn't taste like anything. Congratulations.
I wish that the next poster would get their favorite cookie.
I get a giant delicious black and white cookie that is several miles in radius. Being unable to eat it all myself, and thankful to you for replacing the garbage at my caf with relatively benign soylent, I offer you some. Tragically, Jairus chokes to death on the cookie fragment.
I wish I wouldn't make stupid predicitons that then turn out to be 100% wrong.
granted, you make a stupid prediction that your house will be hit by a meteor, and it comes true!
I wish i wouldn't always reply to your posts
Granted. We cut off your hands.
I wish for about 14 ninjas.
Granted, but since they're about 14 ninjas thay are each missing a few limbs.
I wish to extricate myself from the premises. :januscat
granted, you are banned and not allowed to return to the forum, EVA!
i wish i knew why we had a singing kirby as one of our smilies.
Granted. The knowledge gives you a head ache.
I wish for laser vision.
Quote from: Rakala on December 11, 2008, 08:48:39 AM
I wish for laser vision.
Granted: you can now see lasers.
I want a lifetime supply of fudge in all the flavours imaginable, and some flavours that can't be imagined.
Granted. You get fat and you get acne.
I wish my internal organs would be replaced with cookies.
(oh come on this is too easy)
granted. your dog/littlesister/othermemberofyourfamily (pick one) eat you alive.
I wish i wasn't hungry.
Granted, but what you didnt realise is that some point in the last few days, you've become a member in the ranks of the undead, and thus are forced to eat and turn thoes around you....
i wish for a new 28(time) movie, as in a sequel to 28 days later... preferably one that is awesome as the original
done, it's about a crystal meth addict... o [censored] i confused 28 days and 28 days later. i must be Pam
I wish i had some cookies.
Granted. But they are a little dry.
I wish for mild snow flurries without black ice.
Granted, but the the flurries are mild because of the unusually warm temperature the snow melts the instant it touches the ground.
I wish for an air bubble. :januscat
granted, you go under water with it and it pop's by accident
I wish to know the true meaning of Christmas
You learn that Christmas was the largest hoax pulled off by the Church, thus has no significance.
I wish for less errors.
granted, you realize you yourself are an error and destroy yourself to better the world
I wish i knew the true meaning of quanza
Granted, but then you realize that Christmas is just so much more fun.
I wish I had paid vacation.
granted, you get a paid vacation to hell, and accidently fall into a pool of lava
I wish i knew the true meaning of haunnika (definitely not spelled right)
Granted. You learn the true meaning of Hau'nnika, a celebration in the Cthulu world that happens right before the beast awakens and devours the souls of the living. The true meaning of Hanukkah, however, escapes you.
I wish sleep was more refreshing.
granted, so refreshing in fact you fall asleep and never wake up
i wish i knew how you guys knew so much about the cthulu
'
granted. you figure it out then they have to kill you because you know too much.
I wish I was tired enough to fall asleep in my bed with my husband.
Granted, but your insomnia transfers to him making him unable it sleep near you.
I wish for a point of origin. :januscat
It's a black hole, and thus you are unable to depart from it.
I wish my family didn't irritate me so some of the time.
granted they irritate you all the time, so much that you attempt to murder them (but fail) and then are executed.
I wish i had the time to watch the blue's brothers so people would stop bugging me about it.
Granted. You may have the time, but that doesn't make up for the fact that you had a terrible incident that left you blind.
I wish for a snow day.
granted, but you are snowed into your house, and your power fails.
I wish for a vampire/vulcan cross breed
Granted, but he is very selective in his designs for obtaining food. In fact he doesn't really enjoy the average blood but only on occasion, and that occasion is with your blood.
I wish for a persona. :januscat
Granted. It's a garbage man.
I wish I had a hippopotamus.
Upkeep for said hippo quickly spirals out of your means, and it dies. Then it starts to smell bad......
I wish that certain individuals in my library would realize that it's possible to speak in softer tones of voice for their conversations, and that the rest of us might not be so interested in their latest escapades.
Granted, but your ears explode spewing out mayonnaise and you go deaf
I wish I had a car
Granted, you now have a model T in such poor condition it's more rust than car.
I wish I could buy God in a bottle for a cheap price.
Granted, but the invisible figure inside the bottle promptly vanishes in a poof of fairy dust, leaving behind the note "I don't exist" >:3
I wish I had a wish to wish for.
granted, you wished you didn't exist.
Your nonexistent wish is granted. Zombies invade your house and eat your Goldfish crackers.
I wish Charlie Manson didn't look so disturbingly normal when he smiled.
Granted. Now Charlie Manson looks disturbingly normal when he doesn't smile.
Which is worse, I think, than the other way around...
I wish I didn't have this cough.
Granted. You now have a much worse cough.
I wish this weather wasn't making me feel so tired all the time. (It can't seem to decide what season it is lately...)
Granted, now it's sunny all day making you too energetic to ever sleep.
I wish for a blank page. :januscat
Granted, but every page becomes blank and nothing may mark it.
I wish I had a fish :D
granted, but the fish did not make quite a dish.
I wish i had the legal right to kill anyone who asks me too grant their wishes.
Legal rights aside, people grow tired of your tyrannical authority and you are drawn and quartered while the police turn a blind eye.
I wish I could keep going on less sleep than I do now.
Granted, you know have severe insomnia, and your sanity is slowly ripped away as your lack of sleep slowly destroys your brain
I wish my dog would listen to me better
Granted, but he refuses to care about anything you have to say.
I wish to walk a mile in your shoes. :januscat
granted, you have to walk a mile in my wet, smelly, running shoes with the insoles taken out.
I wish to learn how to dance :boogie
Granted. However, you cannot ever find a partner which you can dance with.
I wish for a more leisurely pace.
Granted, but the greatness of the leasure incites much slothfulness preventing you from doing anything but lounge around.
I wish for liberation. :januscat
(This corruption courtesy of my younger brother)
Good job! You're liberated from reality! Have fun with Smiley the T-Rex and Hacky the chainsaw! Be sure to drink from the streams of pure LSD!
I wish for Marvel.
granted, but we all know DC is better
I wish for more IQ points
Granted. They're not exactly useful, however, since they're negative.
I wish I had more sleep.
granted, someone buries you asleep and you never wake up.
I wish for more active posters.
(one poster thought i was good. curse these masses of negative points)
Granted. None of them can spell, all of them are idiots, and the board is infested with n00bs. Boo.
I wish you could watch shows and movies you'd never seen telepathically.
Granted, but seeing as your brain hasn't been trained to interpret the signal, it just gives you a massive headache, and a feeling of deja vu when you see them in a more conventional format
I wish that summer and warm weather would get here sooner (knee deep snow is getting old, fast)
The suddenly hot weather melts all the snow and flash flood destroy your home town.
I wish that annoying people stopped bothering me.
granted. everyone is annoying at times and so nobody talks to you.
I wish for a bowl of chicken soup
Granted, but its too salty.
I wish to be able to control technological devices.
granted, you now know how to use a word processor, search the internet, and post in online forums...
i wish religious extremists would stop trying to push their religion on me, especially door to door style
Granted, but they influenced all your friends who are now extremists, and as such they refuse to any longer associate with you.
I wish for spirituality. :januscat
granted, but you didn't specify which religion and are now sacrificed to the chtulu (however it's spelled)
I wish for better spelling/grammar capabilities.
Granted. You now know every nook of the Swahili spelling and grammar system. However, that does not help your English improve in any way whatsoever.
I wish typing on someone else's keyboard didn't feel so odd O.o
Granted, but now you can't get enough of your unhealthy fixation on other people's keyboards.
I wish I could combine my two user bars into a single animation. :januscat
granted, but they overlap and are impossible to understand
I wish for an excuse to use this :boogie
Granted. However you can only use it at the most inopportune times, like funerals of loved ones, war memorials, and cemetaries.
I STILL wish I could shapeshift. ITS THE BEST SUPERPOWER EVER.
A telepath comes along and erases your brain, no matter what form you take.
I wish I could read minds.
granted, but the only thought's you can pick up are the negative ones, regarding you
i wish for the ability to stop time, like hero from the show heroes... (real best super power ever)
Granted, but you forget how to start it up again.
It takes you six-thousand relative years to figure it out again.
Life moves on normally for everyone else, but they're quite curious as to who's been eating their food and using their toilet.
------
I wish I had more cookies.
granted, your computer now has more small internet programs meant to ease website reuse
i wish i had some vodka to go with this orange juice
Granted, but you said nothing about it being poison-free. Ever see that movie "The Last Supper"?
I wish I had some solid evidence that the 9/11 attacks were in no way caused by the American government.
Granted; Further investigation reveals that they were caused by a plot on part of the the Chinese government. You are now at war.
I wish that I had time to pause in my studies for a few days during Christmas.
Granted, you drop out of wherever you get education (high school, college, grad school, etc.) and don't have to worry about education anymore.
I wish i know if your username was conan inspired.
Granted, but the creators of said show hunt you down for knowing the answer.
I wish for some scratched leather. :januscat
Being scratched, it is worth little, and you eventually toss it.
I wish I had a socially acceptable opening to sing the Patrick Swayze Christmas song.
granted, as a failed audition into American idol which everyone mocks.
I wish for a puppy!
(conan is a series of books/comics/movies/cartoon not a show well they had a show but apparently it failed after the first season)
Granted, but it refuses to eat anything that is not your foot.
I wish to gain wisdom. :januscat
((hey i'm the only one that puts my foot in my mouth, (metaphorically) but i do that more often than i would like))
granted, you now have to speak like yoda, all the time!
I wish for something for lunch, i'm hungry.
You get a plastic token which you could exchange for a lunch at the cafeteria. However, due to some temporal disturbance, by the time you got there they have already sold out, leaving you still hungering for food.
I wish people in general stop commercializing Christmas. It's really annoying to hear carols for a holiday which you don't observe.
Granted. Now all the other Christian holidays are commercialized.
Granted.
I wish Rakala will retroactively make a wish so I can time travel to before I posted this post to "retroactively" corrupt it.
Granted, but by doing so the effect which you affect affects the effect that disturbs the retroactive action you affected.
I wish for wind. :januscat
Granted. You are afflicted with gaseous nethers.
I wish I'd been to bed earlier yesterday.
You know what, so do I. Unfortunately, like any good Choose Your Own Adventure Book, this retroactively means that whatever would have been worth staying up those extra hours for actually happened during the night. Waking up at a decent hour just doesn't seem to make up for it...
I wish that I could shoot lasers from my eyes at times of my own discretion.
granted but you mistakenly use them while looking in the mirror and kill your self
i wish i had a chopper mount in wow
Granted, you finally get one and the next day- Armageddon, WoW is shut down for good! Enjoy! Muhahahaha!
I wish I knew how to speak Elvish!
Granted, but the only use you have for it are J. R. R. Tolkien books as other linguists just look at you in wonder...
I wish for candy. :januscat
Granted, but you get a mouthful of cavities!
I wish for the newest Ford Mondeo!
Granted, you get the next one made. Unfortunately, due to an error in production, they connected the gas and brake to the same line.
Accelerating towards a Red-Light is never a good thing to do, Kipiru.
I wish that Steam would let me use my visa gift-card to buy spore. :<
granted, but the download always crashed and the program always freezes before you can play the game.
I wish for *Scorpio is struck by lightning*
Granted, "Scorpio is struck by lightning" is the headline of the obituaries in the next day paper!
I wish I had a pet unicorn!
Unfortunately, you have no idea what to feed it, not having a standard physiology, and it dies.
I wish I had more time.
Granted, time is greatly lengthened for you and you alone. One day seems like a year to you, work/school days last far, far too long, and you die within a couple regular time months.
I wish for a board. :januscat
granted, but it's of the card variety, making it pretty much useless for anything practical
i wish i had something to do until i got back to school
Granted, you have children! Enjoy!
I wish I could eat without gaining weight!
granted you cannibalize yourself and eventually die of blood loss.
I wish for more episodes of firefly.
Granted, but the cast has been replaced with the actors from High School Musical. (Believe me, I regret this corruption.)
I wish every keyboard had an ergonomic design so CTS and tendinitis would go away.
Granted, but they start making mouses like stealth jets- all corners! Enjoy brousing!
I wish I could read minds!
The staggering levels of stupdity from those around you leave you permanantly impaired.
I wish I could concentrate on the schoolwork I need to do.
Granted, but the concentration is traded for intelligence and you are unable to do any more than stare at what you can no longer accomplish.
I wish for a cord of power. :januscat
Granted, but you get tied up in power and die miserably!
I wish to be a super hero!
Granted.
Your enemies will rue the day they messed with "THE PLUNGINATOR."
I wish for a desk lamp.
Granted. It's powered by your soul.
I wish there was less stupidity in the world.
Granted. However the average intelligence rises past your level resulting in you being stupid.
I wish for a 'splosion.
Granted, but it's power is only 1/9 of what it was intended to be.
I wish for a library. :januscat
Granted, but it's haunted and you can't even think of staying there for 5 minutes let alone read anything!
I wish for the chance to print my own comic book!
granted, but you can't find anyone who will sell it for you and nobody buys it from you
I wish for immortality and sterility for everyone!
Granted. All the suicidal and homocidal people hate you as well as most people who wanted to be parents, and I hate you for it as well dirt muncher.
I wish for peace on earth and good will toward men.
Greated, lasting until one angry person accidentally bumped into a sensitive person and they got into a fight which escalated into another world war.
I wish for guitar strings. :januscat
granted, but they were magical guitar strings that turned into snakes during a full moon and sucked out all of your blood.
I wish people were more creative.
The whole of their new creativity is devoted to finding ways to avoid exerting effort or producing anything.
I wish my latest favorite cartoon would be released (whether on TV or DVD) in the United States.
Granted! Finally the second half of season 2 of gargoyles has come!!! yes.
I wish i could beat up my video camera with a bat and then got a new one for free.
Granted, however you really messed up your hands while beating your last camera and are now incapable of holding or positioning anything.
I wish to feel spoon. The adjective not the noun.
Granted, you are now accused to be the spoony bard.
I wish for a delicious smell. :januscat
granted, too bad it overloaded your nose and your nose blew up.
I wish for the meaning of life.
42.
I wish nobody would question my authority when I administer it.
Granted. They just outright oppose it.
I wish for a reference to something besides Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Granted. I'm sure you've discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain; at present, I'm writing a book on the subject, so I want you to tell me how the machine makes you feel. And remember, this is for posterity, so... be honest.
How do you feel?
I wish more people would get that quote.
Granted. Everyone begins to cry like a nursery full of babies. Interesting. (writes it down)
I wish my cold was gone.
Granted, it is replaced by an unidentifiable, incurable, and extremely annoying virus that causes you to cough exactly 3 times, every five minutes, but has no other effects...
I wish i could remember what happened last night
Granted. However, you sort of wish you didn't.
I wish I can accurately predict the future.
granted, but because of your dimensia you don't remember long enough to tell anyone.
I refuse to ever grant such a wish...
I wish for the impossible. :januscat
Granted. However, due to a flaw in the delivery process, the postman delivers it to your next door neighbour. Or neighbor, if you happen to be in the states, and therefore unable to spell correctly. ;-]
I wish that Mr Webster hadn't screwed with the spelling of a large percentage of the population of the world.
granted, he screwed with the spelling of all of the world.
I wish i would stop forgetting to wish for something.
granted, but now all your wishes involve ponies
i wish med school didn't cost an arm, a leg, and a small piece of your liver (roughly 1/3 of the overall organ)
Granted, but now they require 1/3 of your skin.
I wish for a fake foot. :januscat
Granted, you get in your mouth! :footinmouth
I wish for a robotic arm!
Granted. It is ripped off and shoved up your bum. You also lose one of your arms. Good luck sitting down.
I wish for the next person to tell me where that reference came from.
Granted, if I am not mistaken, it regards hiring someone for suicide. If so they promptly grant your wish. If not you'll probably be hunted down anyway for wishing such a thing.
I wish for lost wings. :januscat
Granted! You get wings and run off a cliff to fly a bit! And then you lose them! Happy falling!
I wish I won the lottery!
Granted. You won $5 off a scratcher. Don't spend that all at once, now.
I wish I was sinking in quicksand. :P
Granted, but you're in a rather buoyant mood at the time, so you only sink down to your ankles.
I wish my hearing DIDN'T extend into frequencies higher than it should.
My plasma globe is driving me slowly insane with it's high pitched keening.
Granted, instead you hear the ultra low frequency directional sound wave generator which wouldn't normally produce lasting damage, but since you can clearly hear those sounds the effects are far worse for you.
I wish for a wreath. :januscat
Granted. Unfortunately it's placed around your neck and you accidentally get a rope caught on it. In your struggles to free the rope from your wreath you fall off a rather high stairway and are slowly hung to death. This seems to have a damper on the holidays for all who see the spectacle before you are removed from the grizzly scene.
I wish for the answer to my question.
Granted, the answer is 42!
I wish I was a dolphin!
Granted. You turn into a dolphin where you stand, which at the time happens to be in the middle of the dessert. Good luck, here come the Gila Monsters.
I wish to understand what inna gadda da vidda meant.
Granted, if you are talking about the Boney M single- "inna gadda da vidda" was a misshear of "In the Garden of Eden" and it stuck(more info here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida)), but now there is no more mystery in music and all songs sound dull to you!
I wish I could make the next series in the Star Trek universe!
Granted.
SUPER GRANTED
I don't want to corrupt it, but I have to.
Granted, but you have to give me a role.
I wish for another wish, for I appear to have wasted this one.
Granted, but with that wish you wish for another wish which you use to wish for another wish and it goes on infinitely until you are an old man and just forget about it randomly.
I wish for wings that work.
Granted. You get a pair of wings on a sanitary pad.
I wish I could both stay awake for a couple of hours, and go to bed now.
Granted, you go to bed with a hot babe- no sleeping for you...wait this is supposed to be bad! Oh well!
I wish I was given a church to decorate!
Granted. You have an hour. If the pope is not pleased when you're done you get impaled alive.
I wish I didn't have to wear pants.
Granted. Now you have to wear a fish.
I wish Rakala didn't have to wear a fish.
Granted. Now he has to wear tube socks.
I wish that his socks were made of fish.
Granted. Now he wears dolphins.
I wish that the Joker had copyrighted fish.
I'd grant that, but Batman says you can't copyright a natural resource.
I wish Mt. Rushmore was secretly a giant transformer.
Granted. It transforms into Sonic the Hedgehog, with a ten ton block attached to each foot.
I wish I had a better corruption of that.
Granted. It transforms into the Queen.
I wish I had a way to be immune to spears, now...;3
Granted, but the poison on them can now be absorbed through your skin leaving you severely ill nonetheless.
I wish people wouldn't assume things so often. :januscat
Granted. Nobody assumes anything ever again.
I wish for the Horns of Valmar.
Granted, but the Horns prove too powerfull for you and gradually posses you and make you a part of Valmar's revival!(thanks Wikipedia :), no, I never played Grandia)
I wish for a full collection of Superman comic books!
Unfortunately, they're terrible comics.
I wish I had more motivation.
Granted. You have the motivation to type the numbers from 1 to 1,000,000 on an old-fashioned typewriter to break the current world record. And you fail by a minute.
I wish for a plot device.
Granted. You get a MacGuffin. Only it's not actually wanted by anyone.
I wish I had posted earlier, I had a good motivation corruption...
Granted. Except when you went to post, you forgot what it was, and never remembered it.
I wish to know what Uncle Boxy's motivation corruption was.
granted, but it's given to you in the form of a scroll, written in an indecipherable text known only to boxy... therefore making it useless
i wish i had a video of last night and this morning
Granted, it shows you stripdancing for a jolly group of firemen! :)
I wish I was a wizard like Harry Potter!
Granted. You've been killed at birth. Do have a nice day, now, you hear?
I wish the water would roll off the back of my desk fish.
Granted, but it continues to roll right onto your keyboard, shorting it out.
I wish for a gestalt. :januscat
Granted. You get it, but nobody knows what it means.
I wish Adult Swim hadn't put King of the Hill on their lineup.
Granted, instead for that time slot they put in "Tales of the Goatse Guy"
I wish Adult Swim hadn't dropped Sealab 2021 waaaaay back
Granted. They keep it up, but Captain Murphy never comes back. Ever.
I wish I was the complete and total lord of an army of goblins who would never revolt, assuring my dominion over the land! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! :mwaha
Granted. The goblins don't revolt, but they are revolting, and the pure stench puts you in charge of a plot of land approx 3 feet by 6.
I wish people would pay attention.
Attention has enough money to hire a private army, topple the government, and start up a despotic reign and incarcerates you for your showing of independant thought.
I wish for some good tasting cheese.
Granted. But it's locked in a heavy iron strongbox that has a permanently fused lock.
I wish I could design my jeep in redscale.
Granted, but it has the worst color combination known to man, a meer gaze make the observer vomit imediately and violently.
I wish I had my Microphone here so I could use voice on TF2.
Granted. You get strep throat.
I wish for a guilt-free lifestyle.
Granted, you live in denial.
I wish there was a mirror's edge 2 NOW.
Granted. They made it within ten minutes. The game consists of an invisible entity flying around a blank white area.
I wish for a hellhound.
Granted. One of a new breed of cat named "Hellhound" is given to you. Aside from the fact they so adorable that any time you see it you have to spend five minutes stroking and admiring the cat, they have plans for world domination. And are halfway there.
I wish for a decent conversation.
Granted, it's about sodomy.
I wish my brother didn't feel the need to kill any friendly kill able character in every video game he plays.
Granted, he now tries and fails to take out the unkillable friendlies
I wish i had something better to do tonight then drink, and relax
Granted. You get drafted to help with the peacekeeping efforts on the Gaza strip, effective immediately!
I wish this wish somehow involves a banana on an otter's head.
granted, but the proper description of where the banana is going, and how much fun you and the otter are having, can not be written in this thread.
I wish I didn't have such a dirty mind. :<
Granted. Now you are conditioned in such a manner that what was pleasurable is repulsive to the highest degree. Forget about having children.
I wish for all three solutions to x^3 + 4x^2 - 7x + 2 = 0.
Granted. They're in a sealed envelope that you can't open without breaking the contents.
I wish I'd woken up earlier this morning.
Granted. You failed to sleep at all last night and as such you are incredibly tired now.
I wish this project was done already.
Granted. It's finished right now, with whatever progress you've made on it and no more.
I wish for __________.
Granted. You have your internet comes up with no page other than about:blank.
I wish for a euphemism. :januscat
granted, you bloit
I wish for sudden inspiration on a subject for my class movie, the one that needs to be school appropriate.
... Granted, though i'm gonna need some more details as helping people out in creative ways in kinda what i do...
(seriously if you need some suggestions BSing papers, or whatnot i can help with that too, just PM the assignment, and i'll get back to you ASAP...i find helping others is an excellent form of procrastination that helps get me away from my own classes such as human anatomy, advanced orgo chem, and calc...college is the definition of bi-polar, it's awesome, and horrible at the same time)
I wish i could have taken an easier semester, yet still be setup to graduate the premed program here... on time
Granted, but with the simpler degree you are allowed jobs of a far less desirable quality.
I wish for all the world to go mad. :januscat
Granted, Mad Media runs all media in the world.
I wish life was more exciting.
Granted. Every second of every day something new happens, unfortunately this doesn't leave you time to deal with every little thing and causes you to have to prioritize in a matter of fractions of a second, otherwise something new comes up and you have to start over.
I wish for chain mail.
Granted, it's made from pink rings of rubber
I wish it would all just stop.
Granted.
I wish for the ace of spades.
Granted. Here's the best shovel money can buy. That'll be $500.
I wish for a pet horse. :3
Granted! You get a beautiful Arabian steed, but as you are riding it in the field it trips and smashes you beneath its body!
I wish I owned a real Batmobile!
Granted, but the government accuses you to be the outlaw known as Batman and throws you in jail.
I wish for a jet-black demon. :januscat
Granted! But he hides in the shadows and you can't get a moment's rest! He is watching you even now!
I wish I could live through a real fantasy adventure!
Granted, Yet sadly you end up dead before reaching lvl 2. Lung capacity
I wish I could change shape and size like a cubi would and revert to my normal form without any bodily harm to myself
It takes *forever* to get the hang of moving around when you suddenly find yourself quadraped, with a new sensory array, and a different center of mass. YOu spend a lot of time tripping over stuff.
I wish this cold I had would clear up.
Granted, you now have AIDS.
I wish there were "your dad" jokes that didn't sound awkward, and just plain wrong.
granted... though the wish only applies if a female says the joke
I wish wasn't getting dragged to the bar for yet another friend's 21st birthday (3rd since new years)
Granted. The government makes the consumption of alcohol illegal.
I wish I won't collapse before 8 tonight.
Granted, you've been injested several grams of pure caffine, your wired for the next few days... though good luck concentrating
i wish i could stay up all night, yet still feel great in the morning...
Granted, but you immediately fall asleep aroung noon the next day.
I wish for a fountain of love. :januscat
Granted. You love everybody! And not in the sunshine and cookies sort of way, I mean the chloroform and rope sort of way.
I wish for a smiley of myself.
granted... unfortunately all who see it must poop immediately, the seniors of the world fall in love with you.
I wish for magic powers...and stuff.
Granted. You have the power to make stuffing come out of nowhere. Which is only really useful on Thanksgiving.
I wish I could learn dances perfectly the first time I saw them.
Granted, unfortunately, your powers only apply to the exotic/erotic kinds
I wish i wasn't snowed in at the moment
Granted, you are now outside unable to get in.
I wish for baroque intelligence. :januscat
granted, your intelligence is broke(n)... which is now possible since you are a Cylon from Battlestar Galactica. sadly your consciousness was not recoverable.
I wish I had the knowledge of quantum physics and ability required to create an 1600 square foot subspace pocket inside a 200 square foot space. so I could fit a trailer home inside a broom closet and become a millionaire
Granted, though now you've got the problem of once entering the modified space, you are no longer able to return to the normal world
I wish i had another case of beer... specifically heineken
Granted, but you skip drunk, and go straight to hang-over.
I wish I had something to drink.
Granted... a glass of water magically appears by your hand... in 3 weeks
i wish the liquor store was closer.... even though it's literally a block away
granted, you die of liver failure.
I wish ubuntu would read my other hard drive that has all my music. :<
granted, you now live in Antarctica and a Xenomorphic penguin named ubuntu materializes... like most xenomorphic aliens, ubuntu bursts from your chest with the ability and inteligence needed to read your "other" hard drive and uses the information to make baby face huggers that sing all your favorite tunes.
I wish for a million wishes.
Granted, the resulting negative side affect will be horrible, but not nearly as dragged out as mine. Just kidding. Each wish you make kills a loved one. When all of your loved ones are gone, your favourite past times stop existing, when you run out of those, the resources necessary to live will stop existing, and when you're done with those, every wish makes another organ in your body disappear. Starting with your bones, then muscles, then vital organs in the order in which it would take the most time to kill you. Have a nice day.
I wish it took less effort to write that.
Granted. Your sloth proves to be your undoing, as world rewards hard work somewhat. You get fired, can't get a job, and live out the rest of your life as a homeless person roaming the streets.
I wish to be a Kierkeguardian.
Granted, but the change of name becomes your only name, no first or last. No one is able to distinguish you as a part of your family and all friends of the few other Kierkeguardians find you, take you, and do various things to you for taking their friend's name.
I wish to see you again. :januscat
Granted... but it'll be in a little while... AND IN HELL :mwaha :kruger
i wish i didn't have a creepy reoccurring theme this semester already
granted, you have a completely terrifying recurring theme this semester: :bigsword
I wish I had delicious cookies in the oven.
granted, your oven starts the house on fire.
I wish my brother would get back so we can go race go-carts! >:3 (I'm not immature.)
granted, you take your brother to race go-carts. However, you somehow end up at the go-cart racetrack from the Alex Rider series. Needless to say, you both end up dying in a fiery inferno of plastic and hay.
I wish my recordings for the DMFA Radio Project had pristine sound quality.
granted... you now work as a sound engineer at the local radio station. unfortunately you no longer have the time to record lines for the DMFA radio project.
I wish I could contribute more to the DMFA radio project...and with Tyranastrasz out of the way I've decided that I want the role of the invisible character that hides somewhere in the back of every strip.
Granted, he has no lines.
I wish I could voice Jyrras.
Granted. You never said you wanted to be good at it, though. >:3
I wish my cat was better-behaved.
Granted, your cat is introduced to my dog, and is therefore confined to places where you can have a large, and creepy looking "stuffed" cat >:3
i wish i didn't have as graphic an imagination as i do
Granted, you now imagine in smells.
I wish basilisk would shut up about his dog already. :rolleyes
Granted, I now begin talking about my dogs. Well, my mom's dogs. Two full-blooded Pit Bulls, sisters and littermates named Roxy and Trixie. Their father weighed about 130 pounds and could pull a sled weighing 1800 pounds in competition. Trixie was my dad's early Christmas present to my mom in 2006, and after about 2 months we got Roxy because we all liked Trixie so much. When we first got them, they couldn't sleep unless they were on someone's lap on one of our recliners. They were also about 50 pounds lighter than they are now, and they still try to sleep on people's laps at least once a day. Recently we adopted a stray boxer/pit bull mix whom we named Lucy, and she has been chewing up our furniture ever since. Now we have a kennel for her, though, so she doesn't get much of a chance to chew things up when we're not around to watch her.
I wish Abel's Story would update today to make up for the missed one over the weekend that Amber was busy with immigration stuff. =/
Granted. Now you have to pay to view the comic.
I wish to befriend Nozdormu, Alexstrasza, Ysera, Malygos, and Neltharion.
They mistake your earnestness for desperation and proceed to take advantage of you mercilessly.
I wish life wasn't so stressful.
You're banned from getting in my way again! :boom
I would've had soooo much fun with a wish involving the Aspects...
Anyway, granted; life is no longer quite so stressful. It's now more agonizing than anything, because you are followed around by this guy >:3
I wish I could corrupt a wish involving the 5 Aspects.
Granted. But now having gained the knowledge that you are very well aware of such lore, I never made such a wish. (Which was sort of why I made it in the first place. Recursive logic for the win!)
I wish I knew what Tyranastrasz would have written for the Aspects wish.
Granted; I would have written that Neltharion would instead flip out and evaporate all of Darkdragon's family instead of Malygos', thus preventing the Spell-weaver's descent into madness and eventual death. Then Nozdormu sneezes on Darkdragon and ages him thousands of years. Alextrasza accidentally steps on him, and Ysera blinks in his general direction, giving him terrible nightmares.
I wish I had more time in my day.
Granted, the earth drifts away from the sun. Everybody freezes.
I wish for a shag rug.
Granted, and it even comes with it's very own flee circus! Enjoy scratching dingo!
I wish for free pizza!
Granted. You get a miniscule fraction of a slice so small not even Steven Hawking could calculate it's dimensions.
I wish for a wing. Just one.
Here you are. *Hands a live pidgeon to Rakala*
You'll have to pull it off yourself, though.
I wish to kill a man who has no fear.
Granted, you snipe someone randomly who never knew you you existed had not time to begin to fear. Unfortunately that person had powerful friends who can trace the bullet back to you and destroy you before there is time to fear as well.
I wish for a sacred curse. :januscat
Granted, though given it's placed on you.
I wish for the entire published works of Brian Jacques.
Granted, but you stumble upon the Redwall wikipedia shortly afterwards and accidentally see the end of every book.
I wish James A Owen and E E Knight could write faster with the same quality of writing.
granted, unfortunately both of them switch genres over to sappy romance novels
i wish i didn't make horrible decisions while drunk
You quit drinking and instead make horrible decisions while sober.
I wish my little brother wouldn't make fun of my driving (which is not bad by the way) every time I get behind the wheel.
Granted, he now makes fun of you everywhere else. (Wait he already did that, right?)
I wish Red Bull actually gave you wings.
granted, unfortunately it's not the fun kind... fly wings appear on your back, scaled for flies... they're more or less undetectable, and cause you agonizing pain whenever they're crushed or ripped off... have fun trying to sleep...
i wish this girl i met in class the other day would stop messing with me...
Granted, a guy starts messing with you.
I wish the club I'm helping organize would just watch some anime already.
Granted. They watch Naruto and One Piece, 24/7.
I wish for a picture.
Granted. It's a picture of everyone in the club tying you to a chair and watching YOU watch those anime. >:3
I wish for a shrubbery.
It gives off poisonous fumes, and makes you constantly sick.
I wish that I could look at a book without feeling a compulsion to read them from cover to cover.
Granted, you instead read a book without no other thoughts or desires until completed.
I wish to run through the stream of time. :januscat
Granted. You disturb the fragile balance of the space-time continuum. And you get wet.
I wish for a fair and forthright future.
Granted, unfortunately fair is definite as everyone dies, forthright is a matter of perspective, and therefore, your forthright future is from the perspective of a total sociopath
i wish i had a chocolate chip cookie right now
Granted, but it's all burned and stale.
I wish I could cook without burning things.
Granted. Everything you cook is raw. Except for toast, toast is overdone.
I wish for an ultra phone.
Granted. You now have an ultra-massive phone. It crushed your house when it was delivered, and you can't reach the buttons.
I wish I could never get ill.
Granted. Pretty hard to get ill when your circulatory system doesn't work properly.
I wish to be ambidextrous.
Granted, unfortunately, it's from the wrist up, as your hands we're removed in the name of science
I wish i could get away with more, simply by using the excuse "it was in the name of science"
Granted. You are skinned alive "in the name of science".
I wish for a Rorschach.
Granted. He feels you're evil and guilty of something, and kills you, after stuffing you in your refrigerator.
I wish I'd taken my contacts out a while ago.
granted...unfortunately someone has torn open a box to find their own contact lenses and guess where your consciousness has gone.... oh okay, you have now become a box that holds contact lenses making the need for contacts.....unnecessary.
I wish for autographed mint edition of I feel sick by johnen vasquez so I can sell it for $140 on e-bay
Granted, the buyer never pays.
I wish for a digital camera.
granted...it's one of those cheap walgreens ones that are 1.5 mega pixels of suck and blur at the slightest shake.
I wish there was a wish for me to corrupt so I wouldn't have to make this wish.
... Granted, for i am about to make a wish... but you have no clue as to what this wish will entail
i wish that my neighbor, ellen, would throw parties on reasonable days, in which i can actually attend said parties, instead of having to worry about class in the AM...
Granted. You don't have to worry about morning classes during Ellen's parties because you received a restraining order keeping you at least 700m from your teachers and were thrown out of school.
I wish I had a better source of income.
Granted. However that source is illegal and you are quickly caught and punished thoroughly.
I wish today hadn't started off so crappy.
You started by waking up to perfect sunshine and birds singing.......... then your house blows up for no immediately apparant reason.
I wish I didn't have to run downtown to pick up a book for class.
Granted, it's thrown at your face from downtown with surprising accuracy.
I wish for a sinister shadow. :januscat
Granted, you have a sinister shadow. It turns out to be a sinister second shadow, like something out of one of James A. Owen's novels, and happens to belong to Mordred himself(yes, that Mordred). This shadow corrupts your soul so thoroughly that it makes all the wish corruptions in this thread look like child's play. You end up being slain some time later by a trio of very angry Caretakers.
I wish I could eat more than just bowls of rice and Popsicles.
Granted. You can eat bowls of rice, popsicles, and all the beans you could want!
I wish for a rude gesture.
Granted. :gun1(http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ZA2lbHntDry3MM:http://www.clipartclipart.net/gifart_topics/topic_Animals/tn_6_the-wolf-Coyote-Coyotes-12_0212-1611-0820.gif) :gun2
I wish I really could eat some beans. I know this mexican restaurant a few minutes away with some awesome beans and rice.
granted, you are now the taco bell dog...and we know you've been eating beans.
I wish for all the marvelously spectacular thingamajigs shown at the Consumer Electronics Show before everyone else has them.
Granted, but they all blow up when they don't work because you were given the prototypes.
I wish I had a Q2010.
Granted, you now have a rather large bolt that holds a part of the engine mount to the frame on the chevy equinox...
I wish i had some of the cars i saw at the Detroit International Auto Show today... specifically the 2010 Camaro SS convertible :eager (if you haven't seen pictures, it's a damn sexy car)
Granted, and it comes with a big red button which you press, wondering what it does. They don't find enough pieces of you to bury or cremate.
I wish my school library had more good books to read.
Granted, they're all vampire romance books.
I wish for someone I hate to be transported to Mars. Without life support.
Not granted, because you didn't grant my wish. I said good books.
I wish my previous wish was granted.
Granted, unfortunately they are ancient epics and tragedies, printed in their original text (ie: language) and therefore unreadable, despite them being amazing works of literature
I wish i didn't have a paper due monday
Granted, it's due tomorrow.
I wish I didn't have math.
Granted, you never learned math. You try to go buy things, but don't know how to round up to the nearest bill denomination you have, and get very embarrassed in front of your best friends.
I wish I could read ancient languages.
Granted. You learn how to read Proto-Germanic which has no surviving texts. You also learn to read Ancient Berber.
I wish to be able to construct a fully functional and elegant language.
Granted, you're Joseph Ronald Reuel Tolkien. You died several decades ago. You also are one of the characters of James A. Owen's Chronicles of the Imaginarium Geographica series.
I wish I were one of them too >_>
Granted, but being such your entire existence is only that of a character in a book.
I wish for a dramatic concert. :januscat
Granted. You go to a Phil Collins concert and are forced to listen. :mwaha
I wish I hadn't had so many absences in first period last semester...
Granted. You now live in the classroom.
I wish to know why :januscat is called "januscat".
Granted I make up something horrifyingly unbelievable and you beleive it until someone else reveals the truth....thirty years from now.
I wish for Don Bluth's the secret o Nimh in CGI in real-d 3D... so it could become the most awesomest movie ever
Granted, but it's made by the people who made Eragon into a movie. :U
I wish Naxx was only bosses.
Granted. They are all bosses from completely unrelated games that are no fun at all to fight. Actually, no. The final boss has the potential to be a lot of fun, being modeled after a variety of extremely unpleasant, power-corrupted workplace bosses from real life. Unfortunately, nobody can ever reach this stage, because the boss immediately before it (and very few even have the devotion to get that far) is the Grinning Colossus, who as we all know cannot be harmed by your weapons. And you don't have a chandelier.
I wish I could get into that secret room everyone keeps talking about.
Granted, unfortunately, everyone has moved onto a bigger, better, and even more secrete room
I wish it wasn't snowing at the moment...
Granted, but it starts raining blood.
I wish that the SAT's were blown up into a trillion pieces.
Granted, the clouds above your current location all condense into one large ice cube that crushes you and everything nearby.
I wish it was snowing at the moment.
Granted, but with the extreme amount your come becomes crushed over you and you consequently die.
I wish for a continued story. :januscat
Granted, but it ends tragically, the walls in the small room were soaked in blood, to the point where it looked like some psycopaths robbed a blood-bank, collected it in buckets, then splashed it across the walls in some sort of horrid blood filled bucket fight...
I wish i had an island fortress in south pacific islands... near hawaii though on the same latitude
Granted, you now have an island fortress on the Johnston Atoll. However, it's still US property, and having an island fortress is worth a lot, apparently, so you are taxed for an insane amount of money. Then, given the nature of island fortresses, the CIA sends one Janus Bond to your humble abode... :twist
I wish I had a secret underground fortress beneath my house accessible via my closet.
Granted. You have a secret underground fortress beneath your house accessible via your closet. The fortress is connected to the plumbing of every person who lives within 7 km and thus if filled up to your closet floor with their sewage.
I wish I had an energy efficient pair of headphones.
Granted, you have an energy efficient pair of headphones that runs off of a "small" nuclear reactor that clips on to your mp3 player and weighs 10 pounds. One day the reactor explodes for no apparent reason, vaporizing you.
I wish I had an energy efficient vehicle
Granted. You get a bike. Bikes have an average fuel efficiency of 382 kilometres per litre of gasoline.
I wish for some sushi.
Granted, unfortunately it's from japan, and it's of the type where if not prepared right, you die... do you trust the sushi chef?
i wish i had some apple pie
granted, but it's american, and it's the kind that sucks if it isn't prepared right. Do you trust the chef?
I wish for utterly perfect tuna sushi.
Granted. It's three years old, and is current gnawing on your finger.
I wish I didn't have this hole in my tooth.
Granted, you are given a cap following the root canal.
I wish for rainbow eyes. :januscat
granted, rainbows shoot out of your eyes wherever you go, and children run up to you asking where the pot o' gold is, then jump on you when you say you don't have one. You end up getting crushed by the 20 kids from across the street.
I wish I had a giant robot.
Not granted
I wish my wishes were granted.
Not granted because you broke the rules.
I wish I had a giant robot.
Granted. It's somewhat short of motive power, and the additional weight of you - or, indeed, anyone - inside it would cause it to collapse, crushing you to a wet muddy substance somewhere inside a large rusting pile of scrap metal.
It's a pretty robot, though. I just hope it doesn't rain...
I wish for some sleep.
Granted, unfortunately you mixed alcohol with those sleeping pills... Boxy, you will be missed and if you don't wake from your coma... can i have your compy?
I wish boxy would have read the warning label
Granted, he does, and he never goes into the coma. You still ask him for the computer, though, and he punches you in the face.
I wish I had some rust remover, a wrench, and a ton of scaffolding.
Granted but the rust remover is old and the aerosol is out so the building you built gets rusty and actually that's sorta cool sounding... so yeah Granted.
I wish I had a dead fish so I could do what I wish.
Quote from: Tyranastrasz on January 25, 2009, 05:24:17 PM
Not granted because you broke the rules.
I wish I had a giant robot.
sorry. I didn't know. The first post said "You know the rules", but obviously I don't.
Granted, the fish happens to have been from the river surrounding 3 mile island, and therefore gives you radiation poisoning... have fun with that...
I wish for one hundred billion dollars (hold pinky to corner of mouth)
Granted. The cops bust in moments after you receive it and arrest you for robbing a bank.
I wish I had one hundred MEEELYON dollars in non-sequential bills that were given to me freely and legally.
Granted. You receive 100 Meeelyon dollars, but because of some taxes that were enacted just before that you are left with only a horse's head in your bed.
I wish I owned the University of Michigan.
Granted. It promptly burns to the ground.
I wish I had the power of Nicolas Cage in Next.
Granted, but it goes away and leaves everyone that saw you use it with a really crappy ending.
Your non-wish is granted with a penguin beating you with a sledgehammer.
I wish I had some non-moldy, non-raisin-filled breaed for this jar of peanut butter.
Granted. It's got olives in it. Seriously, this is real bread.
I wish that Black_angel didn't have olive-filled bread.
granted, angel now has grape-filled bread.
I wish I had some pepperoni pizza.
Granted, though it's been sitting in your fridge for several years... and the mold growing on it has attained questionable sentience
I wish i had said mold to sell in to science...
Granted. Your payment is one Canadian penny.
I wish I had Silence of the Lambs on DVD, unscratched and uncut.
granted, but your DVD player explodes with the disc in it.
I wish I'd downed 25-man KT >_<
Granted, you down it so quickly you choke.
I wish I could wake up without being sore.
Granted, you wake up without being sore. However, you can't feel anything below your nose.
I wish I didn't have to go to English class today.
Granted, it's been replaced by a class on American Government taught by the infamous geno 'white wolf' perry, the most boring man alive... who also happens to have lived the most exciting life as the worlds top assassin, before becoming a professor as a cover to hide out while things cool down... (it's a long story, but hilarious)
I wish my econ class could be more exciting
Granted. Your econ teacher now spontaneously combusts at random intervals and the tests have to be taken on a roller coaster.
I wish I had something healthy to eat between my calc 3 and micro 1 classes.
Granted. You now have a massive supply of proverbs to mentally dine on.
I wish for a dream of the goddesses. :januscat
granted, but the goddess is athena and lays waist to your mind.
I wish I was a puppy.
Granted. You get neutered.
I wish I wasn't such a packrat.
Granted. You lose all of your worldly possessions in a flash of fire and destruction thus freeing you from your packrat status.
I wish for a speedy and correct completion and of my current assignment.
(you should have forseen this) Granted, but your teacher doesn't like you and fails you.
I wish I wish upon thy fish my handsome man doth give thy kish.
Granted, but you talk to him like that, creeping him out to the point that he leaves you.
I wish that I had a robot to take out the trash for me.
Granted, he takes you out. :U OOOOOOH!
I wish I had more stuffed grape leaves.
Granted, but they burst into flames for no apparent reason, and the sheer volume of them means that your entire house is up in flames in a matter of seconds.
I wish I'd had something better than tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner /cry
You have the most sumptous banquet you can think of, and what's more, you have an audience of a thousand hungry beggars to watch you eat it.
I wish I was in a better mood.
Granted. You get to watch as I hold a ping pong tournament to find out which hungry beggar gets to have a bit of my food.
I wish my internet wasn't such epic fail.
Granted, the connection to your internet is another story. . .
I wish the updates would finish! D8<
granted, the updates to Winnie the pooh have made Christopher Robin a girl, and the updates to zero hour have made a drama into a comedy, the updates to Ben 10 have left it with far different aliens and the updates to Jake Long have left him almost unrecognizable....please stand by for further updates, your update will be processed in the order in which it was received.
I wish the boogie of the boogie man was no longer boogers.
Granted. Since his boogie isn't boogers anymore he isn't sure where or how to get down anymore. He then wanders the world in search of new places and ways to get funky with his bad self but alas he cannot. He can no longer find his release. Over time he grows disconnected and complacent. He falls into a pit of self loathing, so deep that not even his beloved task of frightening little girls and boys can bring him any cheer. Finally, he snaps and during another repetitive attempt at scaring people (he's moved beyond just boys and girls now out of desperation) and commits a massacre the likes of which has not been seen by humanity. As the list of victims is released to the rest of the world, your name was at the top of the list.
I wish I wouldn't get interrupted when I'm trying to code for one project with another one that hasn't even been approved and properly prioritized by my manager yet.
Granted, you get laid off and can't get another job in this crappy economy.
I wish I had Amber's email so I could show her where to buy the mooncakes she's narfing about. She could get them mailed to her. Alternatively, a nice search of "buy mooncakes" on About.com would suffice.
Granted. You check her profile like a smart forumite and get her email. However upon emailing her you make the mistake of thinking she's living in the United States (as you've done with me, my economy isn't doing that bad right now thank you very much) and she chews you out for sending her info about food that she still can't have due to how far way it is and for getting her hopes up over nothing.
I wish people wouldn't always assume that I'm from the United States.
Granted, somehow people find your exact address and bother you personally instead of cybernetically, trying to convince you to move to the US.
I wish for various artists. :januscat
@ Mao Laoren granted, we all assume you're from the planet earth....which is distressing to you because you're an alien from planet 51... which is completely possible now that earth has developed wi-fi and simply because alien technology comes with built in translators. "now remember to eat all your vegetables, or the monster'll get you."
@Lysander Granted Various martial artists, identified as ninja burst out of your closet. and make you unwish your last wish.
I wish my comic was published in paper format and that is was more popular than any of the works of Archie, DC, Malibu, Marvel, VIZ, and Tokyopop, combined...and that it miraculously doesn't find it's way bootlegged on pirate bay, or bit torrent.
Done! It is printed to a toilet paper and people will buy it, because it's a bit cheaper than the other brands. No need to draw new comics. It's not really the story or the art that the people keep buying that stuff.
I wish for a new hat.
Granted, unfortunatly it's a goofy court jester style hat, and you get made fun of...
i wish i could find a decent eraser...
You find an eraser with a sense of morals and principles. However, it also has sentience and knives, and you can't bear to kill it by using it. You're forced to do without erasers for the rest of your life due to the decent eraser following you around.
@Mao Laoren - I was of the impression that the world economy sucked. Not necessarily the US economy. No offense meant, and no assumptions made. I'm glad your economy isn't terrible.
I wish people wouldn't misunderstand me.
Granted, they just ignore you instead... starting... NOW!
I wish i had powers like Richard from LFG
You gain the powers, and just like Richard, lose the grand scale of your memory. Shortly thereafter, a swarm of zealous paladins destroys you.
I wish my postcount wasn't eternally stuck on 1.
Granted, you learn that the arena doesn't actually count as posts :mwaha
I wish i had a mysterious stranger legally give me 100 million dollars, US, and deposit it in several bank accounts, which only i have access to
Granted. You find out only later that you can only touch those accounts and their money if you're going to donate it to schools, charities, or museums. No shiny new computer for you.
I wish the Arena counted posts. :P
Granted. Sadly, The Arena is deleted soon afterward.
I wish my computer's built-in wireless network card was the highest quality money and threatening computer geeks could buy.
Granted. Shortly thereafter, the aforethreatened geeks band together, hack your computer, format your hard drive, and disappear forever.
I wish electricity was too cheap to meter.
Granted. While using your free electricity, a cloud forms above you (and your free-electricity-using object) and drenches you with water. :mwaha
I wish that I had more money, and that it was gained legally.
Granted, unfortunatly, it also happens that whatever extra money you make, the IRS(or it's equivalent) takes away, thanks to an undetectable computer glitch
I wish i had a few more hours to fool around with tonight
Granted, you are unable to pleasure those hours.
I wish I hadn't lost the game.
Granted. (http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/anti_mind_virus.png)
However, you are now intrigued by this image, and are forced to go to xkcd (http://www.xkcd.com/1) and start reading the awesomeness contained within.
I wish that all the webcomics I read updated as often as that one.
Granted, you now have to wait longer for the ones that are updated daily.
I wish people would find out if I'd already read the entire archive of a comic before telling me to read it.:P
granted, noone ever suggests a webcomic in your presence ever again.
I wish there were actually webcomics I read that updated daily =/
granted, unfortunately mine isn't one of them...and you are now trapped as a recurring character on Dominic Deegan, where the closest thing to internet access is a crystal ball... did I mention your missing a leg and some teeth?
I wish I was recognized as the world's foremost expert in smashing stuff...like the Hulk
Granted, but because this is real life people fear/hate you for your power and destroy you within the hour.
I wish for negative status. :januscat
Granted. Your life force is now negative. You are a zombie and eat the brains of those you once called friends and family.
I wish for a castle.
granted, but it's in austria, and they don't allow you to immigrate... yet still make you pay taxes for the property
I wish i was a full blown incubus from the DMFA universe, yet lived here, in RL on earth
Granted. Life sucks because of it.
I wish to meet David Bowie.
Granted, you both meet in the afterlife!
I wish I was a Jedi!
Granted, but you find that not only are you the last Jedi in the Galaxy, no one will help you fight off the Sith or continue the Jedi line. Sucks to be you.
I wish I could fly.
granted, like most humans, you can fly, but you may not be able to...without an airplane.
I wish I invented magic toilet paper, one square is all you need to clean anything and everything. Not only does it save tree's but the landfill as well.
Granted, but some sneaky Chinese lawyers patent every important process involved in making it, then raise the price to be so expensive that no one uses it. You get no benefits from being the inventor.
I wish my brain had the capabilities of an mp3 player as well as my standard brain functions.
Granted. Unfortunately, like any good MP3 player, it glitches up and gets caught in a loop. And not a normal loop, either. Have fun listening to nonstop tracks from "Einstein on the Beach" for the foreseeable future.
I wish... oh, I wish for one of those Freddy Kreuger knife-gloves. Unused, of course.
Granted, it brainwashes you, and forces you to kill your loved ones.
I wish the friend I lent mirrors edge would beat it already.
Granted, but your game is glitched in the process of beating it, and is rendered useless forever.
I wish I had Basilisk's wish granted for me, except with a sexy succubus wife too.
granted.life sucks because of it.
I wish I understood how roleplaying worked... I understand it's a lot of fun, everyone wants to be a ninja.
You spend the rest of your life studying this phenomenon of "roleplaying." You're unsuccessful until someone turns up by your deathbed, explains the answer to you, and leaves. You die without the chance to actually try it.
I wish I could obliterate all the dust that currently exists in my room.
Granted, roughly 1 in 100 people in the world are granted 1 superpower... most get cool ones like the ability to fly, or light things on fire with their thoughts... you get the power to obliterate dust and make things clean... have fun with that...
i wish to understand how it would suck to be an incubus
Granted, you get stuck hearing the thoughts of one for the rest of your life. You suicide and consider it a mercy killing.
Actually, I'd take that. I'd still really envy the fliers. But dust is really annoying, and I think I could probably make a job out of it. I'd just have to make sure there was still enough dust to make sunsets/rises.
I wish I already knew Japanese, so I didn't have to make myself study it.
Granted, but for every Japanese word you learn you forget two English words.
I wish for the brain which dances. :januscat
granted, unfortunately it's still inside your skull as it tires, damaging itself, causing massive hemorrhaging, and as a result, you die as your braincells drown in your own blood
i still wish to be an incubus... as i don't see how there would be any downside at all...
Granted, but with all the technology around, you can't make the mind shield needed to keep you from horrendous emotional headaches. Eventually you die from the pain.
I wish for an uncorruptable wish. :3
You destroy this game. People are mad at you for ruining their fun.
I wish that this crazy guy on my campus handing out bizarre conspiracy theory pamphlets (Today's was, Find Out How the British instigated the Gaza war) would just go away.......
Granted, he figures out no one believes him, gets depressed, and suicides after shooting twenty people. But not before writing a suicide note blaming everything on you.
I wish fruit trees could survive and bear fruit in every climate of the world.
They can. They still can't live in every climate of the world, but they do bear fruit.
I wish I knew why the campus turns on the air conditioning in the winter and only in the winter!
Because the person who designed the automatic air conditioning system was from the southern hemisphere (If you're in the north) or the northern hemisphere (If you're in the south) and forgot about the season difference.
I wish my keyboard won't make loud clicking noises when I type on it.
granted, your keyboard now makes squishy jelly noises when it is used.
I wish for a paint bucket.
Quote from: Corgatha Taldorthar on January 29, 2009, 04:52:58 PM
I wish I knew why the campus turns on the air conditioning in the winter and only in the winter!
Gabriel, I will get to your wish in a moment. I am first compelled to address this wish, though.
It is something my brother called "Operation Deep Freeze" when he worked at Rubio's, a popular Mexican fast food restaurant where I used to live. When you want people to get out, say at closing time or when they're loud and obnoxious, you turn down the temperature. Only a couple degrees at a time, but eventually it gets down to about 55 degrees and the entire place is empty. I can only assume that your campus does the same thing because the students are annoying or something.
Quote from: GabrielsThoughts on January 29, 2009, 05:39:29 PM
I wish for a paint bucket.
Granted, but it is filled to the brim with dry paint.
I'm going to have to go with Basilisk and still wish I was an incubus, but with a sexy succubus wife who returned my feelings of love and adoration.
Granted. You enjoy your new status for a day before the Apocalypse. Then you and everyone else die.
I wish my mattress would flip itself every morning after I leave for class.
Granted, but in the act of flipping it starts on fire and burns everything you own.
I wish I could travel the world.
Granted. Now you are cursed to travel the world until the end of days.
I wish for a wand of motivation.
The wand of motivation doesn't actually motivate anything.
I wish I had the inspiration to come up with a good wish.
The Inspiration Fairy visits you and dusts you with her magic. Sadly, it goes out of control and infects everyone on the forum, giving them the inspiration to create amazing works of art and literature. The forums become dead.
I wish for a 10 TB internal hard drive for my computer.
Granted, but the "internal hard drive" is comprised entirely of 512 MB flash drives tied together, linked through a giant USB hub, and put in a plastic box that is attached to your computer with "WiseGuys Studios WYAAIFBT 5000 Internal Hard Drive" stenciled onto the box. Alas, having 20480 flash drives linked together takes up a very large amount of space, and you are unable to enter the room that your computer's in. After a while, you figure out that the "hard drive" is called the "Wow You Are An Idiot For Buying This 5000"
I wish for Character Logs for Parts I, II, IV, and V of Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky, as per the instructions provided by my English IV AP teacher.
Granted, but they're all highly innacurate.
I wish I had the entire bestiary for Eternal Darkness.
granted, the data is highly innacurate.
I wish for one "million" dollars. in legitimate unmarked bills... and none of that counterfeit monopoly money either.
You receive a bag full of authentic bills! ... Moments after you hear about how a massive stock market crash has resulted in the dollar becoming horribly devalued. That bag of one million dollars might be worth a few euros now...
I wish I was bouncier! ^__^
granted, you are now a character in the DOA series...
i wish for a freshly made mug of hot chocolate right now... preferably with marshmallows
Granted, but those marshmallows will forever be hard and crusty...
I wish for wings of your imagination. :januscat
My wings of imagination is like /
A cagèd bird, unable to take flight /
Looking longingly at the clear blue sky /
Ever confined, but had tasted freedom.
I wish I could write better iambic pentameter. :<
Granted, but now you have lost what little ability you had to rhyme.
I wish I was irrestibly attractive to humans.
Granted, they smother you to death while trying to take you for themselves.
I wish this marathon was over already. >_>
Granted, but you can do nought but continue running.
I wish for peace and earth..... so that I could take over the world with a butter knife.
Wrong kind of marathon, dude.
Peace occurs on Earth. For a grand total of three seconds. Now if only you'd wished for incredible speed, too.
I wish I had another vanilla and peppermint steamer. Mmm....
Granted... but it took soo long to get their that now it's cold...
I wish for this girl in my class to stop calling and leaving me exceedingly awkward messages
Granted, she now talks to you in person.
I wish for the apocalypse.
Granted. How would you like it to be served? Going though fimbulwinter before Ragnarök? St. John's Revelations? A bloody jihad led by the western sun? Burn in a river of molten metal? Get chopped into pieces by Kalki? Whichever religion's destructive parallel of the apocalypse you choose, a different one would occur instead. Thus, corrupted.
PS: Invisible mow cookie to you for figuring which religion has which version.
I wish for less commotion so I can actually get some work done.
You go insane and get locked in a padded cell for the rest of your life. It's very, very quiet. Congratulations!
I wish the earth's core would cease being molten so all the plates would settle down.
Granted. However, without the earth's molten core generating magnetic force due to the centrifugal motion of the planet and the electrical conductivity of the metals in the core, the magnetic field of Earth weakens and without this protective magnetic shielding, the planet natural defences against electromagnetic solar flares from the sun will diminish, causing all electronic devices to be rendered useless. Studies also suggest without Earth's magnetic field, the stronger solar flares from the sun can fry all life from the planet...
(I'm sure that's about right - I wasn't particularly paying attention in geology class a few years back)
I wish people don't judge other people by the other's music choice.
Granted, but nothing really changes. Humans find something equally ridiculous to judge people by and latch onto it.
@Darkdragon. Geez... that sucks. Maybe by then we'll have created our own magnetic shield... :mowsad
I wish this movie was over.
Granted... this movie is now over... unfortunately, the sequel has just started :P
I wish my dog wouldn't wake me up early in the morning, especially after getting in like 4 hours ago from long night of partying
Granted, your dog doesn't wake you up early in the morning, and instead just goes to the bathroom all over your bedroom, rather than bugging you until you let it out.
I wish that I had some way of making my dogs stay downstairs without shock/vibrating collars (batteries die too often =/) or a physical wall of something they can't get past, but that no one else can get past, either.
(first to tyra's response... he didn't need to go out, i let him out when i got in at 4am... it's that he decided he wanted to jump on my bed and try and snuggle.... which although cute, doesn't work so well when it's a 100 pound shepherd and i'm still under the effects of the alcohol consumed at the party)
Granted, you chain your dog to the floor, preventing it from coming up stairs
I wish i could get back to sleep
Granted. *ch-chk BANG* :gun2
I wish people weren't prone to drama.
Granted, now people are prone to apathy and no one ever speaks to anyone ever.
I wish for the spilled blood of my enemies. :januscat
You are bitten by a vampire and contract the same illness. You kill your enemies first, by draining their bodies of blood. Sadly, you're now your creator's personal slave. Enjoy!
I wish I would sleep for exactly 16 hours.
Granted! And while you are sleeping the sky rains money from a damaged federal plane and you missout on all the cash that drops on your street! Sleep well!
I wish I could turn into a dragon!
Granted. You are slain by an ogre and a donkey in a horrible, copyright-infringing knockoff of a popular animated film that has a considerably worse ending, considering the dragon dies.
I wish I could fly. And not find the jet engines.
Granted, the jet engines find you instead!
I wish I had the powers of an angel!
Granted, you can now steal anyone's soul you desire being aided with the power to kill them very efficiently.
I wish for cold nobility. :januscat
Granted, you find a frozen king in your yard one day...right after the snow melts...
I wish i hadn't had soo much to drink last night :mowdizzy
Granted, you instead were set upon by a large group of drunks shortly after you arrived. They beat you to a pulp, and you hurt today more than you would've if you'd just drank a large amount of alcohol.
I wish there were better teams in the Super Bowl this year =/
Granted, the steelers are now playing the patriots (with tom brady fully recovered)
I wish Kat would return my calls
granted, a kit Kat bar comes to life and returns your calls to a seedy tavern down the street... in a related series of unfortunate events you brain was switched with a crazy bartender named Johny.
I give the next poster a big bear hug and I wish that next poster be blessed with love and thanks... and that the blessings return to me three fold.
Granted. You get lots of love and thanks and hugs. And papercuts.
Lots of papercuts.
You bleed out, and are buried in a closed casket. Nobody actually turns up to the funeral, as they're all tapped out from the earlier hugs and love.
I wish I had an apple.
Granted, a nice ripe apple is thrown at you with enough kinetic energy to put a hole through one of the flaps of your box
I wish to experience all that the process of dying has to offer. :januscat
... Granted... :reaper
i wish i could kill things... with mind bullets :mwaha
Quote from: Basilisk2150 on February 01, 2009, 05:02:07 PM
Granted, the steelers are now playing the patriots (with tom brady fully recovered)
I wish Kat would return my calls
I said better teams, not one of the same terrible ones and an even worse one.
Anyway, Granted: one ricochets and kills you.
I wish I had perfect internet access all the time.
Granted. Your access to the Internet is unbound in China provided you can bypass the Great Firewall of China (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_firewall_of_china) which is threatening free information over the Internet.
I wish for universal freedom of thought.
Granted, but everyone becomes mute to make up for it.
I wish my hair could animate itself to make instant hairstyles.
Granted, but as it animates itself you have no control over what it becomes.
I wish for a subterranean canal. :januscat
Granted. It's across the ocean. Have fun!
I wish I had this machine. (http://xkcd.com/368/)
granted, unfortunately you misscalibrate it, and it only destroys your sound systems... and then gets jammed on macarena... enjoy your everlasting hell...
I wish for things to be a little less awkward between and my friend Kat, the animal science major, who i went out on her 21st birthday with...
Granted, you are both drunk to the point that the word awkward is no longer understood. I like how her name matches her profession perfectly...
I wish to fall into the sky. :januscat
granted, your in a plane at 40,000 feet, the door flys open, sucking you out and without a parachute...
i wish for a top secrete underground volcano lair...
granted but unfortunately you was foolish enough to use and active volcano for your base. ops it's erupting.
i wish i could start my own web comic.
Congratulations. A man named John Solomon immediately descends on your webcomic and eats it alive before it can get anywhere, giving you a sizable following of "fans" who exist to hate on your comic and constantly work from the assumption that it is bad and you should feel bad. And when I say he eats your webcomic alive, I mean that upon learning of its existence, he breaks into your domicile, finds the masters, and eats them.
(On a more practical note: If you are looking to get a webcomic off the ground, stay away from "Your Webcomic Is Bad and You Should Feel Bad". It drains motivation and creative thought like a... drain.)
I wish I could finish my comic. Singular.
Granted. An angry squirrel catches it before you can get it scanned or published.
Three guesses who this is, Caswin, and the first two don't count.
I wish I had perfect control of my sleepiness and wakefulness.
Granted, but the high mentality comes at the cost of your motor functions.
I wish for a chaotic bar. :januscat
You find yourself in a bar on Superbowl Sunday. Unfortunately, you're the only one rooting for the other team. They go on a rampage and kill you.
I wish I could focus in class.
Granted, you now focus on the pretty girl in the back of the class
i wish my hist. prof spoke in such as way that i could actually understand his entire lecture
Granted, but the lecture is so boring you still fall asleep.
I wish my throat wasn't so raw from coughing that even eating ketchup seems to make it sting.
Granted. Your throat is now so raw from coughing that even eating chicken noodle soup makes it sting.
I wish I had 3 spear-armed guards in a labyrinth guarding my front door from crazy neighbors: One who always lies, one who always tells the truth, and one who stabs people who ask tricky questions.
granted, though they stop everyone, including you... one day the third one stabs you because he thinks your asking a sneaky question...
i wish for my date on sunday with aleena to turn out amazing...
The date, as asked for, goes amazing. The end of world, due to instabilities and entropy, shortly follows. You don't get a second date, sorry.
I wish I didn't feel bad about corrupting that wish.
Granted, you lose all concept of good and evil! Without a conscience, killing infants now comes naturally to you! :mwaha
I wish i stumble onto an alien device that takes me to meet up with a friendly alien race!
Granted. Their planet gets bombarded by the Covenant's ship-board plasma cannons as soon as you arrive, turning the entire surface into lava and molten glass. The spot you appeared was one of the first hit, and when you saw the streaks of glowing death approaching, you didn't think to try to use the device to flee back to Earth.
I wish I had the Covenant's plasma technology.
Granted. You are now covered in sticky grenades.
I wish I wasn't coughing up blood.
Granted! You're drinking it instead! Remember to stay away from sunlight, garlic and guys with shades and silver boomerangs!
I wish I was bulletproof!
Granted, you are covered in bulletproof hot lava.
I wish I would hurry up and ship already.
Granted, but you are misplaced and end up in the northern edge of Alaska.
I with for a marching season. :januscat
The marching season comes... and marches right past, without stopping for you to enjoy it.
I wish my laundry would wash and dry itself.
Granted. It also wraps around people's necks and strangles them on their own.
I wish for about 37 ninjas.
granted, you get 37 and a half ninjas (one's an amputee) they hate you... one night while asleep, they have a poky mcstabfest with you in your sleep
i wish for a full sized keg of heineken to be sitting in my living room right now
Granted, but it's severly watered down. In fact it's more water than Heinekin.
I wish to ascend to a higher level of existance.
Welcome to the mesosphere. Have fun breathing. (Alternatively: Welcome to th-oh, that was a short visit, wasn't it?)
I wish for a bottle of POWERTHIRST.
granted, but god punches you in the face with his divine intervention fist, before you can kick him in the face with your energy legs.... oh, and your baby is kidinapped by kenyans...
i wish we had more high quality beer in the fridge right now
Granted. But your fridge is in Murmansk.
I wish for Time Fridge 7.2.
Granted, but it refuses to completely freeze anything in that 7.2 cubic meter space...forever.
I wish or justice. :januscat
The world ends in flames, and everything and everyone goes to hell.
I wish I could speak/read in eight languages including English, naturally.
Granted, you can speak and read English, Pig Latin, Binary, Ancient Egyptian, Latin, Gaelic, Xhosa, and Lojban. However, you have to make an immense effort to speak anything other than Binary.
I wish I could down Malygos.
The cool hydralisk from Warcraft three helps you, but then the ensuing insult to continuity makes your reality crash.
I wish I weren't so ill.
Quote from: Corgatha Taldorthar on February 09, 2009, 10:41:38 PM
The cool hydralisk from Warcraft three helps you, but then the ensuing insult to continuity makes your reality crash.
I wish I weren't so ill.
Granted. You are instead severely injured.
I wish my school cafeteria had better food for the same prices.
Granted, unfortunately by better, they mean better for you, not better tasting...
i wish the creepy old lady/librarian at the lib would not be their every time i go... (i think she's actually a demon)
Granted. An exorcist takes over and being the religious person he is, destroys all books which are not copies of the Bible.
I wish they offered a course in demonology which I could take.
Granted.
You're still not very good at it though.
I wish I had some more painpills.
*cradles arm*
Granted, but the way you had to get them is of a rather inappropriate, and unspeakable nature... (creepy back ally encounter with a 60 year old man)
I wish my anat exam got pushed back until like this thursday
Granted. You get violently ill until 5 AM thursday morning, and are unable to study the entire time.
Quote from: Basilisk2150 on February 09, 2009, 11:11:13 PM
Granted, unfortunately by better, they mean better for you, not better tasting...
Considering how many time's I've gotten sick of that food now, I'm ok with better for me.
I wish I could miss all my classes on A-days and still get full credit for them.
Granted, but the school requires payment in advance of your legs.
I wish for crimson wings. :januscat
Granted. Your wings are crimson... with blood!!!!
I wish that wish had been less morbid.
Granted, the wings are now on fire instead
I wish that i get an A on the antomy exam i just finished
Granted. There was an "A" in the description of how bad you did. I think it was a list of all of the reasons you didn't get one.
I wish it was motorcycle season already.
Granted. Be vewy vewy quiet, I'm hunting motowcycwes. Heheheheheh.
I wish I knew what season it really was.
Granted. It's winter. You freeze to death one morning.
I wish I got more rain here.
Granted, but it's the freezing rain of an ice storm! Next thing you know you are trapped in a building by a one inch layer of ice covering everything.
I wish for love that is like Winter. :januscat
Granted. Davey Havok comes by to bite your lip until he tastes blood.
I wish that I could find more coloring and shading tutorials for G.I.M.P.
Granted, however they are written by a four year old and consist of scribbles in crayon.
I wish a pooka would find and attach himself to me.
... Granted, an Irish fairy of mischief finds your reactions hilarious, and haunts you for the rest of your short and now terrified life...
I wish that the band playing at rick's this friday, (the bar i usually go to) is awesome and plays music that i really like, but is also easy to dance to...
Granted, but they play so loudly that they shake the walls apart of the club and the building collapses.
I wish more peolpe got my bad inside jokes.
Granted. They consider you stupider now that they understand your stupid inside jokes.
I wish I had perfect and undetectable roll hacks for WoW.
You proceed to play through an MMO where there is no real challenge, fun, or worth to.
I wish I could give up sleep entirely without detrimental effects to my health.
Granted, your heath isn't effect directly at all, unfortunately, religious nut jobs form a lynch mob, and hang you, claiming your lack of sleeping is actually the result of you being a satanist, attempting to bring the about the Ragnarök
i wish for an awesome time to be had by all on friday for my friend's 21st bday... and that nothing bad happens to her, or anyone else involved in the festivities...
Granted. The day in question also happens to be Friday the Thirteenth.
Not have something to go wrong? I think you're asking for too much.
I wish to be able to flawlessly execute any manoeuvrer, no matter how improbable, when in combat or in mortal peril.
Granted, but like any spy movie the antagonist naturally has a way to counter any move in any situation at least once.
I wish for sweat. :januscat
granted, you are handcuffed to the bench of a locker room at your local YMCA... you are now stuck with sweaty old people for the rest of the foreseeable future...
i wish to feel more alert tonight...
Granted: You hear the bullet coming as it tears through your house and shoots off all 10 of your fingers in a freak accident that leaves you unable to ever use the computer again.
I wish I had a billion dollar Barnes & Noble gift card.
Granted, but having gained such revenue by whomever purchased said card the store shuts down indefinitely while the head partners have a party leaving you unable to use said card.
I wish for the last drop of my blood. :januscat
Granted, but you're not conscious to appreciate it.
I wish I needed glasses.
Granted. You need glasses to look at the sun.
I wish I had more time to read for leisure.
Granted, but having so little free time normally, your body forces you to sleep in this new time of freedom.
I wish for exhibit 13. :januscat
You get exhibit 31.
I wish I could control the armies with my mind.
Granted, however you can only do it for five seconds, then they all swarm you and beat you with salamis. :U
I wish for the Kingship of France.
granted, unfortunately France was abandoned because the Germans have invaded. Fortunately You've have been sent in by the Scottish government and allied forces to disarm a munitions silloh. Granted as king you are not alone. In a random act of kindness the French released all of their mentally ill and criminally insane into the streets.... enjoy your new title as the king of hearts.
I wish for a boat load of money.
Granted. You get the largest cargo boat in the world filled to the top with Reichsmarks. They are, of course, obsolete (Since June 1948)
I wish I hadn't just wasted 6 hours being nostalgic.
Granted. You just wasted twelve.
I wish I could gt th ky on this kyboard to work proprly.
Grantd, you'r issu mystriously transfrs to my kyboard. Now I'm sad.
I wish for a home run contest. :januscat
granted you come in last and run home crying
i wish for a cave of my own
Granted. You are now forced to live in it and never leave it.
I wish time didn't fly and instead would crawl.
Granted, instead of you dying with a quick stab to the face time crawls to allow you to feel every inch of pain.
I wish for the last celebration. :januscat
Granted. You celebrate, all alone. Completely, and forever.
I wish for a cup of coffee and a good night's sleep.
You can't have both at the same time. Coffee is a stimulant and prevents people from having a good night's sleep. But let's assume you put these two contradictory things together - and say that a robber came into your house at night and stole all your valuables.
I wish I wasn't such a master procrastinator.
Granted, you are now a master of sloth and never get anything done at all.
I wish for the path you walk. :januscat
Granted, it lands on top of you... the concrete sidewalk has been airlifted from main campus, and precision dropped, right on your place of residence... you now have ruins, coated in several tons of concrete...
i wish my midterms were easy and painless this week... right now i think i'd prefer to be mauled by a bear... at least that comes with a morphine drip...
You finish your midterms, which were indeed easy and painless, only to find out that you now get to graduate Kindergarten. Have fun going through middle school again!
I wish I could regain the pint of blood I just donated. My arm hurts.
Granted. But you get several other pints from other as well, some with various diseases.
I wish my dorm room had a kitchen area so i could cook my own meals
Granted. However, the kitchen your room has is much like my floor's kitchen. Ugly, messy, smelly, and unpredictable. Your oven can't hold a constant temperature, and is off by about 25 degrees in either direction on any given day. Your microwave smells like burnt flesh and hair. And your counters are caked with decades of filth that won't come off no matter how hard you scrub. Enjoy your wonderful homemade food!
I wish for a wish.
Granted, but your wish was the wish that gave you the wish in the first place. So you just gained and wasted a wish.
I wish i didn't have to sleep
Granted. Now, every night, you have to sit through at least ten hours of infomercials in order to function.
I wish I had less homework.
Granted, you are kicked out of school and are no longer allowed anywhere thus preventing you from obtaining any education or degree.
I wish to crawl away. :januscat
Granted. You crawl away into a cave and run into a hungry bear.
I wish I had good food right now
Granted, but you failed to specify where it's going... the mafia force a whole turkey up your... well, i think you get the picture... :mwaha
I wish for another one of my roommate's mom's homemade apple torte cakes to be sitting in my fridge, in perfect condition, where the only physical contact with the cake was in the act of it being made, and the cake, it's plate, and cover are all free of disease or harmful chemicals
Granted, But your fridge has been kidnapped and now you must go on a 3 month adventure to retrieve it from the depths of a volcano.
I wish I could draw better over all
Granted. You draw over all things and everybody takes your cookies while your busy.
I wish for chocolate covered raisins.
... granted... and guess what, there isn't anything wrong with them... shocking i know
I wish the bars around here would be showing the watchmen tonight so i could both party, and catch the midnight release
granted, but there are completely different actors and dialogs!!!!
I wish i had an xbox 360
Granted, But your power has been cut for an indefinite amount of time.
I wish I had more money
Granted. You also get hauled off to jail for embezzlement and fraud.
I wish I knew more about extinct cats.
granted, but the fossils come to life and destroy the world. great work genius!!
i wish i existed
Granted, but only when an observer is observing your existence.
I wish I could have one perfectly ordinary morning tomorrow.
Granted, but the world ends tomorrow afternoon.
And was that a quantum reference? nice.
I wish to be infamous.
granted, but you get arrested!
i wish i was smart :B
Granted. Now, can you explain to me how to draw Minkowski diagrams explaining how the muon's half-life lengthens at their speed and how deceleration affects their relative length and mass? What about...
I wish for a cool sea breeze.
Granted, the chilling breeze of the beautiful beach of Antarctica forever blows inside your home.
I wish for love that is like Winter. :januscat
Granted. It is unrequited.
I wish I knew what the person writing this self assessment form was smoking.
Granted, it's a mixture of opiates and cannabis... and through unintentional transfer has gotten into your system just in time for the mandatory drug tests... enjoy
I wish i didn't have to go to work today
granted, you get fired!
i wish i had a pet mow
Granted. It eats everything you ever own or try to own, including your clothes.
I wish information-dead had some clothes.
Granted, he now has thigh high boots, a mini-skirt, thong, and the skimpiest tube top known to man... (it's basically just a really really thick rubber band)
I wish for my entire apartment to get magically cleaned, with nothing stolen, or broken in the process... and for the process to happen today, in a few hours, and take no more than 30 seconds...
Granted, but if you ever tell anyone it was cleaned through magic, your apartment will be forever made filthy beyond the realm of cleaning.
Actually, I wish for the same thing as Basilisk2150, except for it to be done by a slightly mischievous Fae.
granted, the fae steels everything exept the door, which she leave locked so you cant get in.
i wish that paris hilton werent stupid!!!
Granted. From your perspective Paris Hilton is smart.
I wish I possess absolute casual knowledge of the universe.
granted, but your head explodes in a gory mess!!!!!
i wish i didn't have to wish for what i'm about to wish for 'cause if i do the earth will explode!
Granted, instead you wish for your own brewery, which, thanks to an unfortunately awesome accident, you die while drowning in an enormous vat of final production beer... you die a delicious delicious death...
I wish i owned a koenigsegg CCXR legally obtained, with no back taxes, or debts involved with ownership of the vehicle
granted, but it gets vandalized after 3 seconds of your ownership!
i wish i had a star thet would melt anything that got in my way of succes
Granted, but like the many persons who don't obtain success through their own faulty efforts you are in the way of your own success and are melted.
I wish for your guardian angel. :januscat
Granted, my guardian angel watches you as well as she does me... which basically implies that she's now slacking off on multiple jobs...
i wish for last paper, that's due on Monday to be done now... and in such a way that it completes the requirements to achieve at least a B+ grade
granted, you succesfully achiev a b+ grade and fail all other tests you attempt
i wish i had an uncorrupted wish!
Granted, but having an uncorrupted wish becomes your undoing as defying message board logic causes great amounts of implosions.
I wish to be happily entwined. :januscat
Granted, ut it turns out you are now entwined with that which you did not like in the first place, causing severe mental trauma.
I wish for raw power.
Granted, a car battery attached to your genitals via jumper cables...
i still wish to be an incubus from the DMFA universe, but live here in this universe
Having no SAIA to guide you and your incubus abilities, you fail to learn how to form a mind shield and live away in the reclusive corners of the world. And a hundred years later some news sight "rediscovers" you and you cause a mild controversy because you still look like you're 24. Scientists capture you for study.
I wish snow did not hamper my ability to drive to school tomorrow.
Granted, but it still hampers everyone else, causing the school to close and making your trip there a pointless waste of time.
I wish I could hack anything and everything.
granted, but you get caught and put behind unhackable bars!
i' wish my wish were a fun and nice wish. (oh, eff, that sounds stupid and childish!)
Granted. It is a fun and nice wish relative to a sadistic sociopath ruler, not to you or most of the world. In fact, most of the world suffers because of your wish... Nice going.
I wish there were more interesting smilies.
granted. now it's against the law to smile the same way as sombody else.. good work :rolleyes
i wish... that barney never existed!
Granted. But something nine times as scary replaces it!
I wish I had more time for leisurely reading.
Granted, you are hospitalized for various disturbing causes leaving you with all the time in the half-conscious world.
I wish to post a reply. :januscat
Granted. Now all your replies must be by post!
I wish for a bad pun.
Granted. It is punful to receive.
I wish for a little time to myself.
Granted, but removing even a little time from it's spacial continuum for yourself disrupts the flow of the universe causing you to be stuck in that small bit of time indefinitely.
I wish for for angels with silver wings to not know suffering. :januscat
Granted... er, insofar as they weren't really suffering anyway. And now, due to their complete lack of comprehension of suffering, they don't get what people are complaining about when they blind other people with their wings.
I wish my fanart project would not creatively paralyze me so.
Granted. Now there is no such thing as art.
I wish to be indestructible.
You are sealed away in an impenetrable bubble where time itself doesn't exist.
However, you can't move and it's extraordinarily boring.
I wish to know the reason I exist.
Cōgitās ergō es. (You think therefore you are.)
(Alternatively: When a male has sex with a female unprotected...)
I wish I can comprehend texts in any language extremely quickly.
Granted, but the moment you finish any text the meaning is lost to you...forever...
I wish for you. :januscat
Granted, but you go mad form being around me and my bad jokes, and subsequently kill me in my sleep. Wait....
I wish I could whish more coherently.
Granted. Now you can coherently make Whish-brand products for women. I am not making this up. (http://www.whishbody.com/)
I wish sugar crashes didn't make me so lethargic.
Granted, instead they put you in a mild hypo-glycemic induced coma... every time you have a sugar crash you loose a good 24-48 hours of your life
I wish i could go to class in the mornings without the need to be running on caffine, and sugar to stay awake
Granted, but now you're constantly tired and aren't ever able to fall asleep again.
I wish for a new laptop.
Granted. It runs a pirated windows which mas more bugs than the original product. In Chinese.
I wish stress was not an issue.
Granted. All stress has been replaced by fluffy pink bunnies. They appear inside people's heads, killing them.
I wish I could walk through walls unscathed without destroying the walls.
Unfortunately, walking through walls destroys your internal organs, or if you prefer, your glucose levels or something.
I wish I didn't ache so from playing football yesterday.
Granted, you are now numb from having your nerves damaged instead of your muscles.
I wish for a cultural site. :januscat
Granted, but you get the hippie culture site. And not the good hippie.
I wish my last wish wasn't misspelled.
Granted. Your next one will be. (At least you didn't misspell "misspelled" or that would have been embarrassing...)
I wish people to know, in detail, how the economy works and what can be done to improve it.
Granted. Having realized that attempts to bolster the economy are meaningless, everyone gives up and returns to a life of rocks and berries.
I wish I had a good reason to be here.
Granted, your real life fades away and therefore you have no life. This becomes the closest thing to such.
I wish for a good reason. :januscat
Granted, but your reason has no purpose, thus it fades away, leaving you without reason, purpose, and possibly existance.
I wish I had not dissapointed Amber last night with the Wildy/Bernadette scetch suggestion... :cry
granted, you disappointed her much worse with the naughty Abel/Miklelo sketch suggestion... :U
I wish to have that image erased from my mind.
Granted, it's now replaced by an even worse, and more graphic image, involving DP, Deebs, and a tub full of mayonnaise
I wish for a new, working, high end (by US standards) computer, so that i can properly take advantage of the new monitor that i have recently acquired...
granted, Unfortunately you too now have to watch "Deebs and Aliph Make a Porno" directed by Stephen Mews...
I wish I knew the secret formula for coca-cola
Granted, but due to the highly volatile nature of pure coca cola everything you know and love becomes corroded and destroyed by that which you created...
I wish to stand in the way. :januscat
Granted, you stand in the way...
AS I SHOVE A FRESH, HOT, PEANUT BUTTER COOKIE DOWN YOUR THROAT!
Take that.
your wish for nothing is granted.
I wish for super powers that don't involve being super fast while I escape from danger.
Granted, you super power allows you to flash harden your skin while falling from extreme heights, the power however does not effect your internal organs... therefore although your exterior is fine, your organs splatter against the inside of your skin
I wish for a awesome weekend, where nothing bad happens to me
Granted. Monday is going to be a long day, though. A very long day.
I wish I could get more nookie.
Granted....a very disturbed postal worker finds you in a warehouse.
I wish for a fanbase of readers who will follow my webcomic almost religiously.
Granted but some find spiritual meaning in your comic. Those then began to belive more and more that it is not a comic but a religious text and start worshipping it. They then catch the eyes of the US goverment which decide to intervene. With the numbers and supplies the cult freaks fight a huge battle the nation rips apart as the line is drawn and people take sides. Battles are fought and thew world looks at the Us and ecides total decimation is the only hope to quell the uprising. The world leaders launch all nukes simatanouesly at the US turning every inch to radioactive hell.
I wish for mo money
Granted. All your money now has Moe on it. Have fun.
I wish for more mows in the world. A Mow in every pot!
Granted, but now no one has even a pot of food left to eat!
I wish to be fully charged. :januscat
Granted. You are fully charged...in the electric chair of a federal prison.
I wish for a couple more hours of sleep
Granted, but while you're sleeping in, someone has emptied your bank account, and stolen your identity...
i wish there was something delicious to eat sitting on my kitchen table
Granted, but while you're eating, someone has emptied your bank account, and stolen your identity...
I wish there was something delicious to eat sitting on my kitchen table. I also wish I had a kitchen table...or te room for one!
Granted, someone throws a kitchen table at your head, knocking you out. You now own the table, but while you were out your wallet and bank card was stolen.
I wish for a white 3-ring binder. :januscat
granted...it originally belonged to the question and contains the truth behind every conspiricy, real or imagined, within the united states... unfortunately you are now the crazy midnight bomber that bombs at midnight... and the question is using the binder to interrogate you.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Question_(comics)
I wish for immortality and invulnerability and perfect health and a perfect human memory and perfect sanity.
Granted. Having forgotten to ask for eternal youth, you will still age.
I wish people could be a bit more philanthropic.
granted, but that word is long so the world explodes
i wish for a cookie with molten chocolet inside
Granted, your cookie is filled with chocolate flavored molten lava.
I wish for Pandora's Box. :januscat
Granted. It gets renamed Lysander's box and you are now the protagonist of the myth.
I wish apathy was not one of humankind's flaws.
Granted, but you doomed the human race.
I wish it was Summer. :3
Granted, three months from today you lose all memory of those three months to such a degree that it seems like Summer has instantly appeared.
I wish for steam. :januscat
You are locked in a steam bath for an extremely uncomfortable period of time, a la my favorite James Bond novel (at the moment) Thunderball. Have fun.
I wish for a fish tank holding a few Siamese fighting-fish.
Granted, you get a pair of fish indigenous to Thailand which bicker and brawl at times.
I wish I can pull any weapon out of thin air whenever I want.
granted, but the "thin air" is in your lungs... have fun drowning in your own blood when you try and use your powers
I wish i owned the Normandy, from mass effect, complete with competent crew, and the equipment that was on board (including the car)
The government, alarmed at such potentiall dangerous technology in the hands of a private citizin, nationalizes it.
And throws you in prison
I wish the food was better at my university.
Granted, but that doesn't mean it's healthy! >:3
I wish to take back the cellar. :januscat
granted, the cellar is now yours, everything else was stolen!
i wish there were such a thing as a wiku.
Granted. It terrorizes your dreams every night.
I wish America would reform itself and be a decent world power.
Granted. All of (the) America(s) except the United States reform its workings to become decent world powers.
I wish for a Möbius strip.
Granted. It's in a klein bottle.
I wish more people understood that joke.
*chuckles* Well, there's me, and I explained what a Möbius strip and Klein bottle was to someone earlier today (It's what prompted me to wish for one) so I grant your wish as interpreted as that person would understand the joke, which is one more than otherwise. Not a whole lot more people, but it is more nevertheless.
I wish I can express my sentiments clearly in writing or in speech.
Granted, but that doesn't mean anyone wants to hear what you have to say or read what you write.
I wish for a tenuous pact. :januscat
granted, you are packed into a port o' potty with Kyle Gas and Jack Black like sardines...try to figure out who farted, I dare you.
I wish I was at a luau.
Granted... but you are spit roasted since they couldn't find a pig
i wish my car had a full tank of gas... and no mechanical problems... nor aesthetic damage either
Granted, but it's become a Volkswagen Beetle. So once you get into a crash, it crumples like a tin can.
I wish I was more prepared for my next year at school.
Granted, you're perfectly prepared for all the classes you desire, but all of those classes are dropped due to only one student signing up to take each of the classes.
I wish to be unearthed. :januscat
Granted. Gravity no longer applies to you, and you slip the soily bonds of Earth at rotational speed, flying out into the void of space for all eternity...without any protection.
I wish I could reset my life.
Granted. However, your memories also being reset you did not learn from your experience and make the same mistakes.
I wish the odds were not against me.
Granted, now the evens are against you...
I wish for a dragon that is dark. :januscat
Er, Granted. You have also gallantly volunteered to be my #1 henchman when I enact my plan to take over the world by manipulating macroeconomics.
I wish these things I can get away with.
Granted, you get away with these things, but not those things... while in your sleep Israeli Masad special forces kidnap you, and take you off to a hidden prison where you are never heard from again.
I wish to find other interesting things while cleaning out the attic this week
Granted. You find your brother's stash of illegal drugs.
I wish for longevity.
Granted. You are now able to reach the age of two hundred and thirty with a body to match.
I wish...I wish...I wish I were a fish.....(I also wish that someone could get that ref...:P)
Granted, but being the beginning of the evolutionary chain you never get that chance to be the new race of people but instead live as a fish with all your human knowledge.
I wish to be swept up into your hurricane. :januscat
Granted, and your spun right round baby right round.
I wish Jesus Christ Superstar would get out of my head.
He walks across your swimming pool! and goes free. The vacancy is taken up by Pokemon Live.
"Listen up, you scheming fools -- No excuses, and no more lies. (Giovanni!)
You've heard my most ingenious plan; I demand the ultimate prize! (Giovanni!)..."
I wish a few more hours to work with. That would be great.
Granted, the sun is moved back a number of degrees in the sky lengthening the day and throwing off everyone's sleep schedule eventually shrouding the world in chaos...
I wish for this sword to pierce the heart of the universe. :januscat
Granted. If by "heart" you mean "centre", sure. After all, nine times out of ten it would be a supermassive black hole.
I wish my time was better arranged.
Granted, your time is now better arranged, unfortunately in order to do that, you've had to quit your job, leave your place of residence, and move clear across the globe where your schedule now meshes perfectly with your biological clock.
I wish for something entertaining to happen somewhere near by, though not at my house...
granted, you live in Las Vegas...where something interesting always happens somewhere nearby... the thing is the rest of the city is just a city, much Like any other...only with greater access to stores and entertainment
I wish for munchies
Granted. The CAUSE of the muchies soon gets you arrested.
I wish I knew how many pecks of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.
Granted, but knowing the number requires you to eat all of those pickled jabaneros within the time taken to count them.
I wish to pull a weapon out of whatever I want. :januscat
Granted, but you can't get it back in when you're done.
I wish for pie.
Granted. However, the pie was of the cream variety, and being thrown into your face by some devilishly weird clown that kinda looks like llearch.....
I wish for better health for Amber.
granted...unfortunately you didn't specify which amber,and all amber resin Jewlery has now come to life, and like the blob intends to devour all life.
I wish for....dental floss.
Granted, but what will you use it for now that you have lost your teeth?
I wish for butter. :januscat
Granted, but its rancid.
I wish weekends would last for eternity
Granted. Now you have to work on weekends too.
I wish good papers weren't so difficult to write.
Granted. But they are worth basically naught, making their existance one of futility.
I wish for more pizza. And not one that is a Hutt.
Granted. You have a straw hut shaped like a pizza.
I wish for the truth beneath the rose. :januscat
Granted. You find the truth is nothing more than a bunch of insects that are hungry for your skin.
I wish for a mocha.
Granted. It is too bitter.
I wish I will come back in time so that I could make this wish.
Granted. You trap yourself in an infinite circle of the same wish.
I wish for chocolate rain.
Granted, unfortunately it ruins the paint on your car, melts the sealant on your roofing, and causes a great deal of structural damage to your place of residence due to it's sheer density compared to water...
I wish for something entertaining to do for the next couple of hours, before i inevitably crash...
Granted. However, thanks to the sheer amount of time you spend on your gaming device before crashing causes it to crash a split second before you do.
I wish for catgirls to be real :P.
Granted, they are as real as you an me. The problem is...we are no longer real.
I for this wish to not be a wish. :januscat
You dare to come before me with your arrogant demands?! HRUGH!! *shakes fist; Lysander is replaced with a scorch mark*
I wish my proposed anime series about a catgirl was real.
Granted, unfortunately it's done by an american company that butchers plot, story, and basically everything about the anime, turning it into a kid friendly saturday morning cartoon :cry
I wish i could get like 3 more hours of sleep right now
Granted, but by doing so your face breaks your keyboard...
I wish for this wish to spring a leak. :januscat
Granted and it leaks all over you and the floor you stand on...Ewwww
I wish to wonder where the time has gone since all good shows where removed from tv stations we rooted for
granted. now your wonder that form now till your day of doom. enjoy your forever unanswered question and yearning.
i wish to have much monies so that i may go to anthrocon
Granted, only too bad in earning you much monies you no longer have to go to AC this year... maybe next time...
I wish i had the time to do more things this summer
Grated. You now have the time, but there's nothing at all to do! The Horror!!
I wish for a piece of gum.
Granted, but it has a flavor that lasts for two seconds before tasting like the inside of a tire.
I wish I could go to class.
Granted, unfortunately the class is taught by the most boring man alive... and you quickly forget whatever lessons you were going to take
I wish my paper due next week was already done
Granted, but for the rest of your life you will regret not writing that one paper because the teacher was super hot and was unimpressed by the lack of skill shown by the paper.
Edit:
I wish for a sunny day.
Granted, the sun collides with Earth erasing all clouds for the sunniest day ever!
I wish for chapter 3. :januscat
Granted. The relevant author went temporarily insane and it's a crossover fanfic with writing truly worthy of the brain bleach.
Oh, and I wish for a scroll with the wish spell
Granted. You gain the ability to cast the "wish" psynergy.
I wish I can cast wish. >.>
Granted, whoever you cast 'wish' on, suddenly has the urge to ask for some deep desire that they've either suppressed or hidden... enjoy your ability to bring out people's hidden desires... especially the ones who have the urge to kill you :P
I wish for car prices to drop a little bit lower (without the auto companies going bankrupt), so i can afford a higher end car by the end of summer
Granted. The price drop was accomplished by a combination of shortening the warranty drastically and a drop in quality.
I wish for world peace.
Granted, but now we have alien overlords.
I wish to get internet at my house :cry
Granted, but all sites redirect to the ones you hate.
I wish to be trapped in a groundhog-day-esqe time loop of my best day ever, but be totally unaware of time looping.
Granted, but those people who are a part of that best day ever eventually discover the time loop and go insane, murdering everyone they know which would include you, every day.
I wish for a parabolic tetrahedron. :januscat
Granted, but the amount of DOF is overwhelming.
I wish for the willow to weep no more.
Granted, but no longer being able to weep so beautifully makes the tree truly sad.
I wish for a three dimensional shadow. :januscat
Granted. You become a four dimensional object.
I wish time management was an area which would be outsourced.
Granted. it was outsourced to someone who has no clue what time is, much less how to manage it. Consequently all the evil dictators in history will be meeting in an undisclosed location...next tuesday.
I wish for a shiny coin of gold.
Granted, you have a shiny coin of gold-plated chocolate.
I wish to hang on the edge of tomorrow. :januscat
Granted, one of your three buddies will have to help you back up if you don't want to fall and die. (L4D reference, could't help myself.)
I wish I could heal like wolverine. (that way, if I itch, I can slice the itchy part of me off. Skin can't itch if it isn't there! >:3 )
Granted, unfortunately your powers come at the expense of a massive metabolic rate... if you don't consume 250 calories per hour, you'll begin to starve to death.
I wish for some coffee
Granted. It is bitter to the extreme and regardless of the amount of sugar added to the coffee, its bitterness lingers.
I wish I had fewer problems.
Granted, tests become meaningless as they now contain ten problems at the maximum.
I wish it was summer already.
Granted, but the earth becomes as hot as Venus.
I wish I knew the winning lotto numbers
Granted, you become cursed and follow the events of Hurly from LOST.
I wish I wasn't having so much fun with the Ban Game, and Cute, but. . . threads right now.
Granted. The forum gets closed.
I wish it doesn't take this long for my computer to preform calculations. :mowsad
Granted, but now the calculations are anything other than correct.
I wish for imaginary numbers. :januscat
Granted, they speak to you non-stop, and you can't un-imagine them
I wish I never have to deal with another imaginary number for the rest of my life. The square root of one will never make sense, how can I have that much of anything
Granted. Numbers become real, and materialize around you in solid form. They have huge, pointy teeth, bloodshot eyes, deep growls....and they look hungry.
I wish I had a dozen tasty, non-poisoned, edible donuts.
Granted. They have, however, gone stale.
I wish for time control.
Granted. However, it only works once, and you are forever stuck with the time change you made for yourself.
[EDIT]I wish for a better gaming system. But I don't want it to explode, or takeover the world....I don't want it to make me into a gaming system too....Nothing weird.
*note* Wish made ala Homer THoH
Granted. Sadly you're perfectly normal gaming system appeared suddenly right in front of you in response to your wish, appearing above the street right in front of your house and falling at a weird angle causing it to shatter as you had not expected the sudden appearance.
I wish for society to suddenly, suddenly, collide with the universe all of the sudden. :januscat
Granted. unfortunately society and the universe collide like two particle in a supercollider and cases the implosion of the mulitiverse. oohh that's nasty.
I wish i'd thought to keep my spare laundry in my special alternate dimension were i keep my mementos
Granted, but when I inadvertently destroyed the multiverse your dimension was included with your spare laundry inside! >:3
I wish for occupied thinking. :januscat
Granted. I'll tell you what you got after I finish thinking.
I wish I'd had better weather whilst on vacation.
Granted, your vacation is rerouted to Hell where it's warm weather all year round! With the occasional exception of random moments of ice hockey...
I wish for a harmonic flux. :januscat
Granted, you get a broken harmonica! Feel the blues!
I wish to stumble onto a half buried alien pod, that will take me to it's creators!
Granted. You can't communicate with the creators because they speak a different language and have different cultural norms. I think you also might have offended them...
I wish to hire Maxwell's demon (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maxwell%27s_demon).
Granted but sadly 3 seconds after he was summoned he drags you to hell like all demons do,Enjoy the food! >:3
I wish to find the man who invented the Oscar Mayer weenier song and kill him with one of those weeniers
Granted, however, you will be eternally haunted by the Oscar Meyer "My Bologna has a First Name (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3J_YfKViuk)" jingle.
I wish I new the ultimate answer to a preschooler's eternal question, "Why?"
Granted, but to learn such a thing requires you to be a preschooler which in turn makes you no more than a few years old with the mental capacity of such, therefore rendering you unable to comprehend what you were trying to say in the first place.
I wish for what you live by. :januscat
Granted, but what you find is not what you expect, thus driving you insane and causing you to be institutionalized.
I wish for a world without greed. :mwaha
Granted, but you're so unselfish that you give away all your belongings.
I wish I could graduate with good marks.
Granted. However, you still are unable to land yourself a respectable job.
I wish I wasn't so lazy at times.
Granted. You experience hypertension at all times.
I wish for sponges.
Granted but strangely they suck out the moisture out of your body quickly leaving you to die by dehydration
I wish for some meatlovers pizza
Granted, you now have pizza that loves meat. Now lets see who will eat who first...
I wish to be friendly fire. :januscat
Granted. You got too friendly with water. Buh-bye.
I wish that mows were oh too real.
Granted! They eat your neighborhood, starting with your entire residence and everything in it.
I wish for true flight without airplanes.
Granted. But the air velocity is too great. The drag would then rib your body apart.
I wish ti be able to have full control over the four elements
Granted; you are now Aang, and exist only in Anime.
I wish a European Swallow could migrate carrying a coconut.
Granted. Watch out prolieator.*coconut falls on his head as he dies*
I wish for a never ending supply of mashed potatoes. that wont go rotten , tastes good, and wont attract insects. or spread disease
Granted.
Turns out you're allergic to potatoes. Too bad.
I wish for an endless void.
I cant grant that . There are ancient rules even I am bound to and things I have not the power to do. ( Hug to whoever knows what that line is from)
I wish for my last wish only i have no allergies.
Granted, but your sense of smell and taste are removed, so even though the potatoes are the tastiest ever, you can never enjoy them.
I wish my Internet connection was capable of 30 Mbps or faster download speeds.
Granted. But the computer justs starts downloading everything. eventually you get so many viruses because your computer downloade4d everything.
What would happen if I divided by Zero
Granted, you are sucked into a black hole as the universe answered your question by attempting to divide by zero.
I wish for a dissonant harmony. :januscat
Granted you get dissonant harmony. for only a few seconds.
I wish that I wished for something
granted, you wished you were my personal assistant... and you've agreed I don't have to pay you for your services.
I wish for a spoon full of sugar in every glass of gatorade
sure then you get diabetes cause you you drink too much gatorade.
I wosh for a dormant volcanoe
Granted, it's a very boring volcano.
I wish for the maze of the blade. :januscat
Granted. You get lost in the frost.
I wish for a haiku.
Your wish is granted
I now corrupt this wish with.
this ugly kaiku
I wish for the white hot intensity of a thousand suns
Granted. It's a very efficient way of heating your house! Of course, you can't open a window without someone whining about letting all the hot air out, never mind that it quickly approaches humanly unbearable levels of heat. This takes a tiny fraction of a second, by the way. There goes the neighborhood.
I wish for a voiced, fully-animated adaptation of the webcomic I'm reading.
Granted, it's animated by someone just as proficient as I (which is not) and voiced by people with just as much vocal talent as a songbird drowning in hot tar.
I wish for an intertwined scutum. :januscat
Granted but the handle falls off as soon you hold it and later on its all rusted with a scent of cat piss
I wish I found the Citys of Gold with no liable harm to myself or my crew or least wrath of the Mayan villagers and Gods
The gold, being too heavy to actually carry away from the city, remains there while you head back to civilization to get more supplies. Along the way, your idiot crewmembers ranting about the untold riches you guys left behind lands you all in padded cells.
I wish for more mental energy when it comes time to write stuff.
Granted, your heated focus becomes so great that you incinerate the tool you write with.
I wish for midnight games. :januscat
Granted (http://books.google.com/books?id=OrkncYxnNfgC&dq=midnight+games&source=gbs_navlinks_s).
I wish the squirrels would stay out of my bird feeder.
granted, now if only you could keep them out of your house...although what else would you expect from a nuthouse
I wish I had super vision that allowed me to see all the colors of the visual spectrum.
Granted. Of course, that's just the same as most other people (barring the colourblind), so nobody actually notices anything.
I wish I had a little more RAM for this machine here.
Granted. It now only runs Windows 98.
I wish for a cheating console in life.
Granted, you now have a console that cheats on you with another dragon.
I wish for the end to be realized. :januscat
Granted, from this point forward the only physical attribute you will realize in all creatures, including people, is their rear end.
I wish the Angry Beavers was available on DVD.
Granted. It's encoded in Region 15, which doesn't exist, hence it won't play in any DVD player anywhere, even the region-free ones.
I wish my feet didn't hurt.
Congratulations! You're a box, and so you have no feet to feel pain with >:3 (yeah, didn't see that one coming -_-).
I wish I could go back to Disney World.
Granted, but you are suffocated by all of the costumed individuals running to greet you at once.
I wish for something in the way. :januscat
Granted. You are now unable to get anywhere on time.
I wish to understand the true nature of things.
Granted. However, you are especially intrigued by the true nature of your ability to understand the true nature of things, which leads you to your understanding of your ability to understand the true nature of things, which naturally brings you to your newfound comprehension of your understanding of your ability to understand the true nature of things...
You die utterly fascinated and begging for more. Funny thing is, you might have understood the lot of it and extrapolated the rest if you had taken a step back and looked at the pattern somewhere down the line, but... well, that's hindsight and I'm sure you know what that's like.
I wish Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen had been more plot-driven. (Alternatively, if my corrupter has seen the movie, I wish it had been more Maestro-driven.)
Granted,Yet it's filled with so much plot the douchebags begin to say it's the worse movie ever and later kill Micheal Bay with rocks and pointy sticks
I wish I had a way to clean up credit dept with a simple snap of my fingers
Granted. The Credit Dept. is comepletely clean. Your Debt however goes through the roof as you ignore it in favor of cleaing random places.
I wish that people would stop trying to poke each other.
Granted, you are the final victim of the poking before it stops completely, you being poked...to death! :mwaha
I wish for the last man dancing. :januscat