[comic] Manifest Destiny - WARNING - RATED MA

[Mao]

Just thought I should pipe in, looking at how this thread is going, that I really like what you've done so far and can't wait to see more.

[GabrielsThoughts]

I can't help it my monitor s color blind... I've had the same lcd screen since 2003. I get a lot of red polution, but the colors usually look better on other monitors, like on my laptop or  the ones at school.  



EDIT: it's lived through three computers and will be retired at the end of this semester.

[Turnsky]

EDIT: it's lived through three computers and will be retired at the end of this semester.

like old yeller, i hope.

[Mao]

I can't help it my monitor s color blind... I've had the same lcd screen since 2003. I get a lot of red polution, but the colors usually look better on other monitors, like on my laptop or  the ones at school.   



EDIT: it's lived through three computers and will be retired at the end of this semester.

Wait wait wait.. you've got a defective monitor, and you know this, and yet you're still trying to comment on how things look?  Without even adding that little bit.. "but my monitor is a bit bunk"?  This is either kinda silly on your part or a really lame cop-out.

[GabrielsThoughts]

I was trying to be silly.

[Mao]

That's all I've got.

[JaxiD]

Progress report?

There’s two more panels and then I have finished.

I looked over everyone who wanted a cameo but everyone seems to have a "fursona" that is a Cubi or another form of creature, except for Mao Laoren, who I did draw into a frame but I misjudged how I'd have to crop it and so you can barely see him.

Sorry about that.

[Mao]

Hehe, no prob.  He was there to be used as long as it was in character.  Barely being seen or heard fits him nicely.

[JaxiD]

Comic 2 is finished.

Link

I'm still messing around with how I want things to be presented, I've stuck with the same style mostly because I really do want it to work out in the end but I've added a bit more detail. If you notice very slight changes in the shading methods between frames that's because I actually redid almost every frame about 3 times each out of frustration for it not looking right.

In any case I hope you like.

[Zedd]

Tasty new pages,And I see the Mao cameo,nice job

[Zina]

I'd like to make a suggestion for the 3rd panel. It seems rather crowded with all the characters, and my eye is instantly drawn to the middle character rather than the main one. I think it's mainly because the speech bubble is directly below him, so I look at him first and then realize that the character to the left is the one speaking. This can be fixed by placing the speech bubble closer to the main character so the eye is drawn to her first(I would suggest to the above right of the character, overlapping her hair). Either that, or blurring the background characters a bit or making the line-art around the main character a little thicker, something that makes her stand out a little more.
When the line art is the same width, it makes the panels look cluttered and it's hard to distinguish what's "important" in the scene and what isn't, or what's in the foreground and what's in the background.
It's a little detail, but I think it might help for future reference. Makes things more pleasing to the eye and allows for the reader to take in the scene quickly without having to think, which is what you want.

I hope this makes sense. I'm a tad sleepy.

Other than that, I really like the art and I enjoy the coloring style. You also do a wonderful job with expressions.  I'm interested to see where the story goes.

[Dekari]

You know I don't know if it's just how my crazy mind works or if others are seeing this, but the green haired girl in the 7th and 10th panels, the way her collar bone and the bit of fur on her chest are drawn....I don't know, I just see a face.....like a fat Chinese guy face  .


Only other thing I like to know about the comic so far is, is this some time before the first comic, sometime after the first comic, or at the same time?  It doesn't seem to be linear to me.

[JaxiD]

I'd like to make a suggestion for the 3rd panel. It seems rather crowded with all the characters, and my eye is instantly drawn to the middle character rather than the main one. I think it's mainly because the speech bubble is directly below him, so I look at him first and then realize that the character to the left is the one speaking. This can be fixed by placing the speech bubble closer to the main character so the eye is drawn to her first(I would suggest to the above right of the character, overlapping her hair). Either that, or blurring the background characters a bit or making the line-art around the main character a little thicker, something that makes her stand out a little more.
When the line art is the same width, it makes the panels look cluttered and it's hard to distinguish what's "important" in the scene and what isn't, or what's in the foreground and what's in the background.
It's a little detail, but I think it might help for future reference. Makes things more pleasing to the eye and allows for the reader to take in the scene quickly without having the think, which is what you want.

I hope this makes sense. I'm a tad sleepy.

Other than that, I really like the art and I enjoy the coloring style. You also do a wonderful job with expressions.  I'm interested to see where the story goes.

That's good advice, I do know about line art width and use it in single images but I was hoping I'd be able to get away with being lazy to save time per comic. In the sense that nobody is ever going to take a comic with lazy images seriously as anything visualy horrifying I'll focus more on detail in the next comic using your advice, especially in terms of thinking more about how I possition the speechmarks. Thank you.

You know I don't know if it's just how my crazy mind works or if others are seeing this, but the green haired girl in the 7th and 10th panels, the way her collar bone and the bit of fur on her chest are drawn....I don't know, I just see a face.....like a fat Chinese guy face  .


Only other thing I like to know about the comic so far is, is this some time before the first comic, sometime after the first comic, or at the same time?  It doesn't seem to be linear to me.

hahaha!

I didn't notice that, I'll make sure to alter her appearance in the next comic to get rid of that.

The time span of the comic is not in chronological sequence, the exact order the events happen I'll never tell.

[Mao]

5th panel, girl on our left side has lost the fur on her right shoulder (left shoulder to our view).  Also, the arm of the girl in the 4th panel is pretty awkward looking to me.  It looks like it's supposed to be curling in across the front of the guy but with the hand that way it just doesn't seem right.  A slightly smaller nitpick I have (and not knowing the story, this might have been intentional) is that the girls in panel 6 and 7 look almost exactly alike to me and it threw me off a bit.

Otherwise.. great now I'm seeing the face on the chests.. or is that just me projecting?  ;-)

I can't really say much more than what has already been said in terms of commenting on the art.  It's an excellent style, very much inspired (by the looks of it) by Amber Williams and most folks around here are going to like that, myself included.

And who is that handsome nictarl fellow in panel three?      Thank you very much for the cameo, it looks great!

[JaxiD]

I didn't want to explain this. T_T I feel I'm going to have to try to be more clear in presenting things.

The green haired cat girl who works at the coffee shop is imagining herself as being the racoon girl, it’s not until she’s spoken to directly does the comic acknowledge her presence and switch the situation back to what’s actually happening as opposed to showing the green haired cat girl’s perception of the situation. This is hinted to in the fact that the text Dellusional thoughts related to perceived appearance defect is highlighted amongst the other symptoms, and that the girls in panels 6 and 8 are wearing the same clothes.

From the feedback I’ve been getting I really feel like I can’t cut any corners in order to save time, as difficult as it’s going to be for me to do I’ll have to draw out each frame with the fullest amount of attention placed into it. Next comic I’m taking everything everyone has said into account, we’ll see how it goes.

[GabrielsThoughts]

the one in the burgandy v-neck looks like she has a bulbus fleshy skin tag at the neck line. Extending the line, straightening/boxing the lines,  or adding an extra line could help avoid this confusion in the future. plus the shading makes it look like a sphere... so unless it's an evolututionary mistake to have a testicle hanging off the character's chest...  nevermind, forget I said anything. 

[WhiteFox]

First impressions:

Love the facial expressions.
The art style feels kind of generic.
The timing and pacing is well done.
The breasts look very spherical, and seem to be set high on the chest.

I didn't want to explain this. T_T I feel I'm going to have to try to be more clear in presenting things.The green haired cat girl who works at the coffee shop is imagining herself as being the racoon girl...

I didn't get that at first, and the Dellusional thoughts element didn't really explain all that much. Then I got confused wondering if there were two green haired girls, and I read it over again... then it clicked. The identical poses in panels 6 and 8 were what clued me in.

You did a very good job of expressing something about this character through "Show don't tell." Not only do I know something about her, I understand something about her.

I love art that make you think, and makes you look closer. Maybe there was a way to make it more clear, but the comic still gets a thumbs up from me.

When the line art is the same width, it makes the panels look cluttered and it's hard to distinguish what's "important" in the scene and what isn't, or what's in the foreground and what's in the background.
It's a little detail, but I think it might help for future reference. Makes things more pleasing to the eye and allows for the reader to take in the scene quickly without having the think, which is what you want.

I don't think it's a little detail. I think it's a huge detail. 80% of the time I don't like a piece of artwork, it's because the artist didn't vary the line weight.

Suggestions for depth cuing:
- Desaturated (Pale) colors look farther away.
- Smaller objects look farther away. (IE: perspective.)
- Highly detailed objects look closer.
- Layering objects on top of one another gives a sense of depth. If the dude in the background of panel 3 were half covered by the girl, he'd look farther away. (He would draw less attention if he were only half visible, too)

Other than that, I really like the art and I enjoy the coloring style. You also do a wonderful job with expressions.  I'm interested to see where the story goes.

I'll second that.

[Zina]

Haha, what I meant was that it's a little detail, but it makes a huge difference.

[Tapewolf]

I didn't get that at first, and the Dellusional thoughts element didn't really explain all that much. Then I got confused wondering if there were two green haired girls, and I read it over again... then it clicked. The identical poses in panels 6 and 8 were what clued me in.

Yes.  First time I didn't notice.  Second time I wasn't sure if it really was doing that or if it was a glitch in the artwork.

[Mao]

I didn't want to explain this. T_T I feel I'm going to have to try to be more clear in presenting things.

I didn't expect you to explain it as I felt it was story relevant and it just didn't click with me.  You would have been just fine not doing so.

From the feedback I've been getting I really feel like I can't cut any corners in order to save time, as difficult as it's going to be for me to do I'll have to draw out each frame with the fullest amount of attention placed into it. Next comic I'm taking everything everyone has said into account, we'll see how it goes.

This is the Tower of Art.  People will try and find just about anything to point out about your work.  Good points, bad points, points that only make sense to the person posting it.. all of it.  I wouldn't take it as anything more than folks trying to help.

[Turnsky]

1) The breasts look very spherical, and seem to be set high on the chest.

2) I don't think it's a little detail. I think it's a huge detail. 80% of the time I don't like a piece of artwork, it's because the artist didn't vary the line weight.

Suggestions for depth cuing:
3) - Desaturated (Pale) colors look farther away.
4) - Smaller objects look farther away. (IE: perspective.)
5)- Highly detailed objects look closer.
6)- Layering objects on top of one another gives a sense of depth. If the dude in the background of panel 3 were half covered by the girl, he'd look farther    away. (He would draw less attention if he were only half visible, too)

allow me to elucidate on points i (dis)agree with here:
1) True, they do, there's a few tutorials about that make a point of this, laws of physics tend to apply, too. (i've got a few tutorials for such things should you need them)
2) And most of the time, they don't do it right, and it looks rough as, these lines look damn smooth, and go excellent with the Style Jaxi's trying to convey. He understands the value of good, clean linework first, over line variance, perhaps he'll try it later on, who knows, but it's best to sort the former, before trying the latter too, otherwise it comes out like ass. Otherwise, Zina's Comment does hold true also, usually it's Thicker lines in foreground, thinner towards the back, and what have you, try experimenting.
3) strictly speaking, not true, they just look desaturated and pale. why else are high visibility clothing so bright? so they can be seen from a distance.
4) uh... smaller objects just look smaller.. i think you have your foreshortening rules confused there.
5) no, they just look more detailed, you mean that there is a loss of detail the farther away something is, and an increase the closer it gets, potentially, depending on whether you're a detail fiend or not.
6) ooooh, this could go either way, layering does give a sense of depth if you understand perspective, but if you don't, it'll look like you've just glued a set of cardboard cutouts together and took a photo.

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

This is the Tower of Art.  People will try and find just about anything to point out about your work.  Good points, bad points, points that only make sense to the person posting it.. all of it.  I wouldn't take it as anything more than folks trying to help.

Technically, the Tower of Art has rules suggesting that art posted here is requesting useful posts; "I love it" is not considered useful, without pointing out what it is you like about it. However, we do prefer that people provide useful ideas; "I hate it" is just as bad.

This has the downside of bringing criticism out of the woodwork; try not to take it to heart, JaxiD. At least, it's not intended to make you stop doing what you're doing - just to help you do it better.


Having said that, The Management tries to keep an eye on things, and correct things when people get overly critical. If you feel picked on, let us know, and we'll likely already have been watching. ;-]

[JaxiD]

Oh no, I'm not saying that I feel sad. Sorry I think I must have made it seem as if it were that way.

The reason why I am drawing each comic and starting the next comic after reading all the feedback is because I want to implement everything everyone has said into this, so pretty much a lot of what everyone says goes into the production of the next comic. What I found is that a lot of the things which I had skipped in order to cut corners and save time on drawing came up in what people said in the feedback.

How I figure is that this way these comics will come in slower to begin with, but after the first ten or twenty the style will evolve into something the fans of DMFA are comfortable with. This is why I'm making this comic, for the fans of DMFA, so it would make sense that I would want to incorporate everything everyone is saying.

[Turnsky]

How I figure is that this way these comics will come in slower to begin with, but after the first ten or twenty the style will evolve into something the fans of DMFA are comfortable with. This is why I'm making this comic, for the fans of DMFA, so it would make sense that I would want to incorporate everything everyone is saying.

Don't forget that you also need to have fun making it, too! 

[JaxiD]

Heh, people always seem to misunderstand that with me. Fact is what I have fun with most of all is making something that people can both read with interest and have fun taking part in the creative process. What I also have fun with is writing the story and trying to create something unique, for example, the instance where the blue haired cat girl says "don't be a square" and literally makes a square in the air between her fingers, and the instance where the green haired cat girl says "My problem?" when the exact definition of her problem flash up on the screen almost breaking the forth wall in the process. Things like that happen a lot within the story, progressively getting more and more weird.

[JaxiD]

Okay I'm trying to find a level where I can produce comics on a regular basis but also work with a level of quality that people will be happy with.

So the following is a section of an image from the next comic.

What do you think about this?

[llearch n'n'daCorna]

I'd suggest that the front of the hair is a touch too thick in outline. I'm not sure quite what leads me to that, though; other than that, it's very interesting looking for the specific things you've got going on in each area.

At least some of which are in my head, not the art. Go figure... ;-]

I think it's the dark on light green; having white on one side makes it look thinner. Maybe.

[JaxiD]

The next comic is finished.

Comic 3

I've had to draw this comic with my left hand and I'm right handed. My right arm is broken unfortunately, I fell off my board whilst I was Kiteboarding so now I having a cast on for five weeks minimum.

I'm going to try keep at a steady update process but if I miss out a few weeks you will know why.

[techmaster-glitch]

Holy hell. You sir, are a trooper. And I can't even tell any difference in quality...

[JaxiD]

You'll notice I use a lot of close ups.

They're easier to draw.