Bad horror movie reviews

[thegayhare]

Okay it's Halloween so you know that most every channel is breaking out the horror movies or Halloween specials.  so lets see some bad movie reviews.

I'll start,  Now I stand by my previous statment that the worst monster movie I've seen was Pinata: survival island.  But I'll have to add a new bad movie to my list.  This is my Worst Zombie movie ever.

I happened across this one while baking today.

It's called Dead Men Walking

it's a low low budget film that opens with a guy blasting away at zombies in his house with a shot gun.  Then the cops bust in and he tries to kill himself only to find... Awww no more bullets.

he's arrested and tossed into jail.

then some one from the CDC shows up just as the first guy is killed while attacking a guard.  You get the whole back story when the doctor talks to the guy who shared a prison transfer buss with the first guy.  Apparently before he went zombie he was really chatty. 

now zombie movies can be pretty cheesy no doubt but the writers of this one were just lazy.  "He said he can spread the infection threw his pores, his sweat, his piss..."  "and it can take anywhere from 5 minutes to several hours to kill some one".  This is just lazy I mean it's how they explain how the first guy, and his cell mates took a day to turn into zombies but all the other people they vomited blood over in the cafeteria turned instantly.

they tried to be clever but after seeing plastic Halloween decoration severed heads and limbs waved around. and  the clever tricks they tried to pull to hid the fact that the guns were never fired (literaly when ever you hear a gun shot the barrel of the gun is just of screen, or something is in the way, you never see a single muzzle flash in any of the dark rooms). 

the only good scene In the whole damn movie was fairly early on.  When the first guard turned he started to nom on the prison doctors arm.  the warden and head guard come in and the doctor (an instant zombie) tries to nom the warden.  Head guard shoots him in the head.  The zombie gaurd gets up to do some nomming and gets shot in the head

"Now what the f@ck is going on, I realy don't enjoy shooting staff members"

It's just bad

I mean hell even the house of the dead video game movies are better

[Omega]

Uh, I don't really celebrate halloween, but what the hay!





WISHMASTER                       dun dun duuuun

Yes, in hte back of the DVD it says "horror"
I guess they wanted to something liked "Hellraiser", but failed miserably. As a movie, it's not bad. The visual effects are good to watch. The script is passable. Director knows what he's doing (most of the time), but as a horror movie, it lacks the horror.   "I'ma evil djinn, whosabout do destroy da friggin' planet. grrr..." Like this hasn't been seen for a thoudsand times already (even in 1997 this was old).  Even ghostbusters had more fear in it that this piece of dirt. It's simply. not. scary. Not even Siqns scary.

Okay movie. Terrible horror movie. Has three sequels. If you'd like to watch "horror" movies, but don't want to start from "Shine" or "Grudge", go with this one. Otherwise: Cross the street when encountered or spotted.




...didn't even have sex-scene.

[GabrielsThoughts]

Leprechaun, Duplicate, the Wikerman 2006, Silent hill, the ring...the ring 2, ringu, the Scary movie series for obvious reasons, the creeping terror, and the blob.   


they are all very bad. Exceptionally bad. Worst movies ever.

[Zina]

I'm actually watching Dead Man Walking right now, and it's amazing. Though all the scenes where the zombies rip out the intestines of their victim for ten minutes get a little old after a while.
But yeah, the best scene so far a was the one with the head guard in the beginning, if only because he seemed more annoyed by it if anything else.

As a fan of crappy b and c-horror movies, this week and the next is just delightful for me.
Nothing beats Abbot Hayes and the Children of the Living Dead, though. It all can be summed up with this one clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwyIeqoYEkc
Just a fraction of the greatest thing I have ever witnessed. Ever.
ABBOT HAYES.

Also, wtf. The Ring was actually really good. Last genuinely scary movie I've seen in forever.

[GabrielsThoughts]

watch the ring again...

When you watch 30 days of night more than once the movie gets better....

with the ring the reverse is true. meaning after each successive viewing it gets worse and more unbearable.

[Zina]

The Ring is actually one of my favorite movies. I own it. I've probably seen it a good fifteen or so times.
Still scary.

And I thought 30 Days of Night was an absolutely hilarious movie. Entertaining, but not scary.

[bill]

The Wicker Man '06 is the greatest thing ever.


I won't bother posting the youtube highlights here, but find it. It's a hoot.

[Aisha deCabre]

Worst horror movies?  Hm...lessee...

Oh, easy.  The "creature features" that they show on SciFi channel sometimes.  Raptor Island, Sabertooth, Pteranodon, Megalodon (some titles may be inaccurate)...trust me, all are so horridly cliché that I rather laughed at the second-rate CGI animation in some of them.   

It makes me want to write a mock horror story.   

But give me one horror story in which you can't really predict what happens to the characters.  Mm...except maybe for The Exorcism of Emily Rose.

[RJ]

Sequels to Hollywood-remade Japanese movies (ie. The Grudge 2, Ring 2).

Now, I didn't mind the original Japanese sequels... but the Hollywood ones just make me shake my head.

Oh yeah, and I saw Resident Evil 3 on Monday. Now that was somewhat anti-climatic and bizarre.

[Zina]

Actually, the original sequel to Ringu(called Rasen) was so bad that the production company pretended it never existed and made another movie and called THAT Ringu 2. Ringu 2 was also pretty bad, but not nearly as bad as Rasen.
Ringu 0 was actually pretty good, though. Not really scary, but definitely disturbing. 

[thegayhare]

Ohh I love bad horror movies

but some movies are just to much

I'm not a big fan of the swarm or horde of creatures movies like snakehead terror or what ever that army ant's movie I watched last month.

I love a bad horror but I couldn't sit threw dead men walking

[superluser]

I've got a soft spot for Attack of the the Eye Creatures.  Especially since the creators just didn't care.

[Alondro]

I must bring up once again "The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies", which was going to be named "Teenage Psycho Meets Bloody Mary" initially.  Oddly, the title they went with works better... which is an indication of how bad the movie is.

Then there's "Horror at Party Beach", radiation creates "Black Lagoon"-esque monsters who look like they have mouthes full of pickles, and can only be killed by sodium!  Yep, sodium.

Then there was "Killers From Space".  WTF was with the ping-pong ball eyes?  Who actually thought that looked great for a special effect?  Who signed off and saw that and said "Yesh!  That is teh awsom!"  Was everyone in that movie retarded?

[GabrielsThoughts]

No, the ring was awful. Maybe it's scary to Girls, but to me and some of my freinds, it's as bad as the War of the Worlds re-make with Tom Cruise.

[superluser]

Then there's "Horror at Party Beach"

Ooh!  How about Psycho Beach Party?  Or Vampire Lesbians of Sodom?

it's as bad as the War of the Worlds re-make with Tom Cruise.

Now, that was truly frightening.  To this day, I've got nightmares where I'm chased by Tom Cruise, who keeps acting toward me.

[Zina]

No, the ring was awful. Maybe it's scary to Girls, but to me and some of my freinds, it's as bad as the War of the Worlds re-make with Tom Cruise.

Oh jeez. It was scawy because I am a wittle girl. I get it.
I know quite a few guys that would disagree with you. My room mate still refuses to watch it.
But whatevs. To each their own. You apparently thought 30 Days of Night was good, and I lolled my way through that movie.
S'all right.

[Janus Whitefurr]

No, the ring was awful. Maybe it's scary to Girls, but to me and some of my freinds, it's as bad as the War of the Worlds re-make with Tom Cruise.

Sweet! I must actually be a girl then!

[Zedd]

No, the ring was awful. Maybe it's scary to Girls, but to me and some of my freinds, it's as bad as the War of the Worlds re-make with Tom Cruise.

Sweet! I must actually be a girl then!

Must be the reason why we "guys" loom to you so well then...

[Valynth]

No, the ring was awful. Maybe it's scary to Girls, but to me and some of my freinds, it's as bad as the War of the Worlds re-make with Tom Cruise.

Sweet! I must actually be a girl then!

Didn't you already go through that phase?

Anyway, I usually tend to avoid movies that have one "uber monster with one tiny little weakness" that the most annoyingly wussy guy in the movie will find, exploit, and win (girl impressing optional).  I also tend to dislike movies that have the virtues of the inevitable sacrificial character over come the "evil monster," despite how illogical the "sacrifice" is.

[RJ]

Ooh!  How about Psycho Beach Party? 

I get the feeling I've seen that. Is that the girl with the multiple personalities and keeps going insane? Something about circles too...

[Omega]

the Scary movie series for obvious reasons

Hey, I liked Scary movie

[Saist]

If I might nominate the "Saw" movies. Who in the world keeps financing it       

[superluser]

I get the feeling I've seen that. Is that the girl with the multiple personalities and keeps going insane? Something about circles too...

I actually had the chance to see Vampire Lesbians of Sodom, but never did.

Since then, the plays of Charles Busch have been favorite titles for me.  So it sounds like Psycho Beach Party, but I never saw it, so I can't confirm.

[Janus Whitefurr]

If I might nominate the "Saw" movies. Who in the world keeps financing it       

I just like to point out that Australians made that series. Aren't we just delightful chaps?

[Alondro]

If I might nominate the "Saw" movies. Who in the world keeps financing it       

I just like to point out that Australians made that series. Aren't we just delightful chaps?

Feh, what else can you expect from a country founded by criminals who's major pasttimes involve flinging boomerangs at kangaroos and wrestling crocs.

[RJ]

If I might nominate the "Saw" movies. Who in the world keeps financing it       

I just like to point out that Australians made that series. Aren't we just delightful chaps?

Feh, what else can you expect from a country founded by criminals who's major pasttimes involve flinging boomerangs at kangaroos and wrestling crocs.

Wait until Rogue comes out. It's by the same guy who did that Wolf Creek movie (if I remember right, the New York Times called it an 'ugly little piece of work' or something along those lines). But Rogue is supposed to be a lot like Jaws. Except with a crocodile.

(I get the feeling there's another giant croc movie coming out too that was made with a much smaller budget. That'll be interesting to see)

[Zedd]

Wait until Rogue comes out. It's by the same guy who did that Wolf Creek movie (if I remember right, the New York Times called it an 'ugly little piece of work' or something along those lines). But Rogue is supposed to be a lot like Jaws. Except with a crocodile.

(I get the feeling there's another giant croc movie coming out too that was made with a much smaller budget. That'll be interesting to see)

Oh dont worry...Im sure you all can stand watching Ichi the Killer then...Might be great to watch...Back in japan they handed out barfbags before the movie started out...Brillant people they are 

[GabrielsThoughts]

Ooh!  How about Psycho Beach Party? 

I get the feeling I've seen that. Is that the girl with the multiple personalities and keeps going insane? Something about circles too...

no that would be the ring, and the circles are a close up of an old space heater, I should know I've lived in enough weekly's to last a lifetime. 


And I agree the saw movies are worse than the grudge and ghosts off mars pu together.

[Zina]

Circles are a common theme in a lot of horror movies, not just The Ring.

Honestly, the whole "gore porn" trend(Saw, The Hills Have Eyes, etc) thing that's been happening in horror movies these days is kind of a huge turn off.

Ichi the Killer was delightful, though. Audition, not so much.